select, summarize and report

The graph presents the comparative popularity of four home activities among adolescents aged 11 to 16 in England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales.
Overall, it is clear that computer games are the most popular activity among young indivisuals in all surveyed nations. Also noteworthy is that the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV in four countries.
Focusing on computer games, it is the home activity with the highest teenage participation ranging from the lowest in Scotland with 40% to the highest in England with 60%. Reading is the least popular activity in three countries, except Scotland. In Ireland and Wales, it is recorded the same number of teenagers joined in at 10% while this figure doubled two times in England.
Watching TV is equally favored across all four nations with the rate of 30%. In Wales, both watching TV and board games account for 30% of participation. Scotland experiences the data for board games is the lowest between four surveyed nations, with 15% being only half of this figure in Wales.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the comparative popularity of four home activities" -> "the relative popularity of four domestic activities"
Explanation: "Relative" is a more precise term in academic contexts, and "domestic" is a more formal alternative to "home," which enhances the academic tone.
"young indivisuals" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: The term "indivisuals" is a typographical error; the correct spelling is "individuals," which maintains professionalism and accuracy.
"the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV in four countries" -> "an identical percentage of young individuals enjoy watching television across the four countries"
Explanation: "Identical" is more precise than "the same," and "television" is more formal than "TV." Additionally, "across" is preferable to "in" for indicating distribution among multiple locations.
"the home activity with the highest teenage participation" -> "the domestic activity with the highest level of adolescent participation"
Explanation: "Domestic" maintains the formal tone, and "level of adolescent participation" is more precise than "teenage participation," enhancing clarity.
"the lowest in Scotland with 40% to the highest in England with 60%" -> "the lowest participation rate in Scotland at 40% and the highest in England at 60%"
Explanation: "Participation rate" adds specificity, and using "and" instead of "to" improves the flow of the comparison.
"the least popular activity in three countries, except Scotland" -> "the least popular activity in three of the countries, excluding Scotland"
Explanation: "Excluding" is more formal than "except," and "three of the countries" clarifies that Scotland is not included in the count.
"it is recorded the same number of teenagers joined in at 10%" -> "the same number of teenagers participated, recorded at 10%"
Explanation: "Participated" is more precise than "joined in," and reordering the phrase improves clarity.
"this figure doubled two times in England" -> "this figure doubled to 20% in England"
Explanation: "Doubled to" is more precise than "doubled two times," and specifying "20%" clarifies the meaning.
"Watching TV is equally favored across all four nations with the rate of 30%" -> "Watching television is equally preferred across all four nations, with a participation rate of 30%"
Explanation: "Preferred" is a more formal term than "favored," and "participation rate" adds clarity.
"both watching TV and board games account for 30% of participation" -> "both watching television and playing board games account for 30% of participation"
Explanation: "Playing board games" is more precise than "board games," clarifying the action involved.
"Scotland experiences the data for board games is the lowest between four surveyed nations" -> "Scotland has the lowest participation rate for board games among the four surveyed nations"
Explanation: "Has" is more direct than "experiences," and "participation rate" adds specificity, while "among" is more appropriate than "between" when referring to more than two entities.
"with 15% being only half of this figure in Wales" -> "with 15%, which is only half of the corresponding figure in Wales"
Explanation: "Corresponding figure" provides clarity and specificity, and restructuring the phrase improves readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV in four countries," but it does not provide the actual percentage. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the fact that "in Ireland and Wales, it is recorded the same number of teenagers joined in at 10%." This information is not relevant to the overall trend.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details and focusing on the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that "watching TV is the second most popular activity among teenagers in all four countries, with a participation rate of 30%." This would be a more concise and relevant way to present the information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main ideas are logically arranged, and there is a general structure to the response. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, the transitions between different activities could be smoother, and referencing could be clearer. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are fluid. Additionally, improving the logical grouping of related ideas into paragraphs would strengthen the overall structure of the essay. Clear referencing of subjects and consistent terminology would also help reduce confusion and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "comparative popularity," "participation," and "teenage." However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice, such as "indivisuals" instead of "individuals" and "the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and phrasing that affect clarity, such as "the data for board games is the lowest between four surveyed nations," which could be better articulated. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, it lacks the precision and flexibility expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Additionally, focusing on precise word choices and improving accuracy in spelling and word formation will strengthen the essay. Practicing with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help convey meanings more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay also contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV in four countries" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, the use of "indivisuals" instead of "individuals" is a spelling error that affects accuracy. Overall, while the communication is generally clear, the presence of errors and occasional awkwardness in sentence construction prevents it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before submission.
Variety in Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy.
Clarity and Cohesion: Work on phrasing to improve clarity, ensuring that ideas are expressed in a straightforward manner.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on grammar and punctuation to reduce errors and improve overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph presents the comparative popularity of four home activities among adolescents aged 11 to 16 in England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. Overall, it is clear that computer games are the most popular activity among young individuals in all surveyed nations. Also noteworthy is that the same percentage of young people enjoy watching TV across the four countries.

Focusing on computer games, this activity has the highest teenage participation, ranging from the lowest in Scotland at 40% to the highest in England at 60%. Reading is the least popular activity in three countries, except for Scotland. In Ireland and Wales, the same number of teenagers participated at 10%, while this figure doubled in England.

Watching TV is equally favored across all four nations, with a participation rate of 30%. In Wales, both watching TV and playing board games account for 30% of participation. Scotland records the lowest figure for board games among the four surveyed nations, with only 15%, which is half of the participation rate in Wales.