Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, there is a prevalent notion that monetary assistance from rich nations devoted to underdeveloped ones cannot serve as a comprehensive remedy for poverty problems. While financial aid can bring about several positives, I contend that there should be a combination of diverse support that developed countries could provide to their underprivileged counterparts.

Admittedly, with the pecuniary resources from foreign countries, poorer ones can mitigate some pressing social issues. Through monetary contributions, governments in underdeveloped countries can provide staples, fresh water, and medicine for their residents. For example, financial assistance from the United States leads to substantial improvements in the lives of some rural and mountainous communities in African countries, particularly those experiencing hunger and water scarcity, presumably facilitating their essential daily demands. Unfortunately, monetary aids from developed countries can be misused. As a consequence, the allocated funds for those in need may be reduced.

Instead of directly allocating funds to impoverished nations, charity organizations in developed countries could offer some feasible alternatives. The first solution is business investment to establish companies and factories in poor countries. Acknowledging that the root of poverty is unemployment and social crimes, the establishment of these entities plays a pivotal role in fostering the employment rate and job opportunities, presumably offering underprivileged people ample opportunities to earn a living. This, in turn, supports themselves, their children, and even their family, ensuring their standard of living. Additionally, educational infrastructure in impoverished nations is constrained, and education should be provided to children living in poverty-stricken families. Undoubtedly, the education provided by schools equips learners with valuable and informative lessons and soft skills such as discussion skills, problem-solving skills, and critical thinking. This holds foundational significance for their future endeavors, potentially helping them make informed decisions and hindering pressing social issues. For example, Nguyen Quang Linh, a Vietnamese resident working in Angola, has secured funding for school buildings and facilities in mountainous areas, bringing about optimistic changes to people’s lives.

In conclusion, although monetary donations from rich countries have had profound impacts on dealing with urgent issues in poor ones, I maintain that a multitude of assistance, including economic and educational support, should be delivered to bring optimal results in poverty prevention.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"notion" -> "concept"
Explanation: Replacing "notion" with "concept" adds a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language standards.
"While financial aid can bring about several positives, I contend that there should be a combination of diverse support that developed countries could provide to their underprivileged counterparts." -> "While financial aid can yield positive outcomes, I argue that a multifaceted support approach from developed countries is essential for their underprivileged counterparts."
Explanation: The suggested revision maintains clarity while expressing the idea in a more concise and formal manner.
"Admittedly, with the pecuniary resources from foreign countries, poorer ones can mitigate some pressing social issues." -> "Granted, with financial resources from foreign nations, less affluent countries can address certain urgent social problems."
Explanation: Replacing "pecuniary" with "financial" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality without sacrificing clarity.
"Through monetary contributions, governments in underdeveloped countries can provide staples, fresh water, and medicine for their residents." -> "Through financial contributions, governments in underdeveloped nations can supply essentials such as food, clean water, and medicine to their residents."
Explanation: The use of "staples" is replaced with a more explicit list of necessities, and "monetary" is substituted with "financial" for improved formality.
"presumably facilitating their essential daily demands." -> "potentially meeting their fundamental daily needs."
Explanation: The revision replaces "presumably facilitating" with "potentially meeting" for a more precise expression of the intended meaning.
"As a consequence, the allocated funds for those in need may be reduced." -> "Consequently, the allocated funds for those in need may be diminished."
Explanation: The term "reduced" is replaced with "diminished" for a more formal tone.
"charity organizations" -> "philanthropic organizations"
Explanation: Substituting "charity organizations" with "philanthropic organizations" introduces a more sophisticated term that aligns with academic language.
"feasible alternatives" -> "viable alternatives"
Explanation: Replacing "feasible" with "viable" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal term.
"plays a pivotal role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: The term "pivotal" is replaced with "crucial" for a more formal and stronger expression.
"This, in turn, supports themselves, their children, and even their family, ensuring their standard of living." -> "This, in turn, supports individuals, their children, and their families, ensuring an improved standard of living."
Explanation: The revision provides a more formal and grammatically correct structure while retaining the original meaning.
"educational infrastructure" -> "educational facilities"
Explanation: The term "educational infrastructure" is replaced with "educational facilities" for a more precise and formal expression.
"bringing about optimistic changes" -> "bringing about positive changes"
Explanation: Replacing "optimistic" with "positive" maintains a positive tone while using a more common and formal term.
"although monetary donations from rich countries have had profound impacts on dealing with urgent issues in poor ones" -> "While financial contributions from affluent nations have had profound impacts in addressing urgent issues in impoverished regions"
Explanation: The revision enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence while maintaining the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "Admittedly, with the pecuniary resources from foreign countries, poorer ones can mitigate some pressing social issues. Through monetary contributions, governments in underdeveloped countries can provide staples, fresh water, and medicine for their residents. For example, financial assistance from the United States leads to substantial improvements in the lives of some rural and mountainous communities in African countries, particularly those experiencing hunger and water scarcity, presumably facilitating their essential daily demands. Unfortunately, monetary aids from developed countries can be misused. As a consequence, the allocated funds for those in need may be reduced."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph acknowledges the positive impact of monetary aid but introduces a concern about potential misuse without elaborating on this claim or providing specific examples. To strengthen this point, provide concrete instances of how financial aid has been misused in the past, and explain how this might hinder poverty alleviation efforts. For instance, you could refer to cases where funds were diverted for non-essential purposes or instances of corruption leading to a lack of accountability.
- Improved example: "Admittedly, with the pecuniary resources from foreign countries, poorer nations can address pressing social issues by providing staples, fresh water, and medicine. For instance, financial assistance from the United States significantly improved the lives of rural communities in African countries grappling with hunger and water scarcity. However, it’s crucial to recognize that mismanagement or corruption can hinder the effective utilization of these funds. Instances of funds being diverted for non-essential purposes or cases of corruption must be considered, as they pose challenges to achieving the intended poverty alleviation."
Quoted text: "Instead of directly allocating funds to impoverished nations, charity organizations in developed countries could offer some feasible alternatives. The first solution is business investment to establish companies and factories in poor countries. Acknowledging that the root of poverty is unemployment and social crimes, the establishment of these entities plays a pivotal role in fostering the employment rate and job opportunities, presumably offering underprivileged people ample opportunities to earn a living."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of business investment as an alternative to direct funds is well-presented. However, to enhance the argument’s depth, provide specific examples of successful business investments in impoverished nations that led to significant improvements in employment rates and economic conditions. This would add credibility to the proposed solution and make the argument more persuasive.
- Improved example: "Instead of direct financial allocations, charitable organizations in developed nations can explore effective alternatives. For instance, strategic business investments to establish companies and factories in impoverished countries have proven successful in addressing the root causes of poverty, such as unemployment and social crimes. Notable examples include initiatives where multinational companies have set up operations, significantly boosting local employment rates and providing underprivileged individuals with ample opportunities to earn a living."

Overall, the essay addresses the task adequately and presents a clear position. To enhance the response, consider incorporating more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your ideas, ensuring a more comprehensive and convincing argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical sequence of information and ideas. It maintains a clear progression throughout the argument, effectively transitioning between discussing the limitations of financial aid and proposing alternative forms of support. Cohesion is well managed, employing a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, with distinct topic sentences guiding each paragraph.

The essay skillfully explores the drawbacks of monetary assistance, discussing potential misuse and limitations. It then introduces alternative solutions such as business investments and educational initiatives, each supported by illustrative examples. The essay maintains coherence by consistently linking these ideas back to the central argument.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion further, consider reinforcing the relationship between paragraphs by explicitly linking the proposed solutions back to the limitations of monetary aid. Additionally, ensuring a more balanced development of the counterargument about the positive impacts of financial assistance could provide a more nuanced view before delving into the alternative suggestions.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary throughout, utilizing a wide range of words with precision and sophistication. There is an effective use of less common lexical items, contributing to the fluency and flexibility of expression. The writer successfully conveys precise meanings and employs language features with a high degree of control. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly impede the overall communication. The essay maintains a cohesive and coherent flow, exhibiting a strong lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, the writer could pay closer attention to the occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Proofreading for minor errors would help ensure a consistently high level of precision. Additionally, considering the complexity of vocabulary use, incorporating a few more advanced and contextually appropriate terms could elevate the essay to an even higher band score. Overall, maintaining the current level of lexical sophistication while minimizing minor errors would contribute to achieving a band score of 9.0.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures and accuracy. The writer consistently employs a variety of sentence structures with flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and any errors that do occur are minor and can be considered slips rather than pervasive issues. The essay effectively communicates ideas with precision and clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could consider incorporating more complex sentence structures or experimenting with a broader range of grammatical constructions. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate any remaining minor errors, even those categorized as slips, would contribute to achieving a higher band score. Overall, maintaining the current level of proficiency while striving for a bit more complexity in sentence structures could lead to incremental improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, there is a prevalent notion that monetary assistance from rich nations devoted to underdeveloped ones cannot serve as a comprehensive remedy for poverty problems. While financial aid can yield positive outcomes, I argue that a multifaceted support approach from developed countries is essential for their underprivileged counterparts.

Granted, with financial resources from foreign nations, less affluent countries can address certain urgent social problems. Through financial contributions, governments in underdeveloped nations can supply essentials such as food, clean water, and medicine to their residents. For example, financial assistance from the United States leads to substantial improvements in the lives of some rural and mountainous communities in African countries, particularly those experiencing hunger and water scarcity, potentially meeting their fundamental daily needs. Unfortunately, monetary aids from developed countries can be misused, and consequently, the allocated funds for those in need may be diminished.

Instead of directly allocating funds to impoverished nations, philanthropic organizations in developed countries could offer viable alternatives. One such solution is business investment to establish companies and factories in poor countries. Acknowledging that the root of poverty is unemployment and social crimes, the establishment of these entities plays a crucial role in fostering the employment rate and job opportunities, bringing about positive changes. Presumably, this offers underprivileged people ample opportunities to earn a living, supporting themselves, their children, and their families, ensuring an improved standard of living. Additionally, educational facilities in impoverished nations are often limited, and education should be provided to children living in poverty-stricken families. Undoubtedly, the education provided by schools equips learners with valuable and informative lessons and soft skills such as discussion skills, problem-solving skills, and critical thinking. This, in turn, supports individuals, their children, and their families, ensuring an improved standard of living. For example, Nguyen Quang Linh, a Vietnamese resident working in Angola, has secured funding for school buildings and facilities in mountainous areas, bringing about positive changes to people’s lives.

In conclusion, while financial contributions from affluent nations have had profound impacts in addressing urgent issues in impoverished regions, I maintain that a multitude of assistance, including economic and educational support, should be delivered to bring optimal results in poverty prevention.