Nowadays violence is on the increase among teenagers in many schools. Suggest some solutions to this problem.

These days, the number of violent incidents at school committed by teenagers is rising. To address this issue effectively, a wealth of remedies are required, including improved school education and mental support from parents and community. Firstly, one possible solution to this problem would be to provide youth with comprehensive education. Schools and educational organizations should incorporate character education programs emphasizing sympathy and conflict resolution into the official curriculum, thereby helping students manage stress, anger and emotions. In addition, education institutions can offer a diverse range of extracurricular activities such as planting or playing outdoor games to create a healthy environment. Furthermore, parents and the public play a vital role in preventing teen violence. Guardians should spend more time caring for their offspring’s adverse emotions to counsel teenagers on dealing with them. They ought to recognize the abnormalities in their children’s behaviors to provide appropriate support. Local communities can also establish after-school programs, outdoor activities and sports centers which help youngsters use their idle time effectively. In conclusion, holistic support sources from parents, schools and society could alleviate violence in juveniles and create a safer environment for them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"a wealth of remedies are required" -> "a range of measures are necessary"
Explanation: "A range of measures" is more specific and formal than "a wealth of remedies," which is somewhat vague and informal. "Necessary" is also more precise than "required" in this context.
"improved school education" -> "enhanced educational programs"
Explanation: "Enhanced educational programs" is a more specific and formal term than "improved school education," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"mental support from parents and community" -> "psychological support from parents and the community"
Explanation: "Psychological support" is more specific and academically appropriate than "mental support," and "the community" is more formal than "community."
"one possible solution to this problem would be" -> "one potential solution to this issue could be"
Explanation: "Potential" and "could be" are more academically formal than "possible" and "would be," enhancing the tone of the sentence.
"emphasizing sympathy and conflict resolution" -> "emphasizing empathy and conflict resolution"
Explanation: "Empathy" is the correct term in this context, as it refers to understanding and sharing the feelings of others, whereas "sympathy" implies feeling sorry for someone without necessarily understanding their perspective.
"helping students manage stress, anger and emotions" -> "aiding students in managing stress, anger, and emotions"
Explanation: "Aiding" and "managing" are more formal and precise than "helping" and "manage," and the commas after "anger" and "emotions" are necessary for clarity.
"a diverse range of extracurricular activities" -> "a variety of extracurricular activities"
Explanation: "A variety" is a more formal and concise term than "a diverse range," which is slightly redundant.
"create a healthy environment" -> "foster a healthy environment"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and formal verb than "create" in this context, suggesting nurturing and development rather than mere creation.
"Guardians should spend more time caring for their offspring’s adverse emotions" -> "Parents should devote more time to addressing their children’s negative emotions"
Explanation: "Parents" is more specific and formal than "Guardians," and "devote" is more formal than "spend." "Negative emotions" is also more precise than "adverse emotions."
"recognize the abnormalities in their children’s behaviors" -> "identify unusual behaviors in their children"
Explanation: "Identify" is more specific and formal than "recognize," and "unusual behaviors" is clearer and more precise than "abnormalities in their behaviors."
"provide appropriate support" -> "offer suitable support"
Explanation: "Offer" is more formal and precise than "provide" in this context, and "suitable" is more specific than "appropriate."
"establish after-school programs, outdoor activities and sports centers" -> "establish after-school programs, outdoor activities, and sports centers"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "activities" corrects the punctuation, making the list more formally structured.
"help youngsters use their idle time effectively" -> "assist young people in utilizing their free time effectively"
Explanation: "Assist" and "utilizing" are more formal than "help" and "use," and "young people" is a more formal term than "youngsters."
"holistic support sources" -> "comprehensive support systems"
Explanation: "Comprehensive support systems" is a more formal and precise term than "holistic support sources," which is less commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying solutions to the problem of increasing violence among teenagers in schools. It mentions improved education and mental support as key remedies. However, while the solutions are relevant, the essay does not fully explore the effectiveness or implementation of these solutions. For instance, the mention of character education programs is a good start, but it lacks specific examples or details about how these programs could be integrated into existing curricula. Additionally, the solutions proposed are somewhat generic and do not directly address the unique challenges of teenage violence in schools.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each proposed solution is elaborated upon with specific examples or case studies. For instance, discussing successful character education programs in specific schools or communities would strengthen the argument. Furthermore, the writer could consider addressing potential counterarguments or challenges to implementing these solutions, which would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that violence among teenagers can be addressed through education and community support. However, the position lacks clarity and consistency throughout the essay. The introduction sets up the problem well, but the transition to solutions feels somewhat abrupt. The conclusion reiterates the importance of holistic support but does not clearly restate the position taken in the body of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this viewpoint. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can help provide clarity. Additionally, the writer could benefit from a more structured approach, clearly delineating the problem, proposed solutions, and the rationale behind each solution.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to addressing teenage violence, such as character education and community involvement. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For example, while the essay mentions extracurricular activities, it does not explain how these activities specifically contribute to reducing violence or provide evidence of their effectiveness. The support for the ideas presented is largely anecdotal and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each solution. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life examples would lend credibility to the arguments. Additionally, the writer could explore the potential impact of each solution on reducing violence, thereby creating a more compelling case.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on solutions to teenage violence in schools. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes vague or overly broad, particularly when discussing "holistic support" without clearly defining what that entails. The mention of "idle time" could also be seen as a deviation, as it does not directly connect to the main issue of violence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding vague terms and ensuring that all solutions are explicitly tied back to the issue of violence will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but lacks depth, clarity, and specific support for the ideas presented. Addressing these areas will significantly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that identifies the problem of increasing violence among teenagers, followed by a well-structured body that outlines specific solutions. Each solution is introduced with a clear topic sentence, and supporting details are provided, which enhances the overall coherence. For example, the transition from discussing educational solutions to parental involvement is smooth and maintains the focus on addressing the issue of violence.
- How to improve: To further enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between the solutions. For instance, when transitioning from discussing educational programs to parental involvement, phrases like "In addition to educational measures, parental involvement is equally crucial" can help reinforce the connection between the ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific solution. The first paragraph discusses educational initiatives, while the second addresses parental and community involvement. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the final body paragraph without a clear demarcation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is presented as a separate paragraph to emphasize its importance. This can be achieved by starting a new paragraph after the last solution and summarizing the key points discussed. Additionally, consider including a final thought or call to action in the conclusion to reinforce the essay’s message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Furthermore," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal the progression of ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions and transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "In addition," consider using alternatives like "To begin with," "Moreover," or "Another significant factor is." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," could enhance the depth of the argument and provide a more nuanced discussion of the solutions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively addressing the prompt with a clear structure and logical flow. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "violent incidents," "comprehensive education," and "character education programs." However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "adverse emotions" and "appropriate support." While the essay does include some varied expressions, it lacks the sophistication and breadth expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "support," alternatives like "assistance," "guidance," or "help" could be used. Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "intervention," "prevention strategies," or "psychosocial development," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "conflict resolution" and "holistic support." However, there are also moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "a wealth of remedies" could be interpreted ambiguously, as "remedies" typically refers to solutions for medical issues rather than social problems. Additionally, "youth" is used in a context where "teenagers" would be more appropriate, as it can refer to a broader age range.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that the chosen vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "remedies" with "solutions" or "strategies" would clarify the intent. Furthermore, consistently using "teenagers" when referring to that specific age group will enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. Words such as "community," "emotions," and "environment" are spelled correctly. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "adverse emotions," where "adverse" might be better replaced with "negative" for clarity, though it is not a spelling error per se.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay for any overlooked typographical errors or misused words can help ensure that spelling is consistently correct.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a reasonable range of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Schools and educational organizations should incorporate character education programs emphasizing sympathy and conflict resolution into the official curriculum" showcases an ability to convey detailed ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which adds to the overall fluency. However, there are moments where the sentence structures could be further diversified; for example, the phrase "to create a healthy environment" could be expanded into a more complex structure to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional clauses, or participial phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Schools should…" or "Parents should…", you could begin with phrases like "In order to foster a supportive environment, schools ought to…" or "Recognizing the importance of emotional well-being, parents must…". This will not only add variety but also enhance the complexity of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are well-structured, and the use of punctuation is appropriate. For instance, the comma usage in "to manage stress, anger and emotions" is correct, as it separates items in a list. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as in the phrase "a wealth of remedies are required," which should be "a wealth of remedies is required" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the phrase "caring for their offspring’s adverse emotions" could be clearer if rephrased, as "adverse emotions" may not be the most precise term in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and clarity in word choice. Consider revising sentences to ensure that the subject and verb agree in number, and choose vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. For instance, replacing "adverse emotions" with "negative emotions" would provide clearer communication. Additionally, practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can help solidify your understanding and application of grammatical rules.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, the number of violent incidents at school committed by teenagers is rising. To address this issue effectively, a range of measures are necessary, including enhanced educational programs and psychological support from parents and the community. Firstly, one potential solution to this issue could be to provide youth with comprehensive education. Schools and educational organizations should incorporate character education programs emphasizing empathy and conflict resolution into the official curriculum, thereby helping students manage stress, anger, and emotions. In addition, educational institutions can offer a variety of extracurricular activities such as planting or playing outdoor games to foster a healthy environment. Furthermore, parents and the public play a vital role in preventing teen violence. Guardians should devote more time to addressing their children’s negative emotions to counsel teenagers on dealing with them. They ought to identify unusual behaviors in their children to offer suitable support. Local communities can also establish after-school programs, outdoor activities, and sports centers, which assist young people in utilizing their free time effectively. In conclusion, comprehensive support systems from parents, schools, and society could alleviate violence among juveniles and create a safer environment for them.