People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that the environmental phenomenon(=problem) would be resolved by raising the prices of fuel. While I agree that this idea could help reduce the amount of harmful fumes, I would also argue that a global awareness campaign has many attractive benefits.

On the one hand, this policy might help reduce air pollution in large cities by cutting down the emissions from private vehicles. In fact, consumers would have to think about cutting back on their vehicle trip frequency and distance as the cost per kilometer rises. Commuters may also choose to use more affordable and environmentally friendly modes of transportation, including buses or electric bikes, if they must travel. (The overall quantity of harmful gasses that contribute to air pollution is constrained in each of these situations)

On the other hand, an increase in fuel prices could only solve a limited part of the complex environmental issues. In fact, there are many other sources of pollution, such as the usage of plastic bags for shopping or chemicals used in industry and agriculture that damage land and water. Therefore, the most effective solution would be running a world-wide campaign that raises the consumer awareness about the environmental cost of their shopping habits, puts pressure on businesses to cut back on the use of harmful chemicals, and commits to using more environmentally friendly farming and manufacturing practices.

In conclusion, while raising the price of fuel can help mitigate environmental problems by discouraging the use of private vehicles, raising public and corporate awareness of these issues would be preferable. Furthermore, I firmly believe that humankind can reverse the effects of climate change and environmental problems if more determined action is taken.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"environmental phenomenon(=problem)" -> "environmental issue"
Explanation: "Phenomenon" refers to a natural occurrence or event and may not fully capture the complexity of environmental problems. "Issue" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing to denote environmental challenges or concerns.
"attractive benefits" -> "advantages"
Explanation: While "attractive benefits" is not grammatically incorrect, "advantages" is a more formal and concise term commonly used in academic contexts to refer to positive outcomes or gains.
"private vehicles" -> "personal vehicles"
Explanation: "Private vehicles" may imply ownership, while "personal vehicles" encompasses both privately owned and leased vehicles, offering a broader and more accurate description in this context.
"consumers would have to think about cutting back on their vehicle trip frequency and distance" -> "consumers would need to consider reducing the frequency and distance of their vehicle trips"
Explanation: Rewording the sentence provides a clearer and more formal expression while maintaining the original meaning.
"if they must travel" -> "when necessary"
Explanation: "If they must travel" is slightly informal; "when necessary" is a more formal and precise phrase suitable for academic writing.
"(The overall quantity of harmful gasses that contribute to air pollution is constrained in each of these situations)" -> "(This would result in a decrease in the overall quantity of harmful gases contributing to air pollution in each of these scenarios)"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The suggested revision provides a more explicit and formal expression of the idea.
"an increase in fuel prices could only solve a limited part" -> "increasing fuel prices would address only a fraction"
Explanation: "Could only solve a limited part" is less precise and overly wordy. "Address only a fraction" is more concise and effectively conveys the limitation of the proposed solution.
"the most effective solution would be running" -> "the most effective solution would involve implementing"
Explanation: "Running" is somewhat informal in this context. "Implementing" is a more formal and appropriate term to describe the action required for a solution.
"world-wide campaign" -> "global awareness campaign"
Explanation: "World-wide campaign" is acceptable but "global awareness campaign" is more commonly used in academic writing and conveys the intended meaning with greater clarity and formality.
"raising public and corporate awareness" -> "increasing public and corporate awareness"
Explanation: "Raising" is a more informal term compared to "increasing," which is often preferred in academic writing for its formality and precision.
"humankind" -> "humanity"
Explanation: "Humankind" is slightly informal, while "humanity" is a more formal and commonly used term in academic discourse to refer to the collective human population.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question

Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing whether increasing the cost of fuel is an effective way to solve environmental problems. The writer presents a balanced view, agreeing that raising fuel prices could reduce emissions but arguing that broader awareness and actions are needed for more comprehensive solutions. This dual approach shows a deep engagement with the question.
How to improve: To enhance this aspect further, the essay could benefit from directly addressing the "to what extent" component more explicitly. This could involve quantifying the extent of agreement or disagreement with the proposal, perhaps by specifying scenarios or conditions under which the author would agree or disagree more strongly.

Present a Clear Position Throughout

Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout that, while increasing fuel costs could contribute to solving environmental problems, a global awareness campaign might offer more significant benefits. This stance is consistently supported with examples and counterarguments, providing a balanced perspective while firmly advocating for more comprehensive measures.
How to improve: The position could be made even clearer by using more direct language to affirm the author’s stance. Statements like "I firmly believe" or explicit phrases that emphasize conviction would reinforce the position throughout the essay.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and extends ideas, beginning with the potential benefits of increased fuel costs and extending into a discussion on why these measures alone are insufficient. Each main point is supported with plausible examples, such as the shift to more sustainable transportation options and the broader implications of other pollution sources.
How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, the author could incorporate more detailed evidence, such as statistics or findings from studies, to support claims. Additionally, expanding on how these ideas interconnect could provide a more robust argumentation structure, showing not only the independence but also the interdependence of these solutions.

Stay on Topic

Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, linking each argument back to the issue of solving environmental problems through the cost of fuel and other measures. There is no deviation into unrelated subjects, and all examples are relevant to the core issue.
How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, there could be a tighter focus on the impact of fuel costs specifically, as this is the central theme of the prompt. Discussing the potential downsides of raising fuel prices in more detail would not only balance the argument but also anchor the discussion more closely to the prompt’s specifics.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of comprehension and engagement with the topic, meriting a band score of 8. It effectively addresses multiple aspects of the prompt, presents a clear and well-argued position, and provides a detailed discussion that is both extended and supported. Improvements could focus on deepening the engagement with the "to what extent" inquiry, enhancing the clarity of the position, and providing more specific evidence to support the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the writer’s stance and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each subsequent paragraph addresses a different aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. The first body paragraph discusses the potential benefits of increasing fuel prices, while the second paragraph addresses the limitations of this approach and proposes an alternative solution. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a smoother transition between paragraphs. While the essay transitions well between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, more explicit transitional phrases or sentences could improve the coherence further. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and maintains a clear thematic progression would strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas and maintain coherence. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea. The paragraphs are appropriately developed with supporting details and examples. However, the second body paragraph could be further subdivided to enhance clarity, particularly when discussing the different sources of pollution and proposed solutions.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two or more paragraphs to provide clearer delineation between the discussion of different sources of pollution and proposed solutions. This subdivision would improve readability and help readers navigate the complex ideas presented in this section more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. Examples include cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("this idea," "these situations"), and repetition of key terms ("environmental problems," "harmful chemicals"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by signaling relationships between ideas and guiding the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, further diversifying the range of cohesive devices employed could enhance coherence and cohesion. Consider incorporating additional transitional phrases or connectors to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring consistent use of pronouns and referencing terms throughout the essay would reinforce coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "phenomenon," "emissions," "commuters," "constrained," "effective solution," and "manufacturing practices." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a good range of vocabulary, there is room for enhancement by incorporating more nuanced and contextually appropriate terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "environmental problems," the writer could vary their language by employing synonyms like "environmental challenges," "ecological issues," or "sustainability concerns."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, as seen in phrases such as "private vehicles," "harmful chemicals," and "environmentally friendly modes of transportation." These terms accurately convey the intended meanings without ambiguity.
- How to improve: To further refine precision, it would be beneficial for the writer to avoid unnecessary repetition and explore alternatives for frequently used words or phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "raising the price of fuel," the writer could vary their expression by using synonyms like "increasing fuel costs," "escalating fuel prices," or "imposing fuel tariffs," depending on the context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally accurate spelling throughout, with no glaring errors detracting from readability. Complex terms such as "environmental" and "manufacturing" are spelled correctly, contributing to the professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer could benefit from thorough proofreading techniques, including spell-check tools, manual review, and seeking feedback from peers or instructors. Additionally, cultivating a habit of regularly reading and writing in English can reinforce spelling proficiency over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and spelling, continual exposure to diverse texts and deliberate practice can further enhance lexical precision and accuracy. Additionally, consciously expanding one’s vocabulary repertoire through targeted learning strategies, such as word mapping or contextual vocabulary acquisition, can facilitate more nuanced expression and communication in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("While I agree that this idea could help reduce the amount of harmful fumes") and compound sentences ("In fact, consumers would have to think about cutting back on their vehicle trip frequency and distance as the cost per kilometer rises"). However, there is room for improvement in utilizing more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or inverted sentences to enhance the complexity and cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the sentence structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences to present hypothetical scenarios or inverted sentences to add emphasis. For instance, instead of straightforward statements, introduce conditional clauses to speculate on potential outcomes based on certain conditions. Additionally, experiment with inverted sentences to place emphasis on specific elements within the sentences, thus enhancing the overall clarity and coherence of your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors scattered throughout. For example, there is a slight issue with subject-verb agreement in the phrase "consumers would have to think about cutting back," where "consumers" (plural) is paired with "would" (singular). Additionally, there are a few instances where articles are omitted ("a world-wide campaign" should be "a worldwide campaign"). Punctuation usage is generally correct, but there are occasional lapses, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("On the other hand") and inconsistent capitalization ("humankind" should be capitalized). These errors, while relatively minor, slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that plural subjects are consistently matched with plural verbs. Additionally, be mindful of article usage to ensure that nouns are appropriately preceded by "a," "an," or "the" where necessary. Regarding punctuation, review the rules for comma usage, particularly after introductory phrases, to improve the overall flow and readability of your sentences. Consistent capitalization of proper nouns, such as "humankind," will also contribute to the overall polish and professionalism of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals hold the belief that environmental issues could be addressed by increasing fuel costs. While I concur that this approach could aid in diminishing harmful emissions, I contend that a global awareness campaign presents numerous advantages.

On one hand, this measure may assist in reducing air pollution in urban areas by decreasing emissions from personal vehicles. Specifically, consumers would need to consider reducing the frequency and distance of their vehicle trips as fuel prices rise. Additionally, commuters might opt for more economical and eco-friendly transportation options, such as buses or electric bikes, when necessary. (This would result in a decrease in the overall quantity of harmful gases contributing to air pollution in each of these scenarios).

On the other hand, raising fuel prices would address only a fraction of the multifaceted environmental challenges. Indeed, there exist numerous other sources of pollution, such as the use of plastic bags in shopping or chemicals employed in industry and agriculture that harm land and water. Consequently, the most effective solution would involve implementing a global awareness campaign that increases public and corporate awareness regarding the environmental impact of consumer habits, encourages businesses to reduce the usage of harmful chemicals, and advocates for more environmentally friendly farming and manufacturing practices.

In conclusion, while increasing the cost of fuel may help alleviate environmental problems by discouraging the use of personal vehicles, enhancing public and corporate awareness of these issues would be preferable. Moreover, I firmly believe that humanity can reverse the effects of climate change and environmental issues if more determined action is taken.