:Some people believe that modern technology is the best way to record and remember important personal events.Others think traditional methods are better.Discuss both views and give your opinion

People have different views about the methods to keep those precious experiences and moments.Although there are good arguments in favour of the traditional way,I personally believe that modern technology has more benefits.

On the one hand,there are a variety of advantages that the conventional method,such as making photo albums brings about to people.The first explanation is that it can be a sense of attachment.When writing diaries,people can feel that they are sharing someone from happiness to sorrows and at times,they can watch it again with their relatives regularly to recall their memories.Thus,it will help people reduce depression or loneliness,and also strengthen their family bond.Moreover,using traditional methods to record and remember crucial personal events is more suitable for certain people.For instance,regarding the elderly,who usually stay behind the technology get into the habit of recording and remembering their important events,and also with the poor who cannot afford to buy high-tech gadgets to use.So,most of them prefer using conventional ways such as making photo albums,or writing diaries suiting themselves best.

On the other hand,I hold a firm belief that using digital technology is more beneficial in several ways.Firstly,the primary reason is its flexibility.As people can record their beautiful moments in some crucial events at any time they want quickly and also at any place that the events are located.It can be said that they do not need to take much time to preparing tools to decorate and write them down on the paper.Thus, people can take photos or record videos through a modern device,for instance,digital photos or blogs on the spur of moment.Another merit lies in digital gadgets’ storage space.The high-tech device can have a large space,and it is easier for people to store their database on USB drivers or drive account on google as well as on their archives which support people to keep their personal events carefully.As a result,people do not worry about the way to preserve their precious and meaningful photos and videos.

In conclusion,although both the conventional methods like writing on paper or making a photo gallery and using high-tech technology are advantageous in their own ways,I think it is better to record their important events through modern gadgets.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have different views about the methods to keep those precious experiences and moments." -> "Individuals hold diverse perspectives on the methods for preserving cherished experiences and moments."
Explanation: Replacing "People have different views" with "Individuals hold diverse perspectives" refines the language by using a more formal and precise term, enhancing the academic tone.
"I personally believe" -> "I maintain"
Explanation: "I maintain" is a more formal and assertive alternative to "I personally believe," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"there are a variety of advantages that the conventional method,such as making photo albums brings about to people." -> "the conventional method, such as creating photo albums, offers several advantages to individuals."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses "offers" instead of "brings about," which is more direct and formal.
"it can be a sense of attachment" -> "it fosters a sense of attachment"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise and formal verb than "can be," which is vague and informal.
"people can feel that they are sharing someone from happiness to sorrows" -> "individuals can feel that they are sharing their experiences, from happiness to sorrows"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning by specifying "experiences" and using "individuals" for a more formal tone.
"watch it again with their relatives regularly" -> "review them with their relatives regularly"
Explanation: "Review" is a more precise and formal term than "watch," which is too casual for academic writing.
"using traditional methods to record and remember crucial personal events is more suitable for certain people" -> "the use of traditional methods for recording and remembering significant personal events is more suitable for certain individuals"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and uses "significant" instead of "crucial" for a more formal tone.
"who usually stay behind the technology" -> "who are often less familiar with technology"
Explanation: "Are often less familiar with technology" is a clearer and more precise description than "stay behind the technology," which is awkward and unclear.
"get into the habit of recording and remembering their important events" -> "develop the habit of recording and remembering significant events"
Explanation: "Develop the habit" is a more formal expression than "get into the habit," and "significant events" is more precise than "important events."
"using digital technology is more beneficial in several ways" -> "utilizing digital technology offers several advantages"
Explanation: "Utilizing digital technology offers several advantages" is more formal and precise than "using digital technology is more beneficial."
"the primary reason is its flexibility" -> "the primary advantage is its flexibility"
Explanation: "Advantage" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "reason," which is too broad.
"they do not need to take much time to preparing tools" -> "they do not need to spend considerable time preparing tools"
Explanation: "Spend considerable time" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea than "take much time."
"on the spur of moment" -> "on the spur of the moment"
Explanation: This is a grammatical correction to ensure proper usage of the idiomatic expression.
"digital photos or blogs on the spur of moment" -> "digital photos or blogs at the spur of the moment"
Explanation: This corrects the grammatical error and maintains the idiomatic expression.
"people do not worry about the way to preserve their precious and meaningful photos and videos" -> "individuals are not concerned about the methods for preserving their valuable and meaningful photos and videos"
Explanation: "Are not concerned about" is a more formal expression than "do not worry about," and "methods for preserving" is more precise than "the way to preserve."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively discusses both views regarding the methods of recording and remembering important personal events. The first body paragraph outlines the advantages of traditional methods, such as creating photo albums and writing diaries, emphasizing emotional attachment and suitability for certain demographics like the elderly and those with limited access to technology. The second body paragraph presents the benefits of modern technology, highlighting flexibility and storage capacity. The essay concludes with a clear personal opinion favoring modern technology, which aligns well with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and give an opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or anecdotes illustrating the advantages of both methods. For instance, mentioning a specific traditional method or a personal experience with modern technology could provide a richer context and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring modern technology, which is consistently communicated throughout the text. Phrases like "I personally believe" and "I hold a firm belief" reinforce the author’s stance. However, the transition between discussing traditional methods and modern technology could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases that clearly signal shifts in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion could help reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both traditional and modern methods of recording memories. The discussion of emotional attachment and the suitability of traditional methods for certain demographics is well articulated. However, the support for the advantages of modern technology, while valid, could be more detailed. For example, mentioning specific technologies or applications that facilitate memory recording would enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how social media platforms allow for instant sharing of memories could illustrate the flexibility of modern technology more vividly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion. Each paragraph stays relevant to the central theme of recording and remembering personal events. However, there are minor instances of vague phrasing, such as "making photo albums" without elaboration on how this specifically benefits memory retention.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central question. Providing clear definitions or explanations of terms like "photo albums" and "digital gadgets" would enhance clarity and ensure that all readers understand the context.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in examples, transitions, and elaboration, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both views on the topic. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives and states the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, with the first discussing traditional methods and the second focusing on modern technology. However, while the ideas are generally organized, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the transition between discussing the advantages of traditional methods and the shift to modern technology could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts in focus, such as "In contrast" or "Conversely," when moving from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing traditional methods and the second addressing modern technology. However, the paragraphs could benefit from a more consistent structure, particularly in the use of concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence and ends with a concluding sentence that reinforces the main idea. This will help to encapsulate the argument presented and provide a clearer transition to the next paragraph. For example, after discussing the advantages of traditional methods, a concluding sentence could summarize how these methods foster emotional connections before transitioning to the benefits of modern technology.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, to connect ideas within and between sentences. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better clarity. For example, the use of "Moreover" and "Firstly" is effective, but the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, adverbial phrases, and referencing techniques. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Moreover," consider using alternatives like "Additionally," "In addition," or "Furthermore." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstratives (e.g., "this," "these") are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By focusing on enhancing transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the clarity and flow of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "precious experiences," "conventional method," and "high-tech gadgets." However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "record and remember" appears multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "record," consider alternatives like "document," "capture," or "chronicle." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "nostalgic" instead of "precious" or "traditional" instead of "conventional."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "making photo albums brings about to people" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning could be better conveyed with a more straightforward expression, such as "creating photo albums provides people with a tangible way to cherish memories."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reviewing phrases for grammatical accuracy and clarity is essential. For example, instead of "they are sharing someone from happiness to sorrows," it would be clearer to say "they can share their happiness and sorrows with others." Additionally, practicing the use of collocations (words that commonly go together) can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "get into the habit of recording" should be corrected to "getting into the habit of recording," and "drive account on google" should be "drive account on Google." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling and capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a short break to approach it with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing grammar rules related to capitalization can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. For example, the phrase "using traditional methods" appears multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the flow and engagement of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "using traditional methods," the writer could say, "While many individuals prefer traditional methods for their nostalgic value, others find modern technology more appealing due to its convenience." Additionally, varying the use of transition words and phrases can help create a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, there are missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Although there are good arguments in favour of the traditional way"), and some sentences lack proper subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the conventional method, such as making photo albums brings about to people" should be "the conventional method, such as making photo albums, brings benefits to people"). Additionally, the use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in phrases like "the poor who cannot afford" which could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in punctuation and subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help in understanding the structure of complex sentences. Furthermore, utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying and correcting mistakes before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, attention to grammatical precision and structural variety will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have different views about the methods to keep those precious experiences and moments. Although there are good arguments in favour of the traditional way, I personally believe that modern technology has more benefits.

On the one hand, there are a variety of advantages that the conventional method, such as making photo albums, brings to people. The first explanation is that it fosters a sense of attachment. When writing diaries, people can feel that they are sharing their experiences, from happiness to sorrows, and at times, they can review them with their relatives regularly to recall their memories. Thus, it will help people reduce depression or loneliness and also strengthen their family bond. Moreover, using traditional methods to record and remember crucial personal events is more suitable for certain individuals. For instance, regarding the elderly, who usually stay behind as technology advances, they develop the habit of recording and remembering their important events, as do those who cannot afford to buy high-tech gadgets. So, most of them prefer using conventional ways, such as making photo albums or writing diaries, which suit themselves best.

On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that using digital technology is more beneficial in several ways. Firstly, the primary reason is its flexibility. People can record their beautiful moments in crucial events at any time they want, quickly and also at any place where the events are located. It can be said that they do not need to spend much time preparing tools to decorate and write them down on paper. Thus, people can take photos or record videos through a modern device, for instance, digital photos or blogs at the spur of the moment. Another merit lies in digital gadgets’ storage space. High-tech devices can have a large capacity, and it is easier for people to store their data on USB drives or cloud accounts, which support people in keeping their personal events carefully. As a result, people do not worry about the methods for preserving their precious and meaningful photos and videos.

In conclusion, although both the conventional methods, like writing on paper or making a photo gallery, and using high-tech technology are advantageous in their own ways, I think it is better to record important events through modern gadgets.