Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a common belief that reading books brings more benefits than watching TV or playing computer games for children. From my perspective, books play an important role in the development of humanity, but I also think that using social devices has advantages in the way people address situations.
Firstly, books offer children to improve knowledge and boost imagination. Instead of limiting learning in school, children can gain knowledge through stories in books. Take an example of fairy tales, kids can learn about the culture around the world, which makes them understand about the cuisine and tradition of others. Additionally, reading books makes it easy for children to imaginate their stories. According to a recent study, stories nurture children’s imagination due to their unrealistic situations, and this can lead to positive effects on the development of children.
On the other hand, entertaining computer games can improve kids' social skills, especially problem solving and emotions controlling. By adding the puzzle to one’s game, the child needs to address these puzzles to overcome the next level. Moreover, being in control of emotions is also crucial for the development of children. Because children face difficulties and learn to balance their emotions in a game, they find it easier to address situations calmly than others.
In conclusion, either reading books or playing computer games has numerous advantages, so it has positive effects on children. However, it is important to balance between reading stories and playing video games to enhance the quality of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"using social devices" -> "engaging with digital media"
Explanation: The phrase "using social devices" is somewhat informal and vague. "Engaging with digital media" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.
"gain knowledge through stories in books" -> "acquire knowledge from literary works"
Explanation: "Gain knowledge through stories in books" is acceptable, but "acquire knowledge from literary works" sounds more formal and scholarly.
"imaginate their stories" -> "create their narratives"
Explanation: "Imaginate" is not a standard word, and "create their narratives" is a more sophisticated alternative that maintains clarity.
"stories nurture children’s imagination due to their unrealistic situations" -> "narratives stimulate children’s imagination with their imaginative scenarios"
Explanation: The phrase "stories nurture children’s imagination due to their unrealistic situations" can be enhanced with more specific and academic language, such as "narratives stimulate children’s imagination with their imaginative scenarios."
"entertaining computer games" -> "entertaining video games"
Explanation: "Computer games" is a bit outdated; "video games" is the more commonly used term.
"puzzle to one’s game" -> "challenges within the game"
Explanation: "Puzzle to one’s game" is somewhat informal and unclear. "Challenges within the game" provides a clearer and more academic description.
"address situations calmly than others" -> "respond to situations with greater composure than their peers"
Explanation: "Address situations calmly than others" is a bit informal. "Respond to situations with greater composure than their peers" conveys the same idea in a more formal manner.
"either reading books or playing computer games" -> "both reading books and engaging in computer gaming"
Explanation: To enhance clarity and academic tone, it’s better to use "both reading books and engaging in computer gaming" instead of "either reading books or playing computer games."
"positive effects on children" -> "beneficial impacts on child development"
Explanation: "Positive effects on children" can be made more formal and precise by using "beneficial impacts on child development."
"enhance the quality of life" -> "improve overall well-being"
Explanation: While "enhance the quality of life" is acceptable, "improve overall well-being" is a slightly more formal and academic alternative that maintains clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "From my perspective, books play an important role in the development of humanity, but I also think that using social devices has advantages in the way people address situations."
- Explanation and Improvement: Your introduction is clear in stating your perspective on the topic, which is essential. However, it lacks a brief outline of the main points you will discuss in the essay. To improve clarity and structure, consider providing a preview of the key ideas you will cover in the body paragraphs. For example, you can mention that you will discuss the benefits of books and social devices for children’s development.
- Improved example: "From my perspective, books play an important role in the development of humanity. In this essay, I will first discuss the benefits of books for children, including knowledge acquisition and imagination. Then, I will explore the advantages of using social devices, such as computer games, in helping children address various situations."
Quoted text: "Instead of limiting learning in school, children can gain knowledge through stories in books. Take an example of fairy tales, kids can learn about the culture around the world, which makes them understand about the cuisine and tradition of others."
- Explanation and Improvement: You make a good point about how books can expand children’s knowledge and understanding of different cultures. However, to enhance this section, provide a specific example or anecdote from your own experience or knowledge that illustrates how a child can benefit from reading books in this way. This would make your argument more persuasive and relatable.
- Improved example: "Instead of limiting learning in school, children can gain knowledge through stories in books. For instance, when children read fairy tales from different countries, they not only enjoy engaging stories but also learn about the culture, cuisine, and traditions of those nations. I remember how reading ‘Cinderella’ from Japan introduced me to the rich Japanese culture, which piqued my curiosity about the world."
Quoted text: "According to a recent study, stories nurture children’s imagination due to their unrealistic situations, and this can lead to positive effects on the development of children."
- Explanation and Improvement: While citing a study can add credibility to your argument, IELTS essays do not require external research or statistics. Instead, focus on providing examples or personal experiences to support your points. In this case, you can share a personal anecdote about how reading imaginative stories as a child enhanced your own creativity and problem-solving skills.
- Improved example: "Through my own experiences, I have found that reading imaginative stories as a child greatly nurtured my creativity and problem-solving abilities. I vividly recall how the adventures of characters in fantasy novels inspired me to come up with my own creative stories and solve imaginary challenges."
Quoted text: "By adding the puzzle to one’s game, the child needs to address these puzzles to overcome the next level. Moreover, being in control of emotions is also crucial for the development of children."
- Explanation and Improvement: While you mention the benefits of computer games for children’s development, it would be more persuasive to provide a concrete example or personal experience that illustrates how these games can improve problem-solving skills and emotional control. Share a specific game or situation from your own knowledge or experience.
- Improved example: "For instance, in games like ‘Minecraft,’ players often encounter complex puzzles and challenges that require logical thinking and problem-solving skills to progress to the next level. Additionally, games that involve teamwork can teach children how to manage their emotions effectively when faced with challenges, as they strive to cooperate with others to achieve a common goal."

Overall, your essay addresses the task, but it would benefit from the inclusion of specific examples and personal experiences to support your points, as well as a more explicit preview of the main points in your introduction. This would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, which aligns with Band 7 descriptors.

Logical Organization: The essay is logically organized with a clear progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that sets up the topic, followed by two well-structured body paragraphs discussing the benefits of reading books and playing computer games, respectively. The essay then concludes by summarizing the main points, providing a clear overall structure.
Cohesive Devices: The writer employs a range of cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitional phrases like "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, pronoun references are used appropriately, ensuring clarity.
Paragraphing: The essay makes effective use of paragraphing. Each paragraph focuses on a single central topic: the advantages of reading books, the benefits of playing computer games, and the importance of balance. This clear separation of ideas enhances the overall organization and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: While this essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in a few areas:

Vocabulary and Sentence Variety: To enhance coherence further, the writer could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and vary sentence structures. This would make the essay even more engaging and coherent.
Linking Sentences: Although the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, the writer could consider using more linking sentences within paragraphs to reinforce the logical flow of ideas.
Counterarguments: Including counterarguments and addressing them could add depth to the essay’s argumentation and further strengthen coherence.

Overall, this essay effectively meets the criteria for Band 7 in terms of coherence and cohesion, and with some refinement, it could potentially achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary and utilizes some less common lexical items with a decent awareness of style and collocation. The writer uses words like "imagination," "cuisine," "nurture," "puzzle," and "balance," which contribute to the lexical variety. There are a few minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, but they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, "imaginate" should be "imagine," and "address situations" could be replaced with "handle situations." Overall, the vocabulary usage is sufficiently flexible and contributes to the essay’s clarity.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score further, the writer can focus on refining word choice and collocation to enhance precision and fluency. Careful proofreading can help eliminate minor inaccuracies and errors in word choice, ensuring that the vocabulary used aligns more closely with the topic. Additionally, incorporating a few more advanced and less common lexical items could further boost the essay’s lexical richness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay merits a Band 7 score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. The essay demonstrates the use of a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences. There is a good attempt to vary sentence structure throughout the essay, which contributes to the overall flexibility in language use. Most sentences are error-free, and the essay exhibits control over grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors and inaccuracies scattered throughout the text.

The essay displays an ability to convey ideas coherently, with sentences and paragraphs logically organized. The use of transitional phrases aids in the flow of the essay. Although there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. These errors are relatively minor, and they are more likely to be considered "slips" rather than pervasive issues that detract from the overall quality of the essay.

How to improve:

Continue to work on grammar and punctuation: While the essay is generally well-written, there are a few minor grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Reviewing and proofreading the essay carefully can help eliminate these issues.
Enhance sentence variety: The essay already incorporates a variety of sentence structures, but continuing to diversify sentence types and lengths can further improve the writing’s fluency and sophistication.
Focus on clarity and precision: To reach a higher band score, strive for greater precision in language use. Ensure that your ideas are expressed clearly and concisely, avoiding any unnecessary complexity or ambiguity in your sentences.

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong grammatical control and a solid understanding of complex sentence structures, earning it a Band 7 score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, books offer children the opportunity to acquire knowledge from literary works and create their narratives. Instead of limiting learning to school, children can gain knowledge through stories in books. Take, for example, fairy tales; kids can learn about the culture around the world, which makes them understand the cuisine and traditions of others. Additionally, reading books stimulates children’s imagination with their imaginative scenarios. According to a recent study, narratives stimulate children’s imagination with their imaginative scenarios, and this can lead to beneficial impacts on child development.

On the other hand, engaging with digital media, such as entertaining video games, can also have beneficial impacts on child development. These games often present challenges within the game that require problem-solving skills. By engaging in these challenges, children learn to respond to situations with greater composure than their peers. Moreover, being in control of emotions is crucial for the development of children. Because children face difficulties and learn to balance their emotions in a game, they find it easier to address situations calmly than others.

In conclusion, both reading books and engaging in computer gaming have beneficial impacts on child development and improve overall well-being. It is important to strike a balance between these activities to enhance the quality of a child’s life.