Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children ought to study formally as early as possible, while others hold the belief that they should delay schooling after the age of seven.

Some people believe that it is better to send children to school no sooner than seven. The main reason for that is children who are younger than that age might not cognitively and mentally develop enough to handle academic study. Indeed, children should have freedom to play more, explore the world on their owns and enjoy the first stage of their lives without worrying about school study and examination. In Finland, children do not have to go to school until 7 years old. Most parts of kindergarten education are determined by play-based programs which emphasize on fun and social skills. However, this country is renowned for its top-performing students.

On the other hand, I side with those who support early formal education for some reasons. Firstly, as parents are becoming increasingly occupied with work, children who do not enter school are normally taken care of family members who do not have the knowledge and skills to nurture children properly. A typical example of this would be in Vietnam where children are allowed to binge-watch Youtube videos or play video games, as their grandparents are not aware of the adverse impacts of these activities on their children's physical and mental development. Secondly, the early formal education can provide children with a clear head-start over those who pursue education later. Indeed, this becomes even more crucial in modern society where the global education system is becoming increasingly competitive, leading to the fact that students following education later can struggle to catch up with those studying at a young age.

In conclusion, both arguments have their merits. However, on balance, I believe students to begin their academic learning as soon as possible because of its advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing.
"ought to study formally" -> "should engage in formal education"
Explanation: "Engage in formal education" is a more specific and formal phrase that better captures the academic context than "study formally."
"hold the belief" -> "advocate the view"
Explanation: "Advocate the view" is more formal and precise than "hold the belief," which can sound vague and informal.
"delay schooling after the age of seven" -> "postpone formal education until the age of seven"
Explanation: "Postpone formal education" is a more precise and formal way to express delaying the start of formal education.
"children who are younger than that age might not cognitively and mentally develop enough" -> "children younger than that age may not possess sufficient cognitive and mental development"
Explanation: "Possess sufficient cognitive and mental development" is a more formal and academically precise way to describe the capacity of children.
"have freedom to play more, explore the world on their owns" -> "enjoy greater freedom to play and explore the world independently"
Explanation: "Enjoy greater freedom to play and explore the world independently" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"without worrying about school study and examination" -> "without the burden of academic responsibilities"
Explanation: "Without the burden of academic responsibilities" is a more formal and precise way to describe the absence of academic pressures.
"Most parts of kindergarten education are determined by play-based programs which emphasize on fun and social skills." -> "Kindergarten education primarily focuses on play-based programs that emphasize fun and social skills."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and improves the formality of the sentence.
"I side with those who support" -> "I concur with those who advocate"
Explanation: "Concur with" is a more formal expression than "side with," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Firstly, as parents are becoming increasingly occupied with work" -> "Firstly, as parents increasingly prioritize work"
Explanation: "Prioritize work" is a more precise and formal way to describe the shift in parental focus.
"children who do not enter school are normally taken care of family members who do not have the knowledge and skills to nurture children properly" -> "children not enrolled in school are often cared for by family members lacking the necessary knowledge and skills to properly nurture them"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more formal language.
"A typical example of this would be in Vietnam where children are allowed to binge-watch Youtube videos or play video games" -> "A pertinent example is Vietnam, where children are permitted to engage in excessive screen time, including watching YouTube videos and playing video games"
Explanation: "Permitted to engage in excessive screen time" is a more formal and precise description than "allowed to binge-watch."
"the early formal education can provide children with a clear head-start over those who pursue education later" -> "early formal education can grant children a distinct advantage over those who initiate education later"
Explanation: "Grant children a distinct advantage" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefits of early education.
"leading to the fact that students following education later can struggle to catch up" -> "resulting in students who initiate education later facing challenges in catching up"
Explanation: "Facing challenges in catching up" is a more formal and precise way to describe the difficulties students may encounter when starting education later.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the appropriate age for children to start formal education. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that children should delay schooling until they are seven, providing a rationale that includes cognitive development and the importance of play. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, advocating for early education and supporting it with examples, such as the situation in Vietnam. However, while both sides are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments, as the second view is presented with more detail and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the discussion of both views, the writer could include additional examples or evidence for the argument against early schooling. This could involve citing studies or statistics that support the benefits of play-based learning or further elaborating on the potential drawbacks of early formal education.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring early formal education, particularly in the conclusion. The writer states their opinion explicitly, indicating a preference for children to begin academic learning as soon as possible. However, the transition from discussing both views to stating a personal opinion could be smoother to reinforce the clarity of the position throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the discussion of both views to their conclusion. For example, phrases like "While both arguments have merit, I firmly believe…" could help clarify the writer’s stance and make the argument more cohesive.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the section advocating for early education. The writer provides specific examples, such as the situation in Vietnam, to illustrate the potential negative consequences of delaying education. However, the support for the argument against early schooling is less developed, which weakens the overall balance of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both sides of the argument. This could involve discussing the benefits of play in early childhood development or referencing educational theories that support delayed schooling, thereby enriching the essay’s content.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, addressing the prompt directly and discussing the two views regarding children’s education. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion about the negative impacts of unregulated screen time could be more directly linked to the argument for early education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of when children should start formal education. This could involve framing the discussion of screen time within the context of the need for structured educational environments, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the balance, clarity, and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph addressing the perspective of delaying schooling and the second supporting early education. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" effectively signals a shift, but the connection between the two paragraphs could be strengthened to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also summarize the previous point. For example, after discussing the benefits of delayed schooling, you might add a sentence that briefly acknowledges the merits of that viewpoint before introducing the counterargument. This would create a more cohesive flow between the paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of delaying education, while the second presents the case for early schooling. However, the conclusion could be more robust; it currently lacks a clear summary of the arguments presented, which would reinforce the overall structure.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a single idea but also concludes with a sentence that ties back to the main thesis. In the conclusion, explicitly restate the main points discussed in the body paragraphs before presenting your opinion. This will help reinforce the structure and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "Indeed," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are moments where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, while "Indeed" is used effectively, other devices such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Conversely" could enhance the variety and clarity of the transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing an example, you might use "For instance" or "To illustrate." Additionally, when contrasting ideas, consider using "Conversely" or "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, strengthening the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "cognitively," "play-based programs," and "adverse impacts" showcasing a solid command of language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "children should have freedom to play more" could be enhanced with synonyms or alternative expressions such as "children should be afforded greater opportunities for play."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "children" multiple times, consider using synonyms like "youngsters," "youth," or "minors." Additionally, exploring more complex vocabulary related to education and child development could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "children who do not enter school are normally taken care of family members" could be clearer. The term "normally" may imply a generalization that could be misleading. A more precise phrase could be "often cared for by family members."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. Reviewing sentences for clarity and specificity can help. For example, instead of saying "leading to the fact that students following education later can struggle," it could be rephrased to "resulting in difficulties for students who begin their education later."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. However, there is a minor error in the phrase "enjoy the first stage of their lives without worrying about school study and examination," where "examination" could be pluralized to "examinations" for consistency with the plural "study."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in pluralization. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can also help catch any overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, but with targeted improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling, the writer could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Indeed, children should have freedom to play more, explore the world on their owns and enjoy the first stage of their lives without worrying about school study and examination." This showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "if children do not enter school," which adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings, such as "Some people believe" and "On the other hand," which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "Some people believe," the writer could use alternatives like "Many argue that" or "It is often suggested that." Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases can enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, instead of "On the other hand, I side with those who support early formal education," the writer could say, "Conversely, I support the view that early formal education is beneficial."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "children who are younger than that age might not cognitively and mentally develop enough to handle academic study" is grammatically correct, but could be more concise. Additionally, the phrase "the early formal education can provide children with a clear head-start" should omit "the" to read "early formal education can provide children with a clear head-start." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "as their grandparents are not aware" in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that articles are used correctly. Practicing sentence reduction can also help in making sentences clearer and more direct. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where commas should be placed for better readability.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view on the topic. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their arguments, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that children ought to study formally as early as possible, while others hold the belief that they should delay schooling until after the age of seven.

Some individuals contend that it is better to send children to school no sooner than seven. The main reason for this is that children who are younger than that age might not possess sufficient cognitive and mental development to handle academic study. Indeed, children should have greater freedom to play, explore the world independently, and enjoy the first stage of their lives without worrying about academic responsibilities and examinations. In Finland, children do not have to go to school until they are seven years old. Most parts of kindergarten education are determined by play-based programs that emphasize fun and social skills. However, this country is renowned for its top-performing students.

On the other hand, I concur with those who advocate early formal education for several reasons. Firstly, as parents are becoming increasingly occupied with work, children who do not enter school are normally cared for by family members who lack the necessary knowledge and skills to nurture them properly. A pertinent example is Vietnam, where children are allowed to binge-watch YouTube videos or play video games, as their grandparents are not aware of the adverse impacts of these activities on their children’s physical and mental development. Secondly, early formal education can grant children a distinct advantage over those who initiate education later. Indeed, this becomes even more crucial in modern society, where the global education system is becoming increasingly competitive, resulting in students who initiate education later facing challenges in catching up with those studying at a young age.

In conclusion, both arguments have their merits. However, on balance, I believe students should begin their academic learning as soon as possible because of its advantages.