People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary era, individuals in the twenty-first century have a higher quality of life than individuals in prior centuries. This can be attributed to advancements in modern transportation, technological, medical, and food quality. I concur with this standpoint. The following paragraphs will comprehensively analyze the aforementioned perspective and elucidate my viewpoint
To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that individuals experience an improved quality of life because of improved transportation facilities. This is primarily attributed to the fact that, in the past, international travel required months, whereas now, one can reach any corner of the world within a few hours, courtesy of air travel. In addition, the development of technology plays an indispensable role in the quality of human life. As an illustration, individuals can conveniently maintain communication with friends through platforms such as Facebook and Zalo, using only a technological device connected to the internet.
Furthermore, there is a widespread belief that advancements in medical services have contributed to increased life expectancy. A primary reason behind this is that different dangerous diseases can now be easily recognized and treated thanks to modern technical procedures and creative gadgets. Moreover, the government continually monitors the state of the food to provide higher-quality meals to all citizens. As a case in point, in the past year in Vietnam, the government issued policies on food hygiene and safety, which have received enthusiastic responses from the public.
To recapitulate, I opine that, owing to contemporary transportation and developments in technology, medicine, and food quality, the quality of life for individuals in the 21st century is higher than that of prior centuries.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"individuals in the twenty-first century" -> "individuals in the 21st century"
Explanation: Using the numerical representation "21st" is more concise and formal than the written-out "twenty-first," aligning better with academic style.
"I concur with this standpoint." -> "I agree with this perspective."
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal term, but "agree" is equally suitable and maintains a formal tone without sounding overly complex.
"comprehensively analyze" -> "thoroughly examine"
Explanation: "Thoroughly examine" is a slightly more formal and precise phrase than "comprehensively analyze," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"maintain communication with friends" -> "communicate with friends"
Explanation: Simplifying to "communicate with friends" retains formality while eliminating unnecessary words, adhering to a more concise academic style.
"As an illustration" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For example" is a commonly accepted phrase in academic writing, replacing "As an illustration" without compromising the formality of the statement.
"dangerous diseases" -> "serious illnesses"
Explanation: "Serious illnesses" is a more precise and formal term than "dangerous diseases," contributing to the academic quality of the writing.
"government continually monitors the state of the food" -> "government consistently monitors food safety"
Explanation: Using "consistently monitors food safety" is more specific and formal, offering a clearer description of the government’s role in ensuring the quality of food.
"enthusiastic responses" -> "positive responses"
Explanation: "Positive responses" is a more neutral and academic term, conveying the idea without introducing a potentially subjective or emotional tone.
"To recapitulate" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a standard phrase in academic writing, serving the same purpose as "To recapitulate" in a more conventional and formal manner.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt, discussing advancements in modern transportation, technology, medical services, and food quality as contributing factors to a higher quality of life in the 21st century.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could benefit from explicitly stating the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt. Providing a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the extent of agreement or disagreement would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The position is clear, fully developed, and directly answers the question. The author consistently supports the idea that individuals in the 21st century have a higher quality of life due to advancements in various aspects.
- How to improve: No specific improvement is needed for this characteristic. The author successfully maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and fully extends and supports them. The examples provided, such as advancements in transportation, technology, medical services, and food quality, are well-developed and effectively contribute to the overall argument.
- How to improve: No specific improvement is needed for this characteristic. The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas, contributing to a thorough analysis.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains relevant to the essay prompt, discussing various aspects of contemporary life that contribute to a better quality of life.
- How to improve: While the essay is on-topic, it could enhance focus by briefly addressing potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives. This would add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong response to the prompt, with well-developed ideas and clear position maintenance. To further improve, the author could explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement in the thesis and briefly address counterarguments to enhance the overall depth of analysis.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally coherent arrangement of ideas, presenting a clear overall structure. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect contributing to a better quality of life in the 21st century. It starts with an introduction that outlines the essay’s direction and closes with a summarizing conclusion. However, within paragraphs, the progression of ideas could be refined further to create smoother transitions between sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or words at the beginning of each new idea or paragraph. For instance, employing phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "To illustrate" can help signal the progression of ideas and create a more seamless connection between sentences.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, generally maintaining logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect contributing to an improved quality of life, addressing transportation, technology, medical advancements, and food quality. However, the organization within some paragraphs might benefit from a clearer structure to avoid occasional choppiness in transitioning between ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Then, provide supporting details or examples to elaborate on that idea. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between sentences by using linking words or phrases to establish connections between ideas more explicitly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits flexibility in using cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, to connect ideas. However, there are instances where these devices could be used more consistently and accurately to enhance the overall coherence. Some transitions between sentences or ideas lack the precision needed for a seamless flow.
- How to improve: Focus on employing a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. Utilize transitional phrases more deliberately to create stronger connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and other cohesive devices refer unambiguously to the previously mentioned concepts or subjects.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an organized structure and effective paragraph usage, there’s room for improvement in refining the logical flow between ideas within and between paragraphs. Enhancing the consistency and precision of cohesive devices will further strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Striving for more seamless transitions and clearer connections between ideas will elevate the essay’s coherence to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is a commendable effort to incorporate a variety of terms related to transportation, technology, medicine, and food quality. For instance, phrases such as "advancements in modern transportation," "technological device," and "food hygiene and safety" showcase a diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more nuanced and contextually fitting vocabulary. For example, instead of using the generic term "advancements in technology," try specifying the type of technology, such as "innovations in digital communication." Additionally, explore synonyms and idiomatic expressions to elevate the richness of your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys its meaning clearly, but there are instances where the vocabulary lacks precision. For example, the phrase "dangerous diseases" could be more precisely defined, and the expression "creative gadgets" might benefit from a more specific description. While the overall meaning is apparent, there’s room for improvement in selecting words that precisely convey your intended message.
- How to improve: Work on refining your vocabulary by choosing words that leave no room for ambiguity. Instead of "dangerous diseases," specify the diseases you are referring to, providing a more accurate description. Similarly, replace "creative gadgets" with a more specific term or give examples of these gadgets to enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy with few errors that do not detract from the overall clarity. The spelling choices contribute positively to the reader’s understanding of the content.
- How to improve: Continue practicing good spelling habits and consider proofreading your work to catch any potential errors. Consistency in accurate spelling will further strengthen your writing.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in precision. Additionally, the excellent spelling proficiency contributes positively to the clarity of the content. Focus on refining vocabulary choices for greater precision, and maintain the high standard of spelling accuracy to elevate your lexical resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. The use of diverse sentence structures contributes positively to the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For example, the essay incorporates compound and complex sentences, such as "To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that individuals experience an improved quality of life because of improved transportation facilities," showcasing a good range of sentence structures.
- How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and add sophistication, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences or varying the placement of dependent clauses within sentences. For instance, experimenting with different introductory phrases and clauses can elevate the complexity of sentence structures.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only occasional and minor errors. For instance, the sentence "I concur with this standpoint" is structurally sound, and the essay maintains a mostly error-free syntax throughout.
- How to improve: To maintain or improve this level of accuracy, continue to pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. While the essay is generally error-free, careful proofreading can help catch any minor errors that might occasionally occur.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The punctuation usage in the essay is generally well-controlled. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed. For example, "To recapitulate, I opine that, owing to contemporary transportation and developments in technology, medicine, and food quality, the quality of life for individuals in the 21st century is higher than that of prior centuries" is punctuated correctly.
- How to improve: To further refine punctuation skills, consider incorporating more varied punctuation marks, such as semicolons or dashes, to add nuance to sentence structures. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of punctuation, ensuring that it aligns with the level of complexity in sentence structures.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement through the incorporation of more varied and sophisticated sentence structures, continued attention to grammatical details, and the exploration of additional punctuation marks to enhance overall clarity and coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the present era, people living in the 21st century enjoy a better quality of life compared to those in earlier centuries. This enhancement can be attributed to advancements in modern transportation, technology, medicine, and food quality. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective. The subsequent paragraphs will delve into this viewpoint and explain my stance.
Firstly, it’s widely recognized that people experience an improved quality of life due to enhanced transportation facilities. This is primarily because, in the past, international travel took months, whereas today, one can traverse the globe within a few hours, thanks to air travel. Additionally, technological advancements play a crucial role in enhancing human life. For instance, individuals can effortlessly stay in touch with friends through platforms like Facebook and Zalo, using a device connected to the internet.
Moreover, there’s a widespread belief that progress in medical services has led to increased life expectancy. This is primarily due to the ease of identifying and treating various dangerous diseases through modern technical procedures and innovative gadgets. Additionally, governments consistently monitor food quality to ensure higher standards of meals for all citizens. For instance, in Vietnam last year, the government introduced policies on food hygiene and safety, receiving positive responses from the public.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that, owing to contemporary transportation, technological advancements, improved medical services, and higher food quality, the quality of life for individuals in the 21st century surpasses that of earlier centuries.