Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit students at school. To extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvanteges?

There is a consideration among educational experts that overseas exchange excursions create opportunities and have positive impacts on students' school years. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of studying abroad and the conclusion.
Initially, in terms of positive impact, students gain invaluable experience and knowledge when they travel abroad. The challenge of adapting to new cultures and environments away from their familiar surroundings is not just a hurdle but a stepping stone for personal growth and skill development. It fosters self-awareness, self-discipline, and a sense of independence, the critical success factors and characteristics. Additionally, not only do students experience new cultures, but the modernization of developed countries also stimulates the spirit of curiosity and creativity. Moreover, language proficiency has a significant impact. Immersing oneself in an English-speaking environment enhances fluency, cohesion, lexical range and communication skills through daily interactions and academic studies. For instance, after experiencing the overseas education phase, numerous students have made tremendous improvements in essential life skills and English and gained a high-paying profession.
Regarding detrimental effects, it is inevitable that academic studies abroad will cost enormous amounts of money. Everything has its price, and so does sending a kid to a developed country with an impressive and last-long educational history, a dream of almost everyone, especially those living in underdeveloped nations. For instance, a lack of financial foundation prevented numerous families from desiring to send their children abroad for further education and improvements. Furthermore, not all learners are able to put aside loneliness and homesickness and then become open to new cultures and environments quickly due to their weakness and absent-mindedness or their strong family connection. They will be under much pressure and desperation. If this phenomenon lasts long, students will probably have to face stress, autism or even depression.
All in all, nothing is entirely perfect, and studying or spending excursions abroad is no exception. Overseas education relies heavily on students' perseverance and discipline, qualities that are not only necessary but also rewarding. In spite of negative impacts, the government encourages and sponsors excellent academic performing international students with tons of scholarships. Finally, overseas education brings many more advantages than disadvantages to international students.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a consideration among educational experts" -> "There is a prevailing opinion among educational experts"
Explanation: "prevailing opinion" is a more precise and formal term that conveys a widespread agreement among experts, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"overseas exchange excursions" -> "overseas exchange programs"
Explanation: "exchange programs" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic contexts, replacing the less formal and vague "exchange excursions."
"have positive impacts" -> "yield positive impacts"
Explanation: "yield" is a more formal and precise verb that fits better in academic writing, emphasizing the outcome of the exchange programs.
"the conclusion" -> "the conclusion of this essay"
Explanation: Adding "of this essay" clarifies that the conclusion refers specifically to the essay being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.
"in terms of positive impact" -> "in terms of the positive impacts"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "positive impacts" corrects the grammatical structure and makes the phrase more formal.
"fosters self-awareness, self-discipline, and a sense of independence" -> "fosters self-awareness, self-discipline, and independence"
Explanation: Removing "a sense of" simplifies the phrase and aligns with academic style, which often avoids unnecessary prepositions.
"the modernization of developed countries also stimulates the spirit of curiosity and creativity" -> "the modernization of developed countries also stimulates curiosity and creativity"
Explanation: Removing "the spirit of" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal.
"Immersion in an English-speaking environment" -> "Immersion in English-speaking environments"
Explanation: Changing "an" to "English-speaking environments" corrects the grammatical number agreement and specificity, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Everything has its price" -> "Everything comes at a cost"
Explanation: "comes at a cost" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than the colloquial "has its price."
"a dream of almost everyone" -> "a dream for many"
Explanation: "a dream for many" is more precise and less vague than "a dream of almost everyone," which is overly broad and informal.
"a lack of financial foundation" -> "financial constraints"
Explanation: "financial constraints" is a more precise and formal term than "a lack of financial foundation," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"put aside loneliness and homesickness" -> "overcome loneliness and homesickness"
Explanation: "overcome" is a more active and formal verb than "put aside," which is less precise and less commonly used in academic writing.
"due to their weakness and absent-mindedness or their strong family connection" -> "due to their vulnerabilities, absent-mindedness, or strong family ties"
Explanation: "vulnerabilities" and "strong family ties" are more precise and formal terms than "weakness" and "strong family connection," enhancing the academic tone.
"under much pressure and desperation" -> "under significant pressure and desperation"
Explanation: "significant" is a more precise and formal adjective than "much," which is vague and informal.
"stress, autism or even depression" -> "stress, anxiety, or depression"
Explanation: "anxiety" is a more specific and appropriate term than "autism," which is not directly related to the context of stress and emotional states.
"nothing is entirely perfect" -> "nothing is entirely flawless"
Explanation: "flawless" is a more formal and precise term than "perfect," which is somewhat colloquial in this context.
"excellent academic performing" -> "excellent academic performance"
Explanation: "performance" is the correct noun form, aligning with the context of academic achievement.
"tons of scholarships" -> "numerous scholarships"
Explanation: "numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "tons," which is informal and imprecise in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of international exchange visits for students. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples for both sides. For instance, the essay highlights personal growth, cultural exposure, and language proficiency as advantages, while also discussing financial burdens and emotional challenges as disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in weighing the advantages against the disadvantages, as it states that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages without providing a clear rationale.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could include a more detailed comparison of the pros and cons. This could involve quantifying the advantages and disadvantages or providing specific examples that illustrate how the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks. A clearer synthesis in the conclusion that explicitly references the points made in the body paragraphs would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that the advantages of international exchange visits outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the concluding statement. However, the argument could be more robustly supported throughout the essay. While the advantages are well articulated, the disadvantages could be presented with equal weight to reinforce the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the essay should ensure that each point made in favor of the advantages is directly countered with a corresponding disadvantage. This would not only clarify the position but also enhance the argumentative depth. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the body paragraphs can help reinforce the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of studying abroad, such as personal growth and language acquisition. However, some points, especially regarding the disadvantages, could benefit from further elaboration. For example, the mention of loneliness and homesickness is important but could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the prevalence and impact of these issues.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. This could include personal anecdotes, testimonials from students, or data on the outcomes of international exchanges. Additionally, using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of international exchange visits. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "high-paying professions" could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about the benefits of exchange visits.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that every example serves to reinforce the main argument will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in the areas mentioned, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct sections that address the positive impacts of international exchange visits and the potential drawbacks. For example, the first body paragraph effectively highlights the benefits of personal growth and language proficiency, while the second body paragraph discusses the financial implications and emotional challenges. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal the shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of the first body paragraph could help bridge the two sections, reinforcing the connection between the benefits and the challenges faced by students.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the first body paragraph focuses on the advantages while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the conclusion paragraph could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the final thoughts without a clear separation from the preceding content.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is a separate paragraph that succinctly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay. This will not only clarify the structure but also reinforce the overall argument. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea being discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Additionally," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the repeated use of "students" at the beginning of several sentences could be varied to enhance cohesion and maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned subjects. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "students," you could use "they" or "learners" in subsequent sentences. Additionally, explore using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "In contrast," "Consequently," or "As a result," to improve the overall flow and connection between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, particularly in the context of discussing the benefits of international exchange visits. Phrases such as "invaluable experience," "personal growth," and "critical success factors" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied and sophisticated language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "students" and "abroad," which can limit the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" could be employed. Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe "abroad" could also add depth, such as using "overseas," "internationally," or "in foreign countries."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the modernization of developed countries" might be misleading in the context of the advantages of studying abroad, as it suggests a focus on the countries rather than the experiences of the students. Additionally, the term "autism" is used inappropriately; it should be replaced with a term that captures the emotional state more accurately, such as "isolation" or "depression."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review word choices and ensure they align with the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words. Moreover, clarifying the context in which certain terms are used will enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "disadvanteges" (should be "disadvantages") and "last-long" (should be "long-lasting"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and generally effective communication, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "The challenge of adapting to new cultures and environments away from their familiar surroundings is not just a hurdle but a stepping stone for personal growth and skill development" showcases an effective combination of clauses that enrich the text. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which helps maintain the reader’s interest and conveys ideas clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which could be improved for greater variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to introduce ideas, such as using questions or conditional clauses. For example, instead of starting consecutive sentences with "students gain" or "it fosters," the writer could vary the sentence openings by using introductory phrases or clauses. Incorporating more passive voice constructions or varying the placement of adverbial phrases could also enhance the complexity and interest of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. For example, the phrase "the modernization of developed countries also stimulates the spirit of curiosity and creativity" is grammatically correct, but the use of "modernization" could be clearer if rephrased to "the modern advancements in developed countries." Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are a few run-on sentences, such as "Everything has its price, and so does sending a kid to a developed country with an impressive and last-long educational history," which could benefit from clearer separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence boundaries and avoid run-on sentences by using conjunctions or punctuation effectively. Breaking longer sentences into shorter, more manageable ones can improve clarity. Furthermore, proofreading for common grammatical issues, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, will help reduce errors. For instance, the phrase "the critical success factors and characteristics" could be rephrased for clarity, as it seems somewhat vague and disconnected from the preceding context.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance their writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing opinion among educational experts that overseas exchange excursions create opportunities and yield positive impacts on students’ school years. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of studying abroad and provide a conclusion.

Initially, in terms of the positive impacts, students gain invaluable experience and knowledge when they travel abroad. The challenge of adapting to new cultures and environments away from their familiar surroundings is not just a hurdle but a stepping stone for personal growth and skill development. It fosters self-awareness, self-discipline, and independence, which are critical success factors and characteristics. Additionally, not only do students experience new cultures, but the modernization of developed countries also stimulates curiosity and creativity. Moreover, language proficiency has a significant impact. Immersion in English-speaking environments enhances fluency, cohesion, lexical range, and communication skills through daily interactions and academic studies. For instance, after experiencing the overseas education phase, numerous students have made tremendous improvements in essential life skills and English and have gained high-paying professions.

Regarding the detrimental effects, it is inevitable that academic studies abroad will cost enormous amounts of money. Everything comes at a cost, and so does sending a child to a developed country with an impressive and long-lasting educational history, a dream for many, especially those living in underdeveloped nations. For instance, a lack of financial resources prevents numerous families from desiring to send their children abroad for further education and improvements. Furthermore, not all learners are able to overcome loneliness and homesickness and then become open to new cultures and environments quickly due to their vulnerabilities, absent-mindedness, or strong family ties. They will be under significant pressure and desperation. If this phenomenon lasts long, students will probably have to face stress, anxiety, or even depression.

All in all, nothing is entirely flawless, and studying or spending time abroad is no exception. Overseas education relies heavily on students’ perseverance and discipline, qualities that are not only necessary but also rewarding. In spite of the negative impacts, the government encourages and sponsors excellent academic-performing international students with numerous scholarships. Finally, overseas education brings many more advantages than disadvantages to international students.