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Organized tours to remote communities and other countries are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the local environment?

Organized tours to remote communities and other countries are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the local environment?

It’s not hard to notice that organised tours to remoted communities and other countries are catching on all over the world. Consequently, there have been numerous debates as to whether the overall impact of this development is welcoming with the local residents and the environment or not. In my perspective, the demerits of this trend outweigh its advantages noticeably.

Regarding downsides, As a matter of fact, organised trips to isolated communities and foreign countries pose countless drawbacks such as these following. First and foremost, there is bound to be environmental degradation to some extent. The influx of tourist can profoundly degrade the original quality of the environment by littering and destroying the natural attractions both desperately and unintentionally. Even if there are strict regulations or warnings against littering and over-abusing natural resources, there would still be several rebels who try to circumvent the ban to make the most of the natural resources for their own benefits to please their contentment. Secondly, countries and isolated communities which are chosen to organise trips also experience such great over-dependence on tourism. With the tremendous surge in the destinations’ revenue, the locals will consequently try to satisfy the sightseers’ requirements and focus mainly on tourists to make ends meet. As a result, when encountering a recession because of natural disasters or worldwide pandemic, these scenic sites can do nothing but run the risk of impoverishing or even going bankrupt.

Turning to the positive side, organised tours can bring a stable income for local inhabitants to make great improvement in their life standard. By serving visitors’ needs, souvenirs, local specialities,… can greatly contribute to the economic growth of the countries. Moreover, interconnectedness can also be reinforced through exchanging cultures among different countries. As not only do visitors but also local residents will attempt to minister to the needs of the opposite, deeper understanding of each culture can be greatly enhanced.

So as to alleviate those mentioned drawbacks, the government can impose restriction on the number of tourists entering the tourist attraction. Furthermore, sustainable tourism can also be put into practice together with those strict regulations to maximize the effectiveness of this approach. By approaching this environmental friendly scheme, we can significantly restrict overcrowdedness and environmental impact.

In conclusion, there are both negatives and positives when considering the trend to organize tours to distant areas and foreign countries. The government together with the whole society should not be lax in dealing with the downsides of the issue and fostering its full potential.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "remoted communities" -> "remote communities"
    Explanation: "Remoted" is not a standard English word. "Remote" is the correct term to describe communities that are distant or isolated.

  2. "catching on" -> "gaining popularity"
    Explanation: "Catching on" is a more informal expression. "Gaining popularity" maintains formality while conveying the idea that organized tours are becoming more widely accepted.

  3. "welcoming" -> "welcomed"
    Explanation: "Welcoming" is an adjective, but in this context, the past participle "welcomed" is more appropriate to convey the reception of organized tours by local residents and the environment.

  4. "Consequently" -> "As a result"
    Explanation: "Consequently" is slightly formal; "As a result" provides a smoother transition and is more suitable for academic writing.

  5. "demerits" -> "disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Demerits" is less commonly used in academic contexts. "Disadvantages" is a more standard term.

  6. "Regarding downsides" -> "Concerning the drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Regarding downsides" is somewhat informal. "Concerning the drawbacks" maintains formality while introducing the negative aspects of organized tours.

  7. "profoundly degrade" -> "significantly degrade"
    Explanation: "Profoundly" may be considered too strong. "Significantly" is a more measured term, aligning better with academic tone.

  8. "desperately and unintentionally" -> "intentionally and unintentionally"
    Explanation: The original order of words is awkward. Rearranging to "intentionally and unintentionally" improves clarity.

  9. "rebel" -> "individuals"
    Explanation: "Rebel" is somewhat informal. "Individuals" is a neutral and more appropriate term.

  10. "make the most of" -> "exploit"
    Explanation: "Make the most of" is a colloquial expression. "Exploit" is a more formal term, conveying the negative impact of individuals circumventing regulations.

  11. "satisfy the sightseers’ requirements" -> "cater to the tourists’ needs"
    Explanation: "Satisfy the sightseers’ requirements" is a bit wordy. "Cater to the tourists’ needs" is concise and formal.

  12. "running the risk of impoverishing" -> "being at risk of impoverishment"
    Explanation: The original phrase is less formal. "Being at risk of impoverishment" maintains academic tone.

  13. "scenic sites" -> "tourist destinations"
    Explanation: "Scenic sites" is more informal. "Tourist destinations" is a formal term suitable for academic writing.

  14. "positive side" -> "positive aspect"
    Explanation: "Positive side" is less formal. "Positive aspect" is a more suitable term for academic writing.

  15. "make great improvement" -> "significantly improve"
    Explanation: "Make great improvement" is less formal. "Significantly improve" is a more precise and formal expression.

  16. "interconnectedness" -> "cultural exchange"
    Explanation: "Interconnectedness" is somewhat informal. "Cultural exchange" is a more formal term.

  17. "minister to the needs of" -> "attend to the needs of"
    Explanation: "Minister to the needs of" is less common in academic writing. "Attend to the needs of" is a more formal alternative.

  18. "those mentioned drawbacks" -> "the aforementioned drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Those mentioned drawbacks" is slightly informal. "The aforementioned drawbacks" is a more formal and precise term.

  19. "put into practice" -> "implemented"
    Explanation: "Put into practice" is less formal. "Implemented" is a more standard term in academic writing.

  20. "approaching this environmental friendly scheme" -> "adopting an environmentally friendly approach"
    Explanation: "Approaching this environmental friendly scheme" is awkward. "Adopting an environmentally friendly approach" is more concise and formal.

  21. "crowdedness" -> "overcrowding"
    Explanation: "Crowdedness" is less formal. "Overcrowding" is a more standard term in academic writing.

  22. "full potential" -> "full potentiality"
    Explanation: "Full potential" is less formal. "Full potentiality" is a more formal expression, fitting for academic writing.

In conclusion, these changes enhance the essay’s academic tone and clarity while maintaining a natural language flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the positive and negative impacts of organized tours on local people and the environment. However, the analysis could be more nuanced and explore the complexities of the issue further.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more detailed examples and consider the multifaceted nature of the impacts. Additionally, explicitly mention both positive and negative aspects in the introduction and conclusion for a more balanced approach.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance, asserting that the disadvantages of organized tours outweigh the benefits. This position is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: While a clear stance is important, acknowledging opposing viewpoints or complexities in certain situations could add depth to the argument. This could involve briefly addressing counterarguments to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, but the development and support of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, the environmental degradation point could benefit from specific examples or statistics.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each point with concrete examples or evidence. This will strengthen the overall argument and make it more persuasive. Consider incorporating real-world examples to illustrate the potential consequences discussed.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impacts of organized tours on local communities and the environment. However, there is some repetition and unnecessary information.
    • How to improve: Streamline the essay by avoiding unnecessary repetition and ensuring each paragraph contributes directly to the argument. Focus on providing relevant details and examples that directly relate to the impact on local people and the environment.

General Comments:

  • The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear thesis statement.
  • Improve coherence by refining sentence structure for better readability.
  • Work on grammar and language usage for a more polished presentation.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt but would benefit from more depth in analysis, stronger supporting examples, and careful attention to organization and language use.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and expressing the writer’s viewpoint. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, presenting downsides first and then positives. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy that slightly affect the overall coherence. For instance, in the introduction, the phrase "with the local residents and the environment or not" could be streamlined for clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, refine sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Simplify complex sentences and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use transitions more consistently to guide the reader through the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence within paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph contains a list of drawbacks without clear transitions between points, making it read somewhat disjointedly.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the structure within paragraphs by providing clearer transitions between ideas. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph and ensure that supporting details logically follow. This will enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened. For example, in the third paragraph, the shift from economic benefits to interconnectedness is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: Improve the flow by using a variety of cohesive devices more consistently. Ensure that the relationship between ideas is clear and that the reader can easily follow the progression of the argument. Consider using more advanced transitional phrases to create a smoother and more cohesive narrative.

In conclusion, while the essay exhibits a generally effective organization, there is room for improvement in sentence structure, paragraph coherence, and the consistent use of cohesive devices. Refining these aspects will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "organised tours," "isolated communities," and "foreign countries" could be diversified for a richer expression.

    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should explore more diverse and precise vocabulary. Synonyms, advanced adjectives, and varied expressions related to tourism and its impacts can be incorporated. For example, instead of repeatedly using "organised tours," consider alternatives like "guided excursions" or "curated journeys" to add variety.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use vocabulary in a somewhat imprecise manner. For instance, phrases like "countless drawbacks" lack specificity and clarity. Precise language could enhance the overall quality of expression.

    • How to improve: Strive for precision by providing specific details and examples to support your points. Instead of using vague terms like "countless drawbacks," specify a few key disadvantages and elaborate on them with concrete examples. This will not only make your arguments more compelling but also showcase a higher level of vocabulary precision.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "remoted" instead of "remote," "demerits" instead of "drawbacks," and "minister" instead of "attend." These errors impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofreading is essential. Additionally, the writer should consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools to catch and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing and revising written work before submission can significantly improve spelling accuracy over time.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Diversifying vocabulary and using more precise language, along with careful proofreading, will contribute to a higher lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes simple and compound sentences, but the complexity remains relatively consistent throughout. There’s a tendency toward repetitive sentence structures, limiting the diversity of expression.
    • How to improve: Introduce more complex structures like compound-complex sentences or inverted sentences to enhance variety. Vary sentence length and use rhetorical devices such as parallelism or appositive phrases to add depth and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar overall. However, there are several instances of errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. For instance, "demerits of this trend outweigh its advantages noticeably" could be clearer with revised phrasing.
    • How to improve: Focus on precision in sentence construction, particularly ensuring subject-verb agreement and using appropriate articles. Proofread to correct awkward phrasing and ambiguous sentences, clarifying the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances of misuse, such as missing commas in complex sentences and inconsistent punctuation in lists. For instance, the sentence "By serving visitors’ needs, souvenirs, local specialities,… can greatly contribute" could benefit from improved punctuation.
    • How to improve: Review rules for comma usage in complex sentences and revise lists for consistency in punctuation. Practice using commas after introductory phrases and within lists to enhance clarity and flow.

Overall, to improve your score:

  • Work on diversifying sentence structures to add richness and sophistication.
  • Focus on precision in grammar to avoid errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage.
  • Polish punctuation skills to ensure consistent and accurate usage, especially in complex sentences and lists.

Your essay effectively presents arguments but refining language complexity, grammatical accuracy, and punctuation consistency will further elevate your writing to a higher band score. Keep practicing and refining these aspects for continued improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It’s evident that organized tours to remote communities and other countries are becoming increasingly popular worldwide. Consequently, there’s been widespread debate regarding whether this trend is beneficial for the local residents and the environment. In my view, the disadvantages of this trend outweigh its advantages significantly.

Concerning the drawbacks, these organized trips to isolated communities and foreign countries pose numerous challenges. Firstly, there’s a clear risk of environmental degradation. The influx of tourists can substantially harm the natural environment through littering and unintentional destruction of the local attractions. Even with strict regulations against these actions, there will inevitably be individuals who try to bypass the rules to exploit natural resources for their own gain, disregarding the impacts on the environment. Secondly, destinations hosting these tours often become overly reliant on tourism. The surge in revenue prompts locals to prioritize tourists’ needs, potentially leading to vulnerability during economic downturns caused by natural disasters or global crises.

On the positive side, organized tours can provide a stable income for locals, thereby elevating their standard of living. Meeting visitors’ needs by offering souvenirs and local specialties can significantly contribute to economic growth. Additionally, cultural exchange between visitors and locals fosters deeper understanding and appreciation of different cultures.

To address these drawbacks, governments can implement restrictions on the number of tourists allowed at these attractions. Moreover, adopting an environmentally friendly approach, such as sustainable tourism practices, alongside strict regulations, can effectively minimize overcrowding and mitigate environmental impacts.

In conclusion, while organized tours to remote areas and foreign countries have both positives and negatives, the focus should be on mitigating the downsides. Governments, in collaboration with society as a whole, must proactively tackle these challenges to ensure the realization of the trend’s full potential.

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