Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In this day and age, it is legal for elderly workers to continue their careers even though reaching their retirement age. This essay aims to discuss both the merits and demerits of such an issue and argue why the latter is far more compelling.
On the one hand, there are indeed a few advantages to eligible extending the re-employment period of senior laborers. For the elderly, a stable income may help grant their financial independence so as to maintain their living standards instead of depending on social welfare or their offspring. A good example of that is a large number of senior Singaporean citizens currently choosing to carry on their work over their employment age; thus, enabling their higher standards of living such as medical healthcare or even overseas vacations. Additionally, businesses could claim that they would probably benefit from hiring older skilled workers who are normally well-organized and meticulous and have various work experiences. To be more specific, the junior could adopt their senior’s great work attitude, after which, be able to foster and productively boost their performance.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned positive aspects, there is far more convincing evidence supporting why the government should not extend the legal employment age. To begin with, senior inhabitants are prone to face health-related issues such as several chronic diseases that might put them at high risk at work, especially in hard physical labor. For instance, a minor stroke or heart attack could exert devastating impacts that severely affect the elderly’s entire life. What is more, while the young rapidly adapt to technological advancements, the old tend to undoubtedly struggle with that, particularly for work purposes. In other words, this downside may negatively influence their job performance in case of misunderstanding any technology-related task.
To conclude, continuing to work after retirement age can result in exorbitant drawbacks that far outweigh its benefits. It is therefore recommended that the local authority should immediately implement appropriate measures to ensure older workers’ welfare.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"elderly workers" -> "older workers"
Explanation: "Elderly" can imply a more negative connotation of age, whereas "older" is neutral and more appropriate in formal contexts.
"eligible extending" -> "extending"
Explanation: "Eligible extending" is awkward and unclear. "Extending" alone is sufficient and clearer.
"senior laborers" -> "older workers"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "senior laborers" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Older workers" is straightforward and appropriate.
"grant their financial independence" -> "provide them with financial independence"
Explanation: "Grant" is somewhat informal in this context; "provide" is more precise and formal.
"instead of depending on social welfare or their offspring" -> "rather than relying on social welfare or their children"
Explanation: "Instead of depending" is somewhat informal and vague; "rather than relying" is more formal and precise. Also, "offspring" is less commonly used in formal writing; "children" is more standard.
"a large number of senior Singaporean citizens" -> "many senior Singaporean citizens"
Explanation: "A large number of" is redundant; "many" is sufficient and more concise.
"carry on their work" -> "continue their work"
Explanation: "Carry on" is informal and less precise; "continue" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"higher standards of living such as medical healthcare or even overseas vacations" -> "higher standards of living, including medical care and international travel"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and informal. The revised version is clearer and more formal.
"well-organized and meticulous" -> "well-organized and meticulous"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the comma is unnecessary.
"the junior could adopt their senior’s great work attitude" -> "the younger workers could adopt the seniors’ positive work attitudes"
Explanation: "The junior" is informal and imprecise; "the younger workers" is more specific and formal. Also, "senior’s great work attitude" is awkward; "seniors’ positive work attitudes" is more grammatically correct and formal.
"productively boost their performance" -> "enhance their productivity"
Explanation: "Productively boost" is redundant; "enhance their productivity" is more concise and formal.
"senior inhabitants" -> "older residents"
Explanation: "Inhabitants" is less specific and can imply a broader scope than intended; "residents" is more precise and appropriate for the context.
"put them at high risk at work" -> "pose a high risk in the workplace"
Explanation: "Put them at high risk at work" is awkward and informal; "pose a high risk in the workplace" is more formal and clear.
"exert devastating impacts" -> "have devastating impacts"
Explanation: "Exert" is not the correct verb in this context; "have" is the correct verb to describe the effects of an action.
"the old tend to undoubtedly struggle with that" -> "older individuals often struggle with this"
Explanation: "The old" is informal and vague; "older individuals" is more precise and respectful. "Undoubtedly" is also redundant as it is implied by "tend to."
"exorbitant drawbacks" -> "significant drawbacks"
Explanation: "Exorbitant" means extremely high in price or amount, which is not the intended meaning here. "Significant" is appropriate for describing the importance of drawbacks.
"immediately implement" -> "promptly implement"
Explanation: "Immediately" can be seen as overly emphatic; "promptly" is a more formal and less dramatic alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of allowing elderly individuals to work beyond retirement age. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both sides of the argument, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples and reasoning for both perspectives. The mention of financial independence and the benefits to businesses on one side, and health risks and technological challenges on the other, demonstrates a balanced approach. However, while the advantages are acknowledged, the essay ultimately leans towards the disadvantages, which is appropriate given the prompt’s requirement to weigh both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more in-depth exploration of the advantages. For instance, including more specific examples or statistics about the positive impacts of elderly workers on the economy or society could strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments or nuances within the disadvantages could create a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of allowing elderly individuals to work outweigh the advantages. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the text, particularly in the concluding paragraph, which succinctly summarizes the argument. The use of phrases like "far more compelling" and "exorbitant drawbacks" emphasizes the writer’s viewpoint effectively.
- How to improve: To further solidify the clarity of the position, the writer could explicitly state their thesis in the introduction with a more definitive statement. For example, rather than saying "this essay aims to discuss," a stronger assertion of the position could be made, such as "this essay argues that the disadvantages of allowing elderly workers to continue employment far outweigh the advantages."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as financial independence for the elderly and the potential for businesses to benefit from experienced workers. These ideas are supported with examples, like the reference to Singaporean citizens and the discussion of health risks. However, some points could benefit from further development. For instance, while the mention of health-related issues is significant, the explanation could include more detail on how these issues manifest in the workplace or their broader implications for society.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or data. For instance, discussing specific industries where older workers excel or providing statistics on the health impacts of work on the elderly could enhance the argument. Additionally, integrating quotes or references from studies could lend more authority to the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant information. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument regarding the pros and cons of elderly workers, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and explanations are tightly linked to the central argument. For instance, when discussing the technological challenges faced by older workers, it could be beneficial to explicitly connect this back to the overall theme of whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This will reinforce the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in depth and clarity, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the topic and the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one for advantages and one for disadvantages, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by "On the other hand," which is effective, but the connection between the two sections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift in perspective but also summarize the previous point. For example, after discussing the advantages, a sentence like "While these benefits are notable, they must be weighed against significant drawbacks" could create a more cohesive transition to the disadvantages.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The advantages are discussed in one paragraph, while the disadvantages are covered in another, which is a good practice for clarity. However, the paragraphs could be further enhanced by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the paragraph discussing advantages could start with a sentence like, "There are several key advantages to allowing older individuals to continue working."
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s key points, reinforcing the argument before transitioning to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "To begin with," and "What is more," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, while "for instance" is used effectively, other devices like "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" could enhance the richness of the text and provide clearer connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, review the essay for opportunities to incorporate different linking words and phrases. For example, when introducing examples, instead of repeatedly using "for instance," consider alternatives like "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used not only to connect ideas within paragraphs but also to link ideas across the essay, creating a more integrated argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer topic sentences, and a wider variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "financial independence," "living standards," and "health-related issues." These terms effectively convey the key ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "senior laborers" could be replaced with alternatives like "older workers" or "elderly employees" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "senior" and "elderly," they could use "aged," "mature," or "older adults." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "ageism" or "retirement policies," could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "eligible extending the re-employment period" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be that "eligible workers should be allowed to extend their re-employment period." Additionally, "the junior could adopt their senior’s great work attitude" could be more clearly stated as "younger workers could learn from the strong work ethic of their older counterparts."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity in their phrasing. They can achieve this by revising sentences to ensure that the subject and action are clearly defined. For example, instead of "the junior could adopt their senior’s great work attitude," they could say, "younger employees could benefit from emulating the strong work ethic exhibited by older workers."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. For instance, the term "exorbitant" is correctly used, but the phrase "the elderly’s entire life" could be misinterpreted; it might be clearer to say "the elderly’s overall quality of life." The spelling of common terms is consistent, which reflects a good command of the language.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that all terms are spelled correctly. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help identify any overlooked errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "A good example of that is a large number of senior Singaporean citizens currently choosing to carry on their work over their employment age" is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being broken down into shorter, clearer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional sentences could add complexity. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing. Practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones and vice versa to achieve a better balance.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "eligible extending the re-employment period" should be "eligibility for extending the re-employment period." Additionally, the phrase "the junior could adopt their senior’s great work attitude" is slightly awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "especially in hard physical labor" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. For punctuation, consider reviewing the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may enhance clarity. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and conciseness can help eliminate awkward phrasing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, it is legal for older workers to continue their careers even after reaching their retirement age. This essay aims to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this issue and argue why the latter is far more compelling.

On the one hand, there are indeed a few advantages to extending the re-employment period for senior laborers. For older individuals, a stable income may help provide them with financial independence, allowing them to maintain their living standards rather than relying on social welfare or their children. A good example of this is the large number of senior Singaporean citizens currently choosing to continue their work beyond their employment age, thus enabling them to enjoy higher standards of living, including medical care and international travel. Additionally, businesses could argue that they would benefit from hiring older skilled workers who are typically well-organized and meticulous, possessing a wealth of work experience. To be more specific, younger workers could adopt the seniors’ positive work attitudes, which could enhance their productivity.

On the other hand, despite the aforementioned positive aspects, there is far more compelling evidence supporting why the government should not extend the legal employment age. To begin with, older residents are prone to health-related issues, such as chronic diseases, which may pose a high risk in the workplace, especially in physically demanding jobs. For instance, a minor stroke or heart attack could have devastating impacts that severely affect an elderly person’s entire life. Furthermore, while younger workers rapidly adapt to technological advancements, older individuals often struggle with this, particularly in work-related contexts. In other words, this downside may negatively influence their job performance if they misunderstand any technology-related tasks.

To conclude, continuing to work after retirement age can result in significant drawbacks that far outweigh its benefits. It is therefore recommended that local authorities should promptly implement appropriate measures to ensure the welfare of older workers.