Overpopulation is the world’s most serious environmental problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Overpopulation is the world's most serious environmental problem.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, environmental issues have been spotlighted as a serious problem in our society. Many people believe that overpopulation is one of the factors leading to environmental degradation. I totally agree with this opinion, in the forthcoming paragraph, I shall explain my point of view in detail.
On the one hand, the rapidly increasing population is causing pollution environment. The consequence of this is the overuse of personal means of transport, such as cars and motorbikes, which contributes to increased dust and emissions that pollute the air. On the other, the amount of garbage and waste from households and factories has increased significantly, causing water and soil pollution. These causes not only harm the environment but also affect human health.
On the other hand, it is argued that overpopulation has driven the decrease of natural resources. Natural resources such as water, land, and minerals are on the verge of depletion due to actions such as resource exploitation, deforestation, etc. The greater the demand of people is rising, the more resources are consumed, making the environment lose diverse biodiversity.
In conclusion, overpopulation causes pollution and loss diversity of in the environment. In my opinion, governments should have some plausible remedial measures to tackle this problem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "spotlighted" -> "highlighted"
   Explanation: "Spotlighted" is a less formal term and can imply a temporary or sensational focus. "Highlighted" is more appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a sustained emphasis on the importance of the issue.

2. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
   Explanation: "Totally" is somewhat informal and can be seen as overly emphatic. "Strongly" maintains a formal tone while conveying a similar level of agreement.

3. "in the forthcoming paragraph" -> "in the following paragraphs"
   Explanation: "Forthcoming" is less commonly used in academic writing and can be vague. "Following" is more precise and appropriate for indicating the sequence of ideas in an essay.

4. "causing pollution environment" -> "causing environmental pollution"
   Explanation: "Causing pollution environment" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Causing environmental pollution" is grammatically correct and clearer.

5. "On the other, the amount of garbage" -> "On the other hand, the amount of waste"
   Explanation: "On the other" is grammatically incorrect; "On the other hand" is the correct phrase for introducing a contrasting idea. Also, "garbage" is less formal than "waste," which is preferred in academic contexts.

6. "decrease of natural resources" -> "depletion of natural resources"
   Explanation: "Decrease" is vague and less specific; "depletion" is the correct term for describing the exhaustion of natural resources.

7. "the greater the demand of people is rising" -> "the greater the demand increases"
   Explanation: "The demand of people is rising" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The demand increases" is grammatically correct and more direct.

8. "making the environment lose diverse biodiversity" -> "resulting in a loss of biodiversity"
   Explanation: "Making the environment lose diverse biodiversity" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Resulting in a loss of biodiversity" is grammatically correct and more formal.

9. "overpopulation causes pollution and loss diversity of in the environment" -> "overpopulation causes both pollution and loss of biodiversity in the environment"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

10. "In my opinion, governments should have some plausible remedial measures" -> "It is recommended that governments implement plausible remedial measures"
    Explanation: "In my opinion" is informal and subjective; "It is recommended" is more objective and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement that overpopulation is a serious environmental problem. However, it lacks depth in exploring the extent of agreement. The writer mentions pollution and resource depletion but does not fully articulate how these issues relate specifically to overpopulation. For instance, while the essay discusses pollution and natural resource depletion, it does not explicitly connect these points back to the core argument of overpopulation being the "most serious" problem, which is a key aspect of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly define what is meant by "most serious" and compare overpopulation to other environmental issues. Including more specific examples or statistics related to overpopulation’s impact on the environment would also strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is somewhat clear at the beginning, as the writer states agreement with the idea that overpopulation contributes to environmental problems. However, the essay lacks consistent reinforcement of this position throughout. The phrase "it is argued that overpopulation has driven the decrease of natural resources" introduces ambiguity, suggesting a shift to a neutral stance rather than maintaining a clear agreement.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent viewpoint by using phrases that reinforce their agreement. For example, instead of introducing counterarguments without clear rebuttals, the writer could acknowledge opposing views but then explain why they still believe overpopulation is the most critical issue.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding pollution and resource depletion but fails to extend or deeply support them. The points made are somewhat general and lack specific examples or detailed explanations. For instance, the mention of "increased dust and emissions" could be supported with data or examples illustrating the scale of the problem.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples, such as citing studies or real-world cases that illustrate the impact of overpopulation on environmental degradation. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing overpopulation and its environmental impacts. However, the introduction of the phrase "it is argued that" can create a sense of deviation from the main argument, as it introduces an external viewpoint without clear context or connection to the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid introducing external arguments without clear relevance to their position. Instead, they could acknowledge other viewpoints while clearly stating why they disagree, thereby reinforcing their own argument without straying from the topic.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for greater depth in their analysis, clearer articulation of their position, and stronger support for their ideas. Additionally, ensuring the essay meets the word count requirement is crucial for improving the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the issue of overpopulation and its environmental impact. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second points is somewhat abrupt. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s agreement, but the subsequent paragraphs do not clearly delineate between the points being made. The phrase "On the other hand" is used twice, which can confuse the reader regarding the structure of arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate whether you are introducing a new point or contrasting an existing one. For example, instead of "On the other hand," use "Additionally" for the second point about resource depletion. This will help create a clearer distinction between the arguments and improve overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the subsequent paragraphs attempt to address the main points. However, the second paragraph combines two ideas (pollution and waste) without a clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow. The conclusion is brief but lacks a strong summary of the main points discussed.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea. For example, separate the discussion of pollution and waste into two distinct paragraphs. This will allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments made in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the overall message of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," but their repetitive use limits the range of cohesion. While these phrases help to connect ideas, they can also lead to redundancy and a lack of variety in expression. Furthermore, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, making some sentences feel disjointed.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to connect similar ideas, and "Conversely" or "However" for contrasting points. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically to the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of overpopulation and environmental issues. Phrases like "environmental degradation," "personal means of transport," and "resource exploitation" show an attempt to use topic-specific language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the term "pollution" is used multiple times without synonyms or related terms to enhance richness.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "pollution," alternatives like "contamination," "environmental harm," or "degradation" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "population explosion" or "overconsumption" could diversify the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "pollution environment" is grammatically incorrect and should be "polluted environment." Similarly, "the greater the demand of people is rising" is awkwardly phrased and could be simplified to "as the demand from the population increases."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning accurately will enhance the overall quality. For instance, changing "the amount of garbage and waste from households and factories has increased significantly" to "the volume of waste generated by households and factories has risen significantly" would improve clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no major errors that would impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "diverse biodiversity," which is somewhat redundant. While not a spelling error, it reflects a lack of precision in word choice.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, focusing on avoiding redundancy will improve the clarity of the writing.

Overall, while the essay shows a solid understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements can be made in vocabulary range, precision, and clarity to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "The consequence of this is the overuse of personal means of transport, such as cars and motorbikes, which contributes to increased dust and emissions that pollute the air" is lengthy and could be broken down for clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The," try beginning with adverbial phrases or using participial phrases to create more dynamic sentence beginnings.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "pollution environment" should be corrected to "polluted environment." Additionally, the phrase "the greater the demand of people is rising" is awkwardly constructed; a clearer formulation would be "as the demand from people rises." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the missing comma in "On the other hand, it is argued that overpopulation has driven the decrease of natural resources."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect prepositions. Additionally, practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify meaning. For punctuation, focus on understanding the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation is needed for better flow and comprehension.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, environmental issues have been **highlighted** as a serious problem in our society. Many people believe that overpopulation is one of the factors leading to environmental degradation. I **strongly agree** with this opinion; in the following paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view in detail.

On the one hand, the rapidly increasing population is **causing environmental pollution**. The consequence of this is the overuse of personal means of transport, such as cars and motorbikes, which contributes to increased dust and emissions that pollute the air. **On the other hand, the amount of waste** generated from households and factories has increased significantly, resulting in water and soil pollution. These issues not only harm the environment but also adversely affect human health.

Furthermore, it is argued that overpopulation has driven the **depletion of natural resources**. Natural resources such as water, land, and minerals are on the verge of depletion due to actions such as resource exploitation and deforestation. **The greater the demand increases**, the more resources are consumed, **resulting in a loss of biodiversity**. This overpopulation **causes both pollution and loss of biodiversity in the environment**, creating a cycle of degradation that is difficult to reverse.

In conclusion, overpopulation leads to pollution and a loss of diversity in the environment. In my opinion, it is **recommended that governments implement plausible remedial measures** to tackle this pressing problem.