Some people believe that children are generally happier than adults. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people believe that children are generally happier than adults. Do
you agree or disagree with this view?

These days, the topic of whether children get more enjoyment than adults or not has sparked much controversy. I believe that children are completely happier than adults.
There are some reasons why children are considered happier than adults. To begin with, children have a chance to spend their whole time on leisure activities. Such activities enable them to pursue their interest and gain enjoyment, thereby leading to their overall happiness. Additionally, adolescents tend to have fewer extensive responsibilities. Specifically, in the absence of adult-like responsibilities, children, who are typically innocent, can have fewer worries about their livelihood. For example, in Vietnam, people under eighteen are not allowed to enter the workforce.
There are some reasons why adults can not be as happy. Firstly, adults have more stressors. They are highly responsible for not only financial commitments but also household duties, which can place a significant burden on them. As a result, they are likely to face some mental health problems such as anxiety or depression, leading to lacked happiness. Furthermore, occupied schedules can prevent mature people from leisure and relaxation. In fact, many adults have demanding jobs that requires long hours of work or regular overtime, making them lack time for enjoyment.
In conclusion, i believe kids are more happier.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These days" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."

2. "get more enjoyment than adults or not" -> "derive more enjoyment than adults"
   Explanation: "Derive" is a more formal verb that fits better in academic contexts, replacing the informal "get."

3. "completely happier" -> "significantly happier"
   Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise and academically appropriate adverb than "completely," which can be seen as overly absolute.

4. "have a chance to spend their whole time on leisure activities" -> "have the opportunity to devote their entire time to leisure activities"
   Explanation: "Devote their entire time" is more formal and precise than "spend their whole time," and "opportunity" is a more formal term than "chance."

5. "Such activities enable them to pursue their interest" -> "These activities allow them to pursue their interests"
   Explanation: "These activities" is more specific and formal than "Such activities," and "interests" is plural to match the context of multiple activities.

6. "adolescents tend to have fewer extensive responsibilities" -> "adolescents typically have fewer extensive responsibilities"
   Explanation: "Typically" is a more formal adverb than "tend to," aligning better with academic style.

7. "are not allowed to enter the workforce" -> "are prohibited from entering the workforce"
   Explanation: "Prohibited from entering" is a more formal and precise phrase than "not allowed to enter."

8. "can not be as happy" -> "cannot be as happy"
   Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the modal verb "can" in formal writing, replacing the contraction "can not."

9. "highly responsible for not only financial commitments but also household duties" -> "responsible for both financial commitments and household duties"
   Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "responsible for both" improves clarity and formality.

10. "can place a significant burden on them" -> "can impose a significant burden on them"
    Explanation: "Impose" is a more formal verb than "place," fitting better in an academic context.

11. "are likely to face some mental health problems such as anxiety or depression" -> "are susceptible to mental health issues such as anxiety or depression"
    Explanation: "Susceptible to" is a more precise and formal expression than "likely to face," and "issues" is a more general and formal term than "problems."

12. "leading to lacked happiness" -> "resulting in a lack of happiness"
    Explanation: "Resulting in a lack of" is grammatically correct and more formal than "leading to lacked."

13. "occupied schedules can prevent mature people from leisure and relaxation" -> "busy schedules can prevent adults from leisure and relaxation"
    Explanation: "Busy" is a more precise adjective than "occupied," and "adults" is a more formal term than "mature people."

14. "demanding jobs that requires long hours of work or regular overtime" -> "demanding jobs that require long hours of work or regular overtime"
    Explanation: "Require" is the correct form of the verb in this context, and the article "the" is needed before "demanding jobs."

15. "making them lack time for enjoyment" -> "leaving them with insufficient time for enjoyment"
    Explanation: "Leaving them with insufficient time" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of not having enough time.

16. "i believe kids are more happier" -> "I believe that children are happier"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "that children are happier" is grammatically correct and more formal than "kids are more happier."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that children are happier than adults. However, it lacks a balanced exploration of both perspectives. While the author provides reasons why children might be happier, there is insufficient engagement with the opposing view or a nuanced discussion of adult happiness. For instance, the essay mentions adult stressors but does not explore any potential sources of happiness for adults, such as personal achievements or relationships.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including a paragraph that discusses reasons why some might argue that adults are happier. This could involve acknowledging aspects of adult life that contribute to happiness, such as independence, career satisfaction, or family life. A more balanced approach would strengthen the argument and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position at the beginning, asserting that children are happier than adults. However, the conclusion contains a grammatical error ("i believe kids are more happier"), which detracts from the clarity of the position. Additionally, the use of "more happier" is incorrect, as "happier" is already a comparative form.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion reflects the argument presented throughout the essay without introducing new errors. Revising the conclusion to say, "I believe children are happier" would enhance clarity. Consistent use of formal language and proper grammar will also help reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding why children might be happier, such as their ability to engage in leisure activities and their lack of responsibilities. However, these points are not sufficiently developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of Vietnamese laws regarding child labor is relevant but could be elaborated upon to illustrate how this contributes to children’s happiness.
  • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific leisure activities that children enjoy or citing studies on happiness in children versus adults could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the happiness of children versus adults. However, the discussion could be more focused and cohesive. Some sentences feel repetitive, particularly when discussing adult stressors, which could lead to a loss of focus on the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid redundancy and ensure that each point directly supports the thesis. Creating an outline before writing could help organize thoughts and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, using transition phrases can help maintain a logical flow and keep the reader engaged.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, it requires more depth, balance, and clarity to achieve a higher band score. Addressing these areas will significantly enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the happiness of children compared to adults. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this viewpoint. However, the transition between the reasons for children’s happiness and the reasons for adults’ unhappiness could be more seamless. For instance, the shift from discussing children’s leisure activities to adult responsibilities feels abrupt. A clearer connection between these points would enhance the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing children’s happiness, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In contrast, adults face numerous challenges that hinder their happiness." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the comparative nature of the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses children’s happiness, while the second addresses adults’ challenges. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and lacks a proper summary of the main points. Additionally, the final statement contains a grammatical error ("more happier"), which detracts from the overall clarity.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the essay. For instance, you could restate the main reasons why children are happier and briefly mention the burdens adults face. Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in the conclusion by revising "more happier" to "happier." A well-rounded conclusion will reinforce the essay’s coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "additionally," and "for example," which help to link ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used effectively, but more varied devices could enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore" or "moreover" to add information, and "on the other hand" to contrast ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing. This variety will improve the flow and readability of the essay.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "enjoyment," "responsibilities," and "stressors." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the word "happier" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the language.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "happier," you could use "more content," "joyful," or "satisfied." Additionally, varying expressions for "responsibilities" could include "obligations," "duties," or "commitments."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "leading to lacked happiness" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning could be better conveyed with phrases like "resulting in a lack of happiness" or "leading to diminished happiness."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review phrases for grammatical accuracy and clarity. For instance, instead of "kids are more happier," which is grammatically incorrect, use "children are generally happier." This not only corrects the grammar but also enhances the overall clarity of the statement.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I" and "can not" which should be "cannot." These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to review the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can also assist in identifying mistakes before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words can help improve overall spelling skills.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are prevalent, such as "I believe that children are completely happier than adults." There are some complex sentences, like "Specifically, in the absence of adult-like responsibilities, children, who are typically innocent, can have fewer worries about their livelihood." However, the overall variety is limited, and many sentences follow a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of stating "There are some reasons why children are considered happier than adults," you could say, "While some argue that children are generally happier than adults, several factors contribute to this perception, including their freedom to engage in leisure activities and their lack of adult responsibilities." This not only diversifies the structure but also adds depth to the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "can not" should be written as "cannot," and "leading to lacked happiness" is awkward; it would be more effective as "leading to a lack of happiness." Additionally, the phrase "i believe kids are more happier" contains a redundancy ("more happier" should be "happier") and a capitalization error ("i" should be "I"). Punctuation is generally correct, but the essay could benefit from more varied use of commas to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of adverbs. Practicing writing exercises focused on these areas can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarize yourself with punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading more academic essays can provide insight into effective punctuation and grammar usage.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, the topic of whether children derive more enjoyment than adults has sparked much controversy. I believe that children are significantly happier than adults.

There are several reasons why children are considered happier than adults. To begin with, children have the opportunity to devote their entire time to leisure activities. Such activities allow them to pursue their interests and gain enjoyment, thereby contributing to their overall happiness. Additionally, adolescents typically have fewer extensive responsibilities. Specifically, in the absence of adult-like obligations, children, who are generally innocent, can worry less about their livelihood. For example, in Vietnam, individuals under eighteen are prohibited from entering the workforce.

Conversely, there are several reasons why adults cannot be as happy. Firstly, adults face more stressors. They are responsible for both financial commitments and household duties, which can impose a significant burden on them. As a result, they are more susceptible to mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, resulting in a lack of happiness. Furthermore, busy schedules can prevent adults from leisure and relaxation. In fact, many adults have demanding jobs that require long hours of work or regular overtime, leaving them with insufficient time for enjoyment.

In conclusion, I believe that children are happier than adults.