some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that knowledge in major fields such as science, business, or education should be kept secret because of its importance. However, I believe that in the era of globalization, sharing experiences and research results with others is essential.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why some believe that certain knowledge should remain confidential. Firstly, information related to national security must be protected. For example, many developed countries conduct weapon experiments to demonstrate their military power to opposing nations. Sharing these findings publicly could pose significant security risks. Secondly, sensitive knowledge, such as understanding prohibited chemicals, should be kept secret to prevent it from being misused by criminals or malicious individuals.

On the other hand, I believe that sharing practical knowledge is crucial for global development. In the medical field, for instance, sharing advancements in medicine is essential to improving global healthcare. New treatments, innovative drugs, and cancer-supporting technologies should be accessible to developing countries to help reduce health issues. Furthermore, sharing knowledge can foster peaceful international relationships, as countries that collaborate on research and development are more likely to work together to solve global challenges.

In conclusion, while some information must be kept confidential due to its sensitive nature, I believe that the benefits of sharing knowledge, particularly in areas like healthcare and technology, far outweigh the risks. Sharing information can lead to better global cooperation and contribute to the overall advancement of society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.
"knowledge in major fields such as science, business, or education" -> "knowledge in major disciplines such as science, business, and education"
Explanation: "Disciplines" is a more precise term than "fields" in an academic context, and the use of "and" instead of "or" suggests inclusivity and avoids the implication of exclusivity.
"should be kept secret" -> "should remain confidential"
Explanation: "Remain confidential" is a more formal and precise expression than "be kept secret," which is somewhat colloquial.
"in the era of globalization" -> "in the context of globalization"
Explanation: "In the context of" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "in the era of," which can sound somewhat dated and less precise.
"sharing experiences and research results with others" -> "sharing their experiences and research findings with others"
Explanation: "Research findings" is a more specific and formal term than "research results," and "their" clarifies the possessive nature of the research.
"must be protected" -> "must be safeguarded"
Explanation: "Safeguarded" is a more formal synonym for "protected," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"many developed countries conduct weapon experiments" -> "several developed nations conduct military experiments"
Explanation: "Military experiments" is a more precise term than "weapon experiments," and "nations" is preferred over "countries" in formal writing for referring to countries in a general sense.
"Sharing these findings publicly could pose significant security risks" -> "Public disclosure of these findings could pose significant security risks"
Explanation: "Public disclosure" is a more formal and precise term than "sharing publicly," and it better fits the academic style.
"sensitive knowledge, such as understanding prohibited chemicals" -> "sensitive knowledge, including the understanding of prohibited chemicals"
Explanation: "Including the understanding of" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and specificity.
"should be kept secret to prevent it from being misused" -> "should remain confidential to prevent misuse"
Explanation: "Remain confidential" and "misuse" are more concise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"sharing practical knowledge is crucial" -> "the sharing of practical knowledge is essential"
Explanation: "The sharing of" is more formal and precise than "sharing," and "essential" is a stronger, more academic term than "crucial."
"New treatments, innovative drugs, and cancer-supporting technologies" -> "novel treatments, innovative pharmaceuticals, and cancer-related technologies"
Explanation: "Novel" and "pharmaceuticals" are more precise and formal terms, and "cancer-related" is a more specific descriptor than "cancer-supporting."
"sharing knowledge can foster peaceful international relationships" -> "the sharing of knowledge can foster peaceful international relations"
Explanation: "The sharing of knowledge" is more formal and precise, and "relations" is the preferred term in academic contexts over "relationships" when referring to diplomatic or international interactions.
"countries that collaborate on research and development are more likely to work together" -> "nations that collaborate on research and development are more likely to cooperate"
Explanation: "Nations" is a more formal term than "countries," and "cooperate" is a more precise term than "work together" in this context, aligning better with formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia. The first part discusses the reasons for keeping certain information confidential, such as national security and the misuse of sensitive knowledge. The second part presents the author’s opinion on the importance of sharing knowledge, particularly in healthcare. However, the essay does not fully explore the second viewpoint in detail, which weakens the overall response. The discussion of the opposing view is somewhat limited and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. This could involve elaborating on the arguments for why some people believe information should be shared, perhaps by including examples from business or academia. Additionally, ensuring that each viewpoint is given equal attention will strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors sharing knowledge, particularly in the context of globalization and healthcare. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and the author’s stance could be smoother. The position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, but the body paragraphs could better connect the two viewpoints to the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link the arguments for confidentiality to the overall thesis. This could be achieved by stating how the concerns about confidentiality can be addressed while still advocating for the sharing of information. Using transitional phrases can also help clarify the relationship between the two views.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the importance of confidentiality and the benefits of sharing knowledge. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the author mentions advancements in medicine, there is no specific example of how sharing has led to significant improvements or collaborations. The arguments could be more thoroughly developed to enhance their persuasiveness.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of sharing information. This could involve citing instances where shared research led to breakthroughs or collaborations that addressed global issues. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations of the implications of both viewpoints would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, while the essay mentions national security and misuse of knowledge, it could delve deeper into how these issues specifically relate to the fields mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples and arguments to the fields of science, business, and academia. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and instead focusing on specific contexts will help keep the essay relevant to the topic.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay should aim for a more balanced exploration of both viewpoints, provide specific examples to support claims, and ensure that all discussions are tightly aligned with the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word count can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs are logically sequenced. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the reasons for keeping information confidential, followed by the second body paragraph advocating for the sharing of knowledge. This logical progression aids in understanding the argument. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate the shift from one viewpoint to another. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "globalization," "confidential," "advancements," and "collaborate." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "sharing knowledge" and "certain knowledge." This limits the overall lexical variety and can affect the reader’s engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "knowledge," alternatives like "information," "insight," or "expertise" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions, such as "crucial" could be replaced with "paramount" or "vital."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "weapon experiments" could be more accurately described as "military experiments" or "defense research," which would clarify the context better. Additionally, "cancer-supporting technologies" might be better articulated as "cancer treatment technologies" or "oncological advancements."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context when selecting vocabulary. It is beneficial to consider the specific meaning of words and their connotations. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help in finding more precise terms that fit the context better.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "globalization," "confidential," and "advancements" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex or less commonly used words. Regular reading and writing exercises can reinforce spelling skills. Additionally, proofreading the essay for any overlooked errors can further enhance accuracy.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly" help to organize the argument logically. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied. For instance, many sentences follow a similar subject-verb-object pattern, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying, "Some people argue that knowledge… should be kept secret," you could say, "While some people argue that knowledge in major fields should be kept secret due to its importance, others contend that sharing this information is vital for progress." Additionally, using more varied introductory phrases and clauses can enhance the essay’s complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used appropriately to separate clauses and list items. For example, the use of commas in complex sentences is handled well, such as in "In the medical field, for instance, sharing advancements in medicine is essential." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "to demonstrate their military power to opposing nations," which could be misinterpreted due to its ambiguity. The sentence could be clearer with a slight rephrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to sentence clarity and avoid ambiguous phrases. For instance, rephrasing "to demonstrate their military power to opposing nations" to "to showcase their military capabilities to rival nations" could improve clarity. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help ensure that the intended meaning is clear. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay reflects a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and clarity, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that knowledge in major disciplines such as science, business, or education should remain confidential due to its significance. However, I believe that in the context of globalization, sharing experiences and research findings with others is essential.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why some argue that certain information must be safeguarded. Firstly, data related to national security must be protected. For example, several developed nations conduct military experiments to demonstrate their military power to opposing countries. Public disclosure of these findings could pose significant security risks. Secondly, sensitive knowledge, including the understanding of prohibited chemicals, should remain confidential to prevent misuse by criminals or malicious individuals.

On the other hand, I believe that the sharing of practical knowledge is crucial for global development. In the medical field, for instance, sharing advancements in medicine is essential to improving global healthcare. Novel treatments, innovative pharmaceuticals, and cancer-related technologies should be accessible to developing countries to help reduce health issues. Furthermore, the sharing of knowledge can foster peaceful international relations, as nations that collaborate on research and development are more likely to cooperate to address global challenges.