Some people believe that no one should do the same job for all their working life. Others argue that doing the same job brings advantages for individuals, companies, and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals argue that jumping for another job or remaining in their position throughout their working life has a controversial topic. In my opinion, while changing jobs brings a lot of benefits, being in a similar position can develop a deep level of expertise(mastery) in their fields. As a result, this essay will discuss the issue and propose my own opinion.

On the one hand, job hoppers can learn multiform knowledge from different fields. Firstly, people who change their career can hone diverse skills and extend their experiences in many ways. Moreover, employers can also possess an expansive understanding and unlock a new skill when switching to another job. In addition, job changers are less likely to become jobless. As their diverse skills can apply anywhere or any job. For instance, in Covid-19 pandemic, personnel reduction occurs in many fields. In this case, job hoppers need not to worry because they have a lot of skills spanning across different jobs.

On the other hand, doing the only one job also has numerous positive effects and advantages. Being loyal to a position that shows their faithfulness with their jobs. Furthermore, doing the same jobs firmly brings them a lot of experiences and knowledge. As job hoppers can never be expert in a field within a short-term work. Otherwise, the long-time employees have a lot of motivation because their job brings joy and excitement to them.

In conclusion, while it is fair to argue that jumping between jobs can help individuals broaden their skill set, working in one position constantly can have numerous positive effects on both the employees and the employers

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" elevates the formality and specificity of the subject, aligning better with academic discourse.
"jumping for another job" -> "switching to another job"
Explanation: "Jumping" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Switching" is more precise and appropriate for formal contexts.
"a lot of benefits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "A lot of" is colloquial; "numerous" is more formal and precise.
"being in a similar position" -> "remaining in the same position"
Explanation: "Being in a similar position" is vague and imprecise. "Remaining in the same position" is clearer and more specific.
"develop a deep level of expertise(mastery)" -> "achieve a high level of mastery"
Explanation: The use of parentheses around "mastery" is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity. "Achieve" is more formal than "develop."
"multiform knowledge" -> "diverse knowledge"
Explanation: "Multiform" is not commonly used in this context and may be confusing. "Diverse" is the standard term for describing varied knowledge.
"hoppers" -> "job changers"
Explanation: "Hoppers" is informal and not commonly used in academic writing. "Job changers" is more formal and clear.
"less likely to become jobless" -> "less susceptible to unemployment"
Explanation: "Jobless" is informal and imprecise. "Susceptible to unemployment" is more formal and accurate.
"As their diverse skills can apply anywhere or any job" -> "As their diverse skills can be applied to any job"
Explanation: "Apply" is more grammatically correct in this context, and "to any job" is more formal than "any job."
"need not to worry" -> "need not worry"
Explanation: "Need not to worry" is grammatically incorrect. "Need not worry" is the correct form.
"doing the only one job" -> "remaining in one job"
Explanation: "Doing the only one job" is awkward and informal. "Remaining in one job" is clearer and more formal.
"shows their faithfulness with their jobs" -> "demonstrates their commitment to their jobs"
Explanation: "Faithfulness" is not typically used in this context; "commitment" is more appropriate and formal.
"doing the same jobs firmly" -> "remaining in the same job consistently"
Explanation: "Doing the same jobs firmly" is awkward and unclear. "Remaining in the same job consistently" is more precise and formal.
"As job hoppers can never be expert in a field within a short-term work" -> "Job hoppers cannot become experts in a field within a short-term period"
Explanation: "Can never be expert" is awkward and incorrect. "Cannot become experts" is grammatically correct, and "short-term period" is more formal than "short-term work."
"the long-time employees have a lot of motivation" -> "long-term employees experience significant motivation"
Explanation: "Have a lot of motivation" is informal and vague. "Experience significant motivation" is more precise and formal.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding job stability versus job changes. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of changing jobs, such as acquiring diverse skills and job security during economic downturns. The second body paragraph presents the advantages of staying in one job, including loyalty and expertise. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the second viewpoint is less developed, with fewer examples and less depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both perspectives are equally explored. Provide more detailed examples and elaboration on the advantages of staying in one job. Consider including statistics or studies that support each viewpoint to strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear opinion in the introduction, favoring job changes for their benefits while acknowledging the merits of job stability. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the initial stance but lacks a strong summary of the arguments made.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, explicitly restate your opinion in the body paragraphs after discussing each viewpoint. This could be done by summarizing how each perspective relates to your overall opinion, ensuring that the reader understands your stance at all times.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both job changes and job stability, but the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the benefits of job hopping are mentioned, the discussion lacks depth and specific examples, such as particular skills that can be gained or how long-term employees can contribute to their companies.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and support, delve deeper into each point. Use specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate your arguments. For instance, you could discuss how a specific skill gained from job hopping can be applied in various industries or how long-term employees can mentor others.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the argument about job loyalty could be more directly tied to the benefits for individuals and society.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Use topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoid introducing new ideas thatstray from the main argument, ensuring that each point reinforces the central themes of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it can be improved by providing more depth and clarity in the discussion of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the two perspectives. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the advantages of job-hopping and the drawbacks of staying in one job feels abrupt. The argumentation within paragraphs is generally coherent, but some points could be better connected to enhance the overall logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, when moving from discussing job-hopping to the benefits of job stability, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help signal the shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, ensure that each point in the body paragraphs directly relates back to the main argument presented in the introduction.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to each viewpoint. However, the paragraph discussing job stability could be more structured. The points about loyalty and expertise are somewhat jumbled together, which may confuse readers about the main argument of that paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the paragraph on job stability could begin with a sentence like, "Staying in one job can foster loyalty and deep expertise." Following this, each supporting point should be clearly linked back to this topic sentence, ensuring that the paragraph remains focused and coherent.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition between the discussion of skills gained from job-hopping and the example of the Covid-19 pandemic could be more explicitly linked.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion without being repetitive. For example, instead of repeating "job hoppers," you could use "these individuals" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "job hoppers," "multiform knowledge," and "personnel reduction." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "doing the same job" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "job hoppers," you could use "career changers" or "job switchers." Additionally, phrases like "long-term employment" or "career stability" could replace "doing the same job."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward. For example, "jumping for another job" is an unclear phrase; "switching jobs" or "changing careers" would be more appropriate. The phrase "multiform knowledge" is also somewhat vague; "diverse knowledge" or "varied expertise" would convey the intended meaning more clearly.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Practice using contextually appropriate vocabulary by reading more academic essays or articles. When drafting, consider whether each word precisely conveys your idea. For example, instead of "doing the only one job," you could say "remaining in a single job."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "need not to worry" (should be "need not worry") and "long-time employees" (should be "long-term employees"). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify mistakes. Regular practice with spelling exercises or vocabulary quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource score, leading to a more effective and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In my opinion, while changing jobs brings a lot of benefits, being in a similar position can develop a deep level of expertise in their fields" showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "job hoppers" and "changing jobs" are overused. This limits the overall range of structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "job hoppers," you could use synonyms or rephrase sentences to maintain reader interest. Additionally, integrating more varied introductory phrases or clauses can help diversify the sentence openings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "jumping for another job" should be "jumping to another job," and "need not to worry" should be "need not worry." There are also punctuation errors, such as the missing space before the parenthesis in "expertise(mastery)" and the incorrect comma placement in "As their diverse skills can apply anywhere or any job." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to common errors, such as preposition usage and verb forms. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and parentheses, can enhance clarity. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that switching to another job or remaining in the same position throughout their working life is a controversial topic. In my opinion, while changing jobs offers numerous benefits, staying in a similar position can help individuals achieve a high level of mastery in their fields. As a result, this essay will discuss both perspectives and propose my own opinion.

On the one hand, job changers can acquire diverse knowledge from different fields. Firstly, people who switch careers can hone various skills and expand their experiences in many ways. Moreover, employers can also gain an expansive understanding and unlock new skills when they change jobs.Additionally, job changers are less susceptible to unemployment, as their diverse skills can be applied to any job. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, many industries faced personnel reductions. In this case, job hoppers need not worry because they possess a wide range of skills that span across different roles.

On the other hand, remaining in the same job also has numerous positive effects and advantages. Staying loyal to a position demonstrates commitment to one’s job. Furthermore, consistently working in the same role allows individuals to accumulate substantial experience and knowledge. Job hoppers cannot become experts in a field within a short-term period, whereas long-term employees often experience significant motivation because their job brings them joy and excitement.

In conclusion, while it is valid to argue that switching jobs can help individuals broaden their skill set, remaining in one position consistently can have numerous positive effects on both employees and employers.