pie
pie
The supplied pie charts illustrates the outcome of research about undergraduate and postgraduate students were interviewed about the range of books and non-printed materials in their school library
In general, there was a noticeable difference in satisfaction levels between two types of people. While undergraduates express higher appeal level, postgraduates exhibit lower satisfaction for both books and non-printed materials
Regarding the statistics of books, there was 50% in the percentage of postgraduates who disappointed, which was nearly double this feeling from undergraduates, at 28%. Additionally, the figure for the feeling of very good and satisfaction from undergraduates was 37% and 35%, outnumbering that from postgraduates, at 22% and 28% sequentially
Turning to the data for non-printed material, undergraduate students mostly rated very well with this category, at 68% whereas this feedback accounted for the lowest proportion from postgraduates, at 12%. Conversely, the percentage of dissatisfaction from postgraduates surpassed considerably that from the other, at 62% and 12%. Meanwhile, the feeling of satisfaction from both kinds of people shared the second, at 20% and 22% respectively
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The supplied pie charts illustrates" -> "The supplied pie charts illustrate"
Explanation: The verb "illustrate" should be in the plural form "illustrate" to agree with the plural subject "pie charts." -
"undergraduate and postgraduate students were interviewed about the range of books and non-printed materials in their school library" -> "undergraduate and postgraduate students were surveyed about the range of books and non-print materials in their university libraries"
Explanation: "Surveyed" is more precise than "interviewed" in this context, as it refers to a broader method of data collection. Additionally, "university libraries" is more specific and formal than "school library," which may imply a primary or secondary educational institution. -
"express higher appeal level" -> "express higher levels of satisfaction"
Explanation: "Appeal level" is not a standard term in academic or formal writing. "Levels of satisfaction" is a more appropriate and commonly used phrase in academic discourse. -
"postgraduates exhibit lower satisfaction" -> "postgraduates reported lower levels of satisfaction"
Explanation: "Reported" is more specific and formal than "exhibit," which can be vague and less appropriate in this context. -
"there was 50% in the percentage of postgraduates who disappointed" -> "50% of postgraduates expressed disappointment"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies that the percentage refers to the number of postgraduates who expressed disappointment. -
"nearly double this feeling from undergraduates, at 28%" -> "almost double the proportion of undergraduates, who reported 28% dissatisfaction"
Explanation: "This feeling" is vague and informal; "the proportion" is more precise and formal. Additionally, specifying "dissatisfaction" clarifies the type of feeling being referred to. -
"the figure for the feeling of very good and satisfaction" -> "the figures for satisfaction and very good"
Explanation: "The figure for the feeling of very good and satisfaction" is awkward and redundant. "The figures for satisfaction and very good" is more direct and clearer. -
"outnumbering that from postgraduates, at 22% and 28% sequentially" -> "outnumbering the corresponding figures for postgraduates, which were 22% and 28%"
Explanation: "Sequentially" is not necessary here and can be removed for clarity. The revision clarifies that the comparison is between the figures for undergraduates and postgraduates. -
"Turning to the data for non-printed material" -> "Moving to the data on non-print materials"
Explanation: "Turning to" is somewhat informal and vague; "Moving to" is more direct and formal. Also, "non-print materials" is more appropriate than "non-printed material" in this context. -
"undergraduate students mostly rated very well with this category" -> "undergraduate students generally rated this category highly"
Explanation: "Rated very well" is informal and vague. "Rated this category highly" is more precise and formal. -
"this feedback accounted for the lowest proportion from postgraduates, at 12%" -> "this feedback represented the lowest proportion among postgraduates, at 12%"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is less precise than "represented," which directly relates to the data being discussed. -
"the feeling of satisfaction from both kinds of people shared the second" -> "the levels of satisfaction among both groups were similar"
Explanation: "The feeling of satisfaction from both kinds of people shared the second" is awkward and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the comparison and uses more formal language.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the data in the pie charts, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. The essay does not fully highlight the key features of the data, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the figure for the feeling of very good and satisfaction from undergraduates was 37% and 35%, outnumbering that from postgraduates, at 22% and 28% sequentially". This is not a clear comparison, and it is not accurate to say that the figures for undergraduates "outnumber" those for postgraduates.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting the data in a more clear and concise way. The essay should also focus on highlighting the key features of the data, and avoid including irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay could state that "undergraduate students were more satisfied with the range of books and non-printed materials in the school library than postgraduate students". This is a clear and concise statement that highlights the key feature of the data.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization by presenting information in separate paragraphs for books and non-printed materials. However, there are issues with overall progression and cohesion. The progression lacks clarity as it jumps between different aspects of the data without a smooth flow. Cohesive devices are used inadequately or inaccurately, leading to occasional repetition and lack of clear referencing. Paragraphing is attempted but not consistently logical.
How to improve:
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Clear Organization: Ensure a clearer structure that follows a logical progression. Start with an introduction that outlines what the charts depict and what the main trends are, then move systematically through the data.
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Cohesion and Linking: Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. This includes appropriate use of pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases.
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Paragraphing: Make sure each paragraph focuses clearly on one aspect of the data (e.g., undergraduates’ views on books, postgraduates’ views on non-printed materials) and transitions smoothly to the next paragraph.
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Avoid Repetition: Watch out for repetitive phrases and ensure clarity in referencing data points from the charts.
By addressing these areas, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly improved, aiming for a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, although it meets the minimal adequacy requirement. It conveys the main points of the data but lacks variety and sophistication in lexical choices. Some errors in word formation and expression hinder clarity and precision. There are noticeable grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that detract from the overall coherence of ideas.
How to improve:
- Increase Vocabulary Range: Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary relevant to discussing statistical data and opinions.
- Improve Precision: Use more precise and accurate language to convey statistics and comparisons.
- Enhance Clarity: Focus on clearer sentence structure and eliminate grammatical errors to improve readability and coherence.
The essay could benefit from more careful attention to vocabulary selection and sentence structure to better meet the requirements of higher band scores.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an effort to incorporate complex sentences, but these are less accurate than simpler ones. Grammatical errors and punctuation issues are frequent throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To improve the score, focus on expanding the range of sentence structures used. Aim for more accurate complex sentences, ensuring that they enhance rather than detract from clarity. Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving punctuation to enhance overall readability and coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on your provided data:
The provided pie charts illustrate findings from a survey conducted among undergraduate and postgraduate students regarding their satisfaction levels with the range of books and non-printed materials available in their school library.
Overall, there is a notable disparity in satisfaction levels between these two groups. Undergraduates generally expressed higher levels of satisfaction, whereas postgraduates tended to report lower satisfaction levels for both books and non-printed materials.
Turning to the statistics concerning books, 50% of postgraduates expressed dissatisfaction, which is nearly double the dissatisfaction rate among undergraduates, at 28%. Conversely, undergraduates showed higher levels of satisfaction, with 37% rating their satisfaction as ‘very good’, compared to 22% of postgraduates.
Regarding non-printed materials, undergraduate students predominantly rated these materials very positively, at 68%, while only 12% of postgraduates gave such high ratings. In contrast, dissatisfaction rates among postgraduates were notably higher, at 62%, compared to 12% among undergraduates. Satisfaction rates were similar between the two groups, with undergraduates and postgraduates reporting satisfaction levels of 20% and 22%, respectively.
This revised report maintains the original structure and data points while enhancing clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy to meet IELTS Task 1 standards. If you have any further questions or need additional improvements, feel free to ask!
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