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select, summarize and report

select, summarize and report

The given bar chart represents the proportion of different typical domestic activities which youngsters between 11 and 16 years old usually do in England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales.
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of home activities in Ireland and England is higher than that of Scotland and Wales. Also noteworthy is that computer games are becoming more popular, leading to the figure for computer games witnesses the highest proportion in all activities in all the time surveyed.
As can be seen from the chart, in both England and Scotland, 30% of young people go for watching TV at home. However, the percentage of computer games is approximately 50% in England, which is higher than this figure for Scotland of 10%. In addition, board games account for 25% and reading makes up 20% in England while they constitute nearly 15% and 25% respectively in participation in domestic interest among the Scottish young generation.
Turning to the other countries, it can be seen that there is a wide gap between the percentage of computer games and other activities. In Ireland, this figure is over 60%, which doubled that of screen time and tripled that of board games while reading accounts for just 10%. Similarly, just 10% of Welsh teenagers opt for reading at home. Furthermore, they share the same proportion of board games and TV viewing, at around 30%, while half of youths tend to play computer games in Wales.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "typical domestic activities" -> "common domestic activities"
    Explanation: "Common" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of activities frequently engaged in, whereas "typical" can imply a standard that may not be relevant in this context.

  2. "which youngsters between 11 and 16 years old usually do" -> "that young people aged 11 to 16 typically engage in"
    Explanation: "That" is more appropriate for defining clauses in formal writing. "Young people" is a more formal term than "youngsters," and "aged 11 to 16" is clearer and more concise than "between 11 and 16 years old." "Typically engage in" is also more formal than "usually do."

  3. "it is clear that" -> "it is evident that"
    Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal and precise term than "clear," which enhances the academic tone of the writing.

  4. "the figure for computer games witnesses the highest proportion" -> "the proportion of computer games represents the highest figure"
    Explanation: "Represents" is a more appropriate verb in this context, as it conveys the idea of showing or indicating. "Figure" is vague; specifying "proportion" clarifies the meaning.

  5. "the percentage of computer games is approximately 50% in England, which is higher than this figure for Scotland of 10%" -> "the percentage of computer games is approximately 50% in England, which exceeds the corresponding figure of 10% for Scotland"
    Explanation: "Exceeds" is a more precise and formal term than "is higher than." "Corresponding figure" clarifies the comparison being made.

  6. "while they constitute nearly 15% and 25% respectively in participation in domestic interest among the Scottish young generation" -> "while they account for nearly 15% and 25% respectively in domestic activities among the Scottish youth"
    Explanation: "Account for" is a more formal phrase than "constitute." "Domestic activities" is clearer than "participation in domestic interest," and "youth" is a more concise term than "young generation."

  7. "there is a wide gap between the percentage of computer games and other activities" -> "there is a significant disparity between the percentage of computer games and that of other activities"
    Explanation: "Significant disparity" is a more formal and precise way to describe a large difference, enhancing the academic tone.

  8. "which doubled that of screen time and tripled that of board games" -> "which is double that of screen time and triple that of board games"
    Explanation: "Is double" and "is triple" are more grammatically correct and precise than "doubled" and "tripled," maintaining clarity in the comparison.

  9. "just 10% of Welsh teenagers opt for reading at home" -> "only 10% of Welsh teenagers engage in reading at home"
    Explanation: "Only" is more precise than "just," and "engage in" is a more formal phrase than "opt for," enhancing the academic tone.

  10. "Furthermore, they share the same proportion of board games and TV viewing, at around 30%" -> "Furthermore, they exhibit the same proportion of board games and television viewing, at approximately 30%"
    Explanation: "Exhibit" is a more formal verb than "share," and "television viewing" is more precise than "TV viewing," improving the academic style.

  11. "while half of youths tend to play computer games in Wales" -> "while half of the youth in Wales tend to engage in computer games"
    Explanation: "The youth" is more formal than "youths," and "engage in" is a more precise phrase than "tend to play," enhancing clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the overall trend and key comparisons. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the percentage of computer games is approximately 50% in England, which is higher than this figure for Scotland of 10%," but the chart shows that the percentage of computer games in Scotland is 40%, not 10%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details, and by extending the key features more fully. For example, the essay could provide more specific comparisons between the different countries, or it could discuss the reasons why computer games are becoming more popular.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information coherently with a clear overall progression. The writer effectively arranges ideas, providing a summary of the bar chart and discussing the data for each country in a logical manner. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where the cohesion may feel mechanical or not entirely clear, particularly in transitions between ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution would help avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Organizing paragraphs around specific themes or comparisons could also strengthen the logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "constitute," and "noteworthy," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the figure for computer games witnesses the highest proportion" and "which doubled that of screen time." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and phrasing that may cause minor confusion for the reader, such as "the percentage of computer games is approximately 50% in England, which is higher than this figure for Scotland of 10%." Overall, while the vocabulary used is adequate for conveying the main ideas, the inaccuracies and occasional awkwardness limit the score to a Band 6.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Additionally, improving the accuracy of word formation and ensuring that phrases are clear and natural would enhance the overall fluency and flexibility of the language used. Practicing with more complex sentence structures and varying vocabulary can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay also contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally impede clarity. For instance, phrases like "leading to the figure for computer games witnesses the highest proportion" are convoluted and could be clearer. Additionally, there are errors in punctuation and some sentences lack proper structure, which detracts from overall accuracy. However, the meaning is generally conveyed, and the communication remains intact.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
  2. Enhance Clarity: Simplify convoluted phrases and ensure that all sentences are clear and easy to understand.
  3. Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical and punctuation errors, aiming for more error-free sentences.
  4. Use Appropriate Vocabulary: Employ precise vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning, avoiding awkward or unclear expressions.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of various typical domestic activities that youngsters aged between 11 and 16 years engage in across England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales.

Overall, it is evident that the proportion of home activities in Ireland and England is higher than that in Scotland and Wales. Additionally, it is noteworthy that computer games are becoming increasingly popular, as evidenced by the fact that this activity accounts for the highest proportion among all surveyed activities.

As can be observed from the chart, in both England and Scotland, 30% of young people watch TV at home. However, the percentage of those playing computer games is approximately 50% in England, significantly higher than the 10% recorded in Scotland. Furthermore, board games constitute 25% and reading makes up 20% in England, while these activities represent nearly 15% and 25% respectively among the Scottish youth.

Turning to the other countries, there is a substantial gap between the percentage of computer games and other activities. In Ireland, the figure for computer games exceeds 60%, which is double that of screen time and triple that of board games, while reading accounts for just 10%. Similarly, only 10% of Welsh teenagers choose to read at home. Moreover, they share the same proportion for board games and TV viewing, both at around 30%, while half of the youth in Wales prefer to play computer games.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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