Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of it? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?
Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of it? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?
In the modern world, overpopulation in many cities is a huge problem for all governments in the world. This issue leads to many negative effects for the city society such as increase rent prices and pollute the environment. In this essay, I will discuss some of the main effects and provide some potential solutions for it.
One of the consequences is the increasing significance of rental houses and other facilities. For instance, Tokyo city, the biggest city in the world, where rent and home prices are the highest in the world. Having too many local residents and people who come from outside makes this situation become more and more serious. This issue also gives rise to environmental pollution. With over 20 million people, the city demands for water, electricity, and delivery is really big. It means the amount of waste will be proportionately high. If these waste can not be handled carefully, it would be harmful to the environment and then affect the people's life.
However, it is not too late to address these problems. The primary solution is how to raise the awareness of people in the countryside and foreign workers going to the suburbs instead of going to the city. If this thing could be done, it would reduce the pressure for the city’s facilities and environment. Secondly, governments should build more cheap apartments to help the low income workers, which will decrease the prices of rent and houses. Finally, governments should enhance laws to change the residents attitude, encourage them to change from private vehicles to public transports or electric vehicles.
In conclusion, overpopulation in cities have caused many bad effects on the quality of people's lives and the environment. However, those problems could be solved if there is cooperation between governments and city’s residents
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"huge problem" -> "significant issue"
Explanation: The term "huge" is somewhat informal and vague for academic writing. "Significant issue" is more precise and appropriate for formal contexts, conveying the importance of the problem without emotional connotation. -
"city society" -> "urban society"
Explanation: "City society" is an awkward and unclear term. "Urban society" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discourse, referring to the collective aspects of city life. -
"increase rent prices" -> "increase rental prices"
Explanation: "Rent prices" is grammatically incorrect as "rent" is a noun and "prices" is a plural noun. "Rental prices" is the correct form, referring to the cost of renting properties. -
"pollute the environment" -> "pollute the environment"
Explanation: This is a correct and clear expression, but it could be enhanced by specifying the type of pollution, such as "pollute the environment through increased waste and emissions." -
"increase the significance of rental houses and other facilities" -> "increase the demand for rental housing and facilities"
Explanation: "Increase the significance" is vague and incorrect in this context. "Increase the demand" accurately describes the growing need for housing and facilities due to overpopulation. -
"the biggest city in the world" -> "the largest city in the world"
Explanation: "Biggest" is less formal and slightly informal compared to "largest," which is more commonly used in academic and formal writing. -
"Having too many local residents and people who come from outside" -> "Having an influx of local residents and external individuals"
Explanation: "Having too many" is informal and imprecise. "An influx of" is a more formal and precise way to describe the sudden increase in population. -
"makes this situation become more and more serious" -> "exacerbates this situation"
Explanation: "Become more and more serious" is redundant and informal. "Exacerbates" is a more precise and formal term that effectively conveys the worsening of the situation. -
"the city demands for water, electricity, and delivery is really big" -> "the city’s demand for water, electricity, and delivery is substantial"
Explanation: "Demands for" is grammatically incorrect as "demand" is a singular noun. "The city’s demand" corrects this and "substantial" is a more formal alternative to "really big," which is too colloquial for academic writing. -
"If these waste can not be handled carefully" -> "If this waste cannot be handled carefully"
Explanation: "These waste" is grammatically incorrect. "This waste" is the correct pronoun to refer to the previously mentioned waste. -
"it would be harmful to the environment and then affect the people’s life" -> "it could harm the environment and subsequently impact people’s lives"
Explanation: "Would be harmful" is less direct and less formal than "could harm." "Subsequently" is a more formal adverb than "then," and "people’s lives" is grammatically correct compared to "people’s life." -
"it is not too late to address these problems" -> "it is not too late to address these issues"
Explanation: "Problems" is a less formal term than "issues," which is preferred in academic writing for discussing complex societal concerns. -
"how to raise the awareness of people" -> "how to raise awareness among people"
Explanation: "The awareness of people" is awkward and unclear. "Awareness among people" is more direct and grammatically correct. -
"going to the suburbs instead of going to the city" -> "residing in the suburbs rather than in the city"
Explanation: "Going to" is too informal and vague for this context. "Residing in" is more precise and formal, and "rather than in" is grammatically correct. -
"cheap apartments" -> "affordable housing"
Explanation: "Cheap apartments" is informal and imprecise. "Affordable housing" is a more formal and accurate term that encompasses a broader range of housing options. -
"enhance laws to change the residents attitude" -> "strengthen laws to modify the residents’ attitudes"
Explanation: "Enhance" is less specific than "strengthen," which is more appropriate for the context of improving laws. "Modify" is also more precise than "change" in this context, and "residents’" is the correct possessive form.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the effects of urban overpopulation (increased rent prices and environmental pollution) and proposing solutions (awareness campaigns, affordable housing, and improved transportation laws). However, the discussion on effects could be more comprehensive, as it mainly focuses on two points without exploring other potential consequences such as social issues or infrastructure strain.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider adding more effects of urban overpopulation, such as increased traffic congestion, strain on public services, and social inequality. This could provide a more rounded view of the issue. Additionally, the solutions could be expanded to include community engagement initiatives or urban planning strategies.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that overpopulation is a significant problem and that solutions are necessary. The introduction sets up the argument well, and the conclusion reiterates the need for cooperation between governments and residents. However, the transition between discussing effects and solutions could be smoother, which might lead to slight confusion about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use clearer topic sentences to signal shifts between discussing effects and solutions. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay with consistent language and phrasing would help maintain a strong position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the effects of overpopulation and potential solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the mention of Tokyo provides a specific example, it lacks deeper analysis or connection to the broader implications of rising rent prices. Similarly, the solutions are mentioned but not fully elaborated upon, which weakens their impact.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how specific policies have worked in other cities or providing statistics on the effects of overpopulation could enhance the argument. Additionally, each solution should be elaborated with potential outcomes or examples of successful implementation.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of urban overpopulation and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer, such as when transitioning from discussing environmental pollution to solutions. The phrase "this thing could be done" is vague and detracts from the overall focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point directly ties back to the main topic. Using clear transitions and avoiding vague language will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that all parts of the discussion are relevant to the prompt.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, further development of ideas, more comprehensive coverage of effects and solutions, and improved transitions could elevate the score to a higher band.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, first discussing the effects of urban overpopulation and then transitioning to potential solutions. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively identifies the issues of rising rent and environmental pollution, supported by examples like Tokyo. However, the connection between the effects and solutions could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve the logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, a brief summary of the effects before introducing solutions could help readers follow the argument more easily. For example, stating "The effects of overpopulation include rising rents and environmental degradation, which necessitate specific solutions" could bridge the two sections more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs address effects and solutions separately. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing effects to solutions feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph not only contains a clear main idea but also includes transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, using phrases like "In addition to these effects, it is crucial to consider potential solutions" at the beginning of the solutions paragraph would create a more seamless transition.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "finally," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the flow of information. For example, the phrase "this issue also gives rise to" could be replaced with alternatives like "consequently" or "as a result," which would provide a more varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Suggestions include using "furthermore," "moreover," and "in contrast" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, employing pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion without repetitive language.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, implementing the above suggestions could elevate the score further by enhancing clarity and flow.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "overpopulation," "environmental pollution," and "rental houses." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "the city demands for water, electricity, and delivery" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more varied expressions to describe the needs of a growing urban population.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeating "city" or "problems," consider using "urban areas," "metropolises," or "challenges." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify word choice.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the increasing significance of rental houses," which could be more clearly articulated as "the rising demand for rental housing." Additionally, the phrase "the amount of waste will be proportionately high" could be better expressed as "the volume of waste generated will increase significantly."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. Practicing paraphrasing and using context-appropriate vocabulary can help. For example, instead of "this issue also gives rise to environmental pollution," consider "this issue also exacerbates environmental degradation."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "pollute" instead of "pollution" in the context of the sentence and "this thing could be done" which is somewhat informal and vague. The phrase "the city demands for water" should be corrected to "the city’s demand for water." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to catch mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct usage.
Overall, while the essay meets some basic lexical requirements, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future IELTS essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of the complex sentence "Having too many local residents and people who come from outside makes this situation become more and more serious" showcases an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could practice using a mix of different sentence types. For instance, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If the population continues to grow, cities may face even greater challenges") or varying the order of clauses (e.g., "Despite the challenges, solutions exist to improve urban living conditions") would add depth. Additionally, using more varied transitions between ideas can help create a smoother flow and enhance coherence.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the increasing significance of rental houses and other facilities" is somewhat vague and could be clearer if rephrased. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "overpopulation in cities have caused many bad effects," where "have" should be "has." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly throughout the essay. Regular proofreading can help catch these errors. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage in complex and compound sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to include necessary commas can help delineate clauses and improve overall readability.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of their writing, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the modern world, overpopulation in many cities is a significant issue for governments globally. This challenge leads to various negative effects on urban society, such as increasing rental prices and environmental pollution. In this essay, I will discuss some of the main effects and provide potential solutions to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas.
One of the consequences is the rising significance of rental housing and other facilities. For instance, Tokyo, the largest city in the world, has some of the highest rent and home prices globally. Having an influx of local residents and external individuals exacerbates this situation, making it increasingly severe. This issue also contributes to environmental pollution. With over 20 million people, the city’s demand for water, electricity, and delivery is substantial. This means that the amount of waste generated will be proportionately high. If this waste cannot be handled carefully, it could harm the environment and subsequently impact people’s lives.
However, it is not too late to address these problems. The primary solution is how to raise awareness among people in the countryside and foreign workers about residing in the suburbs rather than moving to the city. If this can be achieved, it would alleviate the pressure on the city’s facilities and environment. Secondly, governments should construct more affordable housing to assist low-income workers, which would help decrease rental prices and housing costs. Finally, governments should strengthen laws to modify residents’ attitudes, encouraging them to switch from private vehicles to public transport or electric vehicles.
In conclusion, overpopulation in cities has caused many adverse effects on the quality of people’s lives and the environment. However, these problems could be resolved through cooperation between governments and city residents.