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Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued that children ought to allocate equal priority to all subjects, while others contend that they should concentrate on subjects in which they excel or have great passion. In this essay, I will expound upon both perspectives and the reasons why I lean towards the former.

On the one hand, dedicating time to subjects that captivate a student’s interest can be immensely advantageous. First and foremost, this strategy can lead to greater mastery and expertise. Becoming proficient in a particular area enables students to reach higher levels of achievement and potentially become experts in that field. This is especially advantageous in extremely competitive industries where specialized knowledge is highly prioritized. Moreover, enthusiasm for a subject can markedly enhance motivation and better academic performance. This can nurture their desire to explore in-depth knowledge about the topic, attaining a profound understanding.

Conversely, opponents consider devoting equal focus to all subjects is wiser for several reasons. The initial reason is that this approach equips students with a well-rounded education. By learning a wide range of subjects, children can develop a broad knowledge base and diverse skills. In Finland, for instance, elementary school curriculum exposes all children to a variety of subjects, including math, science, and social studies, arts and physical education, with the aim of providing them with a comprehensive education and facilitating the development of their interests and abilities. Additionally, in a rapidly changing world, having a basic knowledge of various subjects can make individuals more versatile and adaptable. A person with knowledge in both science and arts can creatively approach problem-solving, demonstrating adaptability in various professional and personal situations.

In conclusion, while both perspectives have their merits, I firmly believe that pay attention to all subjects is crucial for comprehensive development and self-improvement.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “In this essay, I will expound upon both perspectives and the reasons why I lean towards the former.”
    -> “In this essay, I will elucidate both perspectives and delineate why I lean towards the former.”
    Explanation: Replacing “expound upon” with “elucidate” and “reasons” with “delineate” elevates the language by using more formal and precise vocabulary commonly found in academic writing. It enhances the overall sophistication and clarity of the sentence.
  2. “captivate a student’s interest”
    -> “capture a student’s interest”
    Explanation: The term “captivate” is slightly informal in this context. “Capture” maintains the essence of drawing or holding interest while being more appropriate for academic tone.
  3. “immensely advantageous”
    -> “extremely beneficial”
    Explanation: While “immensely advantageous” isn’t necessarily incorrect, “extremely beneficial” maintains the same level of emphasis while sounding more formal and academically suitable.
  4. “enables students to reach higher levels of achievement”
    -> “facilitates students’ attainment of higher levels of achievement”
    Explanation: The revised phrase enhances formality by using “facilitates” and structuring the sentence in a more academically polished manner.
  5. “especially advantageous in extremely competitive industries”
    -> “particularly beneficial in highly competitive industries”
    Explanation: The substitution of “especially advantageous” with “particularly beneficial” maintains the emphasis while sounding more formal and suitable for academic writing.
  6. “markedly enhance motivation”
    -> “significantly enhance motivation”
    Explanation: “Markedly” can be replaced with “significantly” to retain the emphasis on enhancement while using a more academically accepted term.
  7. “attaining a profound understanding”
    -> “gaining a comprehensive understanding”
    Explanation: “Gaining a comprehensive understanding” retains the essence of achieving a deep knowledge while being more fitting for formal academic language.
  8. “devoting equal focus”
    -> “allocating equal focus”
    Explanation: “Allocating” is a more formal alternative to “devoting” in an academic context, conveying the same idea with increased formality.
  9. “a wide range of subjects”
    -> “a diverse array of subjects”
    Explanation: “Diverse array” adds a touch of formality while maintaining the essence of covering various subjects.
  10. “exposes all children to a variety of subjects”
    -> “introduces all children to a variety of subjects”
    Explanation: “Introduces” aligns better with formal language, conveying the idea of acquainting children with various subjects.
  11. “with the aim of providing them with a comprehensive education and facilitating the development of their interests and abilities”
    -> “aiming to provide them with a comprehensive education and facilitate the development of their interests and abilities”
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with “aiming to provide” and “facilitate” maintains the formal tone while improving the sentence’s flow.
  12. “rapidly changing world”
    -> “ever-evolving world”
    Explanation: “Ever-evolving” maintains a formal tone while emphasizing the continuous change, fitting for an academic context.
  13. “having a basic knowledge of various subjects”
    -> “possessing fundamental knowledge across various subjects”
    Explanation: “Possessing fundamental knowledge” adds a layer of formality while retaining the meaning of having basic understanding across different subjects.
  14. “while both perspectives have their merits”
    -> “while both perspectives hold merit”
    Explanation: “Hold merit” is a more concise and formal way to express the idea that both perspectives have value or validity.
  15. “pay attention to all subjects is crucial”
    -> “paying attention to all subjects is crucial”
    Explanation: Adjusting the sentence structure by using “paying attention” instead of “pay attention” aligns with proper grammatical form for formal writing.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “On the one hand, dedicating time to subjects that captivate a student’s interest can be immensely advantageous. First and foremost, this strategy can lead to greater mastery and expertise. Becoming proficient in a particular area enables students to reach higher levels of achievement and potentially become experts in that field. This is especially advantageous in extremely competitive industries where specialized knowledge is highly prioritized. Moreover, enthusiasm for a subject can markedly enhance motivation and better academic performance. This can nurture their desire to explore in-depth knowledge about the topic, attaining a profound understanding.”
    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While your argument in favor of concentrating on subjects of interest is well-developed, it would benefit from more specific examples or personal experiences to bolster your points. For instance, you could provide a personal anecdote about how your own passion for a subject led to improved academic performance or how specialization in a particular field has real-world advantages. This would make your response more convincing and aligned with the Task Response criteria.
    • Improved example: “On the one hand, dedicating time to subjects that captivate a student’s interest can be immensely advantageous. First and foremost, this strategy can lead to greater mastery and expertise. For instance, my passion for literature not only improved my grades in English but also fostered critical thinking skills that I apply across various subjects. Becoming proficient in a particular area enables students to reach higher levels of achievement and potentially become experts in that field. This is especially advantageous in extremely competitive industries where specialized knowledge is highly prioritized. Moreover, enthusiasm for a subject can markedly enhance motivation and better academic performance. This can nurture their desire to explore in-depth knowledge about the topic, attaining a profound understanding.”
  2. Quoted text: “In conclusion, while both perspectives have their merits, I firmly believe that pay attention to all subjects is crucial for comprehensive development and self-improvement.”
    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position; however, it would be more impactful if you reiterated the key reasons supporting your stance. Emphasize the benefits of a well-rounded education and its role in fostering versatile individuals. Additionally, avoid repeating the phrase “I firmly believe” as it can be considered somewhat repetitive. Instead, focus on reinforcing your main points.
    • Improved example: “In conclusion, considering the advantages of a well-rounded education, encompassing various subjects is crucial for comprehensive development and self-improvement. The diverse skills acquired through exposure to different fields not only prepare individuals for a dynamic world but also contribute to their adaptability in both personal and professional scenarios.”

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates logical organization with clear progression throughout. The introduction succinctly presents the two views, and the subsequent paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, contributing to the overall flow of ideas. The essay effectively utilizes paragraphing, presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, there is a minor underuse of cohesive devices, and in some instances, the referencing could be clearer.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider strengthening the use of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that referencing is consistently clear and appropriate. Aim for a more balanced distribution of cohesive devices throughout the essay to achieve a seamless flow of ideas.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. It incorporates less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively presents arguments using varied vocabulary, contributing to a coherent and well-developed essay. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider refining word choice and minimizing occasional errors. Additionally, aim for more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to further elevate the essay’s overall lexical quality. Proofreading for spelling and word formation would help polish the language usage.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms. There is evident control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. The writer effectively employs a mix of sentence structures to convey ideas, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer can strive for more intricate sentence structures and ensure consistency in the use of complex constructions. While the essay is generally error-free, careful proofreading can help identify and rectify any remaining minor errors, contributing to an even smoother flow and precision in expression. Additionally, varying the types of complex structures used can add further sophistication to the essay.

 

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