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Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?

It is argued that outer space exploration tends to be associated with a nation’s standing in the world rather than international coordination in contemporary life. While other people hold the view that point is true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a positive way to develop cosmic research in the future.
On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries to invest in space exploration. By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research. For example, if a country were to successfully land astronauts on Mars, it could create opportunities to gain exclusive research methodologies that others would desire to learn and experience through paying a huge amount of money to access and discover the method that can support this country's success in this field. Moreover, the successful progress in universe research will increase their reputation and standing in space exploration of the world, so governments pour a significant amount of money to gain these benefits.
On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries to invest in space exploration. By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research. For example, if a country were to successfully land astronauts on Mars, it could create opportunities to gain exclusive research methodologies that others would desire to learn and experience through paying a huge amount of money to access and discover the method that can support this country's success in this field. Moreover, the successful progress in universe research will increase their reputation and standing in space exploration of the world, so governments pour a significant amount of money to gain these benefits.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons that make many people focus on holding the point of space exploration on raising national honor in the global community, I believe that the international effort will contribute more advantages to the space research process in the future.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that outer space exploration tends to be associated with a nation’s standing in the world rather than international coordination in contemporary life." -> "It is argued that outer space exploration is often linked to a nation’s global standing, prioritizing this aspect over international coordination in contemporary times."
    Explanation: The suggested revision refines the language by specifying the link between space exploration and a nation’s global standing. Additionally, it replaces the informal phrase "associated with" with a more precise term, "linked to," and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  2. "While other people hold the view that point is true, I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a positive way to develop cosmic research in the future." -> "While some assert the validity of this perspective, I firmly advocate for cross-national collaboration as a constructive means to advance cosmic research in the future."
    Explanation: The proposed revision introduces a more formal expression by replacing "other people" with "some" and "hold the view that point is true" with "assert the validity of this perspective." The replacement of "positive way" with "constructive means" contributes to a more sophisticated tone.

  3. "On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role in motivating countries to invest in space exploration." -> "On one hand, national pride undeniably serves as a significant motivator for countries to allocate resources to space exploration."
    Explanation: The revision removes redundancy by eliminating the repetition of "On the one hand." It also replaces the informal phrase "has undoubtedly played a substantial role" with a more concise and formal expression, "undeniably serves as a significant motivator."

  4. "By gaining numerous achievements and prizes, nations can succeed in raising their global standing in space research." -> "Through attaining numerous achievements and accolades, nations can successfully enhance their global standing in the realm of space research."
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace the informal "gaining" with the more formal "attaining," and "raising" with "enhance." This enhances the formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity and precision.

  5. "For example, if a country were to successfully land astronauts on Mars, it could create opportunities to gain exclusive research methodologies that others would desire to learn and experience through paying a huge amount of money to access and discover the method that can support this country’s success in this field." -> "For instance, the successful landing of astronauts on Mars by a country could lead to opportunities to acquire exclusive research methodologies. Others might be willing to invest a substantial amount to access and learn these methods, contributing to the success of that country in the field."
    Explanation: The revised sentence eliminates redundancy, replaces informal phrases with more precise terms, and improves clarity. The use of "For instance" is more formal than "For example," and the restructuring contributes to a smoother flow of ideas.

  6. "Moreover, the successful progress in universe research will increase their reputation and standing in space exploration of the world, so governments pour a significant amount of money to gain these benefits." -> "Furthermore, successful advancements in astrophysical research will bolster their reputation and global standing in the field of space exploration. Consequently, governments allocate substantial funding to reap these benefits."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal term, "advancements in astrophysical research," in place of "successful progress in universe research." Additionally, it replaces "standing in space exploration of the world" with "global standing in the field of space exploration" for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses both parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the argument that space exploration is often driven by national pride and expresses a clear opinion in favor of international collaboration for the future. Relevant sections are: "It is argued that outer space exploration tends to be associated with a nation’s standing in the world rather than international coordination," and "I firmly believe that cross-national collaboration is a positive way to develop cosmic research in the future."
    • How to improve: The essay can further enhance its response by providing more specific examples or scenarios related to international collaboration in space exploration. Consider expanding on the potential benefits of cooperation and how it can overcome the limitations posed by a nationalistic approach.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position supporting international collaboration in space exploration. However, there is a repetition of the argument in the second paragraph, which may slightly affect the clarity. The stance is consistent, but this repetition could be condensed for conciseness.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider consolidating the points made about national pride in the second paragraph and focus on presenting distinct arguments in support of international collaboration.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to national pride and international collaboration, but it could benefit from more detailed development. For instance, the example of landing astronauts on Mars is mentioned twice without offering additional details or perspectives. Additionally, the essay lacks elaboration on how international collaboration can contribute to space research.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the examples provided, offering more specifics and connecting them explicitly to the advantages of international collaboration. Additionally, provide more insight into how global cooperation can enhance cosmic research beyond merely stating it as a positive way forward.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but tends to repeat the same idea and example, affecting the overall depth of the analysis. While it discusses both sides of the argument, there’s room for more nuanced exploration of the international aspect of space exploration.
    • How to improve: Avoid unnecessary repetition of ideas and examples. Instead, focus on exploring different facets of the topic, such as specific benefits of international collaboration or potential challenges that may arise in the absence of it.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more specific examples, avoiding repetition, and deepening the analysis of international collaboration in space exploration.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is a repetition in the argument presented in the body paragraphs, where the same points are reiterated. This redundancy could be confusing for the reader and diminishes the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should focus on presenting distinct arguments in each paragraph. Avoid repeating the same ideas and strive for a more diverse and nuanced exploration of the topic. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but there is an issue with paragraph structure. The second paragraph is repeated verbatim, which is a significant flaw in paragraphing. Each paragraph should present unique information to maintain reader engagement and coherence.
    • How to improve: Revise the essay to ensure that each paragraph contributes new insights or elaborates on the previous points. This will not only eliminate redundancy but also strengthen the overall structure of the essay. Consider using topic sentences to clearly signal the focus of each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "on the one hand" and "in conclusion." However, there is room for improvement in the use of a variety of cohesive devices. The repetition of phrases, as seen in the duplicated paragraph, hinders the overall cohesion of the essay.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Include transition words, pronouns, and parallel structures to connect ideas seamlessly. Additionally, pay attention to avoiding unnecessary repetition, as this can disrupt the flow of the essay. Consider using synonyms or rephrasing to enhance variety.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing the issues of redundancy and paragraph structure will significantly improve the overall quality of the essay in these criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied words, but it lacks consistency and depth. For instance, repetitive use of phrases such as "national pride," "space exploration," and "global standing" suggests a limited lexical repertoire. Additionally, some expressions lack precision, like "universe research," which might be better replaced with a more specific term.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, aim for diversity in word choice. Explore synonyms and use context-appropriate terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "national pride," consider alternatives like "patriotism" or "national prestige." Also, strive for precision by employing specific terms like "cosmic exploration" instead of "universe research."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally clear, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "national pride" is used frequently without exploring nuanced aspects or offering specific examples. Additionally, the term "universe research" is somewhat ambiguous and could benefit from a more specific choice.
    • How to improve: Increase precision by delving deeper into the meanings of key terms. Instead of relying on broad concepts like "national pride," provide specific examples or explore different dimensions of the idea. Replace vague terms like "universe research" with more precise alternatives such as "celestial exploration" or "astronomical investigation."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, but there are some instances of repeated phrases that may be a result of copy-pasting or oversight. For example, the paragraph starting with "On the one hand" is duplicated. Additionally, the use of "point is true" could be improved to "point holds true."
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay thoroughly to eliminate duplicate content and ensure coherence. Pay attention to details such as verb forms and article usage. Use editing tools or seek feedback from others to catch errors that may be overlooked during self-review.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and utilizes vocabulary adequately, improvements in range, precision, and careful proofreading can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. The writer frequently relies on repetitive sentence structures, leading to a lack of sophistication in expression. For instance, the repetition of the phrase "On the one hand, national pride has undoubtedly played a substantial role…" occurs twice, diminishing the variety in the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce subordination and coordination to create more nuanced and varied expressions. Additionally, avoid repetitive phrases and explore different ways of presenting contrasting ideas to add depth to the essay.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy; however, there are notable instances of errors. For example, in the sentence "While other people hold the view that point is true," there is a lack of clarity, and the phrase "that point is true" is awkwardly constructed. Additionally, the phrase "By gaining numerous achievements and prizes" could be improved for better coherence.

    • How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structure and clarity by revising awkward or unclear phrases. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that each sentence conveys a clear and precise meaning. Review punctuation use, especially in complex sentences, to avoid confusion. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct specific grammatical issues.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammatical accuracy, there is room for improvement in sentence structure variety and clarity. Diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate revolves around the notion that outer space exploration is often tied to a nation’s global prestige rather than international cooperation in today’s world. While some maintain the validity of this perspective, I strongly advocate for cross-national collaboration as a constructive means to advance cosmic research in the future.

On one hand, national pride undeniably serves as a significant motivator for countries to allocate resources to space exploration. By achieving numerous milestones and receiving accolades, nations can successfully elevate their global standing in the realm of space research. For instance, the successful landing of astronauts on Mars by a country could lead to opportunities to acquire exclusive research methodologies. Others might be willing to invest a substantial amount to access and learn these methods, contributing to the success of that country in the field.

Furthermore, successful advancements in astrophysical research will bolster their reputation and global standing in the field of space exploration. Consequently, governments allocate substantial funding to reap these benefits.

In conclusion, while there are some who emphasize the role of space exploration in enhancing national honor on the global stage, I believe that international efforts will bring more advantages to the space research process in the future.

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