Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The question of when students should begin learning a new language has sparked a heated debate in recent years. Many experts recommend that students be taught a second language in primary school rather than in secondary school. In my opinion, the most optimal time for language acquisition is during the formative years of childhood due to certain cognitive and environmental advantages.

Primary students possess significant cognitive benefits that facilitate language acquisition, particularly higher brain plasticity and mental storage capacity. During this critical period, children’s brains are more malleable and receptive to new information which provides a strong foundation for learning a second language. Consequently, children who achieve early language acquisition are more likely to gain competence in multiple languages later in life. Additionally, primary students have better mental storage capacity as their brains are still developing, thereby making it easier to absorb and memorize new vocabulary and grammar.

Furthermore, environmental aspects are of equal importance to cognitive ones. Unlike older students, primary students tend to have more time and energy to devote to language learning, as they are not yet burdened by academic stress such as exams and grades. This allows the learning process to be more enjoyable and less pressured, which in turn enhances the productivity of the students and results in a more effective language learning experience.

In conclusion, primary students are in an ideal stage for language learning, as they are benefiting from both cognitive and environmental advantages that facilitate efficient language acquisition.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"heated debate" -> "intensive debate"
Explanation: The term "heated" can imply emotional intensity, which may not be suitable for an academic context. "Intensive" maintains a formal tone and conveys the idea of a thorough and detailed discussion without emotional connotation.
"Many experts recommend" -> "Numerous scholars advocate"
Explanation: Replacing "many experts" with "numerous scholars" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic language standards.
"the most optimal time" -> "the optimal time"
Explanation: The phrase "the most optimal" is redundant as "optimal" already implies the highest level of quality or suitability. Simplifying it to "the optimal time" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"certain cognitive and environmental advantages" -> "specific cognitive and environmental advantages"
Explanation: "Certain" is vague and can imply a lack of specificity. "Specific" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the particular benefits discussed.
"children’s brains are more malleable" -> "children’s brains exhibit greater malleability"
Explanation: "Exhibit greater malleability" is a more formal and precise way to describe the characteristic of brains in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"more likely to gain competence" -> "more likely to achieve proficiency"
Explanation: "Achieve proficiency" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "gain competence," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.
"better mental storage capacity" -> "enhanced cognitive capacity"
Explanation: "Enhanced cognitive capacity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the improvement in mental abilities, aligning better with academic language standards.
"making it easier to absorb and memorize" -> "facilitating the absorption and memorization"
Explanation: "Facilitating the absorption and memorization" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more conversational "making it easier to absorb and memorize."
"more time and energy to devote" -> "greater time and energy to allocate"
Explanation: "Allocate" is a more formal verb than "devote," which is slightly informal and less precise in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"not yet burdened by academic stress such as exams and grades" -> "unencumbered by academic pressures such as exams and assessments"
Explanation: "Unencumbered by academic pressures" is a more formal and precise way to describe the absence of stress, replacing the more casual "burdened by academic stress." Additionally, "assessments" is a more formal term than "grades," which is often associated with a more informal context.
"the productivity of the students" -> "student productivity"
Explanation: "Student productivity" is a more concise and formal way to refer to the efficiency of students in learning, avoiding the awkward construction "the productivity of the students."
"results in a more effective language learning experience" -> "leads to a more effective language learning experience"
Explanation: "Leads to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "results in," which is slightly more conversational and less commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of teaching foreign languages at the primary school level. However, it fails to adequately explore the disadvantages, which is a critical component of the question. The essay mentions only the benefits without acknowledging any potential drawbacks, such as the possibility of overwhelming young children or the lack of resources in primary education settings. This lack of balance in discussing both sides of the argument limits the overall effectiveness of the response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should include a section that discusses potential disadvantages of early language learning. This could involve mentioning issues such as cognitive overload, the effectiveness of teaching methods at a young age, or the impact on children’s engagement with their primary language. Acknowledging and addressing these points would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring early language acquisition, stating that it is the "most optimal time for language acquisition." However, while the stance is consistent, the lack of acknowledgment of counterarguments weakens the overall clarity of the position. The essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion that recognizes the complexity of the issue.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion while also briefly acknowledging opposing views in the body. This could involve a sentence or two that recognizes the potential for disadvantages, followed by a rebuttal that reinforces the writer’s original stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to cognitive and environmental advantages of learning a language at a young age. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. While the essay mentions cognitive benefits such as brain plasticity, it does not provide specific examples or evidence to substantiate these claims. The discussion on environmental factors is also somewhat vague and could be expanded.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, research findings, or statistics that illustrate the advantages of early language learning. For instance, citing studies that demonstrate improved language proficiency in children who start learning languages early could add credibility to the argument. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations of how these advantages manifest in real-world scenarios would enhance the depth of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of early language learning. However, the lack of discussion regarding the disadvantages creates an imbalance that detracts from the overall relevance to the prompt. The essay does not fully engage with the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is central to the task.
- How to improve: To improve focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are addressed. This means not only presenting the advantages but also discussing the disadvantages and ultimately evaluating whether the benefits indeed outweigh the drawbacks. A clear structure that outlines both perspectives before arriving at a conclusion would help maintain topic relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the topic and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with the first focusing on cognitive benefits and the second on environmental factors. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details that reinforce the argument. For example, the discussion of cognitive benefits is well-supported with specific points about brain plasticity and mental storage capacity, which are relevant to the thesis.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For instance, a phrase like "In addition to cognitive factors, environmental aspects also play a crucial role…" could help link the two main points more explicitly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect of the argument, which is a strength. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, providing a solid framework for the essay. The body paragraphs are of appropriate length and contain sufficient detail to support the claims made.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the conclusion by briefly summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs. This would reinforce the argument and provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay. For example, restating the cognitive and environmental advantages in the conclusion would remind the reader of the main arguments presented.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "additionally," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and indicate relationships between them. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. The use of specific terms related to language acquisition also enhances cohesion within the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, using phrases like "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In contrast" could help to introduce counterarguments or additional points more effectively if the essay were to explore the disadvantages of early language learning. This would not only enhance cohesion but also demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, with a clear argument supported by relevant details. By implementing the suggested improvements, particularly in the areas of transitions, summarization, and the variety of cohesive devices, the writer could further elevate the quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "cognitive benefits," "brain plasticity," "malable," and "environmental aspects." These choices reflect a sophisticated understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. The use of phrases like "strong foundation for learning" and "effective language learning experience" further illustrates the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas succinctly.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions related to language learning. For instance, instead of repeating "language acquisition," alternatives like "linguistic development" or "language proficiency" could be employed. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or more nuanced vocabulary could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, particularly in the context of discussing cognitive and environmental factors affecting language learning. Terms like "mental storage capacity" and "burdened by academic stress" are appropriately used to convey specific meanings. However, the word "malable" appears to be a misspelling of "malleable," which detracts from the precision of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that all vocabulary is correctly spelled and contextually appropriate. A careful proofreading process can help identify any inaccuracies. Additionally, the writer could benefit from using more specific terms when discussing advantages and disadvantages, such as "cognitive flexibility" instead of "cognitive benefits," to provide clearer distinctions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The majority of the essay exhibits correct spelling, which contributes to the overall readability and professionalism of the writing. However, the misspelling of "malleable" as "malable" is a notable error that could impact the impression of lexical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt strategies such as reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently used vocabulary and their correct spellings can serve as a useful reference during the writing process.

In summary, the essay reflects a high level of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further enhance their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "During this critical period" and "Consequently, children who achieve early language acquisition" showcases the ability to create complex ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentences, which contributes to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence variety could be enhanced. For example, the essay predominantly uses declarative sentences, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and types, such as rhetorical questions or conditional sentences. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "Primary students," you might begin with phrases like "It is widely acknowledged that…" or "While older students face challenges, younger learners…". This will not only enhance the variety but also engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "which provides a strong foundation for learning a second language" is correctly used, demonstrating an understanding of relative clauses. However, there are a few punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "During this critical period, children’s brains are more malleable," which could lead to confusion about the sentence structure. Additionally, the phrase "the productivity of the students and results in a more effective language learning experience" could be clearer with a slight rephrasing to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is advisable to review the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help in understanding the structure better. Furthermore, reading more academic texts can provide insights into how punctuation is used effectively in complex sentences, which can be emulated in your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of when students should begin learning a new language has sparked an intensive debate in recent years. Many experts advocate that students be taught a second language in primary school rather than in secondary school. In my opinion, the optimal time for language acquisition is during the formative years of childhood due to specific cognitive and environmental advantages.

Primary students possess significant cognitive benefits that facilitate language acquisition, particularly higher brain plasticity and mental storage capacity. During this critical period, children’s brains exhibit greater malleability and receptiveness to new information, which provides a strong foundation for learning a second language. Consequently, children who achieve early language acquisition are more likely to gain proficiency in multiple languages later in life. Additionally, primary students have enhanced cognitive capacity as their brains are still developing, thereby making it easier to absorb and memorize new vocabulary and grammar.

Furthermore, environmental aspects are of equal importance to cognitive ones. Unlike older students, primary students tend to have greater time and energy to allocate to language learning, as they are unencumbered by academic pressures such as exams and assessments. This allows the learning process to be more enjoyable and less pressured, which in turn leads to greater student productivity and results in a more effective language learning experience.

In conclusion, primary students are in an ideal stage for language learning, as they benefit from both cognitive and environmental advantages that facilitate efficient language acquisition.