Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What is your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

In the contemporary world, with the advancement of technology and automatic devices, Internet has been considered as an ideal place to accumulate information that allows children to study at home. However, I believe that studying at school also has numerous advantages as compared to the former.

Admittedly, it is justifiable to consider engaging in lessons at school can exert a multitude of merits on the development of personal traits. This can be given through self-discipline personality when learning at school. For instance, schools always have compulsory rules and fixed schedules for pupils to adhere to, thereby discouraging their spontaneity in learning which is predominantly done at home. Moreover, under the supervision of teachers, children have to concentrate on lessons completely, so they can comprehend their lessons with ease, which yields various tangible gains such as results, and academic performances, among others. This can show the importance of learning at schools more than collecting knowledge on the Internet at home.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned argument, I side with the proponents of cultivating information through the Internet at their own residence. The key rationale is that children have a tendency to be attracted to visually stimulating images with colorful scenarios. Ergo, they are easily disheartened by the simplicity of books at school, thereby undermining their gaining knowledge, which poses a threat to their learning progress. Additionally, Internet is a place which contains a myriad of useful information all over the world. Applying worldwide knowledge into studying can enrich children's comprehension, making them more profoundly absorbed. Thus, the significance of learning through the Internet at home should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, although lessons at school can have a large number of benefits, it could not forsake the merits when collecting information through the Internet at home , which equips children with practical knowledge.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Internet has been considered as an ideal place" -> "The Internet is considered an ideal platform"
Explanation: Replacing "Internet has been considered as an ideal place" with "The Internet is considered an ideal platform" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise term, "platform," which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"accumulate information" -> "gather information"
Explanation: "Accumulate" can imply a gradual process, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Gather" is more direct and suitable for the context of collecting information.
"engaging in lessons at school can exert a multitude of merits" -> "participating in school lessons can offer numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Exert a multitude of merits" is awkward and unclear. "Offer numerous benefits" is more natural and precise, enhancing clarity and formality.
"self-discipline personality" -> "self-discipline"
Explanation: "Self-discipline personality" is redundant. "Self-discipline" is the correct term, referring to the quality of being disciplined.
"engaging in lessons at school can exert a multitude of merits on the development of personal traits" -> "participating in school lessons can foster numerous personal traits"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Foster numerous personal traits" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"spontaneity in learning" -> "spontaneity in learning activities"
Explanation: Adding "activities" clarifies that spontaneity refers to the flexibility in learning activities, not just learning itself.
"comprehend their lessons with ease" -> "easily comprehend their lessons"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "easily comprehend their lessons" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"results, and academic performances, among others" -> "academic achievements and performances"
Explanation: "Results, and academic performances, among others" is awkward and vague. "Academic achievements and performances" is more specific and formal.
"children have a tendency to be attracted to visually stimulating images with colorful scenarios" -> "children tend to be drawn to visually engaging images with vibrant scenarios"
Explanation: "Have a tendency to be attracted to" is verbose and informal. "Tend to be drawn to" is more concise and academically suitable.
"Ergo, they are easily disheartened" -> "Therefore, they are easily discouraged"
Explanation: "Ergo" is informal and less commonly used in academic writing. "Therefore" is more appropriate and formal. "Disheartened" is also less precise than "discouraged" in this context.
"Internet is a place which contains a myriad of useful information all over the world" -> "The Internet is a vast repository of global information"
Explanation: "A place which contains a myriad of useful information all over the world" is verbose and awkward. "A vast repository of global information" is concise and academically formal.
"Applying worldwide knowledge into studying" -> "Applying global knowledge to their studies"
Explanation: "Applying worldwide knowledge into studying" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Applying global knowledge to their studies" corrects these issues and enhances clarity.
"making them more profoundly absorbed" -> "deepening their understanding"
Explanation: "Making them more profoundly absorbed" is awkward and unclear. "Deepening their understanding" is a more precise and formal expression.
"it could not forsake the merits" -> "it cannot overlook the benefits"
Explanation: "Forsake" is incorrect in this context; "overlook" is the correct term for ignoring or neglecting something. "Cannot" is also more formal than "could not" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of traditional schooling and the benefits of learning through the Internet. The author presents a balanced view, acknowledging the merits of both perspectives. However, the response could be more explicit in stating a clear opinion regarding whether schools are necessary or not. The introduction hints at the author’s belief in the value of schools, but this is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in the body paragraphs. This could involve explicitly stating whether they believe schools are necessary or not and providing a more definitive conclusion that reflects this stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents arguments for both sides, the position is somewhat ambiguous. The author starts by emphasizing the advantages of schools but later shifts focus to the benefits of learning from the Internet without clearly prioritizing one over the other. This lack of a definitive stance can confuse readers about the author’s true opinion.
- How to improve: The author should maintain a clear position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I strongly believe" to reinforce their viewpoint. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion can help clarify the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of self-discipline and the advantages of engaging lessons at school, as well as the appeal of the Internet for children. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting examples. For instance, the argument about children being distracted by the simplicity of books could benefit from more concrete examples or evidence to strengthen the claim.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve discussing specific educational tools available on the Internet or providing statistics about student performance in traditional versus online learning environments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both traditional schooling and learning through the Internet. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the distractions of books versus the Internet. This could lead to a perception of a lack of coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of whether schools are necessary. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each argument is relevant and contributes to the overall thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, clearer positioning, more developed ideas, and tighter focus would enhance the effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, contributing to the overall argument. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of traditional schooling, while the second body paragraph presents the benefits of learning via the Internet. However, the transition between these two contrasting viewpoints could be smoother to enhance logical flow. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could better reflect the complexity of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when shifting from one viewpoint to another can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the merits of schooling, while the second addresses the benefits of Internet-based learning. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is relatively long and contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into two if they cover multiple points. This will help maintain focus and clarity, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "notwithstanding," which help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this can show the importance" lacks a clear link to the preceding sentence, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, when introducing contrasting ideas, phrases like "in contrast" or "alternatively" can help clarify the shift in perspective.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, refining the organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "advancement of technology," "self-discipline," "compulsory rules," and "visually stimulating images." These phrases show an ability to use varied vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, some word choices could be more sophisticated or varied. For instance, the phrase "a multitude of merits" is somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more precise alternatives like "numerous benefits" or "a variety of advantages."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of repeating "knowledge," they could use "insight," "understanding," or "information" in different contexts. Reading widely and noting new vocabulary can also help expand their lexicon.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "discouraging their spontaneity in learning" could be misleading; it may imply that spontaneity is inherently negative in a learning context. A more precise term might be "encouraging structured learning" instead. Additionally, the phrase "which poses a threat to their learning progress" could be more clearly articulated as "which may hinder their academic development."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which they use certain words. They can practice by writing sentences with synonyms and then choosing the most fitting word based on the context. Engaging in peer reviews or utilizing vocabulary exercises can also sharpen their ability to select the most appropriate terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words like "contemporary," "accumulate," and "supervision" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong grasp of spelling conventions. However, the term "Internet" is inconsistently capitalized in one instance, which could detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying special attention to commonly confused words and capitalization rules. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in spelling quizzes can also be beneficial. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in future essays.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, but there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling consistency. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "with the advancement of technology and automatic devices" and "this can show the importance of learning at schools more than collecting knowledge on the Internet at home" exhibit the use of introductory clauses and relative clauses. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "which" to introduce relative clauses, and a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings, such as "Moreover" and "Additionally," which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied transitional phrases and conjunctions. For instance, using phrases like "On the other hand," "In contrast," or "Furthermore" can help diversify the flow of ideas. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence types, such as starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion for emphasis, can enrich the overall structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "Internet has been considered as an ideal place" should omit "as" to read "the Internet has been considered an ideal place." Additionally, the sentence "This can be given through self-discipline personality when learning at school" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer as "This fosters self-discipline in students." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas are misused or omitted, such as in "which equips children with practical knowledge," where a comma before "which" would improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly with clauses and lists, can enhance clarity. Reading more complex texts can also provide insights into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, with the advancement of technology and automated devices, the Internet is considered an ideal platform to gather information that allows children to study at home. However, I believe that participating in school lessons can offer numerous benefits compared to the former.

Admittedly, it is justifiable to consider that participating in lessons at school can foster numerous personal traits. This includes the development of self-discipline, which is cultivated through the structured environment of a school. For instance, schools have compulsory rules and fixed schedules for pupils to adhere to, thereby encouraging a sense of discipline in their learning. Moreover, under the supervision of teachers, children must concentrate on lessons completely, enabling them to easily comprehend their lessons. This approach yields various tangible gains, such as improved academic achievements and performances. This highlights the importance of learning at schools over merely collecting knowledge from the Internet at home.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned argument, I side with the proponents of utilizing the Internet to gather information at home. The key rationale is that children tend to be drawn to visually engaging images with vibrant scenarios. Therefore, they are easily discouraged by the simplicity of traditional books at school, which can undermine their learning progress. Additionally, the Internet is a vast repository of global information. Applying global knowledge to their studies can enrich children’s understanding, deepening their engagement with the material. Thus, the significance of learning through the Internet at home cannot be overlooked.

In conclusion, although participating in school lessons can have numerous benefits, it cannot overlook the advantages of gathering information through the Internet at home, which equips children with practical knowledge.