personal aspiration in life

My aspiration is to pursue a career as a professional basketball player. Since childhood, basketball has been my driving passion. I am committed to honing my skills, relentlessly pushing myself to overcome obstacles and transform setbacks into stepping stones toward success. Through unwavering determination and tireless effort, I am dedicated to realizing my dream. I believe that by staying focused and dedicated, I can not only achieve my goal but also serve as an inspiration to others who share my love for the game.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"My aspiration is to pursue" -> "My goal is to pursue"
Explanation: The term "aspiration" could be seen as slightly vague and less formal in this context. "Goal" is a clearer and more direct term that fits better in academic and professional settings.
"professional basketball player" -> "professional athlete in basketball"
Explanation: Specifying "athlete in basketball" rather than just "basketball player" adds a level of formality and specificity, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Since childhood, basketball has been my driving passion." -> "Since childhood, basketball has been my primary passion."
Explanation: The phrase "driving passion" is somewhat informal and emotive. "Primary passion" maintains an academic tone while clearly conveying the idea that basketball has been a significant interest.
"I am committed to honing my skills, relentlessly pushing myself" -> "I am committed to refining my skills, consistently striving"
Explanation: "Honing" could be replaced with "refining" for a slightly more formal tone. "Relentlessly pushing myself" is somewhat informal and emotionally charged; "consistently striving" is more neutral and academically appropriate.
"overcome obstacles and transform setbacks into stepping stones toward success" -> "overcome challenges and convert setbacks into opportunities for success"
Explanation: "Obstacles" and "setbacks into stepping stones" use metaphoric language that might not align perfectly with formal academic style. "Challenges" and "opportunities for success" are more precise and universally appropriate in formal writing.
"Through unwavering determination and tireless effort" -> "Through steadfast determination and continuous effort"
Explanation: "Unwavering" and "tireless" might sound slightly informal and exaggerated. "Steadfast" and "continuous" are more reserved and suit the tone of academic writing better.
"I am dedicated to realizing my dream." -> "I am dedicated to achieving my objective."
Explanation: "Realizing my dream" sounds informal and personal. "Achieving my objective" is more formal and suitable for an academic or professional context.
"I believe that by staying focused and dedicated, I can not only achieve my goal but also serve as an inspiration to others" -> "I maintain that by remaining focused and committed, I can not only achieve my goal but also inspire others"
Explanation: "I believe" can be substituted with "I maintain" for a stronger, more assertive tone. "Staying focused and dedicated" could be replaced by "remaining focused and committed" for formality. Changing "serve as an inspiration to others" to "inspire others" simplifies and enhances the phrasing for academic purposes.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing the author’s personal aspiration in life, which is to become a professional basketball player. It outlines the passion for basketball since childhood, the commitment to skill improvement, determination to overcome obstacles, and the desire to inspire others.
- How to improve: While the essay does address the topic, it could benefit from further expansion on how the aspiration aligns with broader personal or societal goals. Additionally, providing specific examples or anecdotes related to the author’s journey and challenges faced could enhance the depth of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, expressing the author’s aspiration to pursue a career in professional basketball. This position is evident from the beginning to the end of the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the author could explicitly state their aspiration in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the reasons behind the chosen aspiration could enhance the persuasive power of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the idea of aspiring to be a professional basketball player and extends it by discussing the passion, commitment, determination, and desire to inspire others. However, it lacks specific examples or elaboration on how these qualities are demonstrated in the author’s life.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should provide concrete examples or anecdotes illustrating their dedication to basketball and how they have overcome challenges in pursuit of their aspiration. Additionally, connecting these examples to broader themes or values could enrich the essay’s content.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic by focusing on the author’s aspiration to become a professional basketball player. It does not deviate from this central theme.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains focus on the chosen aspiration, incorporating a brief acknowledgment of potential alternative paths or considerations related to the aspiration could demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance throughout, it would benefit from additional depth and specificity in supporting ideas and examples. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information with a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with a concise statement of the writer’s aspiration to become a professional basketball player, followed by supporting details that highlight their dedication and commitment to achieving this goal. Each sentence builds upon the previous one, creating a coherent narrative that flows smoothly from one point to the next. For example, the writer starts by stating their aspiration, then elaborates on their passion for basketball, their commitment to improvement, and finally, their belief in inspiring others.
- How to improve: While the logical organization is strong in this essay, one suggestion for improvement could be to add transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs to further enhance the coherence of the essay. These transitions could help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next, reinforcing the logical progression of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the content, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the writer’s aspiration. The first paragraph introduces the aspiration to become a professional basketball player, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into the writer’s passion, dedication, and belief in inspiring others. This paragraph structure helps maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay, allowing each idea to be developed fully within its own space.
- How to improve: One area for improvement regarding paragraphing could be to ensure that each paragraph contains a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of the paragraph. While the essay generally maintains a clear focus within each paragraph, incorporating explicit topic sentences could further strengthen the organization and coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence within the text. Examples of cohesive devices used include transition words and phrases such as "Since childhood," "I believe that," and "Through unwavering determination." These cohesive devices help link sentences and paragraphs together, providing a smooth and seamless flow of information. Additionally, the repetition of key words and phrases, such as "passion," "dedication," and "commitment," reinforces the central theme of the essay and enhances overall coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in using cohesive devices, further diversifying the range of connectors and transitional phrases could add variety and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, paying attention to the placement and frequency of cohesive devices can ensure that they are used judiciously and effectively to maintain coherence without becoming repetitive.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "aspiration," "pursue," "professional," "passion," "committed," "honing," "relentlessly," "obstacles," "transform," "setbacks," "stepping stones," "determination," "tireless effort," "dedicated," "realizing," "serve as," and "inspiration." These words contribute to the depth and sophistication of the essay’s expression.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is strong, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more varied and nuanced expressions to convey the author’s dedication and determination towards their aspiration as a professional basketball player. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "dedicated" and "determination," the author could utilize synonyms such as "resolute," "perseverance," or "steadfastness" to add richness to the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the author’s message. For example, the use of "relentlessly pushing," "overcome obstacles," and "transform setbacks into stepping stones" demonstrates clear and precise language, illustrating the author’s resilience and determination.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary is generally precise, there are opportunities to refine the specificity of certain terms. For instance, instead of using the broad term "obstacles," the author could specify particular challenges they have encountered in pursuing their basketball career, such as injuries, competition, or training difficulties. This would add depth to the discussion and provide a clearer understanding of the author’s journey.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits correct spelling throughout, with no notable errors observed. Each word is spelled accurately, contributing to the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Since spelling accuracy is already demonstrated, the author should maintain this level of proficiency by continuing to proofread their writing carefully and utilizing spelling check tools when necessary. Additionally, expanding their vocabulary may expose them to more complex words with unique spelling patterns, further enhancing their spelling skills over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It employs both simple and complex sentences effectively. For instance, it starts with a simple declarative sentence ("My aspiration is to pursue a career as a professional basketball player.") and progresses to more complex structures such as compound sentences ("I am committed to honing my skills, relentlessly pushing myself to overcome obstacles and transform setbacks into stepping stones toward success.") and complex sentences ("Through unwavering determination and tireless effort, I am dedicated to realizing my dream."). This variety keeps the essay engaging and demonstrates the writer’s ability to use different syntactic structures to convey their ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a solid range of sentence structures, incorporating a few more complex structures like conditional sentences or sentences with introductory phrases/clauses could further enhance the depth and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can add rhythm and flow to the essay, contributing to a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. The sentences are well-structured, and there are no major grammatical mistakes that impede understanding. Punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning and aid in the flow of the writing. For example, commas are appropriately used to separate items in a series ("unwavering determination and tireless effort") and to set off introductory phrases ("Since childhood, basketball has been my driving passion.").
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammatical accuracy is impressive, a careful review for minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage could further polish the writing. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation details like hyphens in compound adjectives ("driving passion") can elevate the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

In conclusion, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning it a Band Score of 8. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and maintaining meticulous attention to grammatical details, the writer can further enhance the sophistication and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

My goal is to pursue a career as a professional basketball player. Since childhood, basketball has been my primary passion. I am committed to refining my skills, consistently striving to overcome challenges and convert setbacks into opportunities for success. Through steadfast determination and continuous effort, I am dedicated to achieving my objective. I maintain that by remaining focused and committed, I can not only achieve my goal but also inspire others who share my love for the game.