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Some people argue that there is no point in preserving old buildings when land is so valuable in our cities. Others believe that old buildings are an important part of our heritage and should be preserved. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Some people argue that there is no point in preserving old buildings when land is so valuable in our cities. Others believe that old buildings are an important part of our heritage and should be preserved. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

With overpopulation in numerous urban areas these days, land resources in these cities have gradually become scarce. Therefore, some individuals suggest that old structures should be demolished to build many skyscrapers that cater for the demands for citizen’s accommodation. However, others argue that government bodies should make an effort to preserve these sites. This essay will delve into both perspectives before concluding that I am flavor of the latter notion.
On the one hand, demolishing old constructions can bring various economic and social values to people’s lives. Firstly, due to the shortage of land resources in metropolitan cities, many city- dwellers are struggling to find a stable shelter. Hence, it can cater for the needs of inhabitants’ accommodations and optimize land usage. In addition, governments can construct cutting – edge facilities, namely, shopping malls and recreational centers to generate more job opportunities and revenue from new developments, contributing to the development of the local economy.
On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that long – established buildings should be preserved. First and foremost, these sites can serve as tangible links to the past as having witnessed countless historical milestones and reflecting various societal and cultural values of a nation during previous periods. Thus, young generations have an ideal opportunity to have a comprehensive understanding of a nation's heritage and foster a sense of patriotism among them. In addition, old constructions have economic potential for local communities because cultural heritages often attract many visitors and tourists for contemplation and sightseeing. Consequently, many economic activities and employment opportunities will be created, contributing to the growth of the economy.
In conclusion, while it is undeniable that replacing old buildings with cutting – edge facilities has a positive impact on individuals’ lives and society, I would contend that the benefits of cultural heritage which it offers are more noteworthy.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "land resources in these cities have gradually become scarce" -> "land resources in these cities have become increasingly scarce"
    Explanation: Replacing "gradually" with "increasingly" provides a more formal and precise expression of the diminishing availability of land resources.

  2. "old structures should be demolished" -> "historic structures should be dismantled"
    Explanation: The term "historic structures" is more formal and suitable for academic writing than the colloquial "old structures." Additionally, "dismantled" is a more precise term than "demolished."

  3. "skyscrapers that cater for the demands for citizen’s accommodation" -> "skyscrapers that meet the demands for citizens’ housing"
    Explanation: "Cater for" is replaced with "meet the demands for," offering a more formal and concise expression. Also, the possessive form of "citizen" is corrected to "citizens’."

  4. "I am flavor of the latter notion" -> "I am in favor of the latter perspective"
    Explanation: "Flavor of" is replaced with "in favor of" for a more formal and appropriate expression in academic writing. Also, "notion" is substituted with "perspective" for clarity.

  5. "city- dwellers" -> "urban residents"
    Explanation: "City-dwellers" is replaced with "urban residents" for a more formal and sophisticated term in academic writing.

  6. "it can cater for the needs of inhabitants’ accommodations" -> "it can meet the housing needs of the residents"
    Explanation: "Cater for" is replaced with "meet," and "inhabitants’ accommodations" is revised to "housing needs of the residents" for greater precision and formality.

  7. "cutting – edge facilities" -> "modern facilities"
    Explanation: "Cutting-edge" is replaced with "modern" for a simpler and more widely understood term in academic writing.

  8. "namely, shopping malls and recreational centers" -> "such as shopping malls and recreational centers"
    Explanation: "Namely" is replaced with "such as" for a more appropriate transition in formal writing.

  9. "contribute to the development of the local economy" -> "contribute to the local economic development"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for improved formal expression by placing "local economic development" at the end of the sentence.

  10. "there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced" -> "there are several compelling reasons why I am persuaded"
    Explanation: "A host of" is replaced with "several," and "convinced" is substituted with "persuaded" for a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "long – established buildings" -> "long-standing structures"
    Explanation: "Long-established" is replaced with "long-standing" for a more formal and refined term.

  12. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: "First and foremost" is replaced with "Primarily" for a more formal and concise transition in academic writing.

  13. "have an ideal opportunity" -> "have an excellent opportunity"
    Explanation: "Ideal" is replaced with "excellent" for a more impactful and formal expression.

  14. "economic potential for local communities" -> "economic potential benefiting local communities"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for improved clarity and formality by specifying that the economic potential benefits local communities.

  15. "contemplation and sightseeing" -> "observation and tourism"
    Explanation: "Contemplation" is replaced with "observation," and "sightseeing" is substituted with "tourism" for a more formal and precise description of visitors’ activities.

  16. "In conclusion, while it is undeniable that replacing old buildings with cutting – edge facilities has a positive impact on individuals’ lives and society" -> "In conclusion, although the positive impact of replacing old buildings with modern facilities on individuals’ lives and society is undeniable"
    Explanation: The sentence is revised for improved formality and clarity by rephrasing the structure and replacing "cutting-edge" with "modern."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives by discussing the argument for demolishing old buildings to make space for new developments and the argument for preserving them. However, the explanation of the author’s own opinion is somewhat brief and could benefit from more depth and clarity. It would be helpful to explicitly state the preference for preserving old buildings.
    • How to improve: Provide a more comprehensive explanation of your opinion in the conclusion. Clearly state your preference for preserving old buildings and provide a brief summary of the reasons supporting your stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by favoring the preservation of old buildings. However, there are moments where the language is somewhat ambiguous, such as "before concluding that I am flavor of the latter notion." It’s essential to use clear and direct language to ensure the reader easily understands the stance.
    • How to improve: Use straightforward language to express your position without ambiguity. For example, instead of "I am flavor of the latter notion," say "I strongly believe in preserving old buildings."
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, providing arguments for both sides. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, the argument for demolishing old constructions could be more detailed, and examples supporting the economic and social benefits could be expanded for a stronger impact.
    • How to improve: Elaborate further on the economic and social benefits of demolishing old buildings. Provide specific examples and evidence to strengthen your points and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has moments of slight deviation, such as discussing the shortage of land resources in metropolitan cities. While relevant, this could be more directly tied to the preservation or demolition of old buildings.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made is directly related to the topic of preserving or demolishing old buildings. If discussing related issues, clearly connect them back to the main topic to maintain focus and relevance.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting arguments for both perspectives and maintaining a clear position in favor of preserving old buildings. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, depth of explanation, and the development of ideas for a more compelling and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear organizational structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a conclusion. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, enhancing clarity. However, there is a slight issue with the flow of ideas in the introduction, where the essay mentions supporting the preservation of old buildings but concludes by favoring the latter notion without establishing the specific viewpoint in the introduction.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, align the introduction more closely with the final stance, ensuring consistency between the introduction and the concluding viewpoint. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph contains a clear main point, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. However, the structure of the introduction could be refined for a smoother transition into the essay’s main body.
    • How to improve: Consider revising the introduction to more explicitly present the contrasting views and your stance. This adjustment will help create a seamless transition into the body paragraphs, improving overall paragraph structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "In addition," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by signaling shifts between ideas and perspectives.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, consider introducing more diverse connectors and transitions to enhance coherence. This may involve using a wider range of synonyms for commonly used phrases to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.

In conclusion, the essay effectively organizes information logically, uses paragraphs appropriately, and employs a range of cohesive devices. To enhance overall coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the introduction’s alignment with the final stance and consider incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices for increased variety and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terminology to discuss the topic. For instance, it includes terms such as "overpopulation," "scarce," "accommodation," "cutting-edge facilities," "revenue," "heritage," "patriotism," "economic potential," and "cultural heritages," among others. These words contribute to a nuanced exploration of ideas and perspectives.
    • How to improve: To further enhance lexical richness, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or phrases where appropriate. For instance, instead of repetitive usage of terms like "old buildings" or "accommodations," explore alternatives like "historical structures" or "residential spaces," which can elevate the essay’s lexical diversity without sacrificing clarity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where more precise terms or expressions could be used. For example, phrases like "long-established buildings" or "cutting-edge facilities" could be substituted with more specific descriptors, such as "historically significant structures" or "state-of-the-art amenities," respectively. These changes would heighten the precision of the language used.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Utilize synonyms or more specific terms that accurately capture the nuances of the ideas being discussed. Regularly consult a thesaurus or academic sources to explore alternative expressions that might better fit the context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "flavor" instead of "in favor" and "cutting-edge" instead of "cutting-edge." While these errors do not impede comprehension, attention to these details can further elevate the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing tools like spell checkers and proofreading techniques. Additionally, devote time to reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage to minimize errors in future writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, conveying ideas effectively. To further enhance lexical resource, strive for more diverse and precise vocabulary choices while ensuring consistent attention to spelling accuracy for a polished presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is an appropriate use of complex sentences, compound sentences, and some rhetorical devices. However, the variety could be enhanced by incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or sentences with embedded clauses.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. For example, instead of relying on straightforward sentences, try integrating more complex structures to add sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and article usage could be improved. For instance, "demolishing old constructions" should be "demolishing old structures," and "I am flavor of the latter notion" should be "I favor the latter notion."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Review each sentence for grammatical accuracy, and consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch subtle errors.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly, with appropriate commas, periods, and apostrophes. However, there are instances where comma splices and awkward punctuation disrupt the flow. For example, "Hence, it can cater for the needs" might benefit from a semicolon or restructuring for clearer separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence. Be cautious of comma splices and ensure that each punctuation mark serves its intended purpose. Consider reviewing punctuation rules and examples to reinforce proper usage.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical structures with room for improvement in sentence variety and subtle grammatical nuances. Refining these aspects will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the surge in urban populations, cities face a pressing issue of dwindling land resources. Some advocate for the dismantling of historic structures to erect towering skyscrapers meeting the housing needs of urban residents. Conversely, others emphasize preserving these sites. This essay will explore both stances before stating my preference for conserving heritage sites.

On one hand, demolishing old buildings can yield various economic and social benefits. Primarily, due to land scarcity in cities, many struggle to find adequate housing. Therefore, it can address the accommodation needs and optimize land usage. Additionally, authorities can develop modern facilities like shopping malls and recreational centers, creating job opportunities and boosting local economic development.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why I favor preserving longstanding structures. Firstly, these sites serve as tangible links to the past, bearing witness to historical milestones and reflecting cultural values. They offer younger generations a chance to understand their nation’s heritage, fostering patriotism. Moreover, old constructions hold economic potential, attracting tourists and contributing to economic growth by generating employment opportunities.

In conclusion, while replacing old buildings with modern facilities undoubtedly benefits individuals and society, the cultural heritage they embody holds greater significance in my view.

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