Present your viewpoint of the importance of education in developing humanity and society. You can discuss about effects of education on job opportunity, critical thinking and social manners

Since time immemorial, education has hugely contributed to the growth of society in various aspects of life. This essay will underscore the indispensible role of education.
Firstly, education has laid foundation for providing required skills to be successful in labor market to individuals such as technology, socialization or teamwork skills. For example, a pupil graduating from IT faculty in a university can not only be able to co-operate with each other in workplace but also have basis knowledge of programming. Consequently, he can have a potential career prospect and achieve admirable living conditions. Undeniably, schooling is not only a companion helping learners approach occupation opportunities but also brings them wholly about soft skills needed.
Moreover, one of various advantages of schooling is its ability to develop critical thinking in each individual and skills in tackling problems as well. It gives people skills to analyze, evaluate and find the way to deal with sophisticated hindrances. Consider, in some subjects such as mathematics or philosophy, students are highly encouraged to look for creative solutions and evaluate problems form various perspectives to come up with the best solution. As mentioned above, if having critical thinking, people will become more versatile in coping with difficulties in their normal lives and their profession as well
In conclusion, education is not only a base for getting a job but also a component helping develop humanity and society. It is satisfactory to say that investment in education is exactly investment for a better future of all community

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"hugely contributed" -> "significantly contributed"
Explanation: "Hugely" is somewhat informal and imprecise in academic writing. "Significantly" is more formal and appropriate for academic contexts, conveying a measurable impact without emotional connotation.
"indispensible" -> "indispensable"
Explanation: "Indispensible" is a typographical error. The correct spelling is "indispensable," which is essential for maintaining professionalism and accuracy in academic writing.
"laid foundation for providing required skills" -> "provided a foundation for acquiring essential skills"
Explanation: "Laid foundation for providing" is awkward and unclear. "Provided a foundation for acquiring" is more direct and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"successful in labor market" -> "successful in the labor market"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "labor market" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"a pupil graduating from IT faculty" -> "a student graduating from an IT faculty"
Explanation: "Pupil" is less formal and typically used in British English; "student" is more universally accepted and formal. Also, "an" before "IT faculty" is necessary for grammatical correctness.
"can not only be able to co-operate" -> "can not only cooperate"
Explanation: "Be able to" is redundant when followed by "can." Simplifying to "cooperate" removes redundancy and enhances readability.
"basis knowledge of programming" -> "basic knowledge of programming"
Explanation: "Basis" is incorrect here; "basic" is the correct adjective to describe fundamental knowledge.
"have a potential career prospect" -> "have potential career prospects"
Explanation: "Prospect" is singular and incorrect in this context. "Prospects" is plural and correctly reflects the multiple possibilities of career advancement.
"achieve admirable living conditions" -> "achieve desirable living conditions"
Explanation: "Admirable" is subjective and informal; "desirable" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing, focusing on objective outcomes.
"wholly about soft skills needed" -> "comprehensive in teaching soft skills"
Explanation: "Wholly about" is informal and vague. "Comprehensive in teaching" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the scope of education in teaching soft skills.
"one of various advantages" -> "one of the various advantages"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "various advantages" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"skills to analyze, evaluate and find the way to deal with" -> "skills to analyze, evaluate, and find ways to address"
Explanation: "Find the way to deal with" is awkward and verbose. "Find ways to address" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"sophisticated hindrances" -> "complex challenges"
Explanation: "Sophisticated hindrances" is an unusual and unclear term. "Complex challenges" is a more standard and clear expression in academic contexts.
"evaluate problems form various perspectives" -> "evaluate problems from various perspectives"
Explanation: "Form" is incorrect; "from" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating origin or source.
"It is satisfactory to say" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "Satisfactory to say" is informal and vague. "Evident that" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a clear conclusion.
"investment in education is exactly investment for a better future of all community" -> "investment in education is an investment in the future of the entire community"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the importance of education in relation to job opportunities and critical thinking. The author highlights how education equips individuals with necessary skills for the labor market and fosters critical thinking abilities. However, the discussion on social manners is noticeably absent, which is a significant part of the prompt. The essay could have benefited from a more balanced exploration of all three aspects mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly include a discussion about how education influences social manners. This could involve providing examples of how educational environments promote social skills, empathy, and community engagement, thereby addressing all parts of the question comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position on the importance of education, stating that it plays an indispensable role in society. The author maintains this stance throughout the essay, reinforcing the argument with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the main points made in the body paragraphs, as it somewhat generalizes the argument without summarizing the specific benefits discussed.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments presented in the essay. This could involve restating the importance of education for job opportunities, critical thinking, and social manners, thereby reinforcing the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in discussing job opportunities and critical thinking. The examples provided, such as the IT graduate, illustrate the points well. However, the support for the claims could be strengthened. For instance, the discussion on critical thinking lacks specific examples or evidence that demonstrate its impact on individuals or society.
- How to improve: To enhance the development and support of ideas, the author should include more concrete examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies or statistics that show the correlation between education and critical thinking skills or providing real-life examples of how education has improved social interactions and community cohesion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of education in society. However, the lack of discussion on social manners indicates a slight deviation from the full scope of the prompt. While the main ideas are relevant, the omission of one of the key aspects leads to a less comprehensive response.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed. This can be achieved by outlining the essay before writing to ensure that each aspect of the question is included and adequately explored. Additionally, regularly referring back to the prompt during the writing process can help keep the essay aligned with the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the importance of education, addressing all aspects of the prompt and providing more detailed support for the arguments would elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the importance of education, followed by well-defined body paragraphs that discuss specific aspects of education’s impact on society. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point—skills for the labor market and the development of critical thinking—allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the points could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the skills for the labor market and critical thinking could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing skills for the labor market, a sentence like "In addition to these practical skills, education also fosters critical thinking, which is equally vital for personal and professional development" could bridge the two ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point related to the thesis. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the details of education’s benefits. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it briefly summarizes the main points but lacks a strong closing statement that reinforces the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments more emphatically and providing a final thought that leaves a lasting impression. For example, you could end with a statement about the long-term societal benefits of investing in education, which would tie back to the introduction and reinforce the essay’s central theme.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Consequently," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for instance, the essay primarily relies on simple conjunctions and transitional phrases without incorporating more complex devices like referencing or substitution.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "education," you could use "this process" or "such learning" in subsequent sentences. Additionally, consider using a wider range of transitional phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to create a more dynamic flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication in its argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "indispensible," "sophisticated hindrances," and "versatile." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "skills to analyze, evaluate and find the way to deal with" could be expressed more succinctly or with more varied synonyms. Additionally, the use of "education" and "skills" appears frequently without sufficient synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "skills," you could use "competencies," "abilities," or "expertise." Additionally, exploring phrases like "critical faculties" or "intellectual capabilities" could enrich the discussion on education’s impact.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of appropriate vocabulary, some phrases lack precision. For example, "basis knowledge of programming" should be "basic knowledge of programming." The phrase "wholly about soft skills needed" is awkward and could be more clearly articulated as "a comprehensive understanding of essential soft skills." Such imprecisions can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice for clarity and accuracy. Review phrases for grammatical correctness and ensure that they convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "can not only be able to co-operate," use "can collaborate effectively." Regularly practicing paraphrasing can also help in honing precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "indispensible" (should be "indispensable") and "satisfactory" (which is contextually awkward but spelled correctly). These errors can undermine the professionalism of the writing and distract the reader from the content.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By broadening vocabulary usage, refining word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "if having critical thinking, people will become more versatile in coping with difficulties in their normal lives and their profession as well." However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "Firstly, education has laid foundation for providing required skills to be successful in labor market to individuals such as technology, socialization or teamwork skills" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. Additionally, varying the sentence openings can add interest; for example, starting some sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion can create a more engaging flow. Practicing the use of relative clauses and participial phrases can also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, "education has laid foundation" should be "education has laid the foundation," and "can not only be able to co-operate" is awkward; it could be simplified to "can cooperate." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases, are present. For instance, "Consider, in some subjects such as mathematics or philosophy" should be revised to "Consider, in subjects such as mathematics or philosophy," or "Consider that in subjects such as mathematics or philosophy."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as articles and prepositions. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can also help clarify meaning. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, particularly for compound and complex sentences, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Engaging in exercises that emphasize correct usage of commas, semicolons, and conjunctions can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a good range of grammatical structures, attention to detail in grammar and punctuation, as well as further diversification of sentence structures, will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Since time immemorial, education has significantly contributed to the growth of society in various aspects of life. This essay will underscore the indispensable role of education.

Firstly, education has provided a foundation for acquiring essential skills necessary to be successful in the labor market, such as technology, socialization, and teamwork skills. For example, a student graduating from an IT faculty at a university can not only cooperate effectively with others in the workplace but also possess a basic knowledge of programming. Consequently, they can have potential career prospects and achieve desirable living conditions. Undeniably, schooling is not only a companion that helps learners approach job opportunities but also equips them with the soft skills needed for personal and professional success.

Moreover, one of the various advantages of education is its ability to develop critical thinking in individuals and enhance their problem-solving skills. It provides people with the skills to analyze, evaluate, and find ways to address complex challenges. For instance, in subjects such as mathematics or philosophy, students are highly encouraged to seek creative solutions and evaluate problems from various perspectives to arrive at the best outcomes. As mentioned above, possessing critical thinking skills enables individuals to become more versatile in coping with difficulties in both their everyday lives and their professions.

In conclusion, education is not only a foundation for securing a job but also a crucial component in developing humanity and society. It is evident that investment in education is an investment in the future of the entire community.