Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The dilemma of daily situations is unavoidable. While several individuals believe there is no need to notice those circumstances, others assume that it is essential to strive to get over such situations. This essay will shed light on both views and give my opinion.
On the one hand, a particular part of the population is prone to being content with what fate brings them and crediting that the luck will come later. Advocates of this point think that change involves hazards and takes their considerable time and efforts. By accepting unsatisfactory events, they can gain a sense of comfort and not worry about the risks. For example, during an alarming outbreak of an epidemic, they have no other choices but to choose an available job even a part-time one with underpaying salary to make ends meet.
On the other hand, I agree with those who contend that they should try their best to better the situations. It is irrefutable that no fruits can be born unless we take a lot efforts. If scientists or inventors do not encounter their failures and adversity and improve them, there may be no light bulbs and no medical vaccinations which is a threat to our life now. By enhancing and moving up in life, we can recognize our hidden depths and acquire meaningful life lessons which are a motivation for us to endeavor more actively.
In short, both of the aforementioned opinions may be beneficial in some ways. However, I personally believe that it is more necessary to attempt and modify unfavourable situations in life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The dilemma of daily situations" -> "The challenges of everyday life"
Explanation: "The challenges of everyday life" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties faced in daily life, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"is unavoidable" -> "are inevitable"
Explanation: Using "are inevitable" instead of "is unavoidable" corrects the grammatical agreement with the plural subject "dilemmas," aligning with the formal style of academic writing.
"there is no need to notice" -> "it is unnecessary to acknowledge"
Explanation: "It is unnecessary to acknowledge" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic context better than the more casual "there is no need to notice."
"strive to get over" -> "endeavor to overcome"
Explanation: "Endeavor to overcome" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more colloquial "strive to get over."
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more academic term than "shed light on," which is somewhat idiomatic and less formal.
"a particular part of the population" -> "a segment of the population"
Explanation: "A segment of the population" is a more precise and formal term than "a particular part of the population," which is vague and less specific.
"crediting that the luck will come later" -> "believing that good fortune will arrive later"
Explanation: "Believing that good fortune will arrive later" is more formal and specific than "crediting that the luck will come later," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"change involves hazards" -> "change poses risks"
Explanation: "Poses risks" is a more direct and formal way to express the potential dangers associated with change, compared to "involves hazards."
"takes their considerable time and efforts" -> "requires significant time and effort"
Explanation: "Requires significant time and effort" is more formal and precise, avoiding the possessive form "their" which is unnecessary in this context.
"unsatisfactory events" -> "unfavorable circumstances"
Explanation: "Unfavorable circumstances" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "unsatisfactory events," which is less specific and less formal.
"no other choices but to choose" -> "no alternative but to select"
Explanation: "No alternative but to select" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone over the more conversational "no other choices but to choose."
"underpaying salary" -> "lower-paying salary"
Explanation: "Lower-paying salary" is a more formal and precise term than "underpaying salary," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"It is irrefutable that no fruits can be born unless we take a lot efforts" -> "It is undeniable that no fruits can be cultivated unless we make considerable efforts"
Explanation: "Undeniable" is more formal than "irrefutable," and "cultivated" is more precise than "born," which is incorrect in this context. "Make considerable efforts" is also more formal than "take a lot efforts."
"By enhancing and moving up in life" -> "By improving and advancing in life"
Explanation: "Improving and advancing in life" is a more formal and precise way to describe personal growth and progress, compared to the less formal "enhancing and moving up in life."
"acquire meaningful life lessons" -> "gain valuable life lessons"
Explanation: "Gain valuable life lessons" is a more formal and precise expression than "acquire meaningful life lessons," aligning better with academic style.
"endeavor more actively" -> "strive more actively"
Explanation: "Strive" is a more formal synonym for "endeavor," fitting the academic context better than "endeavor" in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately discusses both viewpoints on whether to accept or improve bad situations. It examines the perspective of accepting circumstances as they are (e.g., due to risk aversion or comfort), and contrasts this with the viewpoint advocating for improvement through effort and perseverance (e.g., citing examples like scientific advancements). The writer also clearly states their opinion at the end.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth with more nuanced examples and counterarguments where applicable. Additionally, linking the discussion back to the prompt more explicitly throughout the essay would strengthen coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance favoring the viewpoint that it is best to try and improve unsatisfactory situations. This position is articulated clearly at the beginning and reinforced throughout the essay, concluding with a reaffirmation of this belief.
- How to improve: While clarity is generally maintained, ensuring that all paragraphs and examples consistently reinforce this position without deviation or ambiguity would further strengthen coherence and argumentative focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, with examples such as choosing a job during an epidemic or referencing scientific innovations to support arguments. However, there is room for improvement in the development and elaboration of these ideas to provide deeper analysis and broader perspectives.
- How to improve: Expand on each example and idea with more detailed explanations and connections to real-world scenarios or historical contexts. This can enrich the essay and provide a more compelling argumentative structure.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the merits of accepting versus improving bad situations. However, there are moments where the examples provided slightly veer off track, such as the reference to medical vaccinations and light bulbs.
- How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus, ensure that every example and argument directly relates back to the central theme of accepting versus improving undesirable circumstances. This alignment will reinforce coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the key elements required for an 8 band score in Task Response. Improvements in providing more detailed examples, refining coherence, and consistently reinforcing the chosen perspective will contribute to further enhancing the clarity and depth of the argument presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph presents a clear viewpoint (acceptance vs. improvement of situations) with supporting examples. The conclusion summarizes these views and reiterates the writer’s opinion.
However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For example, the introduction could be more concise and directly introduce the viewpoints without repeating the essay prompt. Additionally, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the two viewpoints; more equal emphasis could enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument. Begin the introduction by directly addressing the prompt and outlining both views concisely. In body paragraphs, maintain a balanced discussion of each viewpoint with specific examples. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different points and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the topic (acceptance vs. improvement) and contains clear topic sentences. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by using transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Moreover," "However") to connect ideas between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph develops a distinct aspect of the argument clearly and concisely. Consider the balance of information between paragraphs to maintain a cohesive flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("while," "however"), and repetition of key phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand"). These devices generally help to link ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and transitional adverbs (e.g., "furthermore," "conversely"). This will provide a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs, guiding the reader through the essay’s argument more effectively.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical structure, refining paragraph transitions, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These adjustments can elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a varied vocabulary, with some instances of precise word choice. For example, phrases like "dilemma of daily situations," "advocates of this point," and "endeavor more actively" showcase attempts at varied expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for greater consistency and accuracy in using advanced vocabulary. While the essay attempts complexity, some phrases could be refined for clarity and appropriateness. For instance, "dilemma of daily situations" could be more precisely stated as "challenges in daily life," ensuring clarity without unnecessary complexity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in "advocates of this point" to refer to proponents of a viewpoint. However, there are instances where word choices are less precise, affecting clarity. For example, "accepting unsatisfactory events" might be clearer as "resigning oneself to unsatisfactory circumstances."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys intended meanings without ambiguity. Avoid overly complex phrases if simpler terms can communicate ideas effectively. For instance, instead of "enhancing and moving up in life," consider "improving one’s circumstances and advancing in life," which is clearer and more direct.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with only minor errors such as "advocates" (could be pluralized as "advocates" instead of "advocates"). However, these do not significantly impact readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: Maintain consistent attention to detail in spelling, especially with plural forms and verb endings. Consider proofreading carefully to catch minor errors that might detract from an otherwise well-written essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good attempt at using a varied vocabulary and generally accurate spelling, there is room for improvement in ensuring precise word choice and consistently accurate spelling. By focusing on clarity and appropriateness of vocabulary and maintaining careful proofreading practices, future essays can aim for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences, albeit with some repetition in structure. For instance, there are instances of basic subject-verb-object constructions alongside more complex sentences involving conditional statements and comparisons ("If scientists or inventors do not encounter their failures and adversity and improve them…"). The variety helps convey different ideas clearly, though more sophisticated structures like inversion or parallelism could enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex grammatical forms such as inversion ("Not until we take considerable efforts can fruits be borne"), parallelism ("To encounter failures and adversity, and to improve upon them is crucial"), or rhetorical questions to engage the reader. This would add depth and sophistication to your writing, enhancing overall clarity and impact.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains fairly accurate grammar and punctuation. There are some instances of errors in subject-verb agreement ("no fruits can be born unless we take a lot efforts") and article use ("the risks"), but they do not significantly hinder comprehension. Punctuation is generally correct, though there are occasional errors in comma usage and sentence boundary punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on consistent subject-verb agreement and appropriate use of articles ("no fruits can be borne unless we make considerable efforts"). Review sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence, and pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas in complex sentences and separating clauses effectively. Proofreading for these specific issues can help refine your writing and elevate it to a higher band score level.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, with room for refinement in both variety of sentence structures and meticulous attention to grammatical accuracy. By implementing these suggestions, you can further enhance the clarity, coherence, and sophistication of your writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The challenges of everyday life are inevitable. While some people argue it is unnecessary to acknowledge these circumstances, others believe it is important to strive to overcome them. This essay will explore both perspectives and provide my own opinion.

On one hand, there are individuals who prefer to accept their current situation, believing that change involves risks and requires significant time and effort. By accepting unsatisfactory circumstances, they can find comfort and avoid the anxiety of uncertainty. For instance, during times of economic downturn, many people may settle for any available job, even if it offers low pay or part-time hours, simply to make ends meet.

On the other hand, I align with those who advocate for improving one’s situation. It is undeniable that progress cannot be achieved without effort. If scientists and inventors had not faced failures and challenges in their work, we might not have inventions like light bulbs or life-saving medical vaccinations today. Through striving for improvement, individuals can discover their potential and learn valuable life lessons, which serve as motivation to pursue further endeavors.

In conclusion, both perspectives have their merits. However, I personally believe that making efforts to improve unfavorable situations in life is more essential.