Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The university tuition fee has been inexorably increased recently, and the affordability of higher education has emerged as a topic of interest. It is argued that the government should make college free of charge. Personally, this approach is not convincing to me, and this essay will focus on clarifying this opinion.

Some people believe that everyone should be entitled to free university. This is because the abolition of tertiary tuition will benefit huge number of students, especially the underprivileged, helping them land good jobs. However, this view is flawed, as the influx of graduates will proliferate the unemployment rate among young people. Therefore, although everyone stands a chance of having college qualifications, the competitiveness of the job market is likely to do them a disservice, let alone the financial abundance once thought to be brought by a bachelor’s degree.

It is also worth noticing that tuition exemption has negative impacts on students’ academic performance. Specifically, the majority of college students are currently paying for their own higher education, leading to their effort on achieving excellent results at schools. Consequently, subsidizing university education will certainly deteriorate students’ performance, because it makes them lose their own motivations. For example, if a student does not have to pay money for his study, he will not push himself to pass the exams, as he thinks he can re-attend the subject next semester without fee.

In conclusion, free-college policy seems like an effective idea, but it actually causes the rising number of unemployed workers, together with alleviating students’ performance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"inexorably increased" -> "steadily increased"
Explanation: "Inexorably" is an adjective that means unavoidable or inevitable, which is not the correct connotation for describing the rate of increase in tuition fees. "Steadily" is a more neutral and precise term that fits the context better, indicating a consistent and gradual increase.
"make college free of charge" -> "make higher education free"
Explanation: "Free of charge" is redundant in this context as "free" already implies no charge. Using "higher education" instead of "college" broadens the scope and aligns with academic language.
"Personally, this approach is not convincing to me" -> "I am unconvinced by this approach"
Explanation: "Personally" is somewhat informal and can be seen as subjective. "I am unconvinced" is a more formal and objective way to express personal opinion in academic writing.
"huge number of students" -> "a significant number of students"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal and vague term. "Significant" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a notable or considerable number.
"proliferate the unemployment rate" -> "increase the unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Proliferate" is not typically used in this context and can be confusing. "Increase" is the correct term for describing a rise in the unemployment rate.
"the competitiveness of the job market is likely to do them a disservice" -> "the competitiveness of the job market may disadvantage them"
Explanation: "Do them a disservice" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Disadvantage" is a more direct and formal term that clearly conveys the negative impact.
"financial abundance" -> "financial benefits"
Explanation: "Financial abundance" is an overly broad and vague term. "Financial benefits" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the advantages of higher education.
"It is also worth noticing" -> "It is also noteworthy"
Explanation: "Worth noticing" is a bit informal and conversational. "Noteworthy" is a more formal and academically suitable term.
"the majority of college students are currently paying for their own higher education" -> "many students currently pay for their own higher education"
Explanation: "The majority" is a vague quantifier that can be replaced with "many" to maintain a more formal tone and avoid redundancy.
"subsidizing university education will certainly deteriorate students’ performance" -> "subsidizing university education may negatively impact students’ performance"
Explanation: "Will certainly deteriorate" is overly definitive and lacks nuance. "May negatively impact" is more cautious and appropriate for academic discussions, acknowledging potential effects without certainty.
"makes them lose their own motivations" -> "may undermine their motivation"
Explanation: "Makes them lose their own motivations" is awkward and informal. "May undermine their motivation" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"free-college policy seems like an effective idea" -> "the free-college policy appears to be an effective concept"
Explanation: "Seems like" is informal and imprecise. "Appears to be" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, and "concept" is a more precise term than "idea" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear stance against the idea of free university education. It acknowledges the opposing viewpoint that free education would benefit underprivileged students, which is a good start. However, it does not fully explore the implications of making university education free, such as the potential benefits to society or the economy, which could provide a more balanced view. The essay primarily focuses on the negative consequences without sufficiently addressing the positive aspects of free education.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider discussing both sides of the argument more comprehensively. This could involve acknowledging the potential benefits of free education, such as increased access to higher education and its long-term societal benefits, before countering with the concerns about unemployment and academic performance. Including a more nuanced discussion would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against free university education, stating that it is not a convincing approach. The position is articulated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. However, the conclusion could be clearer in reiterating the main argument, as it somewhat ambiguously states that the free-college policy "seems like an effective idea" before contradicting itself with the negative outcomes.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main argument against free education without introducing ambiguity. A stronger concluding statement that firmly restates the position would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the potential increase in unemployment rates and the impact on academic performance. These points are supported with reasoning and examples, such as the claim that students who do not pay for their education may lack motivation. However, the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. For instance, citing statistics or studies on student performance in relation to tuition fees could provide more substantial support.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more concrete examples and evidence to substantiate their claims. This could involve incorporating data or studies that illustrate the relationship between tuition costs and student motivation or employment outcomes. Additionally, expanding on each point with further elaboration would help to deepen the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of free university education. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For instance, the discussion about the influx of graduates and its impact on unemployment could be more directly linked to the core argument against free education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument against free university education. This can be achieved by clearly linking each idea back to the main thesis and avoiding any tangential discussions that do not contribute to the overall argument. Regularly referring back to the prompt can help keep the essay aligned with the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea of free university education, which is articulated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The first paragraph introduces the opposing viewpoint, while the second paragraph counters it with arguments regarding unemployment and academic performance. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of free education to the potential rise in unemployment feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer connection between these ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," could help guide the reader through the contrasting viewpoints more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific points. However, the conclusion could be more developed; it currently reiterates the main points without synthesizing them or providing a strong closing argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments more comprehensively and restating the thesis in a way that reflects the discussion in the body paragraphs. This will provide a more cohesive end to the essay and reinforce the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "for example," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it is also worth noticing" could be replaced with a more direct transition that ties back to the previous point about unemployment.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices that indicate contrast (e.g., "in contrast," "on the contrary") or addition (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover"). This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "inexorably," "abolition," and "subsidizing" showcasing some sophistication. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in discussing the impacts of free university education. For instance, the phrases "good jobs" and "excellent results" could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "good jobs," alternatives like "well-paying positions" or "career opportunities" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "academic success" instead of "excellent results" would enhance lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the influx of graduates will proliferate the unemployment rate" is misleading; "proliferate" typically means to increase rapidly, but it is not commonly used in conjunction with "unemployment rate." A more accurate phrase would be "increase the unemployment rate."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully consider word choices and their connotations. A good practice is to use collocations that are commonly accepted in academic writing. For instance, instead of "proliferate the unemployment rate," the writer could say "contribute to rising unemployment." This would clarify the intended meaning and improve the overall quality of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from its professionalism. For example, "huge number" should be "a huge number," and "financial abundance" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with "financial security" or "economic stability."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can help. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the influx of graduates will proliferate the unemployment rate among young people" and "subsidizing university education will certainly deteriorate students’ performance" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be better integrated. For example, the sentence "This is because the abolition of tertiary tuition will benefit huge number of students" could be enhanced by varying the structure to include more complex forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as participial phrases or conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "This is because," you could start with "Given that" or "Considering that." Additionally, integrating more relative clauses could enhance complexity, e.g., "students who are underprivileged will benefit significantly."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For instance, the phrase "huge number of students" should be "a huge number of students." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, in "Consequently, subsidizing university education will certainly deteriorate students’ performance," the comma is correctly placed, but in other sentences, such as "the competitiveness of the job market is likely to do them a disservice," a comma could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, consider reviewing rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into effective punctuation and grammatical structures.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but further refinement in sentence variety and grammatical precision could elevate the score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The university tuition fee has **steadily increased** in recent years, and the affordability of higher education has emerged as a topic of significant interest. It is argued that the government should make college free of charge for all students, regardless of their financial background. Personally, I am unconvinced by this approach, and this essay will focus on clarifying my opinion.

Some people believe that everyone should be entitled to free university education. This is because the abolition of tertiary tuition will benefit a **significant number of students**, especially those from underprivileged backgrounds, helping them secure good jobs. However, this view is flawed, as the influx of graduates may **increase the unemployment rate** among young people. Therefore, although everyone may have the opportunity to obtain college qualifications, the **competitiveness of the job market may disadvantage them**, undermining the financial benefits that were once thought to accompany a bachelor’s degree.

It is also noteworthy that tuition exemption can have negative impacts on students’ academic performance. Specifically, **many students currently pay for their own higher education**, which drives them to strive for excellent results. Consequently, **subsidizing university education may negatively impact students’ performance**, as it may undermine their motivation. For example, if a student does not have to pay for their studies, they may not push themselves to pass the exams, believing they can simply retake the subject next semester without any financial consequence.

In conclusion, while the **free-college policy appears to be an effective concept**, it may actually lead to a rising number of unemployed graduates, along with a decline in students’ academic performance.