Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this day and age, while some people believe that childcare centers supply the best services for children of pre – school age, others believe that it is the best choice for parents to let their children be taken care of by family members such as grandparents. From my point of view, I am in favor of the former.
On the one hand, it would be a beneficial way to ask for help from grandparents in caring for children. Firstly, they have plenty of time to pay high attention on kids. As a result, it helps parents rest assured to concentrate on work. However, at an old age, grandparents’ health would not be ensured. For example, they must spend a lot of effort on lulling the babies to sleep and feeding them, which cause the grandparents to be tired and sleepless. Secondly, grandparents are trustworthy and accumulate a lot of experience in bringing up kids previously. For instance, they know how to calm the babies down when they cry or cook foods which suit the taste of children. Nevertheless, grandparents’ practice seems old-fashioned for kids nowadays which affects thoughts and behaviors of children considerably. Other reason is that this way helps parents save a great deal of expense. With this amount of money, they can cover other daily expenses – which are more vital. But this means there is lack of interaction between kids and others.
On the other hand, I favor the idea that childcare centers is a better option for kids. Initially, kids are equipped with knowledge of different fields. It stem from the fact that every classroom are equipped with many modern facilities such as : TV, projectors, etc so that children’s creativity and learning are developed. Besides, kids are trained in self-discipline as well as independence. Therefore, children are not too dependent on their parents anymore and they can improve other social skills. Lastly, childcare centers employ highly qualified teachers with good capability. Due to being trained professionally, they understand children’s development and can help the children develop their skills in the best way.
In conclusion, with all reasons analyzed above, I am fully inclined to the idea that childcare centers is the best choice for childcare.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat clichéd and informal expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"supply the best services" -> "provide the most effective services"
Explanation: "Supply" is less specific and can imply mere availability rather than quality. "Provide the most effective services" emphasizes the quality and suitability of the services offered.
"it is the best choice for parents to let their children be taken care of" -> "it is the most suitable option for parents to entrust the care of their children"
Explanation: "Let their children be taken care of" is informal and vague. "Entrust the care of their children" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style.
"ask for help from grandparents" -> "seek assistance from grandparents"
Explanation: "Ask for help" is informal and slightly colloquial. "Seek assistance" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"pay high attention on kids" -> "devote considerable attention to children"
Explanation: "Pay high attention on kids" is informal and awkwardly phrased. "Devote considerable attention to children" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"it helps parents rest assured" -> "it enables parents to feel assured"
Explanation: "Rest assured" is an idiom that may sound too conversational for academic writing. "Enables parents to feel assured" is more formal and precise.
"at an old age" -> "in their advanced age"
Explanation: "At an old age" is somewhat informal and vague. "In their advanced age" is more specific and formal.
"spend a lot of effort on lulling the babies to sleep and feeding them" -> "expend considerable effort on soothing the babies to sleep and feeding them"
Explanation: "Spend a lot of effort" is informal and imprecise. "Expend considerable effort" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"which cause the grandparents to be tired and sleepless" -> "which leads to the grandparents’ fatigue and sleeplessness"
Explanation: "Which cause" is grammatically incorrect. "Which leads to" is grammatically correct and more formal. Also, "fatigue and sleeplessness" is a more precise and formal way to describe the state of being tired and sleep-deprived.
"accumulate a lot of experience in bringing up kids" -> "acquire extensive experience in raising children"
Explanation: "Accumulate a lot of experience in bringing up kids" is informal and colloquial. "Acquire extensive experience in raising children" is more formal and precise.
"kids nowadays" -> "children today"
Explanation: "Kids" is too informal for academic writing. "Children" is the appropriate term for formal texts.
"childcare centers is" -> "childcare centers are"
Explanation: "Is" is incorrect for the plural subject "childcare centers." "Are" is the correct form.
"every classroom are equipped with many modern facilities such as : TV, projectors, etc" -> "each classroom is equipped with numerous modern facilities such as TVs, projectors, etc."
Explanation: "Every classroom are" is grammatically incorrect. "Each classroom is" corrects this. Also, "numerous" is more precise than "many," and "TVs" should be pluralized for consistency.
"childcare centers employ highly qualified teachers with good capability" -> "childcare centers employ highly qualified teachers with exceptional capabilities"
Explanation: "Good capability" is vague and informal. "Exceptional capabilities" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding childcare options for preschool-aged children. The first part discusses the benefits of grandparents as caregivers, highlighting their experience and the emotional support they can provide. The second part presents the advantages of childcare centers, such as access to modern facilities and professional staff. However, the essay could have more thoroughly explored the drawbacks of each option, particularly the potential negative impacts of childcare centers, which would provide a more balanced discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are presented with equal depth. This could involve discussing specific disadvantages of each option, such as the potential for emotional detachment in childcare centers or the limitations of grandparents due to age. Including counterarguments would also strengthen the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their preference for childcare centers in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while discussing grandparents, the essay occasionally presents their advantages without clearly linking them back to the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently relate each point back to their opinion. For example, after discussing the benefits of grandparents, the writer could explicitly contrast these with the advantages of childcare centers, reinforcing the argument that childcare centers are ultimately the better choice.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting both views, such as the experience of grandparents and the professional training of childcare staff. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "modern facilities" in childcare centers could benefit from specific examples of how these facilities enhance learning.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, elaborating on how specific activities in childcare centers foster creativity would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using statistics or studies to support claims could enhance credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the financial implications of choosing grandparents as caregivers. This point, while relevant, could be more tightly connected to the overall argument about the quality of care.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. It may help to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding tangential points that do not directly relate to the quality of care will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it can be improved by providing more balanced discussions, consistent reinforcement of the position, detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on childcare. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing grandparents to childcare centers feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking sentence that summarizes the previous argument before introducing the next.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" more effectively. Additionally, summarizing the main point of one paragraph before transitioning to the next can help create a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the paragraph discussing grandparents is longer and more detailed than the one about childcare centers, which may lead to an imbalance in the presentation of arguments.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar level of detail. This can be achieved by expanding on the points made about childcare centers, perhaps by providing specific examples or elaborating on the benefits mentioned.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Lastly," which help to structure the arguments. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Other reason is that this way helps parents save a great deal of expense" lacks a smooth transition from the previous point, making it feel somewhat disconnected.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" to introduce additional points. Additionally, using phrases that summarize or contrast ideas can improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness in addressing the prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. Phrases like "best services," "beneficial way," and "trustworthy" are repeated without sufficient variation. For instance, instead of saying "best choice," alternatives like "optimal solution" or "preferred option" could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Utilizing a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to childcare and education could help in expanding the range of vocabulary. Practicing writing with varied vocabulary in mind will also aid in this effort.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "it is the best choice for parents to let their children be taken care of by family members." The phrase "let their children be taken care of" could be more succinctly expressed as "have family members care for their children." Additionally, "old age" is somewhat vague; specifying "advanced age" or "elderly" could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys their message more clearly. This can be achieved by revising sentences to eliminate unnecessary words and opting for more specific terms. Regular reading of high-quality essays or articles can also help in understanding how to use vocabulary more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "pre – school" (which should be "pre-school") and "foods which suit the taste of children" (where "suit" might be better replaced with "suitable for"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally after a short break to gain a fresh perspective. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular spelling practice can also be beneficial. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which demonstrates some variety. For example, phrases like "it would be a beneficial way to ask for help from grandparents" and "I favor the idea that childcare centers is a better option for kids" show an attempt at complex structures. However, the use of more varied sentence types, such as conditional clauses or relative clauses, is limited. The essay primarily relies on straightforward constructions, which can make it feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, using conditional sentences ("If parents choose childcare centers, they may find…") or relative clauses ("Children who attend childcare centers often develop…") can add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can also help in understanding how to effectively use varied structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "childcare centers is a better option" should be "childcare centers are a better option" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, phrases like "pay high attention on kids" should be corrected to "pay close attention to kids." The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly before conjunctions, which affects the clarity of the writing. For instance, "which cause the grandparents to be tired and sleepless" should be "which causes the grandparents to be tired and sleepless" to maintain subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regular grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and reading it aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes. Engaging with grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can also provide valuable insights into areas needing improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, while some people believe that childcare centers provide the most effective services for children of pre-school age, others argue that it is the most suitable option for parents to entrust the care of their children to family members such as grandparents. From my point of view, I am in favor of the former.

On the one hand, seeking assistance from grandparents in caring for children can be beneficial. Firstly, they have plenty of time to devote considerable attention to kids. As a result, it enables parents to feel assured and concentrate on their work. However, in their advanced age, grandparents’ health may not be guaranteed. For example, they must expend considerable effort on soothing the babies to sleep and feeding them, which leads to the grandparents’ fatigue and sleeplessness. Secondly, grandparents are trustworthy and have acquired extensive experience in raising children. For instance, they know how to calm babies when they cry or prepare meals that suit the tastes of children. Nevertheless, their methods may seem old-fashioned for children today, which can affect the thoughts and behaviors of kids considerably. Another reason is that this approach helps parents save a great deal of expense. With this amount of money, they can cover other daily expenses, which are more vital. However, this means there is a lack of interaction between kids and their peers.

On the other hand, I favor the idea that childcare centers are a better option for kids. Initially, children are equipped with knowledge in various fields. This stems from the fact that each classroom is equipped with numerous modern facilities such as TVs, projectors, etc., which help develop children’s creativity and learning. Additionally, kids are trained in self-discipline as well as independence. Therefore, children become less dependent on their parents and can improve their social skills. Lastly, childcare centers employ highly qualified teachers with exceptional capabilities. Due to their professional training, they understand children’s development and can help them develop their skills in the best way.

In conclusion, with all the reasons analyzed above, I am fully inclined to the idea that childcare centers are the best choice for childcare.