Parents are delaying childbirth nowadays than in the older days. Why is this? Do the advantages of late childbirth outweigh the disadvantages?

Today, delaying childbearing in couples becomes more common than in the past. Parents are not ready to have child with many reasons but the most one is their own growth or the financial constrains. In my view, postponing in giving birth has more drawbacks than the benefits.
Initially, many couples doesn't want to be parents early with variety of reasons. According to the government of Vietnam, a number of parents who are posponing childbearing say that they still need to focus on their own career such as studying. For example, he or she want to be professional in an aspects so having child will slow down the process. Moreover, parenthood needs a good financial burdens. For instance, if there are only 2 people the price for 3 meals per day will cost about VND 50000 but when there are more person then the price will increased which is called financial pressure.
In many families which have delayed childbirth, except the advantage that may have a better financial burdens, there are numerous disadvantages. One problem is the generation gap. This means adults are hard to approach to the thought of the children such as knowledge. Furthermore, delaying parenthood cause detrimental consequences one the health of both mother and children.
To sum up, parents are delaying childbirth nowadays…

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Today, delaying childbearing in couples becomes more common than in the past." -> "Currently, the trend of delayed childbearing among couples is increasing compared to previous decades."
Explanation: The phrase "Currently, the trend of delayed childbearing among couples is increasing compared to previous decades" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Parents are not ready to have child with many reasons but the most one is their own growth or the financial constrains." -> "Parents are delaying childbearing for various reasons, primarily due to personal growth and financial constraints."
Explanation: The revised sentence clarifies the meaning and corrects grammatical errors ("child" to "childbearing" and "the most one" to "primarily"). It also uses more formal vocabulary ("due to" instead of "with").
"postponing in giving birth" -> "delaying childbirth"
Explanation: "Delaying childbirth" is a more direct and formal expression than "postponing in giving birth," which is awkward and incorrect.
"many couples doesn’t want to be parents early" -> "many couples do not wish to become parents at an early age"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error ("doesn’t" to "do not") and uses more formal phrasing ("wish to become parents at an early age").
"According to the government of Vietnam, a number of parents who are posponing childbearing say that they still need to focus on their own career such as studying." -> "According to the Vietnamese government, many parents who are delaying childbearing cite the need to focus on their own careers, including further education."
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error ("posponing" to "postponing") and refines the phrasing for clarity and formality.
"he or she want to be professional in an aspects" -> "they wish to specialize in a particular field"
Explanation: Replaces the awkward and unclear original phrase with a more precise and formal expression.
"having child will slow down the process" -> "having a child will hinder their professional advancement"
Explanation: "Hinder their professional advancement" is more specific and formal than "slow down the process," which is vague and informal.
"parenthood needs a good financial burdens" -> "parenthood requires significant financial burdens"
Explanation: Corrects the awkward and incorrect phrase "needs a good financial burdens" to "requires significant financial burdens," which is grammatically correct and more formal.
"if there are only 2 people the price for 3 meals per day will cost about VND 50000 but when there are more person then the price will increased" -> "for two people, the cost of three meals per day is approximately VND 50,000; however, this increases when there are more individuals"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the comparison, using more formal and precise language.
"except the advantage that may have a better financial burdens" -> "except for the advantage of reduced financial burdens"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, replacing "may have a better financial burdens" with "of reduced financial burdens."
"delaying parenthood cause detrimental consequences one the health of both mother and children" -> "delaying parenthood can have detrimental consequences for the health of both mothers and children"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors ("cause" to "can have") and clarifies the phrase for better readability and formality.
"To sum up, parents are delaying childbirth nowadays…" -> "In summary, the trend of delayed childbirth among parents is prevalent today…"
Explanation: "In summary" is a more formal introduction than "To sum up," and "the trend of delayed childbirth among parents is prevalent today" is a clearer and more formal way to conclude the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for delaying childbirth, such as career focus and financial constraints. However, it fails to thoroughly explore the advantages and disadvantages of late childbirth as required by the question. For instance, while it mentions financial burdens as a disadvantage, it does not provide a balanced view of the advantages that may accompany delayed parenthood, such as increased financial stability or maturity.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline both the advantages and disadvantages of late childbirth. A structured approach could involve dedicating separate paragraphs to each aspect, ensuring that each point is clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a position that late childbirth has more drawbacks than benefits; however, this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the body paragraphs lean more towards disadvantages without adequately discussing potential benefits, leading to a lack of clarity in the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should restate their viewpoint in each paragraph and ensure that all points made either support or challenge this position. Using phrases like “On the one hand…” and “On the other hand…” can help clarify the discussion of both sides.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the focus on career and financial pressures, but these points are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the mention of financial burdens lacks depth and does not explore how these burdens might be mitigated by delayed childbirth.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how delayed childbirth can lead to better financial planning or more stable careers would provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, using statistics or studies could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of financial burdens. The phrase "financial pressure" is mentioned, but the explanation does not clearly connect back to the topic of delayed childbirth, leading to some ambiguity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the advantages and disadvantages of delayed childbirth. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help reinforce the main idea and keep the discussion relevant.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more balanced and thorough exploration of the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the reasons for delayed childbirth and the associated advantages and disadvantages. The introduction sets the context well, and the body paragraphs attempt to explore the reasons and implications. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons for delaying childbirth to the advantages and disadvantages lacks a clear logical connection. The essay jumps from one idea to another without smooth transitions, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "On the other hand" to connect ideas between paragraphs and within paragraphs. This will help create a more cohesive narrative that guides the reader through your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure is somewhat ineffective. The first paragraph introduces the topic and reasons for delaying childbirth, while the second paragraph discusses the disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct and focused. For example, the first paragraph combines multiple ideas about career focus and financial constraints, which could be separated for clarity.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. For instance, you could have one paragraph dedicated to reasons for delaying childbirth (career and financial constraints) and another paragraph focusing solely on the advantages and disadvantages. This separation will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument and understand the points being made.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "moreover," but the range is limited. The use of cohesive devices is crucial for guiding the reader through the text and linking ideas effectively. Some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected due to a lack of varied cohesive devices. For instance, the phrase "one problem is the generation gap" could be better integrated into the preceding discussion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using "Additionally," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect, and "In addition" or "Similarly" to connect related ideas. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also enhance the overall coherence of your argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with phrases like "delaying childbearing," "financial constraints," and "generation gap." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "parents" is used frequently without synonyms or alternative expressions, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms for commonly repeated words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "parents," you could use "guardians," "caregivers," or "mothers and fathers." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions related to financial aspects, such as "economic pressures" or "financial stability," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the most one is their own growth" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The term "financial burdens" is used, but in some contexts, "financial pressures" or "economic responsibilities" might be more appropriate. Additionally, "detrimental consequences one the health" contains a typographical error and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, revise "the most one is their own growth" to "the primary reason is personal development." Ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Proofreading for typographical errors, such as "one" instead of "on," will also enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "posponing" instead of "postponing," "doesn’t" instead of "do not" (in formal writing), and "increased" which should be "increased." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and creating flashcards can be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can also help familiarize you with correct spelling in context.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS writing assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Parents are not ready to have child with many reasons" and "In my view, postponing in giving birth has more drawbacks than the benefits" illustrate a basic sentence construction. The use of complex sentences is limited, which restricts the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences by using subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Parents are not ready to have child," they could say, "Many parents, who are focused on their careers, feel unprepared to have children." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity and depth.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "doesn’t want to be parents early" should be "don’t want to be parents early," and "the most one is their own growth or the financial constrains" should be rephrased for clarity, possibly to "the primary reason is their personal development or financial constraints." Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas and incorrect conjunctions (e.g., "if there are only 2 people the price for 3 meals per day will cost about VND 50000" should include a comma after "people") hinder readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and reading it aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and improve overall coherence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, which will positively impact their overall IELTS score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, delaying childbearing among couples has become more common than in the past. Parents are often not ready to have children for various reasons, with the primary ones being personal growth and financial constraints. In my view, postponing childbirth has more drawbacks than benefits.

Initially, many couples do not wish to become parents at an early age for a variety of reasons. According to the Vietnamese government, a number of parents who are delaying childbearing cite the need to focus on their own careers, including further education. For example, they may wish to specialize in a particular field, and having a child could slow down their professional advancement. Moreover, parenthood requires significant financial burdens. For instance, if there are only two people, the cost for three meals per day is approximately VND 50,000; however, this increases when there are more individuals, which creates financial pressure.

In many families that have delayed childbirth, aside from the advantage of reduced financial burdens, there are numerous disadvantages. One issue is the generation gap, meaning that adults may find it difficult to relate to the thoughts and knowledge of children. Furthermore, delaying parenthood can have detrimental consequences for the health of both mothers and children.

In summary, the trend of delayed childbirth among parents is prevalent today, but the disadvantages often outweigh the advantages.