People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.

People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other
vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.

It’s sometimes argued that the government had better raise the fuel prices for individual vehicles to tackle environmental issues facing the world. While this solution could tackle the problem in the short term, I also believe that there are a lot of measures that could make a greater impact.

On the one hand, I think increasing the cost of fuel could bring benefits to our environment because of the following reasons. Firstly, when the fuel prices go up, citizens will reduce the fluency of private vehicle usage and find another way to travel instead, such as taking public transport to work or to distant places. This pattern could contribute to the decrease in the exhaust emissions released into the atmosphere. Secondly, people will find other types of resources for transportation such as renewable energy, nuclear power, which have a significantly less negative influence on the earth. This could join hands to tackle some environmental issues.

On the other hand, I suppose that other better solutions could be implemented to solve this problem. The first measure is that the national authorities should put more investment in public transport infrastructure and enact policies that encourage the public service usage of citizens. For instance, authorities in Ho Chi Minh city have conducted an improvement on the quality of bus lines and this has resulted in the number of bus users in the recent time. Another one that needs to be mentioned is enhancing the public awareness about protecting our planet through environmental campaigns. This is because I believe that only when people are aware about this issue, they can be willing to take action to change the situation.

In conclusion, although increasing fuel cost could contribute to environmental protection, it seems to me that willing changes from both government and citizens could bring more effective effects in the long term.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "It’s sometimes argued that" -> "Some argue that"
   Explanation: "It’s sometimes argued that" is a bit informal. "Some argue that" maintains the same meaning but in a more formal tone.

2. "had better" -> "should"
   Explanation: "had better" is colloquial; "should" is more appropriate in formal writing.

3. "fluency" -> "frequency"
   Explanation: "Fluency" typically refers to the ability to speak or write smoothly and accurately. Here, "frequency" better captures the intended meaning of how often people use private vehicles.

4. "join hands" -> "contribute"
   Explanation: "Join hands" is idiomatic and informal. "Contribute" is a more formal and direct way to express the idea of working together towards a common goal.

5. "suppose" -> "believe"
   Explanation: "Suppose" is more speculative, while "believe" indicates a stronger personal conviction.

6. "implemented" -> "deployed"
   Explanation: "Implemented" is a common term but "deployed" adds a slightly more formal and dynamic tone to the sentence.

7. "public service usage" -> "utilization of public services"
   Explanation: "Public service usage" sounds slightly awkward; "utilization of public services" is more formal and clearer.

8. "in the recent time" -> "recently"
   Explanation: "In the recent time" is awkward; "recently" is a more concise and appropriate adverb.

9. "Another one that needs to be mentioned" -> "Another important aspect is"
   Explanation: "Another one that needs to be mentioned" is wordy and informal. "Another important aspect is" is more direct and formal.

10. "enhancing" -> "raising"
    Explanation: "Enhancing" is a bit vague; "raising" is clearer in the context of raising public awareness.

11. "about" -> "of"
    Explanation: "About" is commonly used but "of" is more precise in this context.

12. "only when people are aware about this issue" -> "only when people are aware of this issue"
    Explanation: "Aware about" is grammatically incorrect; "aware of" is the correct preposition to use with "awareness."

13. "bring more effective effects" -> "yield more effective results"
    Explanation: "Bring more effective effects" is redundant and awkward. "Yield more effective results" is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument and offering a clear opinion. It discusses the potential benefits of increasing fuel costs to tackle environmental issues while also suggesting alternative measures. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s opinion, and the body paragraphs delve into the reasons supporting both perspectives.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, ensure that each paragraph explicitly links back to the prompt and maintains a tight focus on addressing all aspects of the question. This could involve more explicit references to the prompt in the body paragraphs to demonstrate a clear connection between the writer’s arguments and the task requirements.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating that while increasing fuel costs may have some benefits, there are other more effective solutions. The stance is evident from the thesis statement in the introduction and is consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider providing a more explicit and emphatic statement of the writer’s opinion in the introduction and reinforcing it more explicitly in each body paragraph. This can help to ensure that the reader is consistently aware of the writer’s viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with adequate development and support. Each paragraph introduces a clear idea, provides relevant examples and explanations, and maintains coherence within and between paragraphs. For instance, the essay discusses the potential benefits of increasing fuel costs and provides examples of alternative transportation methods and government initiatives to support these ideas.
  • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, consider providing more diverse and specific examples to illustrate the points made in the essay. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully elaborated upon and connected back to the overall argument to strengthen the coherence and depth of the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s central question regarding the efficacy of increasing fuel costs to solve environmental problems. While there are brief mentions of other solutions, they are relevant to the overall argument and do not detract significantly from the focus on the main topic.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that any tangential points or additional solutions mentioned are directly related to the central argument and contribute to the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay. This can involve explicitly linking each supporting point back to the main topic and thesis statement to reinforce their relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents the issue and the writer’s opinion. Each subsequent paragraph presents a clear argument or viewpoint, with supporting reasons and examples. The essay concludes with a concise summary of the author’s stance. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the two sides of the argument. The paragraph discussing the benefits of raising fuel prices is more detailed compared to the paragraph discussing alternative solutions.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph receives equal attention and development. Provide more balanced discussion and elaboration on alternative solutions to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately separated from the body paragraphs. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to fully explore the ideas presented.
  • How to improve: Consider expanding upon ideas within each paragraph to provide more depth and clarity. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus and transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, cohesive devices like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion" help organize the argument. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions could be smoother to improve overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), synonyms, and parallel structures to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions between ideas are seamless to enhance the flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in enhancing the balance of discussion, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more effective presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the writer employing various terms related to the topic such as "environmental issues," "exhaust emissions," "renewable energy," "nuclear power," "infrastructure," and "public awareness." These terms are used appropriately to convey the intended meaning and add depth to the discussion.
  • How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary where possible. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environmental issues," one could substitute it with synonyms like "ecological concerns" or "sustainability challenges." Additionally, incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to environmental science or economics could enrich the essay’s vocabulary range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, terms like "renewable energy" and "nuclear power" are used accurately to denote alternative sources of energy. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise, such as the phrase "fluency of private vehicle usage," which might be clearer if replaced with "frequency" or "extent."
  • How to improve: To ensure precise vocabulary usage, carefully consider the context and nuances of each term. Avoid using vague or ambiguous expressions where more precise language could enhance clarity and impact. Utilize a thesaurus or consult reference materials to identify more precise synonyms for commonly used words.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors or inconsistencies observed. Examples include "fluency" instead of "frequency" and "national" instead of "nation." While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and readability of the essay, improving spelling accuracy would further enhance the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling patterns and rules. Additionally, practice spelling words commonly used in academic writing to reinforce correct spelling habits and reduce errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, such as compound sentences ("While this solution could tackle the problem in the short term, I also believe that there are a lot of measures that could make a greater impact.") and complex sentences with dependent clauses ("Firstly, when the fuel prices go up, citizens will reduce the fluency of private vehicle usage and find another way to travel instead, such as taking public transport to work or to distant places."). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance the overall coherence and sophistication of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve, try incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as parallel structures, inverted sentences, and conditional sentences. Additionally, vary the length of sentences to create a more engaging rhythm and flow in the essay. For instance, instead of solely relying on straightforward compound and complex sentences, experiment with incorporating occasional compound-complex sentences or using rhetorical devices like appositives or participial phrases to add depth and complexity to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are some instances where errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("the government had better raise" should be "the government had better raise" and "authorities in Ho Chi Minh city have conducted" should be "authorities in Ho Chi Minh City have conducted") and punctuation errors (missing commas before introductory phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly"). Additionally, there are a few awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, consider revising sentences carefully to ensure subject-verb agreement and correct punctuation usage. Proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch and rectify errors. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure and clarity during the writing process can help avoid awkward phrasings and enhance overall coherence. Familiarizing yourself with common grammar rules and practicing writing essays under timed conditions can also aid in improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that the government should increase the cost of fuel for individual vehicles as a solution to environmental problems. While this approach may offer short-term benefits, I believe that various measures could yield more effective results.

On one hand, raising fuel prices could indeed benefit the environment for several reasons. Firstly, higher prices may discourage people from using private vehicles excessively, prompting them to explore alternative modes of transportation such as public transit. This shift in behavior could lead to a reduction in exhaust emissions, thus mitigating air pollution. Secondly, increased fuel costs may incentivize the exploration and utilization of alternative energy sources like renewable energy and nuclear power, which have less adverse impacts on the environment. This collective effort could contribute significantly to addressing environmental concerns.

On the other hand, I believe that there are alternative solutions that warrant consideration. One such measure involves prioritizing investment in public transportation infrastructure and implementing policies that promote its utilization among citizens. For example, authorities in Ho Chi Minh City have made improvements to bus services, resulting in a notable increase in bus ridership recently. Additionally, efforts to raise public awareness about environmental conservation through educational campaigns are crucial. It is my belief that individuals will only be motivated to take action when they are adequately informed about the issue.

In conclusion, while raising fuel prices may play a role in environmental protection, I contend that a concerted effort involving both governmental initiatives and citizen participation is essential for achieving sustainable outcomes in the long term.