Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities
create housing by building on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

In contemporary society, the question for developing nations of whether to rennovate new houses for their increased population upward, by building apartments, or outward, by expanding the lands, remains a source of controversy. While some believe that tall buildings can allocate the housing effectively, I would argue that widen the cities’ areas is a more viable and practical solution.
On the one hand, utilizing apartments to solve the increase housing demand has both drawbacks and benefits. One major advantage is that bulid upward can result in less space in the city is contributed to accommodation, which is suitable for metropolitans that is located in coastal or mountainous area where building can meet numerous difficulties. As a result, there will be more available area in the city to rennovate facilities which can sastify the inhabitant needs. However, when there are too many buildings are built, the population density in a particular area will skyrocket and raise numerous problems, which includes the area becomes crowded, noisy and polluted. This can lead to many health issues both mentally and physically for the residents. In addition to being crowded, the residents also need to face several dangers because many owners choose to ignore the safety guidelines when rennovating apartments to increase the benefits they receive. Hence, the qualities of those buildings are not guaranteed to live in.
On the other hand, I believe that expanding the cities outward can help the government to meet with the housing demand more effectively. Although this action can deteriorate nearby natural habitat of numerous wild animals, which can cause a shift in the area ecosystem, building houses in the suburb can help to urbanize the rural areas there and thus offering job oppoturnities for the locals. Residents who accommodate in this expanded zone can acquire better mental health because they are not affected by constant noise or pressure. In exchange, the time it takes them to reach the centre of the metropolitan increase due to their far housing position.
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity and drawbacks, it seems to me that it is better to widen the areas for housing demand due to how its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, policies that encourage expanding the urban should be implied to ensure houses for everyone.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "rennovate new houses" -> "construct new housing"
   Explanation: "Rennovate" is a typo and should be "construct" to correctly convey the intended meaning of building new houses.

2. "upward, by building apartments" -> "vertically, by constructing apartments"
   Explanation: "Upward" is vague and informal; "vertically" is more precise and formal. "Building" is also replaced with "constructing" for a more academic tone.

3. "outward, by expanding the lands" -> "outward, by expanding the land"
   Explanation: "Lands" is plural and incorrect in this context; "land" is singular and the correct form.

4. "widen the cities’ areas" -> "expand the urban areas"
   Explanation: "Widen" is less specific and informal; "expand" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

5. "utilizing apartments" -> "utilizing apartment construction"
   Explanation: "Apartment" is a noun and should be used as an adjective to modify "construction" for clarity and grammatical correctness.

6. "bulid upward" -> "building upward"
   Explanation: "Bulid" is a typo and should be corrected to "building" for grammatical accuracy.

7. "less space in the city is contributed to accommodation" -> "less space in the city is allocated for accommodation"
   Explanation: "Contributed to" is incorrect; "allocated for" is the correct phrase for describing the use of space.

8. "metropolitans that is located" -> "metropolises that are located"
   Explanation: "Metropolitans" is incorrect; "metropolises" is the correct noun form. Also, "that is" should be "that are" for subject-verb agreement.

9. "sastify the inhabitant needs" -> "satisfy the inhabitants’ needs"
   Explanation: "Sastify" is a typo and should be corrected to "satisfy." Also, "inhabitants" should be possessive to agree with "needs."

10. "when there are too many buildings are built" -> "when too many buildings are built"
    Explanation: "There are" is unnecessary and redundant; "too many" is sufficient to convey the idea.

11. "raise numerous problems" -> "pose numerous problems"
    Explanation: "Raise" is incorrect in this context; "pose" is the correct verb for introducing issues.

12. "the area becomes crowded, noisy and polluted" -> "the area becomes crowded, noisy, and polluted"
    Explanation: A comma is needed after "noisy" for proper punctuation.

13. "the residents also need to face several dangers" -> "the residents also face several dangers"
    Explanation: "Need to face" is redundant; "face" is sufficient.

14. "rennovating apartments to increase the benefits they receive" -> "renovating apartments to increase their benefits"
    Explanation: "Rennovating" is a typo and should be corrected to "renovating." Also, "they receive" is unnecessary and can be simplified to "their."

15. "the qualities of those buildings are not guaranteed to live in" -> "the quality of these buildings is not guaranteed for living"
    Explanation: "Qualities" is plural and incorrect; "quality" is singular and correct. Also, "are not guaranteed to live in" is awkward; "is not guaranteed for living" is more direct and formal.

16. "expand the cities outward" -> "expand the cities outwardly"
    Explanation: "Outward" should be adverbial, so "outwardly" is the correct form.

17. "implied to ensure houses for everyone" -> "implemented to ensure housing for all"
    Explanation: "Implied" is incorrect; "implemented" is the correct verb for policy action. "Houses" is too specific and informal; "housing" is more appropriate and formal. "For everyone" is informal; "for all" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both solutions (building upward and outward) and presenting a clear argument in favor of expanding outward. The introduction sets the context well, and the body paragraphs explore the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. However, while the essay mentions the drawbacks of building upward, it could benefit from a more explicit comparison of the two solutions in terms of effectiveness in meeting housing demands.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more direct comparison of the two solutions in the conclusion, summarizing why one is superior to the other. Additionally, providing specific examples or case studies of cities that have successfully implemented either solution could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the outward expansion of cities. The argument is consistent, with the writer reiterating their stance in both the introduction and conclusion. However, the phrasing in some areas could be clearer, as certain sentences are convoluted and may confuse the reader about the main argument.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should focus on simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis. Using transitional phrases can also help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of both building methods. The points made about the negative impacts of high-density living and the advantages of suburban living are relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas, such as the impact on mental health and job opportunities, could be further developed with more detailed explanations or examples.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples or data. For instance, discussing specific cities that have successfully expanded outward and the benefits they experienced would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the housing solutions discussed in the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion of drawbacks, particularly regarding building upward, could be more concise and directly related to the main argument. The mention of safety guidelines and the quality of buildings, while relevant, could be streamlined to maintain focus.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point directly relates back to the main argument. This can be achieved by briefly summarizing how each point contributes to the overall thesis before moving on to the next idea. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay tightly focused on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the debate between building upward and outward, while the body paragraphs each focus on one of the proposed solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the advantages of tall buildings and the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument seamlessly. The points made about the drawbacks of tall buildings could be better integrated with the discussion of the benefits of expanding outward.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Furthermore," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, when transitioning from the advantages of tall buildings to the drawbacks, a phrase like "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks to consider" could improve clarity.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the pros and cons of building upward, while the second addresses the outward expansion. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument presented.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar level of detail and analysis. For instance, the second body paragraph could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on the benefits of expanding outward, such as discussing potential urban planning strategies that could mitigate the environmental impact. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts within the paragraphs.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help to signal shifts in the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "However, when there are too many buildings are built" is awkwardly constructed and could confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Consequently" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly structured to enhance readability. For instance, rephrasing "when there are too many buildings are built" to "when too many buildings are constructed" would improve clarity and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical flow, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary society," "metropolitans," "urbanize," and "accommodate." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat limited or repetitive. For example, the phrase "building houses in the suburb" could have been varied with alternatives like "developing residential areas" or "constructing homes in suburban regions." Additionally, the use of "widen the cities’ areas" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally as "expanding urban areas."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. Reading widely and noting diverse vocabulary in context can help. Practicing paraphrasing sentences from articles or essays can also aid in developing a broader lexical repertoire.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the area becomes crowded, noisy and polluted" could be more accurately expressed as "the area becomes congested, suffers from noise pollution, and experiences environmental degradation." Additionally, the phrase "the qualities of those buildings are not guaranteed to live in" is unclear; it would be better stated as "the quality of these buildings cannot be guaranteed for safe living."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their appropriate contexts. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise alternatives, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Regular practice in writing and receiving feedback can also enhance this skill.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words such as "rennovate" (should be "renovate"), "bulid" (should be "build"), "sastify" (should be "satisfy"), and "oppoturnities" (should be "opportunities") indicate a need for attention to detail. These errors can confuse the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more can also improve spelling by reinforcing correct forms through exposure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a fair command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "while some believe that tall buildings can allocate the housing effectively" shows an attempt at complexity. However, many sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack variety, such as "the question for developing nations of whether to rennovate new houses for their increased population upward, by building apartments, or outward, by expanding the lands, remains a source of controversy." This sentence is overly long and convoluted, making it difficult for readers to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice combining shorter sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the residents," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, would add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "widen the cities’ areas" should be "widening the cities’ areas," and "bulid upward can result in less space in the city is contributed to accommodation" is grammatically incorrect. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, lead to run-on sentences that confuse the reader. The phrase "when there are too many buildings are built" is also incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on proofreading for grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms and sentence structure. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could help identify recurring mistakes. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses and lists, will improve the overall readability of the essay. Regular writing practice, along with targeted grammar exercises, can also help solidify these skills.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to address the prompt, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the question for developing nations of whether to renovate new houses for their increased population upward, by constructing apartments, or outward, by expanding the land, remains a source of controversy. While some believe that tall buildings can allocate housing effectively, I would argue that expanding the cities’ areas is a more viable and practical solution.

On the one hand, utilizing apartments to solve the increasing housing demand has both drawbacks and benefits. One major advantage is that building upward can result in less space in the city being allocated for accommodation, which is suitable for metropolises that are located in coastal or mountainous areas where construction can meet numerous difficulties. As a result, there will be more available space in the city to renovate facilities that can satisfy the inhabitants’ needs. However, when too many buildings are constructed, the population density in a particular area will skyrocket and pose numerous problems, which include the area becoming crowded, noisy, and polluted. This can lead to many health issues, both mentally and physically, for the residents. In addition to being crowded, the residents also face several dangers because many owners choose to ignore safety guidelines when renovating apartments to increase the benefits they receive. Hence, the quality of those buildings is not guaranteed for living.

On the other hand, I believe that expanding the cities outward can help the government meet the housing demand more effectively. Although this action can deteriorate the nearby natural habitat of numerous wild animals, which can cause a shift in the area’s ecosystem, building houses in the suburbs can help to urbanize the rural areas and thus offer job opportunities for the locals. Residents who live in this expanded zone can acquire better mental health because they are not affected by constant noise or pressure. In exchange, the time it takes them to reach the center of the metropolis increases due to their distant housing position.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity and drawbacks, it seems to me that it is better to expand the areas for housing demand due to how its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, policies that encourage expanding the urban areas should be implemented to ensure housing for all.