People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the main city problems?

People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the main city problems?

In many metropolises, residents have to deal with a number of problems related to urbanisation. One of the most significant issues that concerns city dwellers is overcrowded population. Owing to a large number of inhabitants, facilities in cities in developing countries like Vietnam may not meet the demand of people, resulting in the overwhelming of hospital services, schools and public transport systems. They have to spend hours waiting for medical care or long-lasting congestion, which increases frustration and reduces quality of life for city residents. Another serious problem worth mentioning is pollution. The rapid urbanisation and high population density in large cities are responsible for considerable environmental issues, particularly air and water pollution. This can be seen in industrial activities, vehicular emissions, and improper waste disposal, leading to a strain on the urban waste management system, and ultimately, harmful levels of pollutants in the environment. These issues not only pose immediate health risks but also threaten long-term sustainability.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In many metropolises" -> "In numerous metropolitan areas"
   Explanation: "Numerous metropolitan areas" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "residents have to deal with" -> "residents face"
   Explanation: "Face" is a more concise and formal alternative to "have to deal with," which simplifies the expression without losing meaning.

3. "overcrowded population" -> "overpopulation"
   Explanation: "Overpopulation" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than the more colloquial "overcrowded population."

4. "facilities in cities in developing countries like Vietnam may not meet the demand of people" -> "facilities in cities of developing countries such as Vietnam may not meet the demands of the population"
   Explanation: "Such as" is more formal than "like," and "the demands of the population" is more precise and formal than "the demand of people."

5. "resulting in the overwhelming of hospital services, schools and public transport systems" -> "resulting in the overwhelming of hospital services, schools, and public transportation systems"
   Explanation: "Public transportation systems" is more specific and formal than "public transport systems," and the comma after "schools" improves readability.

6. "They have to spend hours waiting for medical care or long-lasting congestion" -> "They often spend hours waiting for medical care or endure prolonged congestion"
   Explanation: "Endure prolonged congestion" is more formal and precise than "long-lasting congestion," and "often" is more appropriate than "have to" in this context.

7. "Another serious problem worth mentioning is pollution" -> "Another significant issue is pollution"
   Explanation: "Significant issue" is more formal and concise than "serious problem worth mentioning," which is somewhat redundant.

8. "The rapid urbanisation and high population density in large cities are responsible for considerable environmental issues" -> "The rapid urbanization and high population densities in large cities contribute significantly to considerable environmental issues"
   Explanation: "Contribute significantly" is more precise and formal than "are responsible for," and "population densities" is more accurate than "population density."

9. "This can be seen in industrial activities, vehicular emissions, and improper waste disposal" -> "This is evident in industrial activities, vehicular emissions, and inadequate waste disposal"
   Explanation: "Is evident" is more formal than "can be seen," and "inadequate" is more precise than "improper" in this context.

10. "leading to a strain on the urban waste management system" -> "resulting in a strain on urban waste management systems"
    Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal than "leading to," and "urban waste management systems" is plural to reflect the general applicability of the issue.

11. "harmful levels of pollutants in the environment" -> "hazardous levels of pollutants in the environment"
    Explanation: "Hazardous" is a more precise and formal term than "harmful" in this context, emphasizing the potential danger posed by pollutants.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying two main problems faced by city residents: overcrowding and pollution. However, it does not fully explore the range of problems that could be discussed. The prompt asks for "the main city problems," which implies a broader scope. The essay could have included additional issues such as crime, housing shortages, or transportation challenges to provide a more comprehensive response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to identify and briefly discuss a wider variety of urban problems. A structured approach could involve listing three to four key issues in the introduction, followed by a more detailed examination of two or three of these problems in the body paragraphs.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the problems of urban living, particularly focusing on overcrowding and pollution. However, the position could be strengthened by explicitly stating the significance of these problems in the introduction and reiterating their importance in the conclusion. The lack of a clear thesis statement makes it difficult for the reader to grasp the overarching argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main problems to be discussed. Additionally, reinforcing the importance of these issues in the conclusion would help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and logically structured. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions the effects of overcrowding on healthcare and transportation, it does not provide specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. The discussion on pollution is also somewhat general and could benefit from more detailed examples.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the problems discussed. This could involve citing studies on urban pollution levels or providing anecdotal evidence of the impact of overcrowding on daily life.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems of urban living. However, the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "long-lasting congestion" could be more directly tied to the issue of overcrowding rather than being treated as a separate problem. This could lead to a more cohesive argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the main problems identified. This can be achieved by clearly linking examples and explanations back to the overarching issues of overcrowding and pollution, thereby maintaining a tighter focus on the topic.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim to address a broader range of urban problems, present a clear thesis statement, support ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the main topic. Additionally, attention to the word count is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic of urban problems. Each paragraph focuses on a specific issue—overcrowding and pollution—allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. The progression from one problem to another is smooth, with relevant examples provided to support each point. For instance, the discussion on overcrowding effectively links the issue to its consequences on healthcare and transportation, demonstrating a well-organized flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider adding a brief concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph that summarizes the key point discussed. This will reinforce the main ideas and help guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, introducing a transitional phrase at the beginning of the second paragraph could strengthen the connection between the two issues.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific problem faced by city dwellers. The first paragraph addresses overcrowding, while the second focuses on pollution. This clear division aids readability and comprehension. However, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the two main problems to be discussed, which would set the stage for the subsequent paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the introduction includes a concise thesis statement that explicitly mentions the two main issues. This will provide a roadmap for the reader. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea, which will help to reinforce the focus of each section.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "owing to," "resulting in," and "particularly," which effectively link ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the text. The use of phrases like "this can be seen in" and "leading to" helps to clarify relationships between causes and effects. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help reduce redundancy and improve cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion principles. With minor adjustments in paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban issues. Words and phrases such as "metropolises," "urbanisation," "overcrowded population," and "considerable environmental issues" show an ability to use topic-specific language effectively. However, while the vocabulary is appropriate, it could be further diversified. For instance, the phrase "overwhelming of hospital services" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition and increase variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "problems," they could use terms like "challenges," "difficulties," or "issues." Additionally, exploring phrases like "urban sprawl" or "metropolitan challenges" could add depth to the vocabulary used.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a good degree of precision. For example, the use of "pollution" and "vehicular emissions" accurately conveys specific environmental issues. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. The phrase "overwhelming of hospital services" is somewhat awkward and could be interpreted as unclear. A more precise phrase like "overburdening of healthcare services" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on refining phrases to ensure clarity. They could benefit from reviewing their sentences for any vague or awkward constructions and replacing them with clearer alternatives. Engaging with thesauruses or vocabulary resources can help identify more precise terms that fit the context better.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "urbanisation," "inhabitants," and "pollution" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good command of English spelling conventions. However, the writer should remain vigilant for any potential minor errors that could occur in longer essays.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch any overlooked mistakes or using spell-check tools before final submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By diversifying vocabulary, refining phrases for clarity, and maintaining attention to spelling, the writer can enhance their overall performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Owing to a large number of inhabitants, facilities in cities in developing countries like Vietnam may not meet the demand of people" effectively conveys cause and effect. Additionally, the sentence "This can be seen in industrial activities, vehicular emissions, and improper waste disposal" showcases a list structure that enhances clarity. However, while there is a good mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, the essay could benefit from more varied introductory phrases and transitions to further enhance the flow and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases (e.g., "In addition to overcrowding, another pressing issue is…") and using different conjunctions to connect ideas (e.g., "Although overcrowding is a major concern, pollution also plays a critical role in diminishing the quality of life"). Experimenting with inversion or conditional sentences could also add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor issues present. For example, the phrase "the overwhelming of hospital services" could be more effectively expressed as "the overwhelming demand on hospital services." The punctuation is mostly correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses, such as in "the rapid urbanisation and high population density in large cities are responsible for considerable environmental issues." However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of articles, as seen in "the overwhelming of hospital services" which could be more fluidly stated as "overwhelming demand on hospital services."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining article usage and ensuring that noun phrases are clear and concise. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help solidify understanding. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in phrasing can improve overall clarity. For instance, revising sentences for smoother transitions and clearer meanings can elevate the essay’s quality.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining minor grammatical issues, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many metropolises, residents have to deal with a number of problems related to urbanization. One of the most significant issues that concern city dwellers is overpopulation. Owing to the large number of inhabitants, facilities in cities of developing countries like Vietnam may not meet the demands of the population, resulting in the overwhelming of hospital services, schools, and public transportation systems. They often spend hours waiting for medical care or endure prolonged congestion, which increases frustration and reduces the quality of life for city residents. Another serious problem worth mentioning is pollution. The rapid urbanization and high population density in large cities contribute significantly to considerable environmental issues, particularly air and water pollution. This is evident in industrial activities, vehicular emissions, and inadequate waste disposal, leading to a strain on urban waste management systems and, ultimately, hazardous levels of pollutants in the environment. These issues not only pose immediate health risks but also threaten long-term sustainability.