Scientific research should be carried out by governments, rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that government department should be responsible for research programs rather than private corporations. While some people support this argument, I totally agree that it would be better to let private companies manage all scientific research activity.
Admittedly, scientific research which is conducted by governments brings about some advantages. The main explanation is that governments focus more on public well-being, not profits. While private companies just fund research into areas which are likely to provide them a quick annual return and great profits, governments adopt polices which aim at social need in the long term, such as preventive medicine and environmental protection. Such researchs may be considered essential for residents or wildlife species which live in polluted areas. Another key point lies in the accuracy of studies. In the race of finding the best solution for human’s lives, private companies keep secret about their researchs and findings with rivals and to give the fastest methods, thus sometimes they overlooking careful approach to researchs. Governments are responsible for allocating resources to university departments to carry out reasearchs according to puclic demand and adavances in technology and knowledge to achieve sustainable development would be used to benefit inhabitants, not investors. Moreover, government researchs must go under significant supervision and ensure to minimise side effects before applying to life. As a results, reasearchs programs managed by governments are more precise and effective.
However, I would argue that research should be carried out by private companies. Enterprises usually respond more quickly to social needs than governments. The shareholders of private corporations are willing to spend a huge sum of money to conduct a scientific research which can maximise profits in short term. Therefore, it does not take a lot of time to wait for resources need like the government, money is available immediately at anytime and results are achieved early. For instance, in the covid 19 pandemic, there is a good opportunity for pharmaceutical industry, most pharmaceutical companies in the world engage in the run to become the first to produce vaccine which can help people prevent from corona viruses and the one which comes out early with an effective cure stands to make a vast fortune.
In conclusion, although I accept that there is some benefits of scientific researchs carried out by governments, I believe that private companies should take responsibility to manage research programs.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It is believed that government department should be responsible" -> "It is widely held that government departments should be responsible"
Explanation: "It is believed" is a somewhat vague phrase. "It is widely held" is more precise and formal. Also, "government department" should be "government departments" for correct subject-verb agreement.
"While some people support this argument, I totally agree that it would be better to let private companies manage all scientific research activity." -> "While some advocate for government-led research, I staunchly advocate for private corporations to oversee all scientific research endeavors."
Explanation: "While some people support this argument" is too informal for academic writing. "Advocate" is a stronger term than "support". "I totally agree" should be replaced with a more formal expression.
"Admittedly, scientific research which is conducted by governments brings about some advantages." -> "Admittedly, scientific research conducted by governments offers certain advantages."
Explanation: Simplify the phrase to improve clarity. Eliminate unnecessary words for a more concise expression.
"Such researchs may be considered essential for residents or wildlife species which live in polluted areas." -> "Such research may be deemed vital for residents or wildlife species residing in polluted areas."
Explanation: "Researchs" is not a correct plural form; it should be "research". "Considered essential" is a more formal phrase than "may be considered".
"Another key point lies in the accuracy of studies." -> "Furthermore, accuracy in research findings is paramount."
Explanation: "Another key point lies in" is too colloquial for formal writing. "Paramount" is a stronger word choice than "important".
"In the race of finding the best solution for human’s lives, private companies keep secret about their researchs and findings with rivals and to give the fastest methods, thus sometimes they overlooking careful approach to researchs." -> "In the pursuit of advancing human well-being, private companies often prioritize secrecy regarding their research and findings to gain competitive advantages, sometimes at the expense of thorough investigation."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. "In the race of finding" is too informal and unclear. "Overlooking careful approach to researchs" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised for clarity.
"Governments are responsible for allocating resources to university departments to carry out reasearchs according to puclic demand and adavances in technology and knowledge to achieve sustainable development would be used to benefit inhabitants, not investors." -> "Governments are tasked with allocating resources to university departments to conduct research aligned with public demand and advancements in technology and knowledge, aiming to achieve sustainable development for the benefit of inhabitants rather than investors."
Explanation: The original sentence is complex and lacks clarity. Simplify and clarify the sentence structure for better readability.
"Moreover, government researchs must go under significant supervision and ensure to minimise side effects before applying to life." -> "Moreover, government-led research must undergo rigorous supervision and ensure the minimization of adverse effects before implementation."
Explanation: "Go under significant supervision" is not idiomatic. "Minimize side effects before applying to life" is awkward and unclear. Simplify the sentence for clarity and formality.
"As a results, reasearchs programs managed by governments are more precise and effective." -> "As a result, research programs managed by governments are more precise and effective."
Explanation: "As a results" contains a grammatical error; it should be "As a result".
"However, I would argue that research should be carried out by private companies." -> "However, I contend that research should be conducted by private companies."
Explanation: "I would argue" is slightly informal; "I contend" is a more formal alternative.
"Enterprises usually respond more quickly to social needs than governments." -> "Enterprises typically respond more promptly to social needs than governments."
Explanation: "More quickly" can be replaced with "more promptly" for a slightly more formal tone.
"Therefore, it does not take a lot of time to wait for resources need like the government, money is available immediately at anytime and results are achieved early." -> "Consequently, there is no protracted wait for resources as with government processes; funds are readily available at any time, leading to expedited results."
Explanation: The original sentence is fragmented and lacks clarity. Reword for better coherence and formality.
"For instance, in the covid 19 pandemic, there is a good opportunity for pharmaceutical industry, most pharmaceutical companies in the world engage in the run to become the first to produce vaccine which can help people prevent from corona viruses and the one which comes out early with an effective cure stands to make a vast fortune." -> "For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a significant opportunity for the pharmaceutical industry. Numerous pharmaceutical companies worldwide have raced to develop vaccines to combat the coronavirus, with the first successful vaccine standing to gain considerable financial reward."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Simplify and rephrase for clarity and correctness.
"In conclusion, although I accept that there is some benefits of scientific researchs carried out by governments, I believe that private companies should take responsibility to manage research programs." -> "In conclusion, while acknowledging certain benefits of government-led scientific research, I firmly advocate for private companies to assume responsibility for managing research programs."
Explanation: "Although I accept that there is some benefits" is grammatically incorrect. "Benefits of scientific researchs carried out by governments" is awkward phrasing. Simplify and clarify the conclusion for better coherence and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the prompt’s stance that scientific research should be conducted by governments, but the essay argues in favor of private companies managing research. The response lacks a comprehensive discussion of the advantages of government-led research programs, focusing primarily on the benefits of private sector research.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, it’s crucial to thoroughly address all aspects of the prompt. This includes not only presenting a clear position but also discussing opposing viewpoints (government-led research) in detail. Providing specific examples and evidence for both perspectives would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance that private companies should manage scientific research. However, there are instances where the argument could be clearer, such as in the introduction where the stance is not clearly stated until later in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, clearly state the position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to reinforce the essay’s argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks depth in their development. For instance, while it argues that private companies respond quickly to social needs, it does not provide specific examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and development of ideas, provide specific examples and evidence to substantiate arguments. Additionally, consider exploring counterarguments to strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing whether scientific research should be conducted by governments or private companies. However, the focus is more on arguing for private companies rather than thoroughly analyzing both sides of the issue.
- How to improve: To improve focus and relevance, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument and provides relevant examples and evidence to support claims.

In summary, while the essay makes a clear argument that private companies should manage scientific research, there is room for improvement in addressing all parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position throughout, extending and supporting ideas with specific examples, and maintaining focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score by more effectively addressing the complexities of the topic and demonstrating a deeper understanding of both perspectives.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs presenting supporting arguments. The first body paragraph discusses advantages of government-led research, while the second presents arguments favoring private companies. The essay then concludes with a brief summary of the writer’s position. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother, and there is a lack of clear progression within paragraphs, leading to some disjointedness in the overall flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should focus on improving the coherence between paragraphs and within each paragraph. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing could be improved. Each paragraph attempts to address a separate aspect of the argument, but some paragraphs lack coherence and unity. For example, the second body paragraph contains multiple ideas about the responsiveness of private companies but lacks clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument, with supporting evidence and examples provided coherently. Clear topic sentences should introduce the main point of each paragraph, helping to maintain clarity and cohesion within the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, but there is room for improvement in both variety and effectiveness. Examples of cohesive devices used include transition words like "however" and "moreover," as well as pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. However, the essay would benefit from a greater diversity of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, adverbs, and parallel structures, to strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to establish clearer relationships between ideas. This can include using conjunctions like "although," "in addition," and "on the other hand" to indicate contrasts or additions between arguments. Additionally, employing parallel structures and consistent pronoun references can improve the flow of the essay and reinforce the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some varied expressions and terminology used throughout. For example, phrases like "public well-being," "preventive medicine," and "sustainable development" contribute to the lexical variety. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse to enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology related to scientific research and governance. For instance, instead of repeating "scientific research," you could use terms like "scientific inquiry," "experimental investigations," or "technological exploration" to add nuance and richness to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are moments where the precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "quick annual return" might benefit from more precise language to convey the idea of immediate financial gain. Additionally, there are instances of word repetition, such as "researchs," which could be refined for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices to convey ideas with greater accuracy. For example, instead of "quick annual return," consider using terms like "immediate financial dividends" or "short-term profitability." Additionally, proofreading for repetitive words and ensuring consistency in terminology usage can enhance the precision of your vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, but there are some errors present throughout the essay. Examples include "researchs" instead of "research," "puclic" instead of "public," and "reasearchs" instead of "researches." These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading your work thoroughly before submission. Additionally, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct spelling can help minimize errors. Developing a habit of double-checking spellings during the writing process can also contribute to improved accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating diverse vocabulary, refining word choices for precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout. There is an attempt at using complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and conditional sentences ("While some people support this argument, I totally agree that…"). However, there is a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures, particularly simple sentences, which limits the variety and impact of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns consistently. Use of relative clauses, passive voice constructions, and varying sentence lengths can add sophistication and clarity to your arguments. For example, instead of predominantly using simple sentences to express ideas, try integrating them within more complex structures to improve coherence and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There are, however, several instances of errors throughout the essay that affect clarity and precision. For instance, there are inconsistencies in subject-verb agreement ("government department should be" should be "departments should be"), incorrect pluralization ("researchs" should be "research"), and punctuation errors (comma splices, missing commas after introductory phrases).
- How to improve: Focus on reviewing basic grammatical rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in pluralization and sentence structure. Additionally, strive for more precise word choices to avoid repetition and enhance the overall clarity of your arguments. For example, instead of "money is available immediately at anytime," consider rephrasing to "funds are readily available at any time."

This feedback aims to highlight both the strengths and areas for improvement in your essay. Keep practicing to refine your writing skills further, particularly by diversifying your sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy for higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely held that government departments should be responsible for research programs rather than private corporations. While some advocate for government-led research, I staunchly advocate for private corporations to oversee all scientific research endeavors.

Admittedly, scientific research conducted by governments offers certain advantages. Such research may be deemed vital for residents or wildlife species residing in polluted areas. Furthermore, accuracy in research findings is paramount. In the pursuit of advancing human well-being, private companies often prioritize secrecy regarding their research and findings to gain competitive advantages, sometimes at the expense of thorough investigation.

Governments are tasked with allocating resources to university departments to conduct research aligned with public demand and advancements in technology and knowledge, aiming to achieve sustainable development for the benefit of inhabitants rather than investors. Moreover, government-led research must undergo rigorous supervision and ensure the minimization of adverse effects before implementation. As a result, research programs managed by governments are more precise and effective.

However, I contend that research should be conducted by private companies. Enterprises typically respond more promptly to social needs than governments. Consequently, there is no protracted wait for resources as with government processes; funds are readily available at any time, leading to expedited results. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a significant opportunity for the pharmaceutical industry. Numerous pharmaceutical companies worldwide have raced to develop vaccines to combat the coronavirus, with the first successful vaccine standing to gain considerable financial reward.

In conclusion, while acknowledging certain benefits of government-led scientific research, I firmly advocate for private companies to assume responsibility for managing research programs.