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Some children have to live at different places during their childhood because of transferable jobs from their parents. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in different places in childhood on child development?

Some children have to live at different places during their childhood because of transferable jobs from their parents. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in different places in childhood on child development?

There is a growing trend that children have to relocate in their childhood due to their parents’ job requirements . In this essay, both benefits and drawbacks of this trend on children’s growth are discussed.

On the one hand, there are some advantages of living at different places for children's development. Firstly, children can have an opportunity to be exposed to cultural diversity. To be more precise, each place may have its unique culture and customs in which young people can learn to adapt and adopt novel lifestyles. As a result, they can broaden their horizons and improve their tolerance toward cultural differences. Secondly, relocating in different places makes children become more independent. Moving frequently requires children to quickly adjust to new environments and face unfamiliar situations which require independent living abilities. For instance, those who moved from Australia to Vietnam have to learn to prepare breakfast and pack their own lunch box as their parents have to leave home very early for work.

On the other hand, there are some existing negative impacts on children’s growth due to moving frequently. A major issue is that moving home too many times may affect their mental well-being as it can be difficult for them to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships with their peers, leading to a sense of isolation. Another possible drawback is that this can disrupt their academic progress. Students have to learn new school curriculum and pedagogical methods due to differences in educational systems. Consequently, they may lose their interest in study, which can result in decreasing school performance.

In conclusion, frequent relocations can provide exposure to different cultures and environments as well as enhance children’s independence. However, the disadvantages of disturbed mental health and disrupted education are also concerning. It is recommended that parents should strive to employ supportive approaches to help mitigate the potential drawbacks, ensuring a holistic development for children.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "children have to relocate in their childhood" -> "children have to relocate during their formative years"
    Explanation: Replacing "in their childhood" with "during their formative years" adds a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "both benefits and drawbacks" -> "both advantages and disadvantages"
    Explanation: Substituting "benefits and drawbacks" with "advantages and disadvantages" is more formal and aligns with academic language conventions.

  3. "children’s growth" -> "children’s development"
    Explanation: Replacing "children’s growth" with "children’s development" is a more formal and accurate term for the context of the essay.

  4. "For instance, those who moved from Australia to Vietnam" -> "For example, individuals who relocated from Australia to Vietnam"
    Explanation: Substituting "those who moved" with "individuals who relocated" and "For instance" with "For example" contributes to a more formal tone and precise expression.

  5. "negative impacts on children’s growth" -> "adverse effects on children’s development"
    Explanation: Replacing "negative impacts on children’s growth" with "adverse effects on children’s development" introduces a more formal and nuanced phrase.

  6. "Moving frequently requires children to quickly adjust" -> "Frequent relocation necessitates children to rapidly adapt"
    Explanation: Replacing "Moving frequently requires" with "Frequent relocation necessitates" and "to quickly adjust" with "to rapidly adapt" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "it can be difficult for them to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships with their peers" -> "forming meaningful and enduring relationships with their peers can become challenging"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "forming meaningful and enduring relationships with their peers can become challenging" maintains formality and clarity.

  8. "this can disrupt their academic progress" -> "this may disrupt their academic advancement"
    Explanation: Substituting "can disrupt" with "may disrupt" and "academic progress" with "academic advancement" adds a level of caution and formality to the statement.

  9. "result in decreasing school performance" -> "result in a decline in academic performance"
    Explanation: Replacing "result in decreasing school performance" with "result in a decline in academic performance" offers a more formal and specific phrase.

  10. "It is recommended that parents should strive" -> "It is advisable for parents to strive"
    Explanation: Removing redundancy by replacing "It is recommended that parents should strive" with "It is advisable for parents to strive" maintains formality and conciseness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "There is a growing trend that children have to relocate in their childhood due to their parents’ job requirements. In this essay, both benefits and drawbacks of this trend on children’s growth are discussed."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is generally clear in presenting the topic; however, it lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position on whether the trend is more advantageous or disadvantageous. A more explicit stance in the introduction would enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary landscape, a noticeable trend is the frequent relocation of children due to their parents’ job requirements. This essay will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of such a trend on the holistic development of children, ultimately asserting whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, children can have an opportunity to be exposed to cultural diversity…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph effectively highlights the advantages of cultural exposure. However, the supporting example lacks specificity and could be strengthened by providing a more vivid and personal example from the writer’s knowledge or experience.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, children benefit from exposure to cultural diversity. For instance, a child moving from a bustling city like New York to a serene village in Japan not only encounters diverse traditions and lifestyles but also learns to appreciate the richness of global cultures. This firsthand experience fosters a broadened perspective and increased tolerance."
  3. Quoted text: "Another possible drawback is that this can disrupt their academic progress…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the paragraph effectively discusses the potential disadvantage of disrupted academic progress, it would benefit from a more detailed example. Providing a specific instance from the writer’s experience or knowledge would add credibility and strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Another significant drawback is the potential disruption to a child’s academic progress. For instance, a student transitioning from the British education system to the American system may struggle to adapt to different curricula and teaching methods. This abrupt change could lead to a decline in academic performance and a loss of interest in studies."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of children relocating due to their parents’ jobs. However, enhancing the clarity of the writer’s stance in the introduction and providing more specific examples would further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is well-defined, and the essay effectively discusses both advantages and disadvantages. However, there is a slight tendency toward overusing certain cohesive devices, and the referencing within and between sentences could be refined for improved clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid overuse. Ensure that referencing within and between sentences is clear and precise. Additionally, strive for a more balanced presentation of advantages and disadvantages to avoid any perceived bias in the essay’s discussion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. It effectively employs less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. The essay also maintains a relatively consistent control of word formation and spelling, with only occasional errors. The discussion of advantages and disadvantages is well-developed, providing specific examples and reasoning to support the points.

How to improve: To elevate the Lexical Resource to a Band 8, aim for even more precise and sophisticated vocabulary. Consider incorporating a wider variety of uncommon lexical items consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies further. Strengthening the connection between ideas with seamless transitions can contribute to a more fluent and flexible use of vocabulary, enhancing overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. The writer uses a variety of complex structures, showcasing an ability to convey ideas with a mix of sentence forms. There are occasional errors, but they do not significantly impede communication and can be considered as minor ‘slips.’ The essay effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of children living in different places during their childhood. The use of examples, such as the need for children to adapt to new environments and the potential impact on mental well-being and academic progress, adds depth to the analysis.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths. Additionally, pay attention to word choices to ensure precision and clarity. While the essay is generally well-structured, double-check for coherence in connecting ideas between paragraphs. Keep refining language use to approach a more sophisticated level without sacrificing clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

There’s a growing trend where kids have to move because of their parents’ jobs. This essay discusses both the good and bad sides of this on a child’s growth.

On one hand, moving around can be good. First off, it exposes kids to different cultures. Each place has its own ways, and kids learn to adjust and accept new lifestyles. This expands their view and makes them more accepting of differences. Also, moving makes kids more independent. They have to adapt fast and handle new situations alone. For instance, those who moved from Australia to Vietnam had to learn to manage their own meals as their parents had early work.

On the flip side, moving too much can harm kids. One big issue is it might affect their mental health. Making friends becomes hard, which can make them feel lonely. It can also mess with their schooling. New schools mean new ways of teaching, which might make them lose interest and do worse in studies.

In conclusion, moving can show kids different cultures and make them independent. But, it might affect their mental health and schooling. Parents should help reduce these problems for a better overall growth.

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