Rapid population growth in cities has brought with it many problems. What are these problems? How can the quality of life of city residents be maintained

In this day and age, as urbanization becomes more prevalent around the world, many cities have witnessed an increase in in the size of their population. In this essay, I would evaluate the problems associated with this advent before proposing some potential solutions.
It is true that cities are often the largest economic centers of a nation, which paying better and providing superior perks. This attractiveness makes many individuals living in rural and remote regions want to relocate to urban regions, causing a surge in population cize of cities. However, since not all individuals are qualified enough as candidates for city jobs which experience a high level of competition, potentially leading to a risk unemployment rate.
In addition, because of the growing people moving to cities, the demand for travel and commuting would increase. This phenomenon can lead a growth in traffic volume making congestion and pollution. Also, the construction of more housing for newly-emigrated people reduce the amount of green space in urban regions, taking away the ability of environment to filter pollutants and worsening the quality of air conditions.
Although the increase size of the population in cities can create problems, there are also effective solutions that can applied to mitigate the severity. First and foremost, the government must ensure access to education and job for people in rural or remote areas by investing in their infrastructure and facilities. Secondly, reducing the construction of new housing in urban areas and mandatorily keeping green space untouched can be effectively in maintaining the ability of environment to reduce pollution.
In conclusion, growing population is a serious issue because of its harmful effects on the unemployment rate and environment. The best approaches to deal with it are to educate people about its damaging effects, and also for the government to correct a policy. While the problem is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term, there are concrete steps to reduce the consequences it is having on the current society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"increase in the size of their population" -> "growth of their population"
Explanation: "Increase in the size of" is redundant. "Growth of" is a more concise and academically appropriate term.
"I would evaluate" -> "I will examine"
Explanation: "I would evaluate" is somewhat informal and tentative. "I will examine" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"this advent" -> "this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Advent" is not the correct term here; "phenomenon" accurately describes the occurrence being discussed.
"which paying better and providing superior perks" -> "which offer better compensation and superior benefits"
Explanation: "Paying better and providing superior perks" is informal and vague. "Offer better compensation and superior benefits" is more precise and formal.
"want to relocate to urban regions" -> "wish to relocate to urban areas"
Explanation: "Regions" is less specific than "areas," which is more commonly used in urban studies and planning contexts.
"city jobs which experience a high level of competition" -> "city jobs that face intense competition"
Explanation: "Which experience" is awkwardly phrased and informal. "That face" is more direct and formal.
"potentially leading to a risk unemployment rate" -> "potentially leading to an increased unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Risk unemployment rate" is incorrect. "Increased unemployment rate" is the correct term.
"the demand for travel and commuting would increase" -> "the demand for travel and commuting increases"
Explanation: "Would increase" is less direct and less formal than the present tense "increases," which is more suitable for a factual statement.
"This phenomenon can lead a growth in traffic volume" -> "This phenomenon leads to an increase in traffic volume"
Explanation: "Can lead a growth" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Leads to an increase" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"making congestion and pollution" -> "resulting in congestion and pollution"
Explanation: "Making" is too informal and vague for this context. "Resulting in" is more precise and formal.
"the construction of more housing for newly-emigrated people reduce" -> "the construction of more housing for newly arrived individuals reduces"
Explanation: "Newly-emigrated people" is awkward and incorrect. "Newly arrived individuals" is more precise and formal.
"taking away the ability of environment to filter pollutants" -> "impeding the environment’s ability to filter pollutants"
Explanation: "Taking away the ability of environment" is awkward and incorrect. "Impeding the environment’s ability" is more precise and formal.
"worsening the quality of air conditions" -> "deteriorating air quality"
Explanation: "Worsening the quality of air conditions" is verbose and awkward. "Deteriorating air quality" is concise and more appropriate for academic writing.
"can be effectively in maintaining" -> "can effectively maintain"
Explanation: "Can be effectively in maintaining" is grammatically incorrect. "Can effectively maintain" is grammatically correct and more direct.
"correct a policy" -> "correct policies"
Explanation: "Correct a policy" is vague and incorrect. "Correct policies" is more specific and appropriate in the context of government actions.
"there are concrete steps to reduce the consequences it is having" -> "there are concrete steps to mitigate the consequences it has"
Explanation: "It is having" is awkward and informal. "It has" is more formal and correct for describing ongoing effects.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying problems associated with rapid population growth in cities, such as increased unemployment, traffic congestion, pollution, and loss of green spaces. It also proposes solutions like improving education and job access in rural areas and protecting green spaces. However, the discussion of problems could be more comprehensive, as some issues, such as strain on public services and housing shortages, are not mentioned.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all significant problems related to urban population growth are identified and discussed. This could include elaborating on issues like increased crime rates, pressure on healthcare services, and inadequate infrastructure. A more thorough exploration of these problems would provide a more balanced view of the challenges faced by cities.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that rapid population growth leads to significant problems and that solutions are necessary. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, the conclusion mentions "the best approaches to deal with it" but does not clearly reiterate the stance taken in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "This essay argues that…" can help clarify the writer’s viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the problems and solutions of urban population growth. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting details. For example, the mention of increased unemployment is not backed by specific examples or statistics, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples, data, or case studies. For instance, when discussing traffic congestion, they could provide statistics on how it affects commute times or public health. This would not only extend the ideas but also make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems and solutions related to rapid population growth in cities. However, there are moments where the connection to the topic could be clearer, such as when discussing the need for education and job access without explicitly linking it back to how this addresses the problems caused by population growth.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main topic. Using topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt can help guide the reader. Additionally, summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the relevance of the discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in comprehensively addressing all parts of the question, providing detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a strong focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems, solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the problems of unemployment and traffic congestion to solutions feels abrupt. The connection between the problems and their respective solutions is not always explicit, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each problem discussed is directly followed by its corresponding solution, which will help create a more cohesive narrative. Using linking phrases such as "In response to this issue," or "To address this problem," can guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to improve clarity and depth. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from separating the discussion of traffic congestion and pollution into distinct paragraphs, as they are significant issues that warrant more detailed exploration.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. Consider using the "PEEL" (Point, Evidence, Explanation, Link) structure for each paragraph to ensure clarity and depth. This would not only enhance the overall coherence but also provide a clearer path for the reader to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "Although," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "This phenomenon can lead a growth in traffic volume making congestion and pollution" lacks clarity and could benefit from additional linking words to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Consequently" to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and clearly indicates the relationship between the ideas being connected. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help in developing a more varied and sophisticated style.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will significantly improve coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urbanization," "economic centers," "relocate," and "congestion." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "growing people moving to cities" could be expressed more effectively with alternatives such as "influx of migrants" or "increased urban migration."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Practicing with vocabulary lists related to urbanization and its effects can help. Additionally, reading more academic texts on similar topics can expose the writer to varied expressions and terminology.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "risk unemployment rate" is awkward and unclear; it should be "risk of an increased unemployment rate." Similarly, "the amount of green space in urban regions" could be more accurately expressed as "the availability of green spaces in urban areas."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and collocation. Using a thesaurus can help find the most appropriate word for a given context. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and coherence before finalizing the essay can help ensure that vocabulary is used accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cize" instead of "size," "mandatorily" instead of "mandatorily," and "conditions" instead of "condition." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on written work. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check software can help catch and correct errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying misspelled words or awkward phrases.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence uses a complex structure: "In this day and age, as urbanization becomes more prevalent around the world, many cities have witnessed an increase in in the size of their population." However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions, which limits the overall range. Phrases like "the government must ensure access to education and job for people in rural or remote areas" are somewhat repetitive in structure and could benefit from more varied forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include clauses, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences. For example, instead of saying, "the government must ensure access to education," the writer could say, "the government, which plays a crucial role in societal development, must ensure that access to education is available to all." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and incorporating transitional phrases could improve flow and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence "This attractiveness makes many individuals living in rural and remote regions want to relocate to urban regions," the phrase "want to relocate" could be more effectively expressed with "want to relocate to urban areas." Furthermore, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "potentially leading to a risk unemployment rate," which should read "a risk of an unemployment rate." Punctuation errors include missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before "which" in "which paying better and providing superior perks."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work, focusing on common errors such as subject-verb agreement and preposition use. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring could also help in creating more grammatically correct sentences. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, as urbanization becomes more prevalent around the world, many cities have witnessed an increase in the size of their population. In this essay, I will examine the problems associated with this phenomenon before proposing some potential solutions.

It is true that cities are often the largest economic centers of a nation, which offer better compensation and superior benefits. This attractiveness makes many individuals living in rural and remote regions wish to relocate to urban areas, causing a surge in the population size of cities. However, since not all individuals are sufficiently qualified as candidates for city jobs that face intense competition, this can potentially lead to an increased unemployment rate.

In addition, due to the growing number of people moving to cities, the demand for travel and commuting increases. This phenomenon leads to an increase in traffic volume, resulting in congestion and pollution. Furthermore, the construction of more housing for newly arrived individuals reduces the amount of green space in urban areas, impeding the environment’s ability to filter pollutants and deteriorating air quality.

Although the growing size of the population in cities can create problems, there are also effective solutions that can be applied to mitigate the severity. First and foremost, the government must ensure access to education and job opportunities for people in rural or remote areas by investing in their infrastructure and facilities. Secondly, reducing the construction of new housing in urban areas and mandatorily preserving green spaces can effectively maintain the environment’s ability to reduce pollution.

In conclusion, rapid population growth is a serious issue because of its harmful effects on the unemployment rate and the environment. The best approaches to address these challenges are to educate people about its damaging effects and for the government to implement correct policies. While the problem is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term, there are concrete steps to mitigate the consequences it has on current society.