some people argue that the government should spend money on public services and facilities, but not on arts. Do you agree or disagree?

some people argue that the government should spend money on public services and facilities, but not on arts. Do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that the authority should spend public funds on civil services and infrastructures rather than arts. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view of point.
there are several reasons for this trend. First, putting arts into architectures in countries will appeal to a lot of tourist. This is because travellers today have a tendency to check in and take a lot of pictures about beatiful places. For example, Merlion park in Singapore, Sydney Opera house in Australia or Imperial city of Hue in Viet Nam are also typical symbols of these nations and visitors exactly will come to these places if they travel to these countries. As a result, the more tourism develop, the more other thrive. Mowever, this will also increase countries's GDP.
Second, the flexible use of arts in society will develop human perception. The reason for this is that instead of reading long-winded policy, people can easily access to informations through arts such as pictures, videos or posters. For instance, a lot of posters promoting family planning appear a lot on the streets. This attract the attention of people and contribute to the propaganda campaign. Consequently, individuals especially illiterate people can also easily access to new informations of community and not have abandoned feeling thank to using a lot of propaganda posters around the country.
In conslusion, i reaffirm my opinion that arts is also a crucial problem that the authority should concetrate and invest the government budget into it apart from public services and facilities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals believe" -> "Some people believe"
   Explanation: "Some individuals" is slightly redundant as "individuals" already implies a group of people. "Some people" is more direct and maintains the formal tone without redundancy.

2. "the authority should spend" -> "authorities should allocate"
   Explanation: "The authority" is vague and can refer to a single entity or a collective. "Authorities" is more precise and appropriate for referring to government agencies or institutions. "Allocate" is also more specific than "spend" in the context of budgeting and resource distribution.

3. "In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view of point." -> "I strongly disagree with this viewpoint."
   Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view of point" is redundant and awkward. "I strongly disagree with this viewpoint" is more concise and maintains the formal tone of academic writing.

4. "putting arts into architectures" -> "incorporating arts into architecture"
   Explanation: "Putting arts into architectures" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Incorporating arts into architecture" is grammatically correct and clearer, specifying the integration of arts into the field of architecture.

5. "will appeal to a lot of tourist" -> "will appeal to many tourists"
   Explanation: "A lot of tourist" is grammatically incorrect. "Many tourists" is grammatically correct and more formal.

6. "have a tendency to check in and take a lot of pictures about beatiful places" -> "tend to check in and take numerous photos of beautiful places"
   Explanation: "Have a tendency to" is slightly informal and vague. "Tend to" is more concise and formal. "About" is incorrect before "beatiful places," and "photos" should be "numerous photos" for a more precise and formal tone.

7. "will also increase countries’s GDP" -> "will also increase a country’s GDP"
   Explanation: "Countries’s" is grammatically incorrect as "countries" is a plural noun and requires the plural possessive form "countries’." "A country’s" is grammatically correct and more precise.

8. "the flexible use of arts in society will develop human perception" -> "the flexible application of arts in society enhances human perception"
   Explanation: "Develop" is somewhat vague and less specific than "enhances," which directly indicates improvement. "Application" is more precise than "use" in this context, referring to the practical implementation of arts in society.

9. "instead of reading long-winded policy" -> "instead of reading lengthy policy documents"
   Explanation: "Long-winded" is an informal and somewhat pejorative term. "Lengthy" is neutral and more appropriate for academic writing. "Policy documents" is more specific than "policy," which is too general.

10. "appear a lot on the streets" -> "appear frequently on the streets"
    Explanation: "Appear a lot" is informal and vague. "Appear frequently" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

11. "This attract the attention of people" -> "This attracts the attention of people"
    Explanation: "This attract" is grammatically incorrect. "This attracts" corrects the verb agreement with the singular subject "This."

12. "not have abandoned feeling" -> "do not feel abandoned"
    Explanation: "Not have abandoned feeling" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Do not feel abandoned" is grammatically correct and clearer.

13. "i reaffirm my opinion" -> "I reaffirm my opinion"
    Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" to maintain proper capitalization in English.

14. "concetrate and invest the government budget into it" -> "concentrate and invest the government budget in it"
    Explanation: "Concetrate" is a typographical error and should be "concentrate." "In" is the correct preposition to use with "invest" in this context, not "into."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that government funds should be allocated solely to public services and facilities, rather than arts. The author presents two main arguments supporting their position: the economic benefits of arts through tourism and the role of arts in enhancing public understanding. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more comprehensive engagement with the question.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should briefly outline the opposing argument before refuting it. This could involve acknowledging the importance of public services and facilities before emphasizing the value of arts, thereby providing a more balanced perspective.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position against the idea that arts should not be funded, stating, "I completely disagree with this view." However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which may confuse readers. For instance, phrases like "this trend" could be clearer if explicitly linked to the argument being made.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reiterates their stance. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence will help maintain a consistent voice throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two main ideas: the economic impact of arts on tourism and the role of arts in disseminating information. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the mention of specific tourist attractions. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited; for instance, the connection between tourism and GDP could be elaborated further to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, expanding on how increased tourism directly correlates with GDP growth, or providing statistics or studies that support the claims, would enhance the depth of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of arts in relation to government spending. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "long-winded policy" and "illiterate people." While these points are relevant, they could be more directly tied back to the main argument about the value of arts.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the central thesis. This can be achieved by frequently linking back to the main argument in each paragraph and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the overall message.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the author can elevate their essay to a higher band score while maintaining the strengths already present in their argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea that government funds should be allocated solely to public services and facilities. The arguments are structured in a logical manner, with each paragraph addressing a specific point. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the economic benefits of investing in arts through tourism, while the second focuses on the societal impact of arts on human perception and accessibility to information. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some connections between sentences and paragraphs feel abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. For example, after discussing tourism, a phrase like "In addition to economic benefits, arts also play a vital role in…" could help guide the reader into the next point. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence would reinforce the main idea of that section.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph contains relevant information that supports the overall argument. However, the first paragraph could be more cohesive, as it introduces multiple ideas without a clear focus. The conclusion also lacks a strong summary of the main points, which could leave the reader wanting more clarity.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the tourism aspect and provide more detailed examples or statistics to back the claim. In the conclusion, briefly restate the main arguments made in the essay to reinforce the overall message.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "for example," which help in organizing thoughts. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "as a result" and "consequently" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in contrast," and "on the other hand." This will help in creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for instance, the phrase "this will also increase countries’s GDP" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between tourism and economic growth.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "public funds," "civil services," "infrastructures," and "tourism." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "public services and facilities" is repeated without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the lexical variety. Additionally, phrases like "appeal to a lot of tourist" could be improved to "attract a significant number of tourists" for better sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "arts," they could use "cultural expressions," "creative endeavors," or "artistic initiatives." Expanding the vocabulary used to discuss tourism and its economic impact could also provide a richer context.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise language that detract from clarity. For example, "the authority should spend public funds" could be more accurately expressed as "the government should allocate public funds." Additionally, the phrase "the more tourism develop, the more other thrive" is vague; it lacks clarity on what "other" refers to, which could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. They could revise vague phrases and ensure that each term used conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "this trend," specifying what "trend" is being referred to would enhance understanding. Furthermore, using more precise verbs and adjectives can strengthen the overall message.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "beatiful" (beautiful), "Mowever" (However), "countries’s" (countries’), "informations" (information), "abandoned feeling" (abandonment), and "concentate" (concentrate). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also improve overall clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Some individuals believe that the authority should spend public funds on civil services and infrastructures rather than arts.") and compound sentences ("This is because travellers today have a tendency to check in and take a lot of pictures about beautiful places."). However, the overall range is limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect structures, such as "the view of point" instead of "viewpoint" and "the more tourism develop, the more other thrive" which lacks clarity and grammatical correctness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This is because travellers today have a tendency to check in and take a lot of pictures about beautiful places," you could say, "Travellers today tend to check in and take numerous pictures of beautiful places, which highlights the importance of integrating art into architecture." Additionally, practice using conditional sentences and varied conjunctions to create more complex ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "Mowever" is a typographical error for "However," and "countries’s GDP" should be "countries’ GDP" to indicate possession correctly. There are also issues with capitalization, such as "i" instead of "I," and inconsistent use of commas, which affects the overall clarity and flow of the essay. Furthermore, phrases like "not have abandoned feeling" are awkward and unclear.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Additionally, practice writing sentences that clearly convey your ideas without ambiguity. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and items in a list. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch mistakes before finalizing your work.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that authorities should allocate public funds to civil services and infrastructure rather than to the arts. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint.

There are several reasons for this stance. First, incorporating arts into architecture in various countries will appeal to many tourists. This is because travelers today tend to check in and take numerous photos of beautiful places. For example, Merlion Park in Singapore, the Sydney Opera House in Australia, and the Imperial City of Hue in Vietnam are all iconic symbols of these nations, and visitors are likely to visit these sites when traveling to these countries. As a result, the more tourism develops, the more other sectors thrive. Moreover, this will also increase a country’s GDP.

Second, the flexible application of arts in society enhances human perception. Instead of reading lengthy policy documents, people can easily access information through arts such as pictures, videos, or posters. For instance, many posters promoting family planning appear frequently on the streets. This attracts the attention of people and contributes to the propaganda campaign. Consequently, individuals, especially those who are illiterate, can also easily access new information about their community and do not feel abandoned, thanks to the use of numerous propaganda posters around the country.

In conclusion, I reaffirm my opinion that the arts are a crucial area that authorities should concentrate on and invest the government budget in, alongside public services and facilities.