People all over the world should wear the same fashion, watch the same TV channels, use the same brand, and have similar eating habits. Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary context, with the rapid of globalization, many aspects of culture are becoming similar throughout the world. Although this phenomenon has some benefits, i would believe that there are more drawbacks.

On the one hand, the globalization of brands, fashion, TV programs, eating routines and other categories of culture has various advantages. First and foremost, this trend reduces the cultural gap between among nations and help erase the hostility in order to maintain world peace. Additionally, there is a growing number of young generation who love going to the powerhouse nations for study and work and similar culture makes them gain a more profound insight into each other's cultural characteristics now that they share similar social media and TV channels. Hence, the gap between classes and races can be substantially reduced.

On the other hand, I believe that the downsides of homogeneous cultures are more significant. Many people abandon their ancestral origin due to this trend, which leads to the potential erosion of national identity. For instance, a large number of young people have been influenced by Western cultures, adopting clothing styles that emphasize individual freedom. This influence has led to situations where traditional norms are disregarded, such as wearing inappropriate attire in sacred places like temples and pagodas. This lack of respect for local customs has sparked significant debate and even conflict within the community.

To sum up, it seems to me that the drawbacks of globalisation, in terms of cultural habits such as the clothes we wear or the foods we eat, do outweigh the benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary context, with the rapid of globalization" -> "In the contemporary context, with the rapid globalization"
Explanation: Removing the preposition "of" after "rapid" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the correct usage of "rapid globalization" as a noun phrase.
"i would believe" -> "I would believe"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error of a lowercase "i" in the first-person singular pronoun.
"this trend reduces the cultural gap between among nations" -> "this trend reduces the cultural gap between nations"
Explanation: Removing "among" corrects the redundancy, as "between" is sufficient to indicate the relationship between nations.
"help erase the hostility in order to maintain world peace" -> "help reduce hostility to promote world peace"
Explanation: "Reduce" is more precise than "erase," which implies complete elimination, and "to promote" is more appropriate than "in order to maintain" for introducing the purpose of reducing hostility.
"a growing number of young generation" -> "an increasing number of young generations"
Explanation: "Young generation" should be pluralized to "young generations" to correctly refer to multiple groups of young people.
"going to the powerhouse nations" -> "traveling to powerful nations"
Explanation: "Powerhouse nations" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Powerful nations" is more formal and precise.
"similar culture makes them gain a more profound insight" -> "similar cultures provide them with a deeper understanding"
Explanation: "Provide them with a deeper understanding" is more formal and academically appropriate than "makes them gain a more profound insight."
"the gap between classes and races can be substantially reduced" -> "social and racial disparities can be significantly reduced"
Explanation: "Social and racial disparities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the gap between classes and races.
"Many people abandon their ancestral origin" -> "Many individuals abandon their ancestral heritage"
Explanation: "Heritage" is a more precise term than "origin" in this context, referring to the cultural and historical aspects of a people’s identity.
"leads to the potential erosion of national identity" -> "may lead to the erosion of national identity"
Explanation: "May lead" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "leads," which implies certainty without evidence.
"a large number of young people have been influenced by Western cultures" -> "many young people have been influenced by Western cultures"
Explanation: "Many" is more appropriate than "a large number of" in formal academic writing, as it is more concise and avoids redundancy.
"This influence has led to situations where traditional norms are disregarded" -> "This influence has led to situations where traditional norms are disregarded"
Explanation: The repetition of "This influence" is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity and conciseness.
"This lack of respect for local customs has sparked significant debate and even conflict within the community" -> "This lack of respect for local customs has sparked significant debate and conflict within the community"
Explanation: Removing "even" before "conflict" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone.
"it seems to me that the drawbacks of globalisation" -> "it appears that the drawbacks of globalization"
Explanation: "Appears" is more formal than "seems," and "globalization" should be spelled correctly without the British English spelling "globalisation."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of a globalized culture. The author acknowledges the benefits of reduced cultural gaps and increased understanding among nations, while also highlighting the significant drawbacks, such as the erosion of national identity. The response is well-balanced, as it presents arguments for both sides before concluding with a clear stance that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the advantages of globalization. For instance, citing specific instances where cultural exchange has led to positive outcomes would strengthen the argument. Additionally, discussing the disadvantages in more detail, perhaps with more examples of cultural loss or conflict, would provide a more comprehensive view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of cultural homogenization outweigh the advantages. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. The author effectively contrasts the benefits and drawbacks, which reinforces their viewpoint.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could enhance the essay by explicitly stating their position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This would provide a stronger framework for the argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases to signal shifts between discussing advantages and disadvantages could further clarify the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the topic, such as the reduction of cultural gaps and the erosion of national identity. Each idea is introduced and supported with examples, such as the influence of Western culture on clothing styles. However, some points could benefit from deeper exploration.
- How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate more on the examples provided. For instance, discussing specific cultural practices that are at risk of being lost due to globalization would add depth to the argument. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of a globalized culture on fashion, media, and eating habits. The author does not deviate from the main theme, which is crucial for maintaining coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that every paragraph directly ties back to the central question would further enhance focus. The author could include a brief mention of how specific aspects of culture (like fashion or food) are affected by globalization in each paragraph, reinforcing the connection to the prompt throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in examples, elaboration, and clarity of position, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph effectively outlines the advantages of globalization, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be more explicit to enhance the logical flow. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by "On the other hand," which is a good start, but the connection between the two ideas could be strengthened by summarizing the advantages before introducing the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing a contrasting idea. For example, after discussing the advantages, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the positive aspects before stating, "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks to consider."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the essay prompt. The current topic sentence mentions "globalization of brands," which could be more specific to the cultural aspects mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph. For example, instead of starting with "On the one hand," you could begin with "One significant advantage of cultural globalization is the reduction of cultural gaps between nations." This would provide a clearer focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "additionally," and "on the other hand." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, there are moments where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive, particularly the reliance on "first and foremost" and "on the other hand." Additionally, some sentences could benefit from more varied linking words to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "first and foremost," you might use "to begin with" or "initially." Additionally, consider using phrases like "in contrast" or "conversely" to introduce opposing ideas, which would enhance the clarity of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical transitions, improving topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "globalization," "homogeneous cultures," and "ancestral origin." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "cultural gap" and "cultural characteristics." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "cultural," alternatives like "cultural diversity," "cultural heritage," or "cultural identity" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated terms related to globalization and cultural exchange would elevate the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes several appropriate terms, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the gap between among nations" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "the gap between nations." Furthermore, "the potential erosion of national identity" is a strong phrase, but the essay could benefit from more precise descriptors to clarify the context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, replacing "the gap between among nations" with "the gap between nations" would improve clarity. Additionally, using specific examples or adjectives to describe cultural influences could help convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "globalization" (spelled as "globalisation" in British English is acceptable, but consistency is key), and "powerhouse nations" which might be better phrased as "powerful nations." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining consistency in spelling (either American or British English) throughout the essay will enhance clarity and professionalism.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "Many people abandon their ancestral origin due to this trend, which leads to the potential erosion of national identity" could be broken down or restructured for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This influence has led to situations where traditional norms are disregarded," you could say, "As a result of this influence, many traditional norms, which were once strictly adhered to, are now often disregarded." Additionally, using more varied sentence openings can help maintain reader interest and improve flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "with the rapid of globalization" should be "with the rapid pace of globalization." The use of lowercase "i" in "i would believe" is incorrect and should be capitalized. Additionally, the phrase "between among nations" is awkward; it should be either "between nations" or "among nations." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are places where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which leads to the potential erosion of national identity."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper capitalization. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow of the writing. Reading the essay aloud may also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation issues that could be revised for clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially improving the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary context, with the rapid globalization, many aspects of culture are becoming similar throughout the world. Although this phenomenon has some benefits, I would believe that there are more drawbacks.

On the one hand, the globalization of brands, fashion, TV programs, eating routines, and other categories of culture has various advantages. First and foremost, this trend reduces the cultural gap among nations and helps erase hostility in order to maintain world peace. Additionally, there is an increasing number of young generations who love going to powerhouse nations for study and work, and similar cultures provide them with a deeper understanding of each other’s cultural characteristics now that they share similar social media and TV channels. Hence, the gap between classes and races can be substantially reduced.

On the other hand, I believe that the downsides of homogeneous cultures are more significant. Many individuals abandon their ancestral heritage due to this trend, which may lead to the erosion of national identity. For instance, a large number of young people have been influenced by Western cultures, adopting clothing styles that emphasize individual freedom. This influence has led to situations where traditional norms are disregarded, such as wearing inappropriate attire in sacred places like temples and pagodas. This lack of respect for local customs has sparked significant debate and even conflict within the community.

To sum up, it seems to me that the drawbacks of globalization, in terms of cultural habits such as the clothes we wear or the foods we eat, do outweigh the benefits.