Some many young people today leave school with a negative attitude toward learning, Why? What can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning in young people?

These days, it is widely debatable whether students have a negative attitude toward studying when leaving their school or not. In this essay, I will discuss the main motives leading to it and some possible consequences.

There are two main reasons why young people have unfavorable experiences when existing in their school, the initial of which is a large amount of workload. Due to a considerable quantity of workload such as assignments, homework and exams, pupils could be overwhelmed by having to stand them for a long time. This leads to exhaustion and frustration when studying, so it creates a pessimistic mindset toward learning. Moreover, students have excessive time for studying at school, leading to insufficient time for personal activities such as doing exercises and private affairs. Hence, they would confront mental health such as stress and depression or even physical health as obesity.

There are many solutions to stimulate a positive attitude toward learning in young people. Firstly, schools pursue student’s interests and passions in the curriculum by a great deal of images and questions, so it could encourage their curiosity and exploration of subjects. Therefore, it could conceive an enlargement of student’s sympathy. Secondly, schools should provide diverse learning materials such as personal computers and projections or even competent teachers, creating the expansion of assistance and learning environment for learners. From there, an optimistic attitude toward learning would be generated from students

In conclusion, there are two main motivations leading to negative attitudes toward learning, which are a great deal of homework and insufficient time for personal activities. However, this can be solved by encouraging pupil’s curiosity and exploration, as well as providing diverse learning materials and competent staff members

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"widely debatable" -> "widely debated"
Explanation: "Widely debated" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "widely debatable," which sounds less formal and slightly awkward in this context.
"existing in their school" -> "attending their school"
Explanation: "Attending their school" is a more conventional and precise phrase compared to "existing in their school," which is less formal and less commonly used in academic writing.
"the initial of which" -> "the first of which"
Explanation: "The first of which" is a clearer and more formal expression than "the initial of which." It enhances the readability and academic tone of the sentence.
"a large amount of workload" -> "a heavy workload"
Explanation: "A heavy workload" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of a significant amount of work. It maintains clarity while improving the academic tone.
"pupils could be overwhelmed by having to stand them for a long time" -> "pupils may become overwhelmed by enduring them for extended periods"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Enduring them for extended periods" is a clearer and more formal expression of the idea. Additionally, "may become overwhelmed" is more precise than "could be overwhelmed."
"personal activities such as doing exercises and private affairs" -> "personal activities such as exercise and personal matters"
Explanation: "Doing exercises and private affairs" is vague and informal. "Exercise and personal matters" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"confront mental health such as stress and depression" -> "experience mental health issues such as stress and depression"
Explanation: "Confront mental health" is an awkward and less common phrase. "Experience mental health issues" is more precise and formal.
"even physical health as obesity" -> "and even affect their physical health, such as obesity"
Explanation: "Even physical health as obesity" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Affect their physical health, such as obesity" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"stimulate a positive attitude toward learning" -> "foster a positive attitude toward learning"
Explanation: "Foster a positive attitude toward learning" is a more formal and precise phrase compared to "stimulate a positive attitude toward learning." It aligns better with academic writing conventions.
"pursue student’s interests and passions" -> "cater to students’ interests and passions"
Explanation: "Cater to students’ interests and passions" is a more formal and appropriate phrase than "pursue student’s interests and passions" in academic writing.
"it could conceive an enlargement of student’s sympathy" -> "it could foster greater empathy among students"
Explanation: "Conceive an enlargement of student’s sympathy" is awkward and unclear. "Foster greater empathy among students" is a more precise and formal expression of the idea.
"diverse learning materials such as personal computers and projections" -> "diverse learning materials such as personal computers and multimedia resources"
Explanation: "Projections" is unclear in this context. "Multimedia resources" is a more precise and formal alternative that includes personal computers and other relevant materials.
"creating the expansion of assistance and learning environment for learners" -> "promoting the expansion of support and enhancing the learning environment for students"
Explanation: "Creating the expansion of assistance" is awkward and unclear. "Promoting the expansion of support and enhancing the learning environment for students" is a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"an optimistic attitude toward learning would be generated from students" -> "students would develop an optimistic attitude toward learning"
Explanation: "An optimistic attitude toward learning would be generated from students" is passive and awkward. "Students would develop an optimistic attitude toward learning" is clearer and more direct.
"there are two main motivations leading to negative attitudes toward learning" -> "two primary factors contribute to negative attitudes toward learning"
Explanation: "There are two main motivations leading to negative attitudes toward learning" is less formal and clear. "Two primary factors contribute to negative attitudes toward learning" is more precise and academic.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the question, identifying reasons for negative attitudes towards learning among young people and proposing solutions to encourage a positive attitude. However, the analysis lacks depth and specificity. While it mentions workload and lack of personal time as reasons for negative attitudes, it could benefit from providing more concrete examples or research-based evidence to support these claims.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should delve deeper into the reasons behind negative attitudes towards learning, perhaps by exploring psychological or sociological factors. Additionally, providing specific examples or studies could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that workload and lack of personal time contribute to negative attitudes towards learning. However, the connection between these reasons and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could explicitly link the proposed solutions to the identified problems. For example, it could explain how pursuing student interests and providing diverse learning materials directly address the issue of workload and lack of personal time.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. While it mentions solutions such as pursuing student interests and providing diverse learning materials, it does not elaborate on how these strategies would effectively address the identified problems.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, it could elaborate on how pursuing student interests would increase engagement and motivation, thereby improving attitudes towards learning.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the reasons for negative attitudes towards learning and proposing solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the essay briefly touches on mental and physical health issues without fully exploring their relationship to negative attitudes towards learning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point directly contributes to the discussion of attitudes towards learning. If discussing health issues, it should clearly connect them to the main argument and provide relevant evidence or examples.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt and presents some relevant ideas, it could significantly improve by providing deeper analysis, stronger support for arguments, and maintaining focus throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph thereafter addresses a specific aspect related to the reasons for negative attitudes towards learning and potential solutions. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence of ideas within paragraphs and the overall flow of the essay. For instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the reader’s understanding of the progression of arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider employing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its topic, avoiding tangential discussions that may disrupt the coherence of the essay as a whole. Finally, use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the progression of ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to structure its content, with distinct sections devoted to discussing reasons for negative attitudes towards learning and potential solutions. However, there are areas where the structure could be strengthened for greater effectiveness. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, which can make it challenging for the reader to follow the logical flow of arguments.
- How to improve: Aim for greater coherence within each paragraph by focusing on a single main idea and providing supporting details and examples to reinforce it. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to improve clarity and readability. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay by logically connecting to preceding and subsequent paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate coherence. For example, it employs transition phrases such as "Moreover" and "Firstly" to signal shifts between different points. However, there is limited variation in the types of cohesive devices used, and their effectiveness in enhancing cohesion could be strengthened.
- How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices employed throughout the essay to include a variety of conjunctions, transitional phrases, and linking words. This can help to create smoother connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure that they are used strategically to reinforce the logical progression of arguments and maintain reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with varied word choices employed throughout. For instance, the writer utilizes diverse terms such as "debatable," "unfavorable," "exhaustion," "sympathy," and "exploration," among others. These choices contribute to the richness of expression and demonstrate an ability to employ vocabulary flexibly.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced or sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "large amount," consider alternatives like "substantial volume" or "considerable workload" to add depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, in the sentence, "pupils could be overwhelmed by having to stand them for a long time," the phrase "stand them" could be replaced with a more precise term like "endure" or "cope with." Similarly, the phrase "personal activities" could be specified further to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, carefully consider the context in which each word is used and aim to select the most accurate term. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse texts can aid in acquiring a broader range of precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "debatable" spelled as "debateable" and "pupil’s" spelled as "pupils." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy can further elevate the overall quality of writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell check tools or proofreading your work carefully before submission. Additionally, actively practicing spelling through exercises or engaging in regular reading can help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, with varied expressions employed to convey ideas effectively. By striving for precision in word choice and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can further refine their lexical resource and elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "There are two main reasons why young people have unfavorable experiences when existing in their school" are used alongside compound sentences such as "Moreover, students have excessive time for studying at school, leading to insufficient time for personal activities such as doing exercises and private affairs." Additionally, complex sentences like "Due to a considerable quantity of workload such as assignments, homework and exams, pupils could be overwhelmed by having to stand them for a long time" demonstrate an attempt to vary sentence structure.
- How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences and sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence and flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the text. For example, "There are two main reasons why young people have unfavorable experiences when existing in their school" could be revised to "There are two main reasons why young people develop negative attitudes toward learning as they leave school." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent use of parallel structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, consider reviewing the use of articles (e.g., "a large amount of workload" should be "a large amount of work"), subject-verb agreement, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation errors, including commas, apostrophes, and quotation marks, will also help enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to ensure precise and effective communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Debates persist regarding whether students harbor negative attitudes towards learning upon completing their schooling. In this essay, I will explore the primary reasons behind this phenomenon and propose potential solutions.

There are two primary factors contributing to students’ negative perceptions of learning. The first is the heavy workload they encounter. With a substantial amount of assignments, homework, and exams, students may become overwhelmed by enduring them for extended periods. This can result in exhaustion and frustration, fostering a pessimistic mindset towards learning. Furthermore, the lack of balance between study and personal activities, such as exercise and personal matters, can lead to mental health issues like stress and depression, and even affect their physical health, such as obesity.

To cultivate a positive attitude towards learning in young people, several measures can be taken. Firstly, schools should cater to students’ interests and passions within the curriculum, employing diverse learning materials and engaging methods to promote curiosity and exploration. By doing so, it could foster greater empathy among students. Secondly, institutions should invest in various learning resources, including personal computers and multimedia resources, along with competent teachers, to enhance the learning environment and provide necessary support to students. Through these initiatives, students would develop an optimistic attitude toward learning.

In conclusion, a heavy workload and insufficient time for personal activities are the two primary factors contributing to negative attitudes toward learning. However, by fostering curiosity, providing diverse learning materials, and enhancing support systems, schools can promote a positive outlook on learning among students.