Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

As a destination for people, become interested in choosing rural area….. Moreover, and for many organizations, to my perspective, “I do think that this phenomenon can bring their organization… to the local people and have some detrimental to the environment.
On the one hand, local residents can achieve many advantages. Firstly, the expenses, tourism, become well- known. First of all, female inhabitants usually have fewer opportunities to access the dynamic environment it offers. Therefor, the investment and, the budget, of tourism business, it can be appreciated at a small side. which, it is the only income of their life. Fortunately, their products and skills, tourism will become a source of income for the local residents, usually determined in different caldes and specialties can be accommodate, organizing tours to these promote community feel, their pastimes and. accommodation will have a huge, part for the local residents enjoying their… cover all the expenditures of their life as well as promote their unique, tradition.
Nevertheless, while many positive impacts, this to doing, have some drawbacks to the environment that you should take into consideration when the faculties, of there places become accessible to the tourists and rural area gain more popularity, the influx of, foreign, individuals are always an important precaution. Because of that, people would have to find, more spaces to deal this, issue, by setting more restrictions and industrialize these communities as the tourist, may become inconsistent. The pollution, because, unbearable, increase, to the traffic vehicles and their carbon footprint, level the atmosphere, and the environment, becomes, dangerous, to the citizen and ecosystem.
Therefore, organizing tour to the rural communities, gain more attention with always, imparting, behind, personally, I think, the income, of each individual in the rural places, can be enhanced while, the ecosystem becomes unsate.. The government should have more programmes to raise awareness to tackle this problem. So that we, can achieve high results.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "As a destination for people, become interested in choosing rural area….." -> "As a destination for people, become interested in rural areas….."
   Explanation: The phrase "rural area" should be pluralized to "rural areas" to maintain grammatical accuracy and consistency in plural form.

2. "to my perspective, “I do think that this phenomenon can bring their organization… to the local people and have some detrimental to the environment." -> "In my perspective, I believe that this phenomenon can benefit their organizations and local communities while posing some environmental drawbacks."
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

3. "the expenses, tourism, become well- known." -> "tourism expenses become well-known."
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.

4. "Therefor, the investment and, the budget, of tourism business, it can be appreciated at a small side." -> "Therefore, the investment and budget of tourism businesses can be appreciated at a small scale."
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "businesses" and "scale."

5. "which, it is the only income of their life." -> "which is their sole source of income."
   Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the phrase for better readability and formality.

6. "their products and skills, tourism will become a source of income for the local residents, usually determined in different caldes and specialties can be accommodate, organizing tours to these promote community feel, their pastimes and." -> "their products and skills can become a source of income for local residents, who are often specialized in various fields and can accommodate organizing tours to these communities, enhancing their pastimes."
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "fields" and "enhancing."

7. "accommodation will have a huge, part for the local residents enjoying their…" -> "accommodation will play a significant role in enabling local residents to enjoy their…"
   Explanation: Replaces "huge, part" with "significant role" for better formality and clarity.

8. "cover all the expenditures of their life as well as promote their unique, tradition." -> "cover all their life expenses and promote their unique traditions."
   Explanation: Simplifies and corrects the phrase for better readability and grammatical accuracy.

9. "the faculties, of there places become accessible to the tourists and rural area gain more popularity," -> "facilities in these areas become accessible to tourists, thereby increasing their popularity."
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "facilities" and "thereby."

10. "the tourist, may become inconsistent." -> "tourists may become inconsistent."
    Explanation: Corrects the plural form to match the context.

11. "The pollution, because, unbearable, increase, to the traffic vehicles and their carbon footprint, level the atmosphere, and the environment, becomes, dangerous, to the citizen and ecosystem." -> "The pollution, which becomes unbearable, increases due to traffic vehicles and their carbon footprint, affecting the atmosphere and environment, making it dangerous for citizens and ecosystems."
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "affecting" and "making it dangerous."

12. "organizing tour to the rural communities, gain more attention with always, imparting, behind, personally, I think, the income, of each individual in the rural places, can be enhanced while, the ecosystem becomes unsate." -> "organizing tours to rural communities gains more attention, and I believe that the income of each individual in these areas can be enhanced while the ecosystem becomes unsustainable."
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning by specifying "unsustainable."

13. "So that we, can achieve high results." -> "Thus, we can achieve significant results."
    Explanation: Replaces "So that we, can" with "Thus, we can" for a more formal and concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the prompt by discussing the positive impacts on local people (economic benefits, cultural preservation) and negative impacts on the environment (increased pollution, ecosystem damage). However, the discussion lacks clarity and coherence due to numerous grammatical errors and unclear statements.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly separate and elaborate on each aspect (positive impacts on locals and negative impacts on the environment) in distinct paragraphs. Ensure that each point is supported with specific examples and logically connected to the thesis statement.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to present a position that tourism to remote areas has both positive and negative impacts, the stance is often obscured by unclear language and grammatical errors. There is a need for more precise expression of the position throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on clearly stating and maintaining a consistent position from the introduction to the conclusion. Use topic sentences and clear transitions between paragraphs to reinforce the chosen stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but struggles with coherence and development. For instance, ideas about economic benefits to local people are mentioned but not fully developed or substantiated with specific examples. Similarly, environmental impacts are mentioned but not effectively extended or elaborated upon.
  • How to improve: Improve clarity and coherence by structuring each paragraph around a single idea or example. Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point. Use transitions to connect ideas and ensure a logical flow of information throughout the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impacts of organized tours to remote areas on local people and the environment. However, there are instances where the ideas lack clarity and relevance due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing.
  • How to improve: Focus on maintaining clarity and relevance in each paragraph. Ensure that every point made directly addresses the prompt by using clear and grammatically correct language. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the impacts of organized tours to remote areas, it is hindered by significant grammatical errors and unclear expression. Improvements in clarity, coherence, and development of ideas are crucial to enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information but struggles with coherence. Sentences often lack clear connections, leading to a disjointed flow. For instance, transitions between ideas are abrupt, such as the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks without smooth transitions.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on structuring paragraphs around clear topic sentences that introduce main ideas. Use linking words (e.g., firstly, however, therefore) to guide readers through your argument step-by-step. Consider outlining the essay to ensure a logical sequence of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use paragraphs but lacks consistency and coherence within them. Paragraphs are unevenly developed, with some containing multiple disjointed ideas while others lack depth. This hinders the clarity and effectiveness of each paragraph’s purpose.
  • How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on one main idea related to the prompt. Start with a clear topic sentence that previews the paragraph’s content. Develop supporting points coherently within each paragraph, using examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain a logical progression of ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as ‘firstly’, ‘nevertheless’, and ‘therefore’, but they are often misused or incorrectly placed, affecting coherence. Some sentences lack clear links to preceding ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and between sentences. Use them to show relationships (e.g., cause and effect, contrast, sequence) between ideas clearly. Ensure each cohesive device serves a purpose in guiding the reader through your argument logically. Practice identifying where and how to use cohesive devices appropriately to enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, its coherence and cohesion are hindered by disjointed organization, inconsistent paragraph structure, and ineffective use of cohesive devices. Improving these aspects will strengthen the clarity and logical progression of your ideas, leading to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 3

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, though many words are used incorrectly or inappropriately. For example, phrases like "to my perspective" instead of "in my opinion" and "caldes and specialties" instead of "fields and specialties" hinder clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve, focus on using vocabulary accurately. Avoid using unfamiliar words if unsure of their meaning. Use synonyms naturally and appropriately. For instance, replace vague terms like "caldes" with specific terms like "fields" to enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary is imprecisely used, such as "unbearable increase" and "unsate" instead of "unsafe." These inaccuracies affect the essay’s coherence and impact.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary usage. Use words that convey your intended meaning clearly and accurately. Review each word choice to ensure it fits the context correctly. For example, replace "unsate" with "unsafe" to improve clarity and correctness.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are prevalent throughout the essay, such as "caldes," "imparting" (instead of "impart"), and inconsistent punctuation usage ("…that, issue, by setting more restrictions…").
  • How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully. Use spell-check tools and read aloud to identify and correct errors. Review punctuation rules for clarity and correctness. For instance, revise "to tackle this problem. So that we, can achieve high results." to "to tackle this problem so that we can achieve better outcomes."

In conclusion, while the essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there are significant issues with precision and spelling. To improve, focus on using words accurately and appropriately, ensure correct spelling through careful proofreading, and refine sentence structure for clarity and coherence. These improvements will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent errors in sentence construction and coherence. For instance, the essay struggles with sentence fragments ("Firstly, the expenses, tourism, become well- known.") and awkward phrasing ("their products and skills, tourism will become a source of income"). These issues hinder clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To enhance sentence structure variety and effectiveness, focus on constructing complete sentences that clearly convey ideas. Utilize complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions (e.g., although, while, because) to express contrasting or supporting ideas. Practice combining ideas logically within sentences to improve coherence and readability.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, affecting clarity and meaning. Examples include incorrect verb forms ("First of all, female inhabitants usually have fewer opportunities to access the dynamic environment it offers."), misuse of articles ("the investment and, the budget, of tourism business"), and punctuation errors (missing commas, incorrect placement of periods).
  • How to improve: Improve grammatical accuracy by focusing on verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Review punctuation rules, particularly for commas and periods, to ensure sentences are properly structured and clear. Practicing proofreading and editing will help in identifying and correcting these errors.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt and provide relevant examples, the frequent grammatical errors and inconsistent sentence structure limit its effectiveness. Clearing up these issues through practice and attention to sentence construction will significantly enhance both clarity and coherence in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

As destinations, rural areas are increasingly favored by tourists. From my perspective, this trend can benefit local communities economically but poses environmental challenges.

On the positive side, local residents stand to gain significantly. Tourism can bring well-known financial benefits. For instance, many female inhabitants, often marginalized in economic activities, can now participate in the tourism industry, which becomes a crucial source of income. Local products and skills, such as specialized crafts or unique cultural experiences, can be showcased to tourists, enhancing community pride and generating income that covers their daily expenses and preserves traditions.

However, there are notable drawbacks to consider. As these areas become accessible and gain popularity, the influx of tourists can strain local resources and infrastructure. This influx often leads to increased pollution from vehicle emissions, posing risks to both local inhabitants and fragile ecosystems.

In conclusion, while organized tours to rural communities can boost local economies and empower residents, they also bring environmental challenges that need careful management. Government initiatives should focus on sustainable tourism practices and community awareness programs to mitigate these negative impacts. By doing so, we can achieve positive outcomes for both local livelihoods and environmental sustainability.

This revision aims to maintain the original essay’s structure and vocabulary while improving clarity and grammatical accuracy.