Online classes make conventional classrooms unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s society, online classes are gradually replacing traditional classrooms, thís leads to conventional classrooms being unnecessary. From my point of view, I wholly agree with this idea. This article will expound upon this problem by giving reasons and feasible examples.

On the one hand, it is important to consider the reasons why conventional classrooms still exist in modern days. Firstly, traditional classrooms help students have face-to-face contact with teachers and classmates in the classroom. To explain, this direct interaction can promote social skills, collaboration among students and
advance the learning experience. Secondly, studying at conventional classrooms makes people well-rounded including academic knowledge and physical development. For example, in rest time, students can have physical activities together such as: play sports or outside activities.

On the other hand, I believe it is more important that conventional classrooms are being unnecessary when online classes become more popular. It is true that the convenience of online classes are concerned. To begin with, this access to all resources of a traditional course. In fact, students can find all the documents they need without books or a very large number of paper documents. Then, lower costs and the widespread presence of the internet are the important reasons why online classes become easy and convenient. Finally, online learning also helps students have tremendous self-discipline as well as organization and time management skills.

In conclusion, while the majority believes online classes make traditional classrooms unnecessary, I completely agree with this point of view because online learning brings a lot of convenience that the traditional can not keep up with the demand.

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Errors and Improvements:

"thís" -> "this"
Explanation: "Thís" contains a typographical error. "This" is the correct spelling, maintaining clarity and formality.
"wholly" -> "fully"
Explanation: "Wholly" is slightly informal in this context. "Fully" is a more appropriate adverb to express complete agreement in formal writing.
"expound upon" -> "address"
Explanation: "Expound upon" is a bit verbose. "Address" is a concise alternative that maintains formality.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is more suitable for spoken language. "Firstly" is a more formal transition to introduce the first point.
"advance" -> "enhance"
Explanation: "Advance" can imply progression rather than improvement. "Enhance" better conveys the idea of improving the learning experience.
"Secondly" -> "Second"
Explanation: "Secondly" is overly redundant with "firstly." "Second" is a more concise transition for the subsequent point.
"makes people well-rounded" -> "contributes to holistic development"
Explanation: "Makes people well-rounded" is somewhat informal. "Contributes to holistic development" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"such as: play sports" -> "such as playing sports"
Explanation: The colon after "such as" is unnecessary. "Playing sports" is a more grammatically correct phrasing.
"this access to all resources of a traditional course" -> "access to all resources available in traditional courses"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity. "Access to all resources available in traditional courses" is clearer and more precise.
"without books or a very large number of paper documents" -> "without the need for physical textbooks or extensive paper materials"
Explanation: The original expression is awkward. Clarifying with "without the need for physical textbooks or extensive paper materials" improves clarity and formality.
"lower costs and the widespread presence of the internet are the important reasons" -> "significant factors include lower costs and the widespread availability of the internet"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality by specifying "significant factors" and using "availability" instead of "presence."
"tremendous" -> "significant"
Explanation: "Tremendous" is somewhat informal. "Significant" maintains the strength of the statement while sounding more formal.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Can not" should be written as one word, "cannot," in formal writing for clarity and consistency.
"keep up with the demand" -> "meet the demands"
Explanation: "Keep up with the demand" is slightly informal. "Meet the demands" is a more formal and precise alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting both sides of the argument: the continued relevance of conventional classrooms and the growing importance of online classes. However, the discussion could be more nuanced, especially in exploring counterarguments.
- How to improve: To improve, consider delving deeper into the complexities of the issue. Provide more nuanced analysis of why some might still support conventional classrooms despite the rise of online education. Additionally, ensure that each point made directly connects to the prompt and contributes to a comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, explicitly stating agreement with the idea that online classes make conventional classrooms unnecessary. However, the introduction could be more concise and focused in presenting the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, refine the introduction to succinctly state the writer’s position and preview the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This will provide readers with a clear roadmap of the essay’s argument from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks depth and elaboration. While it mentions reasons why online classes are advantageous, it could benefit from providing more detailed examples and evidence to support these assertions.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by including specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to illustrate the advantages of online classes in greater detail. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully developed and expanded upon to provide a more comprehensive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the relevance of conventional classrooms versus the growth of online education. However, there are moments of tangential discussion, such as the brief mention of physical activities in traditional classrooms, which could be more directly tied to the central argument.
- How to improve: Maintain focus by ensuring that all points discussed directly contribute to the argument regarding the necessity of conventional classrooms in the face of online education. If discussing tangential topics, make sure they are clearly connected to the main argument and do not distract from the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate ability to organize information logically. The writer has structured the essay with an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a conclusion, which is a logical format. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between some ideas. For instance, the introduction quickly asserts the writer’s agreement with the idea without setting up a clear roadmap for the arguments that follow. Similarly, the transition between discussing the benefits of traditional classrooms and arguing for the superiority of online classes is not fully smooth, which may confuse readers about the essay’s stance until the end.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could benefit from a clearer introductory paragraph that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each body paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the arguments outlined in the introduction. Transitions between paragraphs should be strengthened by phrases that clearly indicate the shift from discussing one idea to the next, enhancing the overall logical progression of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph addresses a distinct theme, which is good practice. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. The second body paragraph, in particular, seems to list points rather than fully develop them. This affects the cohesiveness and depth of the analysis. The conclusion is concise but does not effectively summarize the arguments made, instead repeating the stance without considering the discussion points.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea, supported by detailed examples and explanations. This will not only strengthen the paragraph structure but also enhance understanding. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly recap the main points made in the body paragraphs, providing a strong final synthesis that reinforces the essay’s argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," "Then," and "Finally." These devices help to signify the order of points and sequence within the essay. However, the usage is somewhat mechanical and predictable, which may not sufficiently elevate the writing to a higher band. Moreover, the effectiveness of these devices is sometimes diminished by their placement, which occasionally feels forced or redundant.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer could integrate more varied expressions that enhance the flow and clarity of the essay. Instead of relying heavily on basic sequential terms, integrating synonyms like "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Furthermore" can enrich the text. Using contrastive devices such as "However," "On the other hand," or "Despite this" in appropriate contexts will also help clarify the relationships between different points and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. There is evidence of varied vocabulary choices, such as "gradually replacing," "feasible examples," "convenience," "well-rounded," "promote social skills," and "tremendous self-discipline." These terms contribute to the overall coherence and depth of the essay by offering nuanced expressions and conveying the author’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary range, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions where applicable. For instance, instead of using "important" repeatedly, consider alternatives like "crucial," "vital," or "paramount" to add richness to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the vocabulary usage in the essay is precise, with terms accurately conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "face-to-face contact," "advance the learning experience," and "lower costs" are used appropriately and contribute to the clarity of the arguments presented. However, there are a few instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "conventional classrooms are being unnecessary" could be refined for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, strive for clarity and specificity in vocabulary choices. Instead of using phrases like "being unnecessary," opt for more precise terms like "obsolete" or "superfluous" to convey the idea more effectively. Additionally, pay close attention to the context in which vocabulary is used to ensure it aligns precisely with the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. Examples include "thís" (this), "learing" (learning), and "vast" (widespread). While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence of the essay, attention to spelling consistency would further enhance its professionalism and readability.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools, reading the essay aloud, or seeking feedback from peers or educators. Additionally, practicing spelling exercises and regularly reviewing commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits and mitigate errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mixture of simple and complex sentences throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication. For instance, more complex compound or compound-complex sentences could be incorporated to add depth and complexity to the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as compound sentences (combining two independent clauses) or compound-complex sentences (combining independent and dependent clauses). Varying the length and structure of sentences will improve the overall flow and readability of the essay. Additionally, consider using rhetorical devices such as parallelism or rhetorical questions to add rhetorical flair and engage the reader further.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors observed. There are some instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("thís leads" should be "this leads") and article usage ("a traditional course" should be "the traditional course"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect usage of capitalization ("Online learning" should be lowercase). However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation rules. Reviewing grammar and punctuation guides can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct any errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement and practice applying grammatical rules consistently.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, online classes are progressively replacing conventional classrooms, rendering the latter unnecessary. I fully endorse this notion. This essay will elaborate on this issue by presenting reasons and practical examples.

On one hand, it is crucial to acknowledge why traditional classrooms persist in modern times. Firstly, traditional classrooms facilitate direct interaction between students and teachers, fostering social skills, collaboration, and enhancing the learning experience. Secondly, attending conventional classrooms nurtures holistic development, encompassing both academic knowledge and physical well-being. For instance, during breaks, students can engage in physical activities together, such as playing sports or outdoor pursuits.

On the other hand, I contend that the redundancy of conventional classrooms becomes more evident as online classes gain prominence. The accessibility of online classes is indeed noteworthy. Firstly, students have access to all resources available in traditional courses. They can obtain necessary documents without the need for physical textbooks or extensive paper materials. Moreover, lower costs and the widespread availability of the internet are significant factors contributing to the ease and convenience of online classes. Furthermore, online learning fosters significant self-discipline, as well as organizational and time management skills.

In conclusion, while some may argue that traditional classrooms retain their relevance, I firmly believe that online classes offer unmatched convenience that traditional methods cannot match.