Some believe that students should begin learning a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later.

Some people argue that children should learn a language at the early age while others believe that students should be taught these subjects later. While both viewpoints are valid, I lean towards the former.

There are convincing reasons why some opine that it is language which is ought to be taught later. One of these is that it may put pressure on students. This is because foreign language curriculum at primary school can be quite heavy, leading to the loss of pleasure when learning and the negative impact on the overall development of children. Moreover, learning a foreign language is so costly that it is challenging for families with low budgets, as they may struggle to afford the necessary resources.

However, I would argue that it is essential for students to start learning a new tongue at a young age. Firstly, it helps to strengthen foundation for future language learning. Primary school is the optimal stage for children to absorb language naturally. As a result, children possess rich vocabulary and grammar, enabling them to learn effectively at high levels. Secondly, children can enhance adaptability and integration. In the age of globalization, foreign language plays an important role in cutural connection and interaction. As a consequence, children easily adapt with multicutural environment, confidently integrate with the world and become a global citizen. Thirdly, learning opprtunities are more and more expanded. Foreign language makes children more confident when talking to foreigners. They can make friends and those relationships can be beneficial for them as they may gain lots of valuable knowledge from their foreign friends.

In conclusion, although both views are rational to some extent, I still support the idea that early language currculum is critical for students.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.
"at the early age" -> "at an early age"
Explanation: "At the early age" is grammatically incorrect. "At an early age" is the correct phrase, which is also more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"it is language which is ought to be taught" -> "it is language that should be taught"
Explanation: "Ought to" is less formal and slightly archaic; "should" is more contemporary and suitable for academic texts. Also, "which is ought to be" is grammatically incorrect; "that should be" is the correct form.
"put pressure on students" -> "pose challenges for students"
Explanation: "Pose challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties that students may face, compared to the more colloquial "put pressure on."
"foreign language curriculum at primary school can be quite heavy" -> "the foreign language curriculum at primary school can be substantial"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal and precise term than "heavy," which is somewhat vague and informal in this context.
"leading to the loss of pleasure when learning" -> "resulting in a loss of enthusiasm for learning"
Explanation: "Resulting in a loss of enthusiasm" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on students’ motivation, replacing the less formal "pleasure."
"learning a foreign language is so costly" -> "learning a foreign language is costly"
Explanation: Removing "so" makes the statement more concise and formal, fitting better in academic writing.
"as they may struggle to afford the necessary resources" -> "as they may find it difficult to afford the necessary resources"
Explanation: "Find it difficult" is a more precise and formal expression than "struggle," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"it is essential for students to start learning a new tongue" -> "it is crucial for students to begin learning a new language"
Explanation: "Crucial" is more formal than "essential," and "begin learning" is more precise than "start learning," which is somewhat informal. Also, "tongue" is less formal than "language" in this context.
"helps to strengthen foundation for future language learning" -> "helps to establish a strong foundation for future language learning"
Explanation: "Establish a strong foundation" is a more precise and formal way to describe the role of early language learning in setting up future language skills.
"children can enhance adaptability and integration" -> "children can enhance their adaptability and integration"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies that the adaptability and integration refer to the children’s abilities, making the sentence grammatically correct and clearer.
"foreign language plays an important role in cutural connection and interaction" -> "the foreign language plays a significant role in cultural connection and interaction"
Explanation: "The" is necessary to specify the language, and "significant" is more formal than "important" in academic writing.
"children easily adapt with multicutural environment" -> "children easily adapt to multicultural environments"
Explanation: "Adapt to" is the correct preposition, and "environments" is plural to match the context of multiple cultures.
"learning opprtunities are more and more expanded" -> "learning opportunities are increasingly expanded"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and precise adverb than "more and more," which is colloquial and vague.
"Foreign language makes children more confident" -> "Learning a foreign language enhances children’s confidence"
Explanation: "Enhances children’s confidence" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of language learning on children’s self-assurance.
"they can make friends and those relationships can be beneficial" -> "they can form friendships, which can be beneficial"
Explanation: "Form friendships" is a more formal expression than "make friends," and "which" is used correctly to introduce the dependent clause, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the timing of language learning in schools. The introduction clearly presents the two viewpoints, and the writer’s position is stated in the thesis. The body paragraphs explore the reasons for both the late and early language learning perspectives, providing a balanced view. For instance, the discussion on the potential pressures and costs associated with early language learning acknowledges the opposing viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the reasons for the late learning perspective, as it primarily focuses on the advantages of early learning.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples or evidence supporting the arguments for both sides. This could involve discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of early versus late language learning on students’ academic performance or social integration.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position favoring early language learning throughout the essay. Phrases like "I lean towards the former" and "I would argue that it is essential" effectively convey the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the transition between discussing the opposing view and the author’s own argument could be smoother, which might lead to slight confusion about the primary focus.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use clearer transition phrases when shifting from discussing the opposing viewpoint to reinforcing their own argument. For example, using phrases like "Despite these concerns, I believe…" would help in maintaining a consistent flow and reinforcing the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several compelling arguments in favor of early language learning, such as the benefits of natural absorption of language and the importance of adaptability in a globalized world. Each point is extended with explanations, such as the impact on vocabulary and grammar development. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened with more concrete examples or evidence, such as referencing studies that demonstrate the cognitive benefits of early language acquisition.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples, anecdotes, or research findings that illustrate the advantages of early language learning. This could involve mentioning successful bilingual individuals or studies that show improved cognitive skills among early language learners.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding the timing of language learning. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "foreign language makes children more confident when talking to foreigners" could be more explicitly linked back to the benefits of early learning rather than simply stating a general advantage of knowing a foreign language.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of when language learning should begin. This could involve explicitly connecting each argument to the implications of early versus late language learning, ensuring that every statement reinforces the overall thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to the depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and specificity of examples, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting early language learning, with a logical flow of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the debate, and the body paragraphs each address specific points. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons for delaying language learning, while the subsequent paragraphs present arguments in favor of early language acquisition. However, the transition between the points could be smoother, as some ideas feel somewhat disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing pressure on students to the benefits of early learning could be better connected to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of late language learning, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "In contrast to these concerns, early language learning offers several significant advantages." This would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the structure is generally effective. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main argument of the paragraph. The second body paragraph, while containing strong points, could be divided into two separate paragraphs to better highlight the distinct benefits of early language learning, such as adaptability and expanded learning opportunities.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to emphasize distinct points. For instance, separating the discussion on adaptability and integration from the discussion on expanded learning opportunities would allow for a more focused exploration of each benefit.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "firstly," and "secondly," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a consequence" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore" to add information, "in addition" to introduce another point, or "on the other hand" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a way that clearly illustrates the relationship between ideas. For instance, after stating a benefit of early language learning, follow it with a cohesive device that explicitly connects it to the overall argument of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "pressure," "curriculum," "adaptability," and "globalization." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "foreign language" and "children." The essay could benefit from more varied expressions to convey similar ideas, which would enhance the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "foreign language," alternatives like "second language," "additional language," or "new language" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "language acquisition" or "linguistic skills" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "language which is ought to be taught later," which is awkwardly phrased. The phrase "cutural connection" contains a spelling error and should be "cultural connection." Furthermore, "opprtunities" is misspelled and should be "opportunities." These inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of saying "language which is ought to be taught later," a more precise phrasing would be "language that should be taught later." Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning will improve the overall quality.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "opprtunities," "currculum," and "cutural." These mistakes can undermine the reader’s confidence in the writer’s language proficiency and distract from the content of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are used effectively, such as "While both viewpoints are valid, I lean towards the former," which shows an ability to connect ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures is evident in phrases like "if students start learning a new tongue at a young age." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are presented, which could benefit from more variation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Thirdly," try integrating these points into more complex sentences. This could enhance the flow and coherence of the essay. Additionally, using different transition phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Furthermore," "Conversely") can help create a more engaging narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "it is language which is ought to be taught later" is awkwardly constructed; it should be "it is a language that ought to be taught later." There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in complex sentences. For example, "In the age of globalization, foreign language plays an important role in cutural connection and interaction" is clear, but the lack of a comma before "and" in compound sentences can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex and compound sentences, will improve clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper sentence structure and punctuation usage. Finally, proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may have been overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly elevated.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that children should learn a language at an early age, while others believe that students should be taught these subjects later. While both viewpoints are valid, I lean towards the former.

There are convincing reasons why some opine that it is language that ought to be taught later. One of these is that it may put pressure on students. This is because the foreign language curriculum at primary school can be quite heavy, leading to a loss of pleasure when learning and a negative impact on the overall development of children. Moreover, learning a foreign language can be so costly that it poses challenges for families with low budgets, as they may struggle to afford the necessary resources.

However, I would argue that it is essential for students to start learning a new language at a young age. Firstly, it helps to strengthen the foundation for future language learning. Primary school is the optimal stage for children to absorb language naturally. As a result, children possess a rich vocabulary and grammar, enabling them to learn effectively at high levels. Secondly, children can enhance their adaptability and integration. In the age of globalization, foreign language plays an important role in cultural connection and interaction. As a consequence, children easily adapt to a multicultural environment, confidently integrate with the world, and become global citizens. Thirdly, learning opportunities are expanding more and more. Foreign language makes children more confident when talking to foreigners. They can make friends, and those relationships can be beneficial for them as they may gain lots of valuable knowledge from their foreign friends.

In conclusion, although both views are rational to some extent, I still support the idea that an early language curriculum is critical for students.