Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodworking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodworking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family.

To what extent do you agree with this view?

Many individuals contend that schools should prioritize academic success and examination performance over teaching essential life skills such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking, arguing that these skills should be imparted by families. I strongly disagree with this perspective, as neglecting these subjects can have detrimental effects on students' psychological well-being and hinder their ability to navigate future career paths.
Firstly, students may struggle to identify suitable career options that align with their abilities if they lack exposure to various practical skills. Without the opportunity to explore different fields, students might remain unaware of the types of professions that resonate with their personal talents. For instance, if a student possesses a natural aptitude for cooking but comes from a family without culinary professionals, the support from school in nurturing this talent can be crucial. Schools can provide valuable resources and guidance to help students develop their skills rather than solely focusing on academic achievements.
Moreover, the absence of life skills education can intensify competition among students and place immense pressure on them. With an exclusive emphasis on achieving high academic scores to secure prestigious positions, students may experience heightened peer pressure as they compare their grades with those of their classmates. This is particularly pronounced in developing countries where families may lack the resources to offer comprehensive life skills education at home. In such contexts, students often feel compelled to excel academically, even when it may not align with their true aspirations or interests.
In conclusion, I am convinced that schools should not solely concentrate on academic success and examination results. Instead, they should also prioritize teaching essential life skills like cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking. This approach would not only alleviate student stress but also provide them with diverse opportunities to discover and pursue their passions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many individuals contend" -> "Many scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" elevates the formality and specificity of the subject, aligning better with academic discourse. "Argue" is also more precise than "contend," which can imply a more emotional or biased stance.
"should prioritize" -> "should emphasize"
Explanation: "Emphasize" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting a deliberate focus on certain aspects rather than a general prioritization, which can be vague.
"essential life skills" -> "fundamental life skills"
Explanation: "Fundamental" conveys a stronger sense of importance and universality, fitting better in an academic context where the term "essential" might be seen as slightly informal or colloquial.
"neglecting these subjects" -> "overlooking these subjects"
Explanation: "Overlooking" is a more formal and precise term that implies a deliberate act of omission, which is more suitable for academic writing than "neglecting," which can imply carelessness or lack of attention.
"detrimental effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse" is a more formal synonym for "detrimental," and it is commonly used in academic texts to describe negative outcomes.
"struggle to identify" -> "face challenges in identifying"
Explanation: "Face challenges in identifying" is a more formal and precise way to describe difficulties in the process of identifying, which is more appropriate for academic writing.
"suitable career options" -> "suitable career paths"
Explanation: "Paths" is a more formal and precise term than "options" in the context of career development, aligning better with academic language.
"resonate with their personal talents" -> "align with their innate abilities"
Explanation: "Align with their innate abilities" is a more formal and precise phrase that emphasizes the natural fit between a student’s abilities and career choices, enhancing the academic tone.
"the absence of life skills education" -> "the lack of life skills instruction"
Explanation: "Instruction" is a more formal term than "education," and it specifically refers to the act of teaching, which is more precise in this context.
"intensify competition" -> "exacerbate competition"
Explanation: "Exacerbate" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "intensify," which can be seen as less formal and slightly vague.
"place immense pressure" -> "impose significant pressure"
Explanation: "Impose" is a more formal verb that suggests a deliberate action, which is more suitable for academic writing than "place," which can be seen as less direct.
"solely concentrate on" -> "primarily focus on"
Explanation: "Primarily focus on" is a more formal and precise expression than "solely concentrate on," which can sound overly emphatic and less academic.
"teaching essential life skills" -> "instructing fundamental life skills"
Explanation: "Instructing" is a more formal synonym for "teaching," and "fundamental" is preferred over "essential" for its academic connotation of being basic or essential to a subject or discipline.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the notion that schools should solely focus on academic success and examinations. It acknowledges the opposing view and provides a counterargument, thereby addressing the question’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement. The essay discusses the importance of teaching life skills and how this can benefit students, which is directly relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could enhance its depth by briefly acknowledging the potential benefits of academic focus, even if the overall stance remains critical. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is clear and consistent. The writer strongly disagrees with the idea that life skills should only be taught at home and supports this stance throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "I am convinced" reinforces the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could incorporate transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the main argument after presenting supporting points. This would help maintain focus on the central thesis throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly in discussing how a lack of practical skills can hinder career exploration and increase academic pressure. Specific examples, such as the case of a student with a culinary talent, effectively illustrate the arguments. The writer extends these ideas by connecting them to broader societal issues, such as competition in developing countries.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include additional examples or statistics that highlight the benefits of teaching life skills in schools. This would provide a stronger empirical basis for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently relating back to the importance of teaching life skills in schools versus the emphasis on academic success. There are no noticeable deviations from the main argument, and each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the writer could reiterate the main argument in the introduction and conclusion more explicitly. This would reinforce the central theme and help guide the reader through the essay’s development.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency in addressing the Task Response criteria, with clear arguments, strong support, and a consistent position. Minor enhancements in depth and empirical support could further elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by well-defined body paragraphs that support this position. Each paragraph addresses a specific point: the importance of exposure to practical skills for career identification and the psychological impacts of an academic-only focus. The logical progression from one idea to the next enhances the overall coherence of the argument. For example, the transition from discussing career options to the pressures of academic competition is smooth and effectively connects the two ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. This would help guide the reader more effectively through the argument. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between paragraphs could strengthen the flow of ideas, making the connections between points even more explicit.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific reasons supporting the thesis. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs to enhance clarity, as it discusses two related but distinct ideas: the pressure of academic competition and the context of developing countries.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when multiple ideas are presented. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, which can be supported by examples or explanations. This would not only improve readability but also allow for a more focused discussion of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, while the essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, there is room for greater variety. For instance, the use of synonyms or paraphrasing could enhance cohesion further by avoiding repetition and maintaining the reader’s interest.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or referencing earlier points can help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "students" in the second body paragraph, the writer could use "they" or "these individuals" to maintain flow and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on clearer topic sentences, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay’s clarity and effectiveness even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "detrimental," "psychological well-being," "aptitude," and "comprehensive." These words enhance the sophistication of the argument and convey nuanced meanings. The use of phrases like "navigate future career paths" and "heightened peer pressure" also indicates a strong command of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could have been used to avoid repetition, such as the repeated use of "skills" and "academic."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms to replace repeated words. For example, instead of repeating "skills," you might use "competencies," "abilities," or "crafts." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also enrich your writing style.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with terms like "prioritize," "imparted," and "resonate" used in appropriate contexts. However, the phrase "intensify competition among students" could be seen as slightly vague. It might benefit from a more precise term that captures the specific nature of the competition, such as "foster an unhealthy competitive environment."
- How to improve: Focus on refining your word choices to ensure they convey the exact meaning you intend. For instance, instead of "intensify competition," you could say "exacerbate the competitive atmosphere." Additionally, consider using more specific adjectives or verbs to clarify your points further.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "psychological," "culinary," and "prestigious" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English orthography.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain this level of precision. To ensure continued accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy where you read your essay aloud or utilize spelling check tools before submission. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words in English can further enhance your spelling skills.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on increasing vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively employs a complex structure with a subordinate clause ("that schools should prioritize academic success and examination performance over teaching essential life skills…"). Additionally, the use of phrases such as "I strongly disagree with this perspective" and "the absence of life skills education can intensify competition among students" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, while the range is impressive, there are instances where the sentence length could be varied more strategically to enhance readability and engagement.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use different types of clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In many cases," or "Ultimately,") can create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, mixing shorter, impactful sentences with longer, more complex ones can help maintain reader interest and emphasize key points.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "students may struggle to identify suitable career options that align with their abilities" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are a couple of instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "as neglecting these subjects can have detrimental effects" in the first paragraph, which would help delineate the main clause from the subordinate clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy further, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing the placement of commas in longer sentences can help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow. Additionally, proofreading for any overlooked minor errors or awkward phrasing can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate their writing quality and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals contend that schools should prioritize academic success and examination performance over teaching fundamental life skills such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking, arguing that these skills should be imparted by families. I strongly disagree with this perspective, as overlooking these subjects can have adverse effects on students’ psychological well-being and hinder their ability to navigate future career paths.

Firstly, students may struggle to identify suitable career options that align with their innate abilities if they lack exposure to various practical skills. Without the opportunity to explore different fields, students might remain unaware of the types of professions that resonate with their personal talents. For instance, if a student possesses a natural aptitude for cooking but comes from a family without culinary professionals, support from school in nurturing this talent can be crucial. Schools can provide valuable resources and guidance to help students develop their skills rather than primarily focusing on academic achievements.

Moreover, the lack of life skills instruction can exacerbate competition among students and impose significant pressure on them. With an exclusive emphasis on achieving high academic scores to secure prestigious positions, students may experience heightened peer pressure as they compare their grades with those of their classmates. This is particularly pronounced in developing countries where families may lack the resources to offer comprehensive life skills education at home. In such contexts, students often feel compelled to excel academically, even when it may not align with their true aspirations or interests.

In conclusion, I am convinced that schools should not solely concentrate on academic success and examination results. Instead, they should also emphasize instructing fundamental life skills like cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking. This approach would not only alleviate student stress but also provide them with diverse opportunities to discover and pursue their passions.