Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

These days, wealthy country have supported developing countries by giving money, which except poverty. This essay discuss the phenomenon behind explaining why economical countries cannot give the other ways contributing to help poor countries.

About geography, the many poor countries exist in Africa, but many the rich countries stay in Europe or North America. They cannot transport food and goods to the other countries if the distance is too far. The cost of transporting from a point to a random spot in the world map depents on the distance. Besides, the far ways affect the quality of supporting goods directly. Helping to the poorer countries, the richer nations need a long time to decide. Some people in congress think the problem carefully that avoid some terible problem perhaps appearing. Time is the main problem, the population in developing countries perhaps vanish because of the delaying dicisions.

The wars always occurs in Africa leading to the problem happened in the poor countries, whose medicine have stolen in storages by terrorism. The technology products the medicine that is expensive. If the wealthy countries waste money, they have to limit the amount of drug producting to developing nations. They cannot throw the money out the windows because of impossible opinions.

In conclusion, the other types of help are impossible in the many ways. The economical conuntries always choose the best solution after many meetings in congress. The safety is the given money that still be the better choice than the solving poverty.

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Errors and Improvements:

"wealthy country have supported" -> "wealthy countries have supported"
Explanation: Correcting "wealthy country have" to "wealthy countries have" addresses both the plural form of ‘countries’ and the correct verb agreement, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"which except poverty" -> "which aims to alleviate poverty"
Explanation: The phrase "which except poverty" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "which aims to alleviate poverty" provides a clear and formal explanation of the intent behind the financial support.
"This essay discuss" -> "This essay discusses"
Explanation: "discuss" should be "discusses" to maintain correct verb agreement with the singular noun "essay," thereby adhering to formal grammatical standards.
"economical countries" -> "economically developed countries"
Explanation: The term "economical countries" is incorrect in this context. "Economically developed countries" is more precise and appropriate for an academic setting, as it clearly defines the countries’ economic status.
"cannot give the other ways contributing to help" -> "cannot contribute in other ways to help"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. Revising it to "cannot contribute in other ways to help" improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"the many poor countries" -> "many poor countries"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "many" corrects the article usage, making the phrase grammatically correct and more natural in formal writing.
"stay in Europe or North America" -> "are located in Europe or North America"
Explanation: "Stay" is too informal and imprecise; "are located in" is more geographically specific and formally appropriate.
"depents" -> "depends"
Explanation: This is a simple typographical error correction, changing "depents" to "depends" for correct spelling.
"Besides, the far ways affect" -> "Furthermore, the long distances affect"
Explanation: Replacing "the far ways" with "the long distances" offers a clearer and more academically suitable term, while "Furthermore" is used instead of "Besides" for a smoother transition in formal writing.
"Helping to the poorer countries" -> "In assisting poorer countries"
Explanation: "Helping to the poorer countries" is awkwardly constructed. "In assisting poorer countries" is grammatically correct and maintains formal tone.
"terible problem" -> "serious issues"
Explanation: Correcting "terible" to "terrible" and choosing "serious issues" instead of "problem" enhances the formal tone and avoids redundancy.
"perhaps vanish" -> "may perish"
Explanation: Replacing "perhaps vanish" with "may perish" uses more precise and formal vocabulary to describe potential extreme outcomes.
"dicisions" -> "decisions"
Explanation: Correcting "dicisions" to "decisions" is necessary for proper spelling.
"waste money" -> "misallocate funds"
Explanation: "Waste money" is too informal for academic writing. "Misallocate funds" is a more formal alternative, suitable for the context of economic discussions.
"producting" -> "producing"
Explanation: "Producting" is not a word; correcting to "producing" fixes the spelling error.
"throw the money out the windows" -> "squander resources"
Explanation: The idiom "throw the money out the windows" is informal and imprecise. "Squander resources" is more formal and apt for academic discourse.
"impossible opinions" -> "unfeasible strategies"
Explanation: "Impossible opinions" is vague and informal. "Unfeasible strategies" provides a more specific and academically appropriate term.
"The economical conuntries" -> "Economically developed countries"
Explanation: Again, correcting "The economical conuntries" to "Economically developed countries" for consistency and clarity.
"the solving poverty" -> "addressing poverty"
Explanation: "The solving poverty" is grammatically incorrect. "Addressing poverty" corrects the grammar and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the limitations of financial aid in solving poverty and proposing that wealthy countries should provide alternative forms of assistance to poorer nations. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in addressing all aspects of the question. While it acknowledges the ineffectiveness of financial aid, it fails to elaborate on what specific alternative forms of help should be provided.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline alternative forms of assistance beyond financial aid, such as technological transfers, capacity-building programs, or infrastructural development projects. Additionally, it should explicitly state the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the proposition.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position throughout. While it initially suggests that financial aid is ineffective in addressing poverty, it later implies that providing money is still the best solution. This inconsistency in stance undermines the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should establish a coherent position early in the essay and maintain it consistently throughout. If the author believes that financial aid is not the best solution, they should provide compelling arguments and evidence to support this viewpoint without contradicting themselves later in the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. It briefly mentions the geographical challenges of aid distribution and the issue of wars in poor countries but fails to elaborate on these points with sufficient depth or evidence. Moreover, the connection between the ideas presented is weak, resulting in a disjointed argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each idea presented. Additionally, the author should strive for coherence by establishing clear connections between ideas and ensuring a logical flow of arguments throughout the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to address the topic of alternative forms of assistance beyond financial aid, it frequently deviates from the main focus. Tangential discussions on geography, transportation costs, and war in Africa detract from the central argument and reduce the relevance of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should maintain a clear focus on the question prompt and avoid unnecessary digressions. All ideas and examples provided should directly contribute to supporting the main argument regarding alternative forms of assistance for poor countries.

Overall, while the essay touches on relevant points regarding the limitations of financial aid and the need for alternative assistance, it suffers from a lack of clarity, coherence, development, and relevance. Improvements in structuring the argument, providing adequate support and examples, and staying focused on the topic are necessary to enhance the effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with logical organization, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument coherently. It lacks a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion structure. The ideas are presented in a fragmented manner, with abrupt shifts between topics and insufficient development of arguments. For instance, the essay jumps from discussing geographical challenges to the impact of wars on medicine supply without establishing a clear connection between the two.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should adhere to a traditional essay structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, and there should be smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence. Additionally, the essay should develop each point with sufficient explanation and examples to support the argument effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, as it consists of only three lengthy paragraphs. Each paragraph covers multiple unrelated ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. There is a need for better paragraph structuring to enhance readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Divide the essay into multiple paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. Start with an introductory paragraph that introduces the topic and thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs that develop individual points with supporting evidence and examples. Finally, end with a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices, resulting in disjointed and fragmented writing. There is a lack of cohesive devices such as transition words, pronouns, and conjunctions, which are essential for maintaining coherence and connecting ideas.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Examples include transition words (e.g., "however," "therefore," "furthermore"), pronouns (e.g., "it," "they," "these"), and conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "although"). These devices will help link ideas within and between sentences, creating a smoother flow of information for the reader. Additionally, use cohesive devices to establish logical relationships between ideas and paragraphs, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including terms related to economic disparity ("wealthy country," "developing countries," "richer nations," "poorer countries," "economical countries"), transportation ("transporting," "distance"), decision-making ("decide," "dicisions"), conflict ("wars," "terrorism"), technology ("medicine," "technology products"), and conclusion-related vocabulary ("in conclusion," "solution"). However, the vocabulary lacks depth and precision, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice or misuse of idiomatic expressions ("throw the money out the windows," "the safety is the given money").
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should focus on incorporating more precise and nuanced terms related to poverty alleviation strategies, international aid, economic policies, and social issues. Additionally, improving knowledge of idiomatic expressions and avoiding literal translations will contribute to a more natural and sophisticated use of language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "they cannot transport food and goods to the other countries if the distance is too far," where "distance" should be replaced with "great" or "significant distance." Similarly, "the cost of transporting from a point to a random spot" could be more precisely expressed as "the cost of transportation from one point to another random location."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using specific and accurate vocabulary tailored to the context. This includes avoiding vague terms like "things" or "stuff" and opting for more descriptive and appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors and typos, such as "terible" instead of "terrible," "dicisions" instead of "decisions," "producting" instead of "producing," and "conuntries" instead of "countries." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should utilize spell-check tools and proofread their work carefully before submission. Developing a habit of reviewing written pieces for spelling errors can significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision, vocabulary depth, and spelling accuracy. Consistent practice in using precise vocabulary, expanding word choice, and refining spelling skills will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to utilize various sentence structures, albeit inconsistently. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are evident throughout the essay. For example, simple sentences like "These days, wealthy countries have supported developing countries by giving money, which except poverty," are used alongside more complex structures such as "The wars always occur in Africa leading to the problem happened in the poor countries, whose medicine have stolen in storages by terrorism."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more consistency in utilizing a variety of sentence structures. Incorporate compound-complex sentences, utilize different clause types, and experiment with sentence lengths for better readability and sophistication. Additionally, ensure that sentence structure aligns logically with the intended meaning to avoid confusion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that hinder clarity and comprehension. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the many poor countries exist"), tense consistency ("they have to limit the amount of drug producing"), and article usage ("About geography, the many poor countries exist in Africa"). Punctuation errors include missing commas in compound sentences ("The wars always occur in Africa leading to the problem happened in the poor countries whose medicine have stolen in storages by terrorism") and incorrect apostrophe placement ("storages by terrorism").
- How to improve: Enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation proficiency requires diligent practice and attention to detail. Review fundamental grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, paying close attention to comma placement in compound sentences and proper apostrophe usage for possession. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to further refine your skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, economically developed countries have supported developing nations by providing financial aid, which aims to alleviate poverty. This essay discusses why wealthy nations cannot contribute in other ways to help poor countries.

Geographically, many impoverished nations are situated in Africa, while numerous affluent countries are located in Europe or North America. The geographical distance poses a significant challenge as it impacts the cost and quality of transporting goods and aid. Furthermore, the lengthy decision-making process delays assistance to poorer countries. Deliberations in congress take time as officials carefully consider potential problems to avoid adverse consequences. This delay may result in dire consequences, such as the loss of lives due to postponed decisions.

Conflicts in Africa exacerbate the plight of poor nations, with instances of terrorism resulting in the theft of essential medicines. The production of medicines is costly, and misallocating funds would necessitate limiting drug production for developing nations. Therefore, economically developed countries cannot squander resources on unfeasible strategies.

In conclusion, addressing poverty through means other than financial aid presents challenges. Economically developed countries prioritize safety and efficiency, often opting for the best solution after extensive deliberation. While financial aid remains crucial, it is essential to explore alternative approaches to effectively combat poverty.