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Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land.

Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land.

Some local authorities address the challenge of dense population by constructing additional apartment buildings. In contrast, in some parts of the world, this issue is tackled by expanding cities. From my perspective, the latter approach is more efficient.

On one hand, constructing tall buildings to provide accommodation for citizens is reasonable to some extent. Firstly, it addresses the lack of space, allowing a city to expand its geographic footprint. Therefore, tall buildings become the only viable option when there is a demand for more housing. Another reason is that apartments will be more cost-effective as they require only a small area, making them suitable to meet the needs of dwellers. However, high-rise buildings also come with drawbacks. Due to the use of limited space, inhabitants may suffer from overcrowding and noise. An incident of arson in a small apartment in Hanoi, for example, exemplifies the danger of narrow entrances, preventing people from escaping the fire.
On the other hand, the expansion of a city to provide more housing is likely a better solution. The major drawback may be an unfriendly environment due to habitat destruction and loss of wildlife when logging replaces natural landscapes. Despite this, the construction of houses in suburbs offers a much more pleasant, green, and healthy environment for people. Furthermore, it helps the government manage and exploit some remote areas while facilitating population redistribution.
In conclusion, despite the disadvantages associated with both approaches, constructing on wider areas of land offers a better living space for people.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some local authorities address the challenge of dense population by constructing additional apartment buildings." -> "Certain local authorities confront the challenge of dense population by erecting additional apartment buildings."
    Explanation: Replacing "address" with "confront" and "constructing" with "erecting" adds formality to the sentence, aligning it more closely with academic style.

  2. "From my perspective, the latter approach is more efficient." -> "In my view, the latter approach proves more efficient."
    Explanation: Substituting "From my perspective" with "In my view" maintains a formal tone, and replacing "is" with "proves" adds a touch of precision to the statement.

  3. "constructing tall buildings to provide accommodation for citizens is reasonable to some extent." -> "erecting tall structures to offer lodging for citizens is justifiable to some extent."
    Explanation: Substituting "constructing tall buildings" with "erecting tall structures" and replacing "reasonable" with "justifiable" enhances formality and precision.

  4. "Firstly, it addresses the lack of space, allowing a city to expand its geographic footprint." -> "First and foremost, it mitigates the lack of space, enabling a city to expand its geographical footprint."
    Explanation: The replacement of "Firstly" with "First and foremost" and the use of "mitigates" instead of "addresses" contribute to a more academic style.

  5. "apartments will be more cost-effective as they require only a small area" -> "apartments will be more cost-effective as they necessitate only a modest area."
    Explanation: Replacing "require" with "necessitate" and "small" with "modest" elevates the language without sacrificing clarity.

  6. "An incident of arson in a small apartment in Hanoi, for example, exemplifies the danger of narrow entrances, preventing people from escaping the fire." -> "An instance of arson in a compact apartment in Hanoi, for instance, illustrates the peril of narrow entrances, impeding individuals from evacuating during a fire."
    Explanation: The use of "instance" instead of "incident" and "illustrates" instead of "exemplifies" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "On the other hand, the expansion of a city to provide more housing is likely a better solution." -> "Conversely, the expansion of a city to augment housing is arguably a superior solution."
    Explanation: Substituting "On the other hand" with "Conversely" and replacing "likely" with "arguably" enhances the formality and strength of the statement.

  8. "The major drawback may be an unfriendly environment due to habitat destruction and loss of wildlife when logging replaces natural landscapes." -> "A primary drawback could be an inhospitable environment resulting from habitat destruction and the depletion of wildlife as logging supplants natural landscapes."
    Explanation: Replacing "major" with "primary" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  9. "Despite this, the construction of houses in suburbs offers a much more pleasant, green, and healthy environment for people." -> "Notwithstanding this, the construction of residences in suburbs provides a considerably more pleasant, verdant, and healthful environment for inhabitants."
    Explanation: Replacing "houses" with "residences" and using more advanced adjectives like "verdant" and "healthful" enhances the sophistication of the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt – constructing taller buildings and building on wider areas of land. The writer discusses the merits and drawbacks of each approach, presenting a balanced view.

    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more nuanced insights into potential benefits and challenges associated with both approaches. For instance, elaborate on specific scenarios where tall buildings might be more suitable or situations where expanding on wider areas of land could be less effective.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear stance favoring the expansion of cities as a more efficient solution. This position is evident in the thesis statement and consistently supported throughout the essay.

    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider refining the thesis statement by explicitly stating the preference for building on wider areas. Additionally, reinforce the central argument by consistently tying it back to supporting details in each paragraph.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, supporting them with examples such as the advantages of tall buildings in addressing space constraints and the drawbacks of narrow entrances in apartments. However, the development could be more nuanced.

    • How to improve: Extend the discussion by exploring additional dimensions of the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, delve deeper into the societal impacts of tall buildings, considering factors like community dynamics and infrastructure strain. Provide specific examples or data to enhance the depth of your arguments.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two approaches to housing without significant deviation. However, the mention of an incident in Hanoi, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the broader discussion.

    • How to improve: Maintain a direct link between examples and the overall argument. In the case of the Hanoi incident, explicitly connect it to the drawbacks of constructing tall buildings, ensuring that each piece of evidence contributes directly to the main points of the essay.


Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a well-structured and cohesive response. The writer’s clear position and thoughtful consideration of advantages and disadvantages contribute to a comprehensive exploration of the topic. To enhance the score further, the essay could benefit from more nuanced analysis and a more explicit connection between examples and the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It opens with a clear introduction, presents arguments for both approaches (tall buildings and wider land), and concludes with a concise summary. However, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of tall buildings could be more coherent. The transition between discussing the benefits of tall buildings and presenting their drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a smoother transition between paragraphs. Perhaps, introduce a transitional sentence that signals the shift from the advantages to the drawbacks of tall buildings. This would create a more seamless and connected flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a clear and structured presentation. However, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of tall buildings is lengthy and could be divided into smaller, more focused paragraphs to improve readability.
    • How to improve: Break down the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of tall buildings into smaller paragraphs, each addressing a distinct disadvantage or aspect. This will not only enhance readability but also make the essay more visually appealing and easier to follow.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs, especially in the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of tall buildings. Clearer connections between sentences within this paragraph would strengthen the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the internal cohesion within paragraphs, ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the preceding one. Consider using more explicit transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas, making the essay more cohesive and easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety, but the use of certain words and phrases is repetitive. For instance, the term "expansion" is frequently used to describe the wider land approach. Additionally, more specific vocabulary related to urban planning and environmental impact could enhance the lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To improve, try incorporating a broader spectrum of vocabulary. Explore synonyms and more specialized terms related to city planning, construction, and environmental considerations. For example, instead of repeatedly using "expansion," consider terms like urban sprawl, development, or growth. Introduce words like sustainability, biodiversity, or ecological impact to convey a deeper understanding of the environmental aspects.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The use of vocabulary is generally precise, with clear communication of ideas. However, there are instances where more specific and nuanced language could enhance precision. For example, the phrase "due to habitat destruction" could be refined with a more specific description of the environmental impact.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by providing more detailed descriptions. Instead of a general term like "habitat destruction," consider specifying the impact, such as deforestation or disruption of ecosystems. This will not only demonstrate a more exact use of vocabulary but also contribute to a more nuanced discussion of the topic.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate. However, there are a few instances where words like "efficient" and "incident" are used, but there is a missing "t" in "efficient" and an extra "i" in "incident." These minor errors do not significantly hinder comprehension but can be improved for a higher level of accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling, especially for commonly used words. Review your writing for potential typos and consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to catch these minor errors. Additionally, proofreading before submission is crucial to ensure all words are spelled correctly.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, refining and diversifying vocabulary, improving precision, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, contributing to overall coherence. For instance, the writer utilizes complex sentences to present arguments, such as "Due to the use of limited space, inhabitants may suffer from overcrowding and noise." However, there is room for improvement in sentence structure diversity. More intricate sentence types, such as conditional or concessive sentences, could be incorporated to elevate the complexity and sophistication of the writing.

    • How to improve: To enhance sentence structure variety, consider incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If cities opt for taller buildings, they should address potential issues of overcrowding"), concessive sentences (e.g., "Despite the advantages of tall buildings, there are inherent risks like the incident in Hanoi"), or inversion (e.g., "Not only does constructing on wider areas provide housing, but it also preserves natural landscapes"). This will contribute to a more sophisticated and nuanced expression of ideas.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are grammatically sound, and punctuation is used appropriately. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present. For example, in "In contrast, in some parts of the world, this issue is tackled by expanding cities," a clearer phrasing could be, "On the other hand, some cities address this issue by expanding."

    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review sentence structures for clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and precise word choices. In the sentence, "The major drawback may be an unfriendly environment due to habitat destruction and loss of wildlife when logging replaces natural landscapes," consider rephrasing for clarity, such as "One major drawback could be the unfriendly environment resulting from habitat destruction and wildlife loss when logging replaces natural landscapes." This ensures precision and reduces any ambiguity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and accuracy, with opportunities for improvement in sentence structure diversity and fine-tuning of grammar for clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certain local authorities grapple with the challenge of a dense population by constructing additional apartment buildings. In my view, the latter approach proves more efficient.

Erecting tall structures to provide lodging for citizens is justifiable to some extent. First and foremost, it mitigates the lack of space, enabling a city to expand its geographical footprint. This is crucial when there is a demand for more housing. Furthermore, apartments will be more cost-effective as they necessitate only a modest area, meeting the needs of dwellers. However, it’s important to note that high-rise buildings have drawbacks. Limited space may lead to issues like overcrowding and noise. An instance of arson in a compact apartment in Hanoi, for instance, illustrates the peril of narrow entrances, impeding individuals from evacuating during a fire.

Conversely, the expansion of a city to augment housing is arguably a superior solution. A primary drawback could be an inhospitable environment resulting from habitat destruction and the depletion of wildlife as logging supplants natural landscapes. Notwithstanding this, the construction of residences in suburbs provides a considerably more pleasant, verdant, and healthful environment for inhabitants.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages associated with both approaches, constructing on wider areas of land offers a better living space for people.

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