Some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

The notion that criminals reoffend upon their release has become a major concern in many years. In this essay, several reasons will be presented, including societal discrimination, and insufficient education and vocational training before some effective measures are put forward.

There are numerous factors convincing former inmates to commit crimes. Chief among these is stigma and discrimination they face upon release. Society often views ex-prisoners with suspicion, making it hard for them to secure stable employment, housing and social acceptance. This exclusion from essential opportunities may lead to their frustration and hopelessness, pushing them to participate in criminal activities as a means of survival. Another obvious reason is the lack of job skills among many prisoners. During incarceration, inmates may not receive adequate education and vocational training, leaving them ill-prepared to find a job. As a result, ex-criminals may struggle with financial problems, which may drive them to commit crimes again.

To address this alarming issue, a number of solutions have been suggested. Firstly, Community support programs could be founded as a way to help ex-prisoners reintegrate into society. Such programs can support housing and finance, providing a stable foundation for those who have just been released from prison. Secondly, inclusivity and acceptance should be fostered to create supportive environment for ex-criminals. Residents ought to work to reduce the stigma associated with criminal record, treat former inmates with respect and offer them a second chance. Therefore, ex-prisoners may find their lives more meaningful and less likely to recommit crime consequently.

In conclusion, the two main reasons why ex-prisoners commit crimes are discrimation and inadequete vocational training. By implementing effective solutions, such as providing support programs and fostering acceptance, I believe the we can reduce the likelihood of reoffending.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many years" -> "numerous years"
Explanation: "Numerous years" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the essay by specifying the duration in a more formal manner.
"will be presented" -> "will be discussed"
Explanation: "Will be discussed" is more appropriate in academic writing as it implies a detailed examination of the reasons, which is more specific and formal than "will be presented", which could imply a mere listing.
"some effective measures are put forward" -> "effective measures are proposed"
Explanation: "Proposed" is more direct and formal than "put forward", which is somewhat informal and less commonly used in academic writing.
"convincing former inmates to commit crimes" -> "motivating former inmates to reoffend"
Explanation: "Motivating" is more precise and appropriate in this context, as it directly relates to the psychological factors influencing behavior, whereas "convincing" could imply persuasion through external means, which is less accurate.
"societal discrimination" -> "societal stigma"
Explanation: "Stigma" is a more specific term that accurately describes the negative social perception and exclusion faced by former inmates, making it more precise and relevant to the context.
"exclusion from essential opportunities" -> "exclusion from fundamental opportunities"
Explanation: "Fundamental" emphasizes the importance and universality of these opportunities, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.
"as a means of survival" -> "as a means of subsistence"
Explanation: "Subsistence" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "survival", which can be seen as too colloquial for formal writing.
"Another obvious reason" -> "Another significant reason"
Explanation: "Significant" is more neutral and academically appropriate than "obvious", which can imply a lack of subtlety or nuance in the reasoning.
"Community support programs could be founded" -> "Community support programs could be established"
Explanation: "Established" is the correct term for creating or setting up programs, whereas "founded" is typically used for the creation of organizations or institutions.
"inclusivity and acceptance should be fostered" -> "inclusivity and acceptance should be promoted"
Explanation: "Promoted" is a more active and precise term than "fostered", which can be vague and less direct in this context, enhancing the clarity and formality of the recommendation.
"treat former inmates with respect" -> "treat former inmates with dignity"
Explanation: "Dignity" is a more formal and appropriate term than "respect" in this context, emphasizing the inherent value and worth of the individuals involved.
"less likely to recommit crime consequently" -> "less likely to reoffend subsequently"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal and precise than "consequently", which can imply a direct cause-and-effect relationship that may not be entirely accurate in this context, enhancing the academic tone and precision of the conclusion.
"discrimation" -> "discrimination"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to academic standards of accuracy and professionalism.
"inadequete vocational training" -> "inadequate vocational training"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text is free of errors and maintains an academic tone.
"I believe the we can reduce" -> "I believe we can reduce"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the sentence structure is correct and maintains the formal tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of reoffending among ex-prisoners, such as societal discrimination and insufficient education and vocational training. The author also proposes solutions, including community support programs and fostering a more inclusive environment. The response is comprehensive and directly related to the question, demonstrating a clear understanding of the issues at hand.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the causes and solutions. For instance, referencing studies that show the correlation between employment opportunities and reduced recidivism rates would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the need to address the issues faced by ex-prisoners to reduce reoffending rates. The author consistently emphasizes the importance of societal acceptance and adequate training, which aligns with the overall argument.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could improve coherence by explicitly linking the proposed solutions back to the identified causes. For example, after discussing societal discrimination, the author could directly connect how community support programs can mitigate this issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the causes of reoffending and potential solutions. The points are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the discussion on community support programs could include examples of successful initiatives or detailed descriptions of how such programs operate.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing specific types of vocational training that have proven effective or citing successful case studies of reintegration programs.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of ex-prisoners and the reasons for their reoffending, as well as potential solutions. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the author consistently ties back to the central theme of reintegration and societal attitudes.
- How to improve: To ensure that the essay remains tightly focused, the author should avoid introducing any tangential ideas that do not directly relate to the causes or solutions. For instance, while discussing societal discrimination, the author should refrain from veering into unrelated social issues that could dilute the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, elaborating on key points, and ensuring tighter connections between causes and solutions, the author could further enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents its ideas in a generally logical order, starting with the introduction of the topic, followed by the reasons for reoffending, and concluding with potential solutions. The flow from one idea to the next is mostly coherent, as the author transitions from discussing societal discrimination to the lack of vocational training. However, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly outlines the main points to be discussed, which would enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.
- How to improve: To improve the logical organization, the writer should consider including a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction that summarizes the key points. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. For example, starting the second paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main reason for reoffending would clarify the focus of that section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as reasons for reoffending and solutions. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the reasons and the proposed solutions is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer could include transitional phrases that link the end of one paragraph to the beginning of the next. For instance, a sentence at the end of the second paragraph could summarize the reasons discussed and lead into the solutions proposed in the third paragraph. This would create a more cohesive flow and reinforce the relationship between the identified problems and the suggested solutions.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Therefore," which help to structure the argument and indicate the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Another obvious reason" could be enhanced with a more specific transitional device that indicates a contrast or addition to the previous point.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely," depending on the context. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help in maintaining cohesion without repetition.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in organization, paragraph transitions, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of crime and rehabilitation. Terms such as "stigma," "discrimination," "inmates," and "vocational training" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "ex-prisoners" and "commit crimes," which could benefit from variation. For instance, using synonyms like "former offenders" or "reoffend" could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and alternative expressions. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing sentences can help diversify language use. Additionally, incorporating more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to crime and rehabilitation could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "a major concern in many years" could be more accurately expressed as "a major concern in recent years" to reflect the temporal aspect more clearly. Additionally, "ex-criminals" is a less common term; "former offenders" or "ex-offenders" would be more precise and widely accepted.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context-specific vocabulary and ensure that the terms used convey the intended meaning. Reading more academic essays or articles on similar topics can provide insights into how to use vocabulary more effectively. Furthermore, practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity can help refine this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "discrimation" (should be "discrimination") and "inadequete" (should be "inadequate"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can be beneficial, but it is also important to manually review the text to catch errors that automated tools might miss. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of the language used. By actively working on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of "Chief among these is stigma and discrimination they face upon release" effectively introduces a key point with a complex structure. However, there are instances where the sentence variety could be improved. For instance, the phrase "Another obvious reason is the lack of job skills among many prisoners" could be restructured to enhance engagement, perhaps by using a more varied introductory phrase or clause.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as "In addition to stigma, another significant factor contributing to reoffending is…" or using different conjunctions to combine ideas. Additionally, employing more passive constructions or conditional sentences could enhance the complexity of the writing. For example, instead of "This exclusion from essential opportunities may lead to their frustration," you could say, "Frustration may arise from the exclusion they experience from essential opportunities."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, "the notion that criminals reoffend upon their release has become a major concern in many years" contains awkward phrasing; it would be clearer to say "has become a major concern in recent years." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma in "housing and social acceptance," which should be "housing, and social acceptance" to clarify the list. Furthermore, "discrimation" and "inadequete" are misspellings that should be corrected to "discrimination" and "inadequate," respectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with spelling and punctuation. Utilize grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing sentences that require careful punctuation, such as lists or clauses, can help reinforce proper usage. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct forms can also aid in reducing errors in future essays.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the overall quality of the essay can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that criminals reoffend upon their release has become a major concern for numerous years. In this essay, several reasons will be discussed, including societal discrimination and insufficient education and vocational training, before some effective measures are proposed.

There are numerous factors motivating former inmates to commit crimes. Chief among these is the stigma and discrimination they face upon release. Society often views ex-prisoners with suspicion, making it hard for them to secure stable employment, housing, and social acceptance. This exclusion from fundamental opportunities may lead to their frustration and hopelessness, pushing them to participate in criminal activities as a means of subsistence. Another significant reason is the lack of job skills among many prisoners. During incarceration, inmates may not receive adequate education and vocational training, leaving them ill-prepared to find a job. As a result, ex-criminals may struggle with financial problems, which may drive them to commit crimes again.

To address this alarming issue, a number of solutions have been suggested. Firstly, community support programs could be established as a way to help ex-prisoners reintegrate into society. Such programs can support housing and finance, providing a stable foundation for those who have just been released from prison. Secondly, inclusivity and acceptance should be promoted to create a supportive environment for ex-criminals. Residents ought to work to reduce the stigma associated with a criminal record, treat former inmates with dignity, and offer them a second chance. Therefore, ex-prisoners may find their lives more meaningful and be less likely to reoffend subsequently.

In conclusion, the two main reasons why ex-prisoners commit crimes are discrimination and inadequate vocational training. By implementing effective solutions, such as providing support programs and fostering acceptance, I believe we can reduce the likelihood of reoffending.