Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Is it a positive or negative development?

These days, sports are attracting more and more focus of the authorities. In some countries, specially designed infrastructure has been erected rather than communal facilities which have result in roaring global success. From my perspective, I firmly believe that this is a positive development for the professional athletes, but not for the ordinary citizens.
The major benefit of those specialized infrastructure is that it consistently creates competent generations. Thanks to well-equipped facilities, professionals can foster vital skills and strength, thus standing a higher chance of achieving remarkable feats in international competitions. Being inspired by such success stories, young people will be more motivated to train harder with the aim of following the path of the predecessors. As the result, there will be constant line of top athletes capable of winning medals for the country. In football, for example, youth training is highly regarded as young footballers are the future of the whole nation.
On the other hand, neglecting the needs for exercising of the population is disadvantageous as it leads to the declined overall fitness and social discontentment. To begin with, without required facilities, people cannot take up sports such as gymnastics or swimming. Numerous individuals are severely discouraged due to the lack of equipment that prevent them from taking exercises regularly, causing health deterioration. Another downside is that this can result in a sense of unfairness and injustice among the populace. Citizens may feel that they do not receive enough attention and care from the governments, ultimately leading them to lose trust and confidence in governmental policies, which in the long run can even be the drive for riots.
In conclusion, although specialized facilities facilitates sustainable worldwide success for the country, communal sports equipment is also necessary to elevate the health of the population and for the harmony between the citizens and the authorities. For the reasons aforementioned, I contend that this is both a positive and negative development.

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Errors and Improvements:

"These days, sports are attracting more and more focus of the authorities." -> "Currently, sports are increasingly garnering attention from governmental bodies."
Explanation: Replacing "These days" with "Currently" provides a more formal and precise introduction. Additionally, "garnering attention from governmental bodies" is a more sophisticated expression than "attracting the focus of the authorities."
"specially designed infrastructure has been erected rather than communal facilities which have result in roaring global success." -> "specially designed infrastructure has been established instead of communal facilities, resulting in resounding global success."
Explanation: The phrase "has been erected" is replaced with "has been established," which is more formal. "Resulting in resounding global success" is a refined and more academically appropriate alternative to "which have result in roaring global success."
"From my perspective, I firmly believe that this is a positive development for the professional athletes, but not for the ordinary citizens." -> "From my perspective, I firmly believe that this constitutes a positive development for professional athletes but may not benefit ordinary citizens to the same extent."
Explanation: The sentence is restructured for clarity and formality. "Constitutes a positive development" is more precise, and the revised structure provides a more balanced expression of the writer’s viewpoint.
"The major benefit of those specialized infrastructure is that it consistently creates competent generations." -> "A primary advantage of such specialized infrastructure is its consistent contribution to the development of skilled generations."
Explanation: "The major benefit" is replaced with "A primary advantage" for formality. The phrase "consistently creates competent generations" is refined to "consistent contribution to the development of skilled generations" for a more academic tone.
"Thanks to well-equipped facilities, professionals can foster vital skills and strength, thus standing a higher chance of achieving remarkable feats in international competitions." -> "Due to well-equipped facilities, professionals can cultivate essential skills and strength, thereby increasing their likelihood of achieving notable success in international competitions."
Explanation: "Thanks to" is replaced with "Due to" for formality. The phrase "cultivate essential skills and strength" is more precise than "foster vital skills and strength," and "increasing their likelihood of achieving notable success" is a more sophisticated expression.
"As the result, there will be constant line of top athletes capable of winning medals for the country." -> "As a result, a continuous stream of elite athletes capable of securing medals for the country will emerge."
Explanation: "As the result" is corrected to "As a result" for proper grammar. "Constant line" is replaced with "continuous stream" for more accurate and formal language.
"In football, for example, youth training is highly regarded as young footballers are the future of the whole nation." -> "In football, for instance, youth training is esteemed, considering that young footballers represent the future of the entire nation."
Explanation: "Highly regarded" is replaced with "esteemed" for a more formal tone. The structure is refined for clarity, and "considering that" is a more academic alternative to "as."
"On the other hand, neglecting the needs for exercising of the population is disadvantageous…" -> "On the other hand, overlooking the exercise needs of the population is detrimental…"
Explanation: "Neglecting the needs for exercising" is replaced with "overlooking the exercise needs," and "disadvantageous" is replaced with "detrimental" for enhanced formality.
"Numerous individuals are severely discouraged due to the lack of equipment that prevent them from taking exercises regularly…" -> "Numerous individuals are significantly discouraged by the absence of equipment that hinders regular exercise…"
Explanation: "Severely discouraged" is replaced with "significantly discouraged" for a more moderate tone. "Prevent them from taking exercises regularly" is refined to "hinders regular exercise" for conciseness.
"Citizens may feel that they do not receive enough attention and care from the governments, ultimately leading them to lose trust and confidence in governmental policies, which in the long run can even be the drive for riots." -> "Citizens may perceive a lack of attention and care from the government, potentially eroding their trust and confidence in governmental policies, which could ultimately fuel civil unrest."
Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. "Ultimately leading them to lose trust and confidence" is replaced with "potentially eroding their trust and confidence" for precision. "Drive for riots" is refined to "fuel civil unrest" for a more formal expression.
"For the reasons aforementioned, I contend that this is both a positive and negative development." -> "For the aforementioned reasons, I argue that this represents both a positive and negative development."
Explanation: The phrase "For the reasons aforementioned" is revised to "For the aforementioned reasons" for proper grammar. "I contend that" is replaced with "I argue that" for a stronger and more formal statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the positive aspect of specialized infrastructure for professional athletes and the negative impact on ordinary citizens who lack communal facilities. The examples provided, such as the impact on youth football training, demonstrate a clear understanding of the question.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both aspects, it could benefit from providing more specific examples or elaborating further on how communal facilities contribute to the well-being of ordinary citizens.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout. It asserts that specialized infrastructure is positive for professional athletes but not for ordinary citizens. This stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position, the essay could include a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction, clearly stating the positive and negative aspects to guide the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the idea that specialized facilities contribute to the success of professional athletes and supports it with examples and reasoning. However, the discussion on the negative impact on ordinary citizens is less developed, and specific examples could be provided to enhance the argument.
- How to improve: Elaborate further on the negative consequences for ordinary citizens, providing specific instances of how the lack of communal facilities affects their health and well-being.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of specialized facilities on both professional athletes and ordinary citizens. However, there are moments where the focus on the negative development for ordinary citizens could be more pronounced.
- How to improve: Ensure that each point made contributes directly to the discussion of the positive or negative aspects of specialized facilities, avoiding any tangential points that do not directly address the prompt.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, maintaining a clear position and providing relevant examples. To improve, the writer should consider offering more specific examples, providing a clear thesis statement, elaborating on the negative impact on ordinary citizens, and ensuring each point aligns closely with the essay prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction presents a clear stance, and the body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, presenting arguments for both sides. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of specialized infrastructure for athletes and the drawbacks for ordinary citizens could be smoother. A clearer progression of ideas would enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, and the overall structure aligns with the essay’s purpose. For example, introduce a transitional phrase to smoothly shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks, creating a more seamless transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure can be refined for better effectiveness. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, but there are opportunities to enhance the organization further. For instance, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages for ordinary citizens could be more focused, addressing one aspect at a time to provide a clearer and more concise argument.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down paragraphs into smaller, more focused units, each addressing a single point. This helps in presenting arguments with clarity and precision. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. In the paragraph discussing the drawbacks, separate the points about the decline in fitness and social discontentment into distinct paragraphs for better organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as the use of transition words like "On the other hand" and "In conclusion." However, there is room to diversify the range of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated and varied expression of ideas. Additionally, the relationship between sentences and paragraphs can be strengthened to create a smoother flow.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, utilize words like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Nevertheless" to add nuance to the relationships between ideas. Ensure that there is coherence not only within paragraphs but also throughout the entire essay. This can be achieved by refining the connections between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, creating a more unified and cohesive piece.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality of the writing, potentially pushing the band score higher.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is some variety in word choice, it tends to be repetitive in certain instances. For example, the repeated use of "facilities" could be diversified with synonyms such as infrastructure, amenities, or resources. Additionally, the phrase "roaring global success" might benefit from a more precise and varied expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the score, strive for more diversity in vocabulary. Replace repetitive terms with synonyms where appropriate. For instance, vary terms like "facilities" and consider using synonyms that convey a similar meaning. Aim to incorporate more sophisticated and contextually fitting words.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "declined overall fitness" could be refined to specify aspects of fitness like physical health or wellness.
- How to improve: To achieve greater precision, focus on specifying terms related to the essay’s context. Instead of broad terms, use more specific vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "overall fitness," consider using terms like "physical well-being" or "health."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory. However, there are minor errors, such as "have result" (should be "has resulted") and "facilitates" (should be "facilitated").
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, pay close attention to verb agreement and verb forms. Proofread the essay carefully to catch minor errors and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, be mindful of verb tenses to ensure consistency throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences. Some compound sentences are present, but the variety could be further expanded. For instance, there is a repetition of sentence structures in the introductory paragraph, such as starting with "These days" and using similar sentence structures. However, complex sentences like "Thanks to well-equipped facilities, professionals can foster vital skills and strength, thus standing a higher chance of achieving remarkable feats in international competitions" showcase a commendable attempt at complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the score, strive for greater diversity in sentence structures. Incorporate more complex sentences and vary sentence beginnings. Introduce clauses and phrases to add nuance. Consider using rhetorical devices like parallelism for stylistic variation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of errors and awkward phrasing. For example, in the first sentence, "have result in roaring global success" should be "have resulted in roaring global success." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in sentences like "In football, for example, youth training is highly regarded as young footballers are the future of the whole nation."
- How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to catch grammatical and punctuation errors. Review sentence structure for clarity and correctness. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. For punctuation, ensure proper use of commas and other punctuation marks. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong effort, but refining sentence structures for greater variety and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation errors will contribute to further improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a growing focus on sports by governmental bodies, with some countries opting for specially designed infrastructure instead of communal facilities, leading to significant global success. From my perspective, I firmly believe that this constitutes a positive development for professional athletes but may not benefit ordinary citizens to the same extent.

A primary advantage of such specialized infrastructure lies in its consistent contribution to the development of skilled generations. Professionals, equipped with state-of-the-art facilities, can nurture essential skills and strength, thereby increasing their likelihood of achieving notable success in international competitions. This, in turn, results in a continuous stream of elite athletes capable of securing medals for the country. Notably, in sports like football, youth training is highly esteemed, recognizing young talents as the future of the entire nation.

On the flip side, neglecting the exercise needs of the population can have detrimental effects. The absence of necessary equipment hinders people from engaging in sports like gymnastics or swimming, leading to a decline in overall fitness and social discontentment. Many individuals are discouraged by the lack of access to equipment, preventing them from exercising regularly and causing health deterioration. Additionally, this disparity in attention to the needs of citizens may erode trust and confidence in governmental policies, potentially fueling civil unrest.

In conclusion, while specialized facilities contribute to sustainable global success, it is equally crucial to address the need for communal sports equipment for the well-being of the population and to foster harmony between citizens and authorities. For the reasons aforementioned, I contend that this development has both positive and negative aspects.