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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, many people suppose that individuals in the 21st century have higher living standards than the previous centuries. From my perspective, I partly agree with this view because I believe some aspects of life have become worse.

To begin with, I will mention several benefits when living in the 21st century. Firstly, this is the period that technology is developing dramatically. The Internet and smartphones are widely used, helping people to access news and information and connect with people globally and improve standard of life. They can work and study from home without commuting to their workplace, using computers and laptops. Furthermore, science and technology are instrumental in driving economic growth and solving global challenges. Secondly, there are many advances in the medical field. Modern medical innovations not only increase longevity but also improve quality of life through effective treatments and preventative care. For example, cancers used to be impossible to cure but now we can successfully deal with them if they are detected timely.

On the other hand, I believe in the 21 st century, there are several features which have become worse. Firstly, people tend to be under pressure and stress, especially teenagers. Nowadays, the world is becoming more modern, people tend to impose on their children many standards/ expect their children to achieve success and accomplishments . For example, 4.0 students must be fluent in foreign languages and become well-rounded / versatile individuals. This may make them feel very stressed and suffer from mental/psychological problems. Secondly, communication among people is decreasing. They would just watch tv or scroll through their phones and do not mind their family or social activities. It can build huge gaps and make people passive .

To conclude, I suppose that living with high standards brings both benefits and drawbacks. People should balance their lifestyle to enjoy a better quality of life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "These days, many people suppose" -> "Currently, numerous individuals posit"
    Explanation: Replacing "These days, many people suppose" with "Currently, numerous individuals posit" enhances the formality of the statement by using more precise and academic language. "Suppose" is a bit informal, and "posit" is a more formal synonym.

  2. "From my perspective, I partly agree with this view" -> "From my standpoint, I concur to some extent with this perspective"
    Explanation: The phrase "From my perspective, I partly agree with this view" can be refined for a more formal tone. "From my standpoint" is a more academic expression, and replacing "partly agree" with "concur to some extent" adds nuance and formality.

  3. "To begin with, I will mention several benefits" -> "Primarily, I will outline several advantages"
    Explanation: "To begin with" is slightly informal, and replacing it with "Primarily" maintains a formal tone. Additionally, changing "mention" to "outline" adds precision and formality.

  4. "Firstly, this is the period that technology is developing dramatically" -> "Firstly, this era witnesses a dramatic evolution in technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "this is the period that technology is developing dramatically" with "this era witnesses a dramatic evolution in technology" introduces a more formal and precise expression for technological advancements.

  5. "Furthermore, science and technology are instrumental in driving economic growth" -> "Moreover, science and technology play a pivotal role in propelling economic growth"
    Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" and changing "are instrumental in driving" to "play a pivotal role in propelling" elevates the formality of the sentence.

  6. "Secondly, there are many advances in the medical field" -> "Secondly, significant strides have been made in the medical field"
    Explanation: The phrase "there are many advances in the medical field" can be refined to "significant strides have been made in the medical field" for a more sophisticated expression.

  7. "Modern medical innovations not only increase longevity" -> "Contemporary medical innovations not only enhance life expectancy"
    Explanation: Replacing "Modern medical innovations" with "Contemporary medical innovations" adds a touch of formality, and changing "increase longevity" to "enhance life expectancy" provides a more precise and academic expression.

  8. "cancers used to be impossible to cure but now we can successfully deal with them" -> "Cancers were once considered incurable, but now effective treatments are available"
    Explanation: The phrase "cancers used to be impossible to cure but now we can successfully deal with them" can be refined to emphasize the shift from incurability to the availability of effective treatments.

  9. "On the other hand, I believe in the 21 st century" -> "Conversely, in the 21st century, I contend"
    Explanation: Replacing "On the other hand, I believe" with "Conversely, in the 21st century, I contend" adds formality to the statement.

  10. "people tend to impose on their children many standards/ expect their children to achieve success and accomplishments" -> "individuals tend to impose numerous standards on their children, expecting them to achieve success and accomplishments"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, and replacing slashes with a more formal structure.

  11. "This may make them feel very stressed and suffer from mental/psychological problems." -> "This may induce heightened stress and contribute to mental health challenges."
    Explanation: Enhancing the expression by using "induce heightened stress" instead of "make them feel very stressed," and substituting "mental/psychological problems" with "mental health challenges" for a more formal term.

  12. "communication among people is decreasing" -> "Interpersonal communication is on the decline"
    Explanation: Replacing "communication among people is decreasing" with "Interpersonal communication is on the decline" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "It can build huge gaps and make people passive" -> "This trend can foster significant gaps and engender passivity in individuals"
    Explanation: Refining the statement by replacing "build huge gaps" with "foster significant gaps" and using "engender passivity" for a more formal and precise expression.

  14. "To conclude, I suppose that living with high standards brings both benefits and drawbacks." -> "In conclusion, I posit that maintaining high standards in living yields both advantages and disadvantages."
    Explanation: Enhancing the concluding statement for formality and precision, replacing "suppose" with "posit" and using "yields both advantages and disadvantages" for clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to the prompt by presenting both positive and negative aspects of life in the 21st century. However, the analysis is somewhat limited. While it acknowledges benefits like technological advancements and medical progress, it lacks depth in discussing negative aspects, focusing mainly on pressure and reduced communication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a more comprehensive exploration of both positive and negative aspects. For instance, delve into economic advancements, changes in education, or cultural shifts. This will demonstrate a thorough consideration of the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a balanced stance, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects. However, the position could be clearer and more assertive. The use of phrases like "partly agree" may lead to ambiguity.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of your position, consider expressing your stance more definitively. Clearly state whether you agree, disagree, or hold a nuanced perspective. This will make the essay’s central argument more evident to the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on technological and medical advancements but lacks depth in extending and supporting these points. There’s a need for more elaboration and examples to bolster the arguments.
    • How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing specific examples and elaborating on the benefits and drawbacks of technological and medical advancements. This will add depth to your arguments and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay touches on the prompt’s aspects, there is a slight deviation in the discussion of pressure on teenagers. This topic, while related, could be more directly connected to the overall quality of life in the 21st century.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt. In the case of discussing pressure on teenagers, explicitly connect it to the overall quality of life in the 21st century to avoid any perceived deviation.

Overall Comments:
The essay demonstrates a balanced view on the prompt, addressing both positive and negative aspects. To improve, focus on providing a more in-depth analysis of the positive and negative features, strengthen the clarity of your position, extend ideas with examples, and ensure a direct connection to the prompt for each point. Additionally, be mindful of language use for precision and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction presents the writer’s perspective, and each body paragraph discusses a distinct aspect of life in the 21st century. However, there is room for improvement in the flow of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing technological advancements and medical innovations could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition sentences to connect ideas within paragraphs. For instance, a sentence at the end of the paragraph about technology could briefly introduce the connection to advancements in the medical field.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different points, but some paragraphs could be more focused. The second paragraph, for instance, covers both technological advancements and medical innovations, making it less effective in conveying a clear message.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme. In the second paragraph, consider splitting it into two separate paragraphs, one for technology and another for medical advancements. This will improve clarity and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "To begin with," "Furthermore," "On the other hand," "Secondly," "To conclude"). However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and precision of these devices.
    • How to improve: While the essay uses basic cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced ones, such as parallelism, pronouns, or advanced transition phrases. For instance, instead of repetitive use of "Firstly" and "Secondly," experiment with alternatives like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely." This will add sophistication to your writing and enhance cohesion.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. The use of words and phrases is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement in terms of diversity and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "people suppose," "many benefits," and "several features" could be replaced with more varied expressions to elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or advanced vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "21st century," try alternatives like "contemporary era" or "modern age" to add variety and depth.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits both precise and imprecise usage of vocabulary. There are instances of effective vocabulary selection, such as "modern medical innovations," but also areas where words could be chosen more accurately, such as "suppose" or "features." Replacing imprecise terms with more fitting alternatives would strengthen the essay’s overall precision.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to word choice. For instance, replace generic terms like "suppose" with more specific verbs like "argue" or "assert." Similarly, refine expressions like "several features" to convey a clearer and more precise meaning, possibly by specifying the particular aspects being referred to.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling; however, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "standard" instead of "standards" and "psychological" spelled as "psychological." These errors, while not pervasive, slightly impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Prioritize meticulous proofreading to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from others to ensure the accuracy of spelling. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can contribute to improved spelling consistency.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will elevate the overall quality of expression and contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive response.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. There is evidence of simple and complex sentence constructions, such as the use of compound sentences in the introduction and body paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures. For instance, there is a tendency to rely on basic sentence structures, and some sentences could benefit from more sophisticated syntactic constructions to enhance overall coherence and engagement.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of complex and compound-complex sentences. Experiment with the use of introductory clauses, participial phrases, and different types of dependent clauses. This will add nuance to your writing and elevate the overall complexity, contributing to a more engaging essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of incorrect word usage and grammatical inconsistencies that could be addressed. For example, in the sentence "These days, many people suppose that individuals in the 21st century have higher living standards than the previous centuries," ‘suppose’ might be better replaced with ‘believe.’ Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors and issues with subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Review the essay for word choice accuracy, ensuring that each word conveys the intended meaning. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage. Moreover, refine punctuation skills, especially regarding comma usage, to create clearer and more precise sentences. Careful proofreading will help identify and rectify these issues, enhancing the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, a prevailing notion is that individuals in the 21st century enjoy a higher quality of life compared to previous centuries. From my standpoint, I concur to some extent with this perspective, recognizing both positive and negative aspects of contemporary living.

Primarily, I will outline several advantages of living in the 21st century. Firstly, this era witnesses a dramatic evolution in technology, with the widespread use of the Internet and smartphones. These advancements facilitate easy access to news and information, fostering global connections and enhancing the overall standard of life. The ability to work and study from home, thanks to computers and laptops, has become a notable convenience, eliminating the need for daily commutes. Moreover, science and technology play a pivotal role in propelling economic growth and addressing global challenges.

Secondly, significant strides have been made in the medical field during this time. Contemporary medical innovations not only enhance life expectancy but also contribute to an improved quality of life through effective treatments and preventative care. A noteworthy example is the transformation in cancer treatment, where once considered incurable, now effective treatments are available if detected timely.

Conversely, in the 21st century, I contend that certain aspects of life have worsened. Individuals tend to impose numerous standards on their children, expecting them to achieve success and accomplishments. This may induce heightened stress and contribute to mental health challenges, particularly among teenagers. The modern world, with its emphasis on high academic achievement and multifaceted skills, can burden young individuals with overwhelming expectations.

Furthermore, interpersonal communication is on the decline in the contemporary era. The trend of spending excessive time watching TV or scrolling through phones has led to a decrease in face-to-face interactions and participation in social activities. This decline can foster significant gaps and engender passivity in individuals, impacting the richness of human connections.

In conclusion, I posit that maintaining high standards in living yields both advantages and disadvantages. While technological and medical advancements enhance our lives, the societal pressures and diminishing interpersonal communication pose challenges to the overall quality of life. Striking a balance in lifestyle choices becomes imperative for individuals to truly enjoy the benefits of living in the 21st century.

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