Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals think that all subjects should be focus on equally, while in contrast, other people believe that only those subject that they enjoy and best at should be concentrated on. Both of them have their own benefits and disadvantages, but from my point of view, study equally is much better.

Study those subjects that students find interesting and good at will make them better in study without any pressure. They can enjoy, feel strongly and show character when they gain knowledge with it. But study in thy way will make your overall point lower. In example, a person with 8 at math but only 5 at English cannot compare with a pupil who have both 8 on math and English. Study by your favorite or just something you good at will make your knowledge got worse and unequally if thy combine the other subject in. And you will find less chance to choose a job on the other hand.

Focus on all subjects equally will make you have a better overall score which can help you to enter a better degree. But study by forcing can cause a depression because you may need to learn too much, so that to solve the problem, you may have to review your time more carefully and do not push yourself too much. In fact, study equally can make more preparing to more job than just study what you like. With that large amount of knowledge that you gain from study all subjects will get you to a better job in future and make you like ability to serve better itself.

Both of the way of learning study give benefit and help us to learn just study what you best at will try for you to study what suitable most for you, and study all equally can have enough knowledge to solve problem in different part of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many individuals think" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is more appropriate in academic writing as it conveys a stronger sense of conviction and is more formal than "think."
"should be focus on equally" -> "should be focused equally"
Explanation: The verb "focus" should be in the past participle form "focused" to agree with the passive voice, and "on" should be replaced with "equally" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"only those subject that they enjoy and best at" -> "only subjects that they enjoy and excel in"
Explanation: "Subjects" should be plural to match the context, and "excel in" is more precise and formal than "best at."
"study equally is much better" -> "studying equally is preferable"
Explanation: "Preferable" is more academically precise than "better," and "studying" should be used as a gerund to maintain grammatical consistency.
"study those subjects that students find interesting and good at" -> "pursue subjects that interest them and in which they excel"
Explanation: "Pursue" is more formal than "study," and "interest them" and "excel in" are more precise and formal than "find interesting and good at."
"feel strongly and show character" -> "demonstrate enthusiasm and exhibit character"
Explanation: "Demonstrate enthusiasm" and "exhibit character" are more formal and precise terms than "feel strongly and show character."
"study in thy way" -> "study in their own way"
Explanation: "Their own way" is grammatically correct and more formal than "thy way," which is archaic and informal.
"In example" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For example" is the correct phrase for introducing an example in formal writing.
"a person with 8 at math but only 5 at English" -> "an individual with a score of 8 in mathematics but only 5 in English"
Explanation: "An individual" is more formal than "a person," and "a score of 8 in mathematics" is more precise than "8 at math."
"study by your favorite or just something you good at" -> "pursue their preferred subjects or those in which they excel"
Explanation: "Pursue their preferred subjects" is more formal and precise than "study by your favorite," and "those in which they excel" is grammatically correct.
"make your knowledge got worse and unequally if thy combine the other subject in" -> "result in uneven knowledge if they combine other subjects"
Explanation: "Result in uneven knowledge" is more formal and grammatically correct than "make your knowledge got worse and unequally if thy combine the other subject in."
"do not push yourself too much" -> "avoid overexertion"
Explanation: "Avoid overexertion" is a more formal and concise way to advise against excessive effort.
"study equally can make more preparing to more job" -> "studying equally prepares for more career opportunities"
Explanation: "Preparing for more career opportunities" is a clearer and more formal expression than "make more preparing to more job."
"will get you to a better job in future" -> "will lead to better job prospects in the future"
Explanation: "Will lead to better job prospects in the future" is more formal and precise than "will get you to a better job in future."
"like ability to serve better itself" -> "enhance their ability to serve better"
Explanation: "Enhance their ability" is grammatically correct and more formal than "like ability to serve better itself."

These changes improve the essay’s formality, precision, and grammatical accuracy, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether teenagers should focus on all subjects equally or concentrate on subjects they find interesting and excel in. However, the discussion lacks depth and clarity. For instance, the first paragraph mentions the benefits and disadvantages of both approaches but does not elaborate on what these benefits and disadvantages are. The second paragraph primarily supports the view of focusing on subjects of interest but does not sufficiently explain the potential downsides of this approach. Similarly, while the third paragraph advocates for studying all subjects equally, it does not clearly outline the disadvantages of this method.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should explicitly outline the benefits and drawbacks of both perspectives. This could involve providing specific examples or scenarios that illustrate each viewpoint, ensuring that both sides are given equal attention and depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear opinion in favor of studying all subjects equally in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the position is somewhat undermined by the lack of coherent arguments and the presence of mixed messages throughout the body paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph suggests that focusing on subjects of interest is beneficial, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their opinion throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly stating their viewpoint in each paragraph and ensuring that all arguments and examples support this position. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help clarify the writer’s stance and guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of studying subjects of interest and the advantages of a well-rounded education. However, the ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the claim that studying only subjects of interest can lead to lower overall scores is mentioned but not adequately explained or supported with examples. The arguments tend to be vague and lack the necessary detail to be persuasive.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios that illustrate the arguments. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each idea is clearly linked to the overall thesis of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two perspectives on education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the third paragraph, where the discussion becomes convoluted and less relevant to the prompt. Phrases like "both of the way of learning study give benefit" are unclear and detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point made is relevant to the discussion will help keep the essay on track. Regularly revisiting the prompt during the writing process can help ensure that all content remains pertinent.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. By addressing the outlined areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views regarding the focus of study for teenagers, but the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction states the two perspectives but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay. The body paragraphs do not consistently follow a clear pattern of argumentation, leading to confusion. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of studying subjects of interest to the drawbacks of this approach is abrupt and lacks a clear connective framework.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should outline the essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as discussing one viewpoint in its entirety before moving to the next, would improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is inconsistent. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity. For example, the second paragraph mixes the benefits of studying subjects of interest with the drawbacks, making it difficult to follow the argument. The final paragraph also lacks a clear conclusion, instead presenting a muddled summary of both views without a definitive stance.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and clearly state the writer’s opinion, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "but" and "while," but these are often repetitive and do not effectively link ideas. The use of phrases like "in example" and "on the other hand" is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay. The lack of varied cohesive devices makes the text feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in contrast," and "for instance." These can help create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can also help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents both views, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focusing on these areas will lead to a clearer, more effective argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "study equally," "focus on all subjects," and "study by your favorite" are repeated, indicating a lack of variety. Additionally, terms like "good at" and "better" are used frequently without more sophisticated synonyms or expressions. This repetition detracts from the overall quality of the essay and suggests a basic level of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "good at," alternatives like "proficient in," "skilled at," or "adept in" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "pursue a diverse curriculum" or "embrace a holistic educational approach" would add sophistication and variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "study in thy way" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The term "thy" is an archaic form that does not fit the context of modern English. Furthermore, the phrase "your overall point lower" is vague and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "study in thy way," a more precise expression could be "studying in a manner that suits personal interests." Additionally, instead of saying "your overall point lower," the writer could say "your overall academic performance may suffer." This approach will enhance clarity and ensure the reader understands the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "focus on equally" (should be "focused on equally"), "subject" (should be "subjects"), and "pupil who have" (should be "pupil who has"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in improving spelling skills over time.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many individuals think that all subjects should be focus on equally") and compound sentences ("But study in thy way will make your overall point lower"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which affects the flow and engagement of the writing. For instance, phrases like "study by your favorite or just something you good at" lack complexity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that include subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although studying subjects equally can be challenging, it ultimately provides a broader knowledge base"). Additionally, varying the use of sentence beginnings can create a more dynamic writing style. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also contribute to a richer grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "should be focus on equally" should be "should be focused on equally," and "only those subject that they enjoy and best at" should be "only those subjects that they enjoy and are best at." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "a pupil who have both 8 on math and English," which should be "a pupil who has both 8s in math and English." Furthermore, punctuation is inconsistent, with missing commas that could clarify sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that target common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay presents a basic understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice, attention to detail, and a focus on sentence variety will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals think that all subjects should be focused on equally, while in contrast, other people believe that only those subjects that they enjoy and are best at should be concentrated on. Both views have their own benefits and disadvantages, but from my point of view, studying equally is much better.

Studying those subjects that students find interesting and excel in will make them better in their studies without any pressure. They can enjoy, feel strongly, and demonstrate enthusiasm when they gain knowledge in these areas. However, studying only in this way may lower their overall performance. For example, an individual with a score of 8 in mathematics but only 5 in English cannot compare with a pupil who has both 8s in mathematics and English. Pursuing only preferred subjects or those in which they excel may result in uneven knowledge if they combine other subjects. Additionally, they may find fewer job opportunities as a result.

Focusing on all subjects equally will lead to a better overall score, which can help students enter a better degree program. However, studying by forcing oneself can cause depression because they may need to learn too much. To solve this problem, students may have to manage their time more carefully and avoid overexertion. In fact, studying equally prepares students for more career opportunities than just studying what they like. With the large amount of knowledge gained from studying all subjects, they will have better job prospects in the future and enhance their ability to serve better.

Both ways of learning have their benefits. Studying only what you are best at can help you focus on what is most suitable for you, while studying all subjects equally can provide enough knowledge to solve problems in different areas of life.