Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Adolescence education appears to make a polemic discussion these days. There are several opinions on how students should master school subjects. Many agree the importance of all fields to be mastered by teenagers, while others believe only those who take the biggest interest should be concentrated by the pupils. I believe focusing on only a specific amount of subjects can give greater benefits for both students in the present and future time.

It is understandable that some people think all subjects are crucial to learn. This point reflected the fact that all subjects matter, thus, mastering every single one of them counts as a respect we pay to the founding fathers of sciences. For example, Indonesian schools tend to have a low tolerance attitude towards students with bad scores in either physics or geography, even though these two subjects are in contrast to each other, the teachers expect them to maximize in both worlds. This attitude comes often from the idea that all subjects need to be learned equally.

On the other hand, minimizing the scope of subjects may benefit future science development. The human brain, especially young adults, has a limited capacity that plays a big role in giving and taking information. Narrowing the subjects by selecting those with the highest interest and pupils' capability may seem to be the effective way to reach further advances in various fields of science. For instance, assigning some kids to specifically focus on robotics and engineering can be an investment in future mechanical engineering business by creating a good quality of human resources in this particular field. This method helps to increase the level of productivity in many sectors.

To conclude, both views reflect valid arguments. On one, challenging students with the urgency to conquer all subjects is a form of respect for the beauty of sciences, while making pupils only master some fields embrace an effective way to push the level of research and development in varied fields. I strongly agree with the one with a larger view of benefits.

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give more option.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Adolescence education appears to make a polemic discussion" -> "Adolescent education has become a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Polemic" is typically used to describe a topic that is controversial or disputed, but it is not commonly used in this context. "Contentious issue" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"Many agree the importance of all fields to be mastered by teenagers" -> "Many agree that the importance of all fields should be mastered by teenagers"
Explanation: Adding "that" clarifies the sentence structure and corrects the grammatical error, making the sentence more formal and clear.
"only those who take the biggest interest should be concentrated by the pupils" -> "only those who show the greatest interest should be focused on by the students"
Explanation: "Concentrated by" is awkward and incorrect; "focused on" is the correct preposition. Also, "pupils" is less formal than "students," which is preferred in academic contexts.
"focusing on only a specific amount of subjects" -> "focusing on a limited number of subjects"
Explanation: "A specific amount of subjects" is awkward and unclear. "A limited number of subjects" is more precise and natural.
"give greater benefits for both students in the present and future time" -> "provide greater benefits for both students in the present and future"
Explanation: "Give" is too informal for academic writing; "provide" is more formal and suitable. Also, "future time" is redundant; "future" alone is sufficient.
"mastering every single one of them counts as a respect we pay to the founding fathers of sciences" -> "mastering each subject is a testament to our respect for the founders of science"
Explanation: "Every single one of them" is redundant; "each subject" is more concise. "Founding fathers" is a colloquial term; "founders" is more formal and appropriate.
"low tolerance attitude" -> "low tolerance towards"
Explanation: "Attitude" is not the correct term here; "towards" is the preposition needed to describe the direction of the tolerance.
"maximize in both worlds" -> "excel in both subjects"
Explanation: "Maximize in both worlds" is unclear and informal; "excel in both subjects" is precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"minimizing the scope of subjects may benefit future science development" -> "limiting the scope of subjects may benefit future scientific development"
Explanation: "Minimizing" is less specific than "limiting," and "science development" is vague; "scientific development" is more precise and formal.
"plays a big role in giving and taking information" -> "plays a significant role in processing and retaining information"
Explanation: "Giving and taking information" is informal and imprecise; "processing and retaining information" is more accurate and formal.
"assigning some kids to specifically focus on robotics and engineering" -> "assigning certain students to focus specifically on robotics and engineering"
Explanation: "Some kids" is informal and imprecise; "certain students" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"an investment in future mechanical engineering business" -> "an investment in future mechanical engineering industries"
Explanation: "Business" is too narrow; "industries" encompasses a broader range of sectors, making the statement more accurate and formal.
"making pupils only master some fields" -> "requiring students to master only certain fields"
Explanation: "Making pupils" is informal and incorrect; "requiring students" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"push the level of research and development in varied fields" -> "advance research and development in various fields"
Explanation: "Push the level" is informal and vague; "advance research and development" is more precise and formal.
"I strongly agree with the one with a larger view of benefits" -> "I strongly support the perspective that offers a broader view of benefits"
Explanation: "The one with a larger view of benefits" is unclear and informal; "the perspective that offers a broader view of benefits" is clearer and more formal.
"Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects" -> "Some argue that teenagers should focus on all school subjects"
Explanation: "Concentrate on" is less formal than "focus on," and "argue" is more appropriate in academic discourse than "believe."
"But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest" -> "However, others contend that teenagers should focus on subjects in which they excel or show the greatest interest"
Explanation: "But" is too informal for academic writing; "However

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether teenagers should focus on all subjects or only those they find interesting. The first viewpoint is discussed in the first body paragraph, where the importance of mastering all subjects is highlighted. The second viewpoint is presented in the second body paragraph, emphasizing the benefits of concentrating on specific subjects. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint, particularly in terms of how they affect students’ overall development and future opportunities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is thoroughly explored, including the potential drawbacks of each approach. Additionally, a more detailed explanation of the writer’s own opinion, supported by examples, would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of focusing on specific subjects, as stated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the phrase "I believe focusing on only a specific amount of subjects can give greater benefits" is somewhat vague and could be elaborated upon. The conclusion reiterates the writer’s stance but does not clearly articulate the reasoning behind it.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to reinforce their position more explicitly in each paragraph. This can be achieved by linking back to the main argument after discussing each viewpoint, ensuring that the reader understands how each point relates to the overall thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints and provides some supporting examples, such as the reference to Indonesian schools and the potential benefits of focusing on specific subjects like robotics. However, the examples could be more detailed and directly tied to the argument being made. For instance, the example regarding Indonesian schools could be expanded to explain how this approach impacts students’ motivation and academic performance.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more specific and detailed examples that directly support their claims. Additionally, extending the discussion of each example to explain its relevance to the argument would enhance the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt and discussing both viewpoints. However, there are instances where the language becomes slightly convoluted, such as in the phrase "the urgency to conquer all subjects is a form of respect for the beauty of sciences," which may distract from the main argument. Furthermore, the final sentence of the essay introduces an unclear phrase "give more option," which deviates from the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all language used is clear and directly relevant to the topic. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence before submission can help eliminate any ambiguous statements.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and the specificity of examples. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of all subjects to the benefits of focusing on specific subjects could be smoother. The argument about the limited capacity of the human brain is relevant but feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous point about mastering all subjects.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the importance of all subjects, a phrase like "Conversely, there are compelling reasons to consider a more focused approach" could help guide the reader into the next argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the conclusion paragraph is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise. The last sentence introduces a new idea about the benefits of focusing on specific subjects but lacks clarity and coherence with the rest of the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also concludes with a strong, clear statement that ties back to the essay prompt. In the conclusion, consider summarizing the main points more succinctly and clearly stating your opinion without introducing new concepts.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," "for example," and "to conclude." However, there are moments where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or limited. For instance, the phrase "this point reflected the fact that" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more straightforward expression. Additionally, the conclusion could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to enhance clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "on the other hand," consider alternatives like "in contrast" or "alternatively." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used to clarify relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect or comparison, which can help improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "adolescence education," "polemic discussion," and "narrowing the subjects." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication in places. For instance, the phrase "the biggest interest" could be expressed more elegantly as "greatest interest" or "strongest interest." Additionally, the term "founding fathers of sciences" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with "pioneers of science" for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. Reading widely and noting down new words can help. Practicing paraphrasing sentences from academic texts can also aid in developing a more diverse vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "students with bad scores" could be more accurately described as "students who perform poorly" or "students with low academic achievement." Additionally, the expression "the urgency to conquer all subjects" could be misinterpreted; a clearer phrasing might be "the necessity to master all subjects."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their appropriate contexts. Engaging in exercises that require matching words with their definitions or using them in sentences can help solidify this understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances where spelling could be improved, such as "concentrated by the pupils," which should be "concentrated on by the pupils." The phrase "the level of productivity in many sectors" is correctly spelled but could be more effectively expressed as "productivity levels across various sectors."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer could benefit from proofreading their work carefully or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, refining word choice for precision, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clause types. For example, the use of conditional clauses ("if…") and participial phrases ("assigning some kids to specifically focus on robotics and engineering") showcases an ability to create more sophisticated sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For instance, phrases like "It is understandable that" and "On the other hand" are used, but similar transitions could be diversified further to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied transitions and introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This point reflected" or "On the other hand," consider using alternatives like "Another perspective is that…" or "Conversely, it can be argued that…". Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the overall complexity and fluidity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the biggest interest should be concentrated by the pupils" could be more clearly expressed as "should be concentrated on by the pupils." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can affect readability. For example, in the sentence "even though these two subjects are in contrast to each other, the teachers expect them to maximize in both worlds," a comma before "even though" would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in preposition use and punctuation. Practicing sentence structure variations and ensuring that clauses are properly punctuated will help. Furthermore, reviewing rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and preposition use, may also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents arguments effectively. However, by focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Adolescent education appears to be a contentious issue these days. There are several opinions on how students should master school subjects. Many agree on the importance of all fields being mastered by teenagers, while others believe only those subjects in which students show the greatest interest should be focused on. I believe that concentrating on a limited number of subjects can provide greater benefits for both students in the present and future.

It is understandable that some people think all subjects are crucial to learn. This point reflects the fact that all subjects matter; thus, mastering every single one of them is a testament to our respect for the founders of science. For example, Indonesian schools tend to have a low tolerance towards students with poor scores in either physics or geography. Even though these two subjects are in contrast to each other, teachers expect students to excel in both areas. This attitude often stems from the idea that all subjects need to be learned equally.

On the other hand, limiting the scope of subjects may benefit future scientific development. The human brain, especially in young adults, has a limited capacity that plays a significant role in processing and retaining information. Narrowing the subjects by selecting those with the highest interest and students’ capabilities may seem to be an effective way to achieve further advances in various fields of science. For instance, assigning certain students to focus specifically on robotics and engineering can be an investment in future mechanical engineering industries by creating a high quality of human resources in this particular field. This method helps to increase productivity in many sectors.

To conclude, both views reflect valid arguments. On one hand, challenging students with the urgency to conquer all subjects is a form of respect for the beauty of science, while having students only master some fields embraces an effective way to advance research and development in various areas. I strongly support the perspective that offers a broader view of benefits.