People today can use the internet to learn about life and culture in another country so it might not be necessary to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

The internet has made accessing information about life and culture in other countries easier. People can learn about traditions, customs and local practices of leaving home. This convenience leads individuals to think that it is unnecessary to travel to those countries. While the internet is a useful tool for studying about other cultures, I believe it cannot replace the experience of traveling in person.
Firstly, learning online is limited to watching videos, reading articles and taking part in vital tours. Although these resources may have valuable insight, they cannot bring immersive experience such as sights, sounds, smell and interactions that are achievable when travelling are not available through screens. For example, watching a festival online cannot replicate the feeling of actually being part of the event.
Secondly, the internet may present the information in negative way. Sometimes, what we read online can be exaggerated causing misinterpretion. This leads to stereotypes or misleading information that may create a distorted view of a country. In contrast, visiting a country in person gives a more authentic understanding of its culture.
In a nutshell, I personally think that even though individuals can learn cultures and customs of other countries with ease and convenience, thanks to the development of IT, there are still numerous reasons why we should travel to these countries. Knowledge you can learn through the computer monitor can be different from reality or sometimes even completely distorted. Given all that, we should not be satisfied with learning about other cultures over the Internet, but travel to new places in person, broadening our horisons.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People can learn about traditions, customs and local practices of leaving home." -> "Individuals can learn about traditions, customs, and local practices from their home countries."
Explanation: The original phrase "of leaving home" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies that the learning is about the home countries, not leaving them, and uses "individuals" for a more formal tone.
"This convenience leads individuals to think that it is unnecessary to travel to those countries." -> "This convenience may lead individuals to believe that travel to these countries is unnecessary."
Explanation: "leads individuals to think" is somewhat informal and vague; "may lead individuals to believe" is more precise and formal. Also, "those countries" is replaced with "these countries" for consistency in referring to the previously mentioned countries.
"watching videos, reading articles and taking part in vital tours" -> "viewing videos, reading articles, and participating in virtual tours"
Explanation: "watching" and "taking part in" are informal and less precise; "viewing" and "participating in" are more formal and accurate. "Vital tours" is unclear; "virtual tours" is the correct term for online experiences.
"achievable when travelling are not available through screens" -> "available when traveling are not accessible through screens"
Explanation: "achievable" is incorrect in this context; "available" is the correct term. Also, "travelling" should be "traveling" for consistency in American English usage.
"the internet may present the information in negative way" -> "the internet may present information in a negative manner"
Explanation: "in negative way" is grammatically incorrect; "in a negative manner" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"causing misinterpretion" -> "causing misinterpretation"
Explanation: "misinterpretion" is a typographical error; "misinterpretation" is the correct spelling.
"visiting a country in person gives a more authentic understanding" -> "visiting a country in person provides a more authentic understanding"
Explanation: "gives" is less formal; "provides" is more suitable for academic writing.
"Knowledge you can learn through the computer monitor can be different from reality or sometimes even completely distorted." -> "Knowledge gained through computer monitors can differ significantly from reality, and may even be distorted."
Explanation: "Knowledge you can learn" is informal and vague; "Knowledge gained" is more precise. "Computer monitor" should be pluralized to "computer monitors" for accuracy. "can be different from reality or sometimes even completely distorted" is rephrased for clarity and formality.
"we should not be satisfied with learning about other cultures over the Internet, but travel to new places in person, broadening our horizons." -> "we should not be content with learning about other cultures through the Internet, but instead travel to new places in person, expanding our horizons."
Explanation: "satisfied with" is too informal; "content with" is more appropriate. "over the Internet" is redundant; "through the Internet" is more concise. "broadening our horizons" is a common idiom; "expanding our horizons" is a more formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of the internet for learning about other cultures and the limitations of this method compared to actual travel. The writer acknowledges the convenience of online resources while clearly stating their position that travel remains essential for a true understanding of culture. The response is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main argument, and a conclusion that reiterates the stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could consider incorporating a brief discussion of the counterargument—that online resources can sometimes suffice for cultural understanding. This would demonstrate a more balanced view and further strengthen the argument by addressing potential objections.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that while the internet is a valuable tool, it cannot replace the experience of traveling. The use of phrases like "I believe" and "I personally think" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between points could be smoother to ensure that the position remains front and center.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use topic sentences in each paragraph that explicitly connect back to the thesis. For instance, starting each paragraph with a statement that ties the specific point back to the overall argument would help maintain focus on the central position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The examples provided, such as the comparison of online learning to in-person experiences, effectively support the claims made. However, the essay could benefit from additional examples or evidence to further substantiate the points, particularly in the second body paragraph regarding the potential for misinformation online.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to include more concrete examples or statistics that illustrate the limitations of online learning. For instance, citing studies on the effectiveness of experiential learning versus theoretical learning could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the necessity of travel in the context of cultural understanding. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the writer maintains relevance throughout the essay. However, the phrasing in some areas, such as "the information in negative way," could be clearer and more precise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Revising awkward phrases for clarity, such as changing "the information in negative way" to "the information can sometimes be presented negatively," would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some minor adjustments to balance the discussion, enhance clarity, and provide additional support, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that the internet can replace travel. The introduction effectively sets the stage by acknowledging the convenience of online learning while stating the author’s position. Each paragraph follows a logical progression, with the first paragraph discussing the limitations of online learning and the second addressing the potential for misinformation. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main argument, providing a strong closure. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the points made is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the third paragraph, a phrase like "Moreover, the potential for misinformation further complicates the reliance on online resources" could help bridge the discussion from the limitations of online learning to the issue of distorted information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single idea. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the author’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific arguments supporting that stance. Each paragraph is adequately developed, with examples that illustrate the points being made. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it somewhat blends into the final argument rather than summarizing the key points effectively.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the arguments but also reinforces the overall message of the essay. A clear restatement of the thesis in the conclusion, along with a brief recap of the main points, would enhance clarity and provide a more definitive closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In a nutshell," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, phrases like "for example" and "in contrast" effectively link ideas and provide clarity. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating other linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to introduce new points or counterarguments. This variety will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt. By focusing on smoother transitions, distinct paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "immersive experience," "misinterpretation," and "authentic understanding." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "learn about traditions, customs and local practices" could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical range. Additionally, phrases like "knowledge you can learn" could be rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related vocabulary throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "learn," alternatives like "discover," "explore," or "gain insight into" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to travel and culture, such as "cultural immersion," "global perspectives," or "cross-cultural experiences," would also enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the internet may present the information in negative way" could be more accurately expressed as "the internet may present information in a biased manner." Additionally, the term "vital tours" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning, which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. This can be achieved by using more specific adjectives and verbs. For instance, instead of "negative way," consider "biased perspective" or "distorted representation." Clarifying terms like "vital tours" by replacing them with "virtual tours" or "online tours" would also improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "misinterpretion" (should be "misinterpretation") and "horisons" (should be "horizons"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Regular writing practice and feedback can also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "Firstly" and "In contrast" helps to organize thoughts clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are presented. For example, the phrases "learning online is limited to" and "the internet may present the information in negative way" follow a similar structure, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of stating "the internet may present the information in negative way," the writer could say, "While the internet can provide valuable insights, it often presents information in a negative light, which can lead to misinterpretations." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses and using different transition words can help create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "customs and local practices of leaving home" should be "customs and local practices without leaving home," as it currently implies something different. Additionally, "the immersive experience such as sights, sounds, smell and interactions that are achievable when travelling are not available through screens" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are missing commas that could improve clarity, such as before "and interactions" in the previous example.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. It may also be beneficial to practice identifying and correcting common errors in sentence structure and word choice. For punctuation, the writer should ensure that they are using commas to separate items in a list and to clarify complex sentences. For example, revising the sentence to "the immersive experiences, such as sights, sounds, smells, and interactions, that are achievable when traveling, are not available through screens" would enhance clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The internet has made accessing information about life and culture in other countries significantly easier. Individuals can learn about traditions, customs, and local practices from their home countries. This convenience may lead individuals to believe that travel to these countries is unnecessary. While the internet is a useful tool for studying other cultures, I believe it cannot replace the experience of traveling in person.

Firstly, learning online is limited to viewing videos, reading articles, and participating in virtual tours. Although these resources may provide valuable insights, they cannot offer the immersive experiences such as sights, sounds, smells, and interactions that are available when traveling. For example, watching a festival online cannot replicate the feeling of actually being part of the event.

Secondly, the internet may present information in a negative manner. Sometimes, what we read online can be exaggerated, causing misinterpretation. This can lead to stereotypes or misleading information that may create a distorted view of a country. In contrast, visiting a country in person provides a more authentic understanding of its culture.

In conclusion, I personally think that even though individuals can learn about the cultures and customs of other countries with ease and convenience, thanks to the development of information technology, there are still numerous reasons why we should travel to these countries. Knowledge gained through computer monitors can differ significantly from reality and may even be distorted. Given all that, we should not be content with learning about other cultures through the internet, but instead travel to new places in person, expanding our horizons.